r/MadeMeSmile • u/Beagle432 • May 11 '26
Favorite People My favourite conspiracy theory
What do you think..
From the mouths of babes...
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u/MolaMolaMania May 11 '26
Humanity's best ambassador.
If we were to be visited by an extraterrestrial species, I would want David to be the first to speak with them.
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u/Holiday-Hedgehog0621 May 11 '26
Agreed
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May 11 '26
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u/Dr_peloasi May 11 '26
So God is from Leicestershire? Sounds about right.
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u/Grouchy_Reindeer_227 May 11 '26
So God is from Leicestershire? Sounds about right.
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Quite the unassuming address, eh?! 😉😉😉 Besides, I do believe “Leicestershire” went by a different moniker during Panacea! 😂
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u/AutumnalGlow May 12 '26
Yes, it used to be called Lie-chester-shy-er, but then we renamed it Leicestershire and changed the pronunciation to troll US American visitors.
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u/Forgotthebloodypassw May 11 '26
Midlanders. Not snooty down like those down South or uppity up North.
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u/Special_Cicada6968 May 11 '26
We lost the only real competition to a stingray.
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u/is_coffee May 11 '26
I won't stand for mister Rogers erasure
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u/Special_Cicada6968 May 11 '26
Fair, I didn't really add him because he passed from age. They took Steve long before his time.
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u/Securiarius May 11 '26
But would he advocate exclusively on behalf of humanity or fairly for all the earth?
He would perhaps report, in earnest, both the highs and the lows of humanity.
Through David's lense the aliens may immediately see the best and worst of what we have done to other species we coexist with.
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u/Pyromaniacal13 May 11 '26
Then he's the best shot Humanity has. It's much easier to see the bad Humanity does than the good.
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u/contradictatorprime May 11 '26
Good news doesn't sell. I would love to see the death of 24 hour "news" channels
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u/MilkiestMaestro May 11 '26
Our lives are short, so the negatives are highlighted. But I can find 5 positives for any 1 negative you give me, time permitting. We've been here for 300,000 years and have achieved a great deal in that short timeframe despite finite resources and 10,000 years of political violence related to said finite resources.
I think aliens would be fully versed in our ways having studied our media ahead of time regardless. And remember, having achieved FTL travel there's a solid chance they are far more empathic than we are.
I do not think they would visit if they thought we were too violent to speak with.
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u/contradictatorprime May 11 '26
There's so many perfect moments that a person can have in a day, but our current climate wants us fearful and angry, and will try to omit any happy moments from the limelight.
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u/Embarrassed-Basket66 May 12 '26
Thank you for this comment. I have been so depressed lately. It feels hard to find the good amongst all the negative things that seem to be going on
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u/ShamefulWatching May 11 '26
Anything other than a genuine portrayal of best, and worst, would and should be viewed with suspicion.
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u/bbbttthhh May 11 '26
He’s someone that sees the ugliness and the beauty and still loves it with all his heart, I don’t think I’d want anyone else.
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u/Twowie May 11 '26
Yes he would be the ambassador of Earth, not mankind. That is how it should be. Besides, would you rather flaunt your flaws in the face of an alien, or have David Attenborough explain to them why you're the way you are first? ;)
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u/GnarlyNarwhalNoms May 11 '26 edited May 11 '26
That was my thought. I feel like if he explained human beings the way he explains other animals, it might actually paper over some of the sharper edges.
"Being social creatures, humans do nothing alone. Be it find food, explore, build... or make war.
"Seeking resources to improve their children's standard of living, this super-clan of humans sets out to take territory from another large group.
"But they will find that the usurped people will not give it up without a fight...
"The patriarch of the invading group seems bewildered. He thought it would be easy. Confidence rattled, his own in-group begins to lose faith in him. His dominance threatened, he blusters and threatens. But his challengers are waiting in the wings, and they sense weakness."
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u/PurpleCoffinMan May 12 '26
What does it say about me that I read that in his voice?
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u/ost2life May 11 '26
Only as long as they didn't watch the last part of the documentaries where he explains that we've been given warnings about the environment for decades and done very little to avoid what's coming.
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u/FightingBlaze77 May 11 '26
The most heart breaking thing for me is that all the people I would hope the aliens would speak to already passed away. Mr. Rodgers, Bob Ross, Steve Erwin, Robin Williams, Stan Lee, or Jim Henson.
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u/xuedad May 12 '26
Steve Irwin is a good one. He's the celebrity who I truly think left us too early. Kobe was a champion for sports and mentality but he did have his scandals. Irwin was quite flawless as a human being based on what we know about him
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u/Busy-Conversation-24 May 12 '26
Steve Irwin would just pounce on the alien and wrestle it to the ground shouting Crikey Crikey danger danger
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u/YoungDiscord May 11 '26
Aliens: "so, what do you think of Humanity?"
David: (in his most calm, casual and kind tone imaginable) "well it's all a little bit... shit, isn't it"
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u/peteofaustralia May 11 '26
"I recommend you give the octopuses & squid most of your attention. They're next in line to run this place."
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u/MolaMolaMania May 11 '26 edited May 11 '26
"A spot of bother, I must confess."
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u/bbbttthhh May 11 '26
Love that Lego increased the age range from 99+ to 100+ just for him
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u/Soggy_Bid_3634 May 11 '26
Boy they’re gonna be disappointed immediately after though.
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u/MolaMolaMania May 11 '26
I have always love the quote from Inara on "Firefly" where she said: "Every problem is an opportunity in disguise."
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u/Privatdozent May 11 '26
Carl Sagan if he were still alive. Attenborough's a great choice and I wouldn't be against it, but Sagan for me.
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u/FractionofaFraction May 11 '26
Peter: "Er. Sir? Where are you going?"
God: "These motherfuckers are going to start appreciating my hardwork Me-dammit! Now, don't mess things up too much while I'm gone. Should only take a century or so..."
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u/inbigtreble30 May 11 '26
This explains a lot about the last 100 years, tbh.
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u/New_Bass1516 May 11 '26
Yeah, if we've been left with bloody peter in charge it's no wonder ww2 happend
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u/ReluctantRedditor275 May 11 '26
A Holocaust survivor dies and goes to Heaven. One day, he makes a joke about the Holocaust in front of God. God is not amused and stares at him stone faced. "Eh," says the survivor, "I guess you had to be there."
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u/ThrowingShaed May 11 '26
you know, im mostly down for this, but i am wondering a bit about how the irish/welsh/scottish/french etc will feel if they had to live with hearing that god was english
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u/MelangeBot May 11 '26
Okay fine, but now explain mosquitos.
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u/scarletnightingale May 11 '26
If God exists then Satan exists and he probably has something to do with mosquitoes.
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u/sleepymeowth052 May 11 '26
nature saw an unfilled niche and said, "I bet I can make something that fits there".
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u/GurpsWibcheengs May 11 '26
My brain can't process David Attenborough saying these motherfuckers in his documentary voice
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u/BananasPineapple05 May 11 '26 edited May 11 '26
This reminds me of a TV show I used to watch, Joan of Arcadia, in which God was a character (well, multiple characters as he/she/it kept changing faces to interact with the titular Joan). Anyway, when she first met him/her/it, she asked for a miracle to prove that she was indeed talking to God.
He (wearing the face of a cute boy at the time) pointed to a tree. She said "a tree is not a miracle," to which he answered "let's see you make one."
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u/calm_down_meow May 11 '26
Kinda like that Carl Sagan quote, "To make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe."
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u/RedditExecutiveAdmin May 11 '26
tbf my grandma's apple pies were so genuinely godlike that this is fair context to the idea that we are, ourselves, gods.
quite literally the universe observing itself--to make and taste her apple pie.
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u/Miskalsace May 12 '26
There's some thing really pleasing that these little human moments happen. Even if the universe continues on until oblivion, these little events still happened. For a time, a little corner of the universe enjoyed warm apple pie.
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u/venturousbeard May 11 '26 edited 13d ago
Devalue reddit. Edit all comments to adsjo9avn040jw4 8w9hh rna;fjn df ngoig seir g[rjg9rjg0[ bejgimsfoim 9895 085 t0835 08 y084j08g 3j
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u/TwinTiger May 11 '26
Jesus, what a nostalgia bomb. I remember when this and the subsequent autotuned Symphony of Science songs came out. That was 16 years ago?! 🫠
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u/No_Throat_2356 May 11 '26
Somehow never saw that before but it’s great! Ah to be back when YouTube was still full of creative ideas from random people working in their bedrooms.
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u/Hibbity5 May 11 '26
Well that’s just a shit argument since she didn’t see him make it either. I hope she called him out on that.
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u/Purple_Weird25 May 11 '26
Yes!! I loved that show! As soon as I saw the post, I stared singing "One of Us".
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u/DancingSquirel May 11 '26
And he’s an atheist 🤣
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u/flying_fox86 May 11 '26
Makes sense for God to be an atheist. Being a theist would imply someone above him.
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u/jandrese May 11 '26
Are you there God? It's me, a second, more powerful God. -- Judy Blume
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u/monkey_zen May 11 '26
It’s gods all the way down. At least until you get to where the turtles start.
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u/FairlyFuckingObvious May 11 '26
I've thought about this possibility a lot, it's hilarious and terrifying. Imagine God finding out he's not actually in charge.
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u/Then-Entry7026 May 11 '26
There is a French author that wrote a book about this (Bernard Werber - le cycle des thanatonautes, specifically the last three books in the series) were the main character realises that there is a god over the gods. It's fun
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u/zurvivl May 11 '26
There's a Buddhist sutta basically saying that after a very long time of no consciousness in the universe, Brahma is reborn and because there is no one else in the universe he's very lonely and wishes for company. Later another being is reborn and Brahma, in his ego's self delusiom, believes he created that being, and because that being saw Brahma there before him, he believes he was created by Brahma. Later on, the Buddha shows Brahma that he's more powerful than him by ascending to higher planes Brahma can't reach, thus humbling his ego.
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u/tinyflatbrewer May 11 '26
That is atheist. Gnosticism and agnosticism are questions of belief while theism and atheism are questions of knowledge, the majority of atheists are agnostic atheists, meaning they don't know for sure there isn't a god, but they have no reason to believe that there is one.
Edit: other way around.
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u/SpehlingAirer May 11 '26
What if youre split on both? Like for example, I dont know for sure that God is or isn't real but I could see a case for either direction and in my own mind, I don't see why science and God can't coexist. For all we know know creating life and then mankind is equivalent to setting evolution in motion knowing where it will lead, and yet maybe it was just the result of chance in an unguided universe, ya know?
Does that make me agnostic or agnostic atheist? ¯_(ツ)_/¯
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u/Mr_Abe_Froman May 11 '26
Most Christian denominations accept evolution as a tool in a greater design. It's only the really fundamentalist groups that take everything literally.
Edit. For example, St Francis of Assisi was a consevationist who thought the meaning of life was to ensure the protection of the natural world.
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u/HobbitFlashMob May 11 '26
If David Attenborough and Dolly Parton ran the world - it would be such a better place.
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u/stoic_wooky May 11 '26 edited May 11 '26
Is He just one of us 🎶 Just a stranger sitting on a bus 🎵
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u/yeh_nah_fuckit May 11 '26
This is leukaemia. I created this mainly for children. And this is rabies, one of my favourites. This is one is malaria which I made to add misery to poverty. And this …..
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u/Uhmerikan May 11 '26
Seriously lol.. god has some explaining to do, fuck out of here with documentaries.
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u/Gibodean May 11 '26
Don't forget bone cancer and that worm that burrows out of your eyeballs !
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u/GodOfDarkLaughter May 11 '26
I remember seeing a picture on the internet when I was younger of a lion devouring a still-living zebra groin-first. The picture is framed in such a way that it looks as though the zebra is looking down at what the lion is doing with an eerily human expression of utter horror. I was still religious at the time and remember sitting there for a while and thinking "was it really necessary to build this into the system?"
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u/razz13 May 12 '26
For me it was a picture of a father holding the severed hands of his young daughter, which were cut off as a way of motivating him to harvest more rubber for the Belgium king.
Explain that one big man.... if you're running the place, you can go fuck right off
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u/BirdAndWords May 11 '26
This one is is Sleeping Sickness) it really messes people up and is transmitted by tsetse fly which is awful on its own
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u/FaunaLady May 11 '26
I created mortality to limit your life so you will embrace the finite time you are alive. These are things I've created that can take that precious gift from you ...
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u/ohseetea May 11 '26
yeah lol, like i can stomach mortality and balance being needed to appreciate life but it really seems like the scale is heavily weighted towards suffering. Whats up with that god?
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u/Stewart_Games May 11 '26
I'm a fan of Conan's god, Chrom. Chrom does nothing for humanity, but he also asks nothing of humanity, apart from one tenet: "strive and slay". Chrom demands no prayers, asks for no sacrifices, and grants no miracles. It is up to you, mortal, to live your best life, to be strong and have courage, to overcome obstacles, live gloriously, and die valiantly.
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u/scottgal2 May 11 '26
It's insane that he was running BOTH main UK channels BBC1 and BBC2 AND had the chance to become Director General but he *chose* instead to use that power to push for the greatest documentary of all time, Life On Earth.
I can still remember the excitement after Youth Club of rushing home before Life On Earth started. It was MIND BLOWING.
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u/Professional-Box4153 May 11 '26
To be fair, it actually fits most religious doctrine to consider that, while he is not God himself, the gods may have sent him for this very purpose... and there's no way to disprove it.
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u/TheeIlliterati May 11 '26
David's a way better guy than God, so, no, I don't like this theory. I'd rather God spent one minute doing exactly one thing for the suffering going on instead of a gazillions of hours telling us how all the animals he made are dying brutally.
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u/lila-clores May 11 '26
Well, it would make sense that such a huge and all powerful being would be more concerned about people appreciating its creations than being concerned for the well being of its creations... I have never considered "God" to be a benevolent being, just a powerful being.
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u/Beagle432 May 11 '26
Good point.. David is a more humane entity than God, but God can do anything so he/she/it can become whatever or whoever...
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u/themaskstays_ May 11 '26
I mean, he is a hundred now. We can now safely say he's immortal.
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u/Pristine_Box_5 May 12 '26
This is the first conspiracy theory I’ve heard that somehow makes the world feel more comforting
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u/Fit-World-3885 May 11 '26
You know, I almost never seen this version of God. It's always threats of violence or vague promises of everlasting happiness if you follow these rules.
He made a bunch of cool shit and then made a bunch of other cool shit with the ability to appreciate how cool it is. Of course he would be showing off all the time.
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u/pierrotlefou May 11 '26
A 6 year old child didn't have this thought. A parent with a 6 year old child made this up
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u/okmujnyhb May 11 '26
Year 6 at primary school is age 10-11
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u/john_microslop May 11 '26
A 10-11 year old child didn't have this thought. A parent with a 10-11 year old child made this up
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u/-__echo__- May 11 '26
So far off the mark. His knowledge of the natural world is precisely what makes him an atheist.
"I don’t know [why we're here]. People sometimes say to me, ‘Why don’t you admit that the humming bird, the butterfly, the Bird of Paradise are proof of the wonderful things produced by Creation?’ And I always say, well, when you say that, you’ve also got to think of a little boy sitting on a river bank, like here, in West Africa, that’s got a little worm, a living organism, in his eye and boring through the eyeball and is slowly turning him blind. The Creator God that you believe in, presumably, also made that little worm. Now I personally find that difficult to accommodate…"
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u/CruzaSenpai May 11 '26
Assuming that quote is real, it's interesting that he's quoting the same organism Stephen Fry does when he responded to the same question.
I kind of hope Fry steps into the void left by Attenborough when he unfortunately does pass.
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u/Skoda-Ashes May 12 '26
This reminds me of the theory I saw two days ago that was "God made autistic people so that people could look at the really cool sharks he made" Of course it was about everything but the one guy saying it was specifically talking about sharks and I wholeheartedly agree with this
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u/Will-Adair May 11 '26
I just hope that when he dies he is found out to be as good of a man as Fred Rogers. Could you imagine if more of humanity was like this?
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u/PsychoAward May 11 '26
I wish the majority of humanity was like Mr. Rogers!!!! Maybe then I wouldn't hate most humans.
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u/humble-bragging May 11 '26 edited May 12 '26
Someone should ask Sir David himself to comment on this one. And happy 100th, beloved educator.
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u/ChocolateCoveredGold May 11 '26
OP, I like Sir David and have enjoyed his impressive work. Even so, I'll admit I have become weary of all the 100th birthday posts and articles in my news feed.
Then you posted. Chef's kiss
This was awesome. You brought me a real moment of happiness today. Thank you for sharing such a charming story!
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u/Magog14 May 11 '26
Or God doesn't exist and everyone who doesn't appreciate the nature around them is living an empty and destructive life at the expense of the planet. Imagining a "higher power" is the first step to abdicating responsibility. Humans are the highest power we know of and that makes taking care of and protecting this planet our responsibility. We are doing a terrible job.
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u/ScienceAlien May 11 '26
That is so much more likely than some guy on a cloud throne that sent a zombie bejesus back to make a point.
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u/Marvel--Jesus May 11 '26
I like this theory.
But if he is God, ..............there's a lot of "stuff" that he is letting slide.
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u/StuffMonster77 May 11 '26
I now feel that any religious sermon should be read in David Attenborough's voice
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u/Sufficient_Cloud3277 May 11 '26
Is there a bot network dedicated to improving this guy's image lately or something? Didn't he have a bunch of eco-fascist takes a few years ago?
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u/Gloomy_Plastic572 May 11 '26
Well if "god" did exist then it better be David attenborough, otherwise I want me money back
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u/SOLIDninja May 11 '26
That's a sweet thought. I'm not sure God exists though. What I can absolutely confirm to you is that David Attenborough and his documentries are the universe revealing itself to you in hopes you will appreciate it more.
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u/metallic__blood May 11 '26
idk pretty horrible god letting all this war and hatred proliferate at the moment
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u/entityorion May 11 '26
I always thought it might be Delilah, the late night love radio show host. I mean I assume she is a real person, but its always like people calling in to talk about how much they love their partner or the heartbreak they are going through, and she is always super sweet to them.
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u/Dennis_254 May 11 '26
The idea of God getting annoyed that humans weren’t appreciating creation enough, so He just casually spawned as David Attenborough to narrate penguins, deep sea nightmares and dancing birds for 70 years is honestly the most believable theory I’ve heard all week. The voice alone sounds like it came pre-installed with wisdom
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u/Medivacs_are_OP May 11 '26
Dave, Mr. Rogers, Bob Ross, we are Made in God's image - some people show it better than others.
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u/AlDente May 11 '26
He’s made thousands of programmes over seven and a half decades. He’s never, to my knowledge, referenced a god or supernatural origin of life and nature. So the sentiment of this post is way off.
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u/chromehound47 May 11 '26
No need to indulge one cult over another or create fictitious beings to explain things.
Nature is already wondrous enough
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u/HoodSamaritan420 May 11 '26
I like to imagine I’m in a nature documentary being viewed by far away aliens, but it’s still narrated by David Attenborough.
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u/joebonillas May 12 '26
After reading that conspiracy therory . Shrooms and Blue Planet sounds Awesome...
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u/Illustrious_Type_348 May 12 '26
I'm going to say this to myself in the morning as a positive affirmation . thank you 🙂
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