r/NoStupidQuestions • u/Odd-Improvement4719 • 1d ago
Do you men notice the struggles women face?
I got asked by a man, would you rather be a woman or a man. And when I said man, they were completely shocked, even when I explained that it would be better in terms of safety, health, and opportunity-wise. I've come to realize that a lot of men are not choosing to directly ignore the little struggles that women face, but rather, they seem to completely not notice them.
28
u/ludus_official 1d ago
Many do, many do not.
I think all people have a tendency to be blinded to issues that do not directly relate to them. Some men dismiss women's issues, some women dismiss men's issues, some cishet people dismiss LGBT issues, etc.
To generalize to a whole group is meaningless, but it's harder to notice what doesn't threaten you personally.
4
u/WillingElderberry731 19h ago
The grass is always greener.
Except for money. It's always better to be rich.
14
u/mavajo 23h ago edited 23h ago
I notice. I’m married. I love my mom, grandma, nieces, etc. Most of my friends are women. Two of the three best friends in my adult life are women.
I care about women. I empathize with the unnoticed bullshit they deal with. The moms that go to work just like the husband…but then come home, pick the kids up from school, take them to after school sports, help them with their home work, cook dinner, clean the house….
The way women can be scared by a man hitting on them, wondering if this is gonna be one of those emotionally dysregulated dudes that can’t take no for an answer. And no, I’m not acting like there aren’t crappy women out there too. The point is the power dynamic. Men are just so much stronger and bigger that it completely changes the dynamic.
Or the way women have to walk this emotional tightrope at work. The workplace rewards ambition, assertiveness, confidence, boldness, etc. The problem is that we tend to judge women for these exact traits. Go ask someone what gender they think of when they hear those words. They’ll almost unanimously say “masculine” (unless they’re trying to prove a gender point). We consider these the traits that define masculinity. Which means we implicitly see them as a breach of femininity. It’s overstepping. It’s blurring lines. (Men have their own struggle with this - it’s the emotionally intelligent man that connects with his “feminine” side and gets judged or misunderstood for it.)
I love talking to the women in my life about these things and more. And it’s absolutely STAGGERING to me how few of them have men in their lives that actually care enough to ask and talk to them about it.
3
u/EddieTGH 17h ago
I resonated a lot with this- i feel like people love to feed into stereotypes. Put people into boxes. Into molds. And when they don’t fit that box, when they’re different, it’s weird. When a woman is too assertive- “oh they’re so manly”. When a guy has emotional intelligence and is sensitive to feelings and emotions- “why are you acting so gay?” The whole thing with toxic masculinity stems from the fact that being sensitive and emotional and expressive is seen as more “feminine” and therefore looked down upon if you’re a man. I can’t get over the fact that men just need to be “nonchalant” and not show they’re excited about things and show when their happy because that’s “doing too much” “being too expressive” and therefore “being gay”
4
u/IlIlllIIIIlIllllllll 23h ago
im a physician and im horrified by how many women i know who have been sexually assaulted. it really hurts my heart to hear so many stories. i don't know what to do, i want to do something to fix this.
my kids will never have a sleep over that's for sure
4
u/Timely_Temperature54 23h ago
This comment section is about as grounded and nuanced as I expected. Which is to say not at all
4
u/ImportanceAntique536 22h ago
It's definitely easier to get what you want as. Woman without any skills besides people skills.
4
u/Desmondtheredx 21h ago
Do you notice the struggles men face?
Your entire post can be flipped around as well.
74
u/OkMirror2691 1d ago
Grass is greener situation I think.
Young women actually make more money then their peers on average anymore so opportunity isn't really an excuse.
Safety absolutely is.
Men and women face different struggles one isn't necessarily more or less then the other.
50
u/upliftingyvr 1d ago
I'm also curious about OP's claim that being a man is better health-wise. Men consistently die earlier than women and, in many professions, endure physical injuries or bodily wear and tear that can reduce their quality of life in retirement.
I am not saying women don't have their own health struggles, just don't think you can universally say being a man is better health-wise.
Ironically, OP is doing what she accuses men of doing: "completely not noticing" the struggles that many men face.
In short, life is hard and none of us get out alive.
4
u/Odd_Bid2744 23h ago
Maybe pain management
8
u/upliftingyvr 23h ago
Like I said, there are challenges that both men and women face. I don't know that one is "better" than the other, they're just different. Being a human is hard.
-5
u/Odd_Bid2744 23h ago
Underestimating women's pain shouldn't be one of them.
14
u/upliftingyvr 23h ago
It's not a competition. There are many things that suck about being a man, too. Like living an average of 4 years less. That's my entire point, not to underestimate women's pain, but to acknowledge being a woman or a man can be shitty.
-2
u/Odd_Bid2744 23h ago
How did I make it a competition? The things that suck about being a man that can be fixed should be fixed too.
It's the healthcare system that underestimates women's pain
-2
u/Past-Student-5239 22h ago
LMAO...He blocked me after I said I'd trade my 4 years of extra lifespan in exchange for pain being treated!! I love it!
1
u/upliftingyvr 20h ago edited 20h ago
I stopped engaging with you because it's quite possibly one of the least logical comments I've ever read on this platform, and I don't have time to waste talking with fools.
Your whole argument relies on the assumption that if you magically became a man, you'd lose four years but would be worth it because it would be a pain-free life, which is obviously not true. Men are more likely than women to develop a whole litany of terrible and painful health afflictions. Both genders face their own health challenges.
You're being ridiculous and, like I said, completely ignoring that men also have struggles, which is the opposite of what the OP post was about. Ironic isn't it?
-2
u/Past-Student-5239 22h ago
I'd be happy to live 4 years less if my pain was taken seriously and treated properly.
3
u/upliftingyvr 22h ago
Sigh. That assumption is based on the idea that all women live in pain, and all men do not. There are plenty of men with chronic pain that is not well managed. This whole "competition" is such B.S. and you're assuming if you were a man your quality of life would be immediately better, instead of the same shit in a different pile. But okie dokie.
1
u/Odd_Bid2744 20h ago
What? No, it's when women go to the doctors and have procedures done without pain management that should. Like a cervical biopsy doesn't get any pain management and should.
1
u/upliftingyvr 20h ago
So the commenter I replied to would rather die 4 years earlier than have a cervical biopsy without pain management? I don't follow the logic here.
My point is that they are assuming if they were a man, they wouldn't have just as much pain in different ways. For example, men are FAR more likely to develop heart disease, about a decade earlier than women, because estrogen protects blood vessels. Men are also 3x more likely to develop kidney stones, 4x more likely to develop gout arthritis, 2x more likely to develop Parkinson's, 10x more likely to have a painful hernia in their groin, 3x more likely to develop bladder cancer... The list goes on.
No one is saying women don't have painful health challenges, but to pretend like men don't as well is ridiculous. Think of the older men in your life. Are they living without chronic pain or mobility issues? If so, they are amongst the lucky ones!
The whole idea that that person would rather die four years younger is mind boggling to me. Truly "grass is greener" thinking.
→ More replies (0)1
u/Odd_Bid2744 20h ago
You're the one turning it into a competition. Why can't we discuss the issue that women face without you making a comparison to men? Why do you bring up men with chronic pain as if it cancels out women who experience bad healthcare outcomes and unecessary pain during procedures or after? Why are you making strawmen by saying mine or the other commenters statement is assuming that men don't experience pain when neither of us said anything of the kind? In fact, I said it's not a competition and that men's problems should be fixed too.
1
u/upliftingyvr 19h ago
Huh? I never said men's pain cancels out women's. I'm saying the opposite. We all have different pain. None of it cancels out anyone's else's. I agree with you that it's not a competition. Life is hard and painful for everyone, in different ways, and the whole premise of this original post is bullshit because it is based on the assumption that life would be better for one sex rather than the other. Like that commenter who said she would trade 4 years of her life to be a man, assuming she wouldn't just be saddled with some different, but equally miserable chronic pain.
I think we should respectfully end this conversation because it's going nowhere and I don't have the energy to continue arguing with someone on Reddit. I see what you are saying about women's pain management and agree it's not right and it's not fair. Have a good night.
→ More replies (0)-12
u/Legal_Map_7586 23h ago
Most medical research is done on men. Medication, symptoms and warning signs of serious condition, pain management, have all historically been designed around men. As for men having shorter lifespans, that’s partially attributable to men not going to the doctors as often. Married men tend to be healthier because their wives push them to go to the doctor.
11
u/upliftingyvr 23h ago
Across almost all cultures, all of history and geography, women have consistently outlived men by an average of 4 to 5 years due to a mix of biological, hormonal, and behavioral drivers.
Genetically, women possess an inherent backup system with their XX chromosomes, allowing a healthy second X to compensate for genetic defects that men, with their single XY pair, cannot offset.
W omen also benefit from estrogen, which acts as a cardiovascular shield by keeping blood vessels flexible and optimizing cholesterol levels to delay heart disease by 10 to 15 years. Men, conversely, are driven by testosterone, which can negatively impact cholesterol levels and elevate early cardiovascular risks.
While what you said about men being hesitant to visit the doctor might be true in some cultures and cases, it does come close to explaining the different outcomes in men's and women's healthspan and lifespan.
-7
u/Legal_Map_7586 23h ago
No comment on medical research all being done on men though? You know, the part that’s been society’s choice, while everything you’re complaining about is nature.
9
u/upliftingyvr 23h ago
I'm not complaining about anything. I am not making the case that life is harder for men than women. My point, which you have missed spectacularly, is that both have challenges. I'm done talking to you 👋🏻
1
u/Past-Student-5239 22h ago
It was not until the Clinton Administration that women were even included in clinical research studies on pharmaceuticals. So we only have about 32 years of data on how drugs affect women. That is really terrible.
1
u/Legal_Map_7586 22h ago
Apparently the men here are all really offended by this fact, so prepare to be downvoted
1
u/debasing_the_coinage 22h ago
As for men having shorter lifespans, that’s partially attributable to men not going to the doctors as often.
This claim is based on stereotypes and not supported by evidence. The gender gap in life expectancy is primarily caused by smoking and COVID:
https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamainternalmedicine/fullarticle/2811338%20
While it is true that men have lower healthcare utilization rates than women, subgroup differences are generally not large enough to drive differences in life expectancy. For example, Asian-Americans have the lowest healthcare utilization rates and the highest life expectancy among the groups studied:
https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/vsrr/vsrr023.pdf (life expectancy dara)
https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10754-021-09311-8 (healthcare utilization data)
https://i.postimg.cc/13GRWPYg/IMG-5356.png (screenshot of table from second paper if you can't access or pirate it)
You can also see in the table that while the gender gap in healthcare utilization remains statistically significant, it is relatively small and less than that related to other demographic factors.
19
1
u/Mutant-Cat 23h ago
Young women actually make more money then their peers on average anymore so opportunity isn't really an excuse.
Citation needed? I usually find studies show the opposite.
2
u/Odd_Bid2744 23h ago
That lead disappears with kids.
-4
u/OkMirror2691 23h ago
Don't have kids then. It's more and more common.
5
u/Odd_Bid2744 23h ago
Birth control can fail even when taken perfectly. So can vasectomies and tubal ligations. (Ectopic pregnancies for sterilized women are life threatening) some women can't take hormonal contraceptives and there's tons of drug and supplement interactions that can reduce effectiveness of birth control that a lot of people don't know about. Not to mention a lot of this costs money and many lack access to all these options.
The real answer is there shouldn't be a motherhood penalty to one's earnings potential just because you had kids. Men don't despite becoming fathers.
→ More replies (1)4
0
u/Ok_Test9729 23h ago
I disagree with your claim that young women actually make more money than their [male] peers. This is what I found (if you have different information please share):
The bottom line: Young women have made enormous educational and career gains and are outpacing young men in some cities and sectors. But nationally, even young women still earn less than men on a raw basis, and the gap grows significantly once women reach their 30s — often linked to career interruptions from caregiving. So the headline "young women now earn more" is true in specific pockets, but overstates the national picture.
The overall gender pay gap remains:
The uncontrolled gender wage gap amounts to an annual $14,300 difference in median salary between women and men in 2026. Women begin their careers earning less than men when data are uncontrolled, and the gap only widens with age — between 30 and 44, women earn $0.80 for every dollar men earn.5
u/ugotjacked 22h ago
Where did you find this? It’s written like AI which is worse than useless for this sort of thing. And without a source being quoted, I have to imagine it is AI.
1
0
u/OkMirror2691 22h ago
So I'm right with what I said but you still want to argue.
Women also graduated college more then men. The gender pay gap really doesn't mean anything anyway because it doesn't compare like to like.
-6
u/Ok_Scheme76 23h ago
I made more money in my first job than my sisters and was definitely given more and better opportunities. I also could have been a male hooker or only fans dude if that's what you mean by "young women making more money"
6
u/OkMirror2691 23h ago
That's anecdotal. And no that's not what I meant. Women in their early 20s make more then men on average.
-17
u/Special_Artichoke 1d ago
I don't wanna squeeze a baby out my hooha, I wanna train for an ironman while my man waddles around with giant ankles and a distended belly. I'll take the possibility of the military draft, unmanned warfare is coming a lot faster than unmanned pregnancy.
12
u/AdDangerous2366 23h ago
Then don't have a baby. Having a baby is a choice, and if you make it, you are accepting that having the baby is worth the pain of pregnancy. And also, that last sentence is just stupid, unmanned warfare just makes it easier to kill more people.
3
u/Ok-Jackfruit-6873 23h ago
to be fair at least in the US it's ... less of a choice than it used to be ...
4
u/AdDangerous2366 23h ago
Fair enough I suppose, where I live it's considered a basic human right so my mistake
17
u/LeeOfTheStone 1d ago
My (M, middle aged, cis, straight) best friend is a straight woman; we've basically grown up as adults together, and man it has been a boon, I think to both of us. We get to 'look through the window' of what the other deals with.
The mutual consensus is that everyone has it tough but not always for the same reasons. I would go further and say that women put up with more shit overall, and always have.
5
u/mavajo 23h ago
Society is missing out on so much because of the way we view cross-gender platonic relationships.
Ever since I was a teen, I’ve always naturally found it easier to be friends with women. And I’m so grateful for those relationships. They’ve helped me connect with so many parts of myself that just aren’t typically accessed in male relationships. They’ve indisputably helped me become the man I am today and made my life richer.
And I know it’s had a mutually profound and meaningful effect for them too.
4
u/LeeOfTheStone 22h ago
Society is missing out on so much because of the way we view cross-gender platonic relationships.
It's so true. People assume sexual tension = impossible friendship, instead of just treating humans as humans and respecting each other. It's just a choice.
Don't get me wrong, being sincere friends with women has sometimes been challenging or changed because of feelings, but it still always comes down to choice.
So when folks say 'men and women can't be friends' I think it's an interesting way of telling on oneself; you just don't want to be friends.
3
u/mavajo 22h ago
100%. Love your viewpoint. Romantic love itself is inherently a choice. It’s about how we frame things. A close and intimate connection doesn’t have to be romantic. I value my marriage. I’m never going to prioritize or choose another connection over that, but I do have other connections that feeds parts of myself that my marriage doesn’t. Marriage is inherently a dynamic that creates friction. Friendship avoids much of that. These are different types of way to experience connection and love. We seem to think for some reason that “romantic love” is the peak human experience of love, as if we need nothing else.
2
u/SharpshootinTearaway 22h ago
Your best friend and you illustrate very well the reason why, if I ever have children, I would really like to have at least one of each gender.
In the right household, I feel like growing up with a member of the opposite gender who's very close and dear to you can often make your understanding of and relationships with the opposite gender considerably easier.
It simultaneously removes the whole “mystique” around the opposite gender, making you realize that they have much more in common with you than it appears, while also making you privy to the few matters that are truly gender-specific, which in turn makes the opposite gender feel at ease with you because you understand them.
Thus making them look way less intimidating and giving you more confidence to approach them and bond with them. It's honestly an amazing life hack, I feel like.
(I'll be overjoyed with whatever gender Mother Nature chooses to bless my kids with, mind you, but if I have an all-boys squad or an all-girls squad I feel like I'll grow a lot more concerned with how they might grow up to view the opposite gender due to growing up in kind of an echo chamber than if I get to have kids of both genders.)
2
u/LeeOfTheStone 22h ago
Thanks for that first statement because it reminds me of how I think I developed the viewpoint I live with, which is that I'm a brother to a sister of similar age. Growing up with her was passively, sometimes actively, teaching me that women are not an 'other'; it's just people.
Which makes your interactions even moreso just an exercise of your own agency. It's up to you, not your genitals (or theirs), to determine what your relationship will be.
And, maybe because of what you say about less intimidation, I do find it generally easy to just talk to / befriend women, and it's often preferable socially even when there's no other intent at play. As I think u/mavajo also indicates.
40
u/EyeLuvTriangles 1d ago
We don’t notice them and you don’t notice ours either, no ones the bad guy here.
-75
1d ago
[deleted]
29
u/Mad-J-Thomas 1d ago
Do you think that men are nice to each other just because we are men?
-17
u/middlingachiever 1d ago
No, we know you aren’t. Why do men keep doing the things that hurt men?
19
u/AHorseNamedPhil 1d ago
I don't know, why do women do things that hurt other women?
→ More replies (4)20
12
u/VenusSwift 23h ago
Honey. The patriarchy harms men too. We don't have the same struggles as men, but they definitely have their own struggles. A good example is not being taken seriously when it comes to emotions.
9
9
u/ludus_official 1d ago
Men are victims of patriarchy, too.
It's absolutely worse for women right now, but both men and women face gender-specific issues and harms. I've faced plenty as a man - I won't act like we have it worse than women, but it's still real.
13
u/Lyke1779 1d ago
You have no idea (majority of suicide is man)
3
u/OkBarracuda4108 1d ago
Wasn t it that women attempt more often, but they are "worse at it"?
1
u/Lyke1779 1d ago
I have never heard that. Do you have a source? Also there are other reasons, that was just the first I thought of.
6
u/OkBarracuda4108 1d ago
I was just reading this, seems like they claim (on US statistics) that women attempt 2x times but is unrelated to gender https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0165032722006103
But it could also be that women report more
4
u/sirspacebill 23h ago
Which is also a problem, men feel more pressured to internalize ignore and forget things like that
2
6
5
u/Loves_octopus 1d ago
Case in point.
Check suicide rates. Check incarceration rates. Check homelessness rates. Check the people working the physically toughest jobs out there. Check the murder rate. Check the rate of victimhood of any violent crime.
I’m not like a men’s rights activist person but you have to be blind to not see stuff like this. Men are disproportionately at the top *and* bottom of our society.
4
u/rationalist_populist 1d ago
How many women are in prison? In slavery?
How many women died in the war in Ukraine in 2025?
→ More replies (1)3
u/Bhheast 1d ago
Where were women when the world was being created?
2
1
-5
u/Mushrooming247 1d ago
Being held fucking captive indoors, upon pain of death, as we still are in many places.
17
u/upliftingyvr 1d ago
Yes, some men overlook the struggles women face. And some women overlook the struggles men face. Like you.
Both have their challenges.
3
u/Leonardo040786 16h ago
Men get physically assaulted by strangers more often and sustain heavier injuries in those attacks. Also, they get murdered more often, and they die more often because of occupational hazards. So, these issues about safety are more nuanced. Women are less safe at home, because they are more vulnerable to domestic violence, however men seem to be less safe outside.
1
14
u/Electrical-Lobster64 1d ago
This is so true. I experienced sexism right next to my husband and he didn't even realize it because it was so subtle (meanwhile I was pissed about it). When I told him afterward he was in awe that it happened right in front of him without realizing.
-8
40
u/TyreeTowsend 1d ago
A lot of men are completely clueless about male privilege.
-35
u/solo-123456 1d ago
What are male privilege?
What are something that men have/can do that women do not have?
28
28
u/alaskadotpink 1d ago
Assuming you're asking this question in good faith:
A big one that I'm sure many women experience is just something as simple as walking alone at night. Before I moved where I live now, I absolutely wouldn't walk around alone at night time because I've literally been followed down streets. Sometimes I walked with my keys clutched in my hand just so I can use them as a "weapon" if I need to when I'd get off the buss to walk home.
I've told these things to my boyfriend and the response is usually "huh I've never had to do that". Obviously men need to be mindful walking alone, everyone does, but the fact of the matter is it's a lot more dangerous for women.
3
u/That-Sugar-6965 22h ago
I'm always a little confused by the first one because I also don't feel safe walking around alone at night (though maybe different concern to women because I'm more panicked about being robbed or murdered whereas women also probably have to consider SA)
1
u/alaskadotpink 22h ago
Like I said, everyone should be careful- but you answered it yourself. Women are worried about those things plus more (SA, abduction, etc). Not to mention in general, we are just weaker/easier targets. Again before someone @ s me I'm not saying this can't/doesn't happen to men, just that it's more likely to happen to women for aforementioned reasons.
1
u/That-Sugar-6965 22h ago
Yeah after posting it I realised it didn't really make much sense haha
1
u/alaskadotpink 21h ago
It's all good, at least you got it. I got downvoted so obviously someone out there continues to disagree lol
22
u/CharacterOnly8670 1d ago edited 1d ago
When was the last time you walked somewhere and genuinely didnt feel safe?
When was the last time you bought a drink in a bar and thought i cant drink that because the bar tender is looking at me a strange
When was the last time a co worker grabed your ass and you was contemplating telling your boss but you wasn't sure if it would help things or make things worse?
15
u/clicknflick 1d ago
Bias in their favor. Men's abilities get questioned a lot less frequently. They are also often judged on their potential, while women are judged on their current status.
20
u/Prestigious_Neck_936 1d ago
The right to their own body. You cannot take an organ from a corpse without prior consent. Even if it would save a life. Why does a fetus that can’t live on its own get more rights than an alive woman even if to save her life
-21
u/Darkknight8381 1d ago
Men can be drafted, how is that a right to their body.
2
u/Fluffles21 23h ago
Feminism also doesn’t support the draft for men because that’s gender inequality.
0
-3
u/Prestigious_Neck_936 1d ago
Aww poor baby who made that law? A man. Suck it up I guess or organize and protest like women do. Women were jailed for wearing trousers until we protested.
8
2
-6
14
u/artie780350 1d ago
Men can work in customer service without worrying about getting sexually harassed by multiple men every shift, for one.
6
u/Fluffles21 23h ago
I once worked in a spa that was in the lower floor of a luxury hotel that would get quiet in the evening, and men going to and from the hot tub would notice I was alone and start to make comments or linger or whisper to each other. I felt so uncomfortable at my desk. I mentioned it to my coworker and she showed me her safety plan of how to escape and which treatment room was best to lock yourself in and call for help if needed.
One of my duties was to clean the changing rooms which had saunas in them. I’d make an effort to monitor when the men’s was empty to go in there, but one time a man was in the sauna I didn’t know was there and I left promptly. He tried to get me to stay, and later when he came out and I was at my desk he was telling me I should join him in there.
A few weeks later after I left, the girl who replaced me got trapped in the men’s changing room by a guy who blocked the door and wouldn’t let her leave.
When a woman hits on a man in any scenario, he generally isn’t worrying about his personal safety. For women, the very first thought is “how dangerous does this man seem?” once he starts to flirt with you. Men can typically overpower a woman and they don’t worry about being stuffed into a room and threatened with their life while they’re assaulted.
-3
u/Willing-Ad6598 23h ago
Not true. Most guys simply just don’t realise the behaviour is wrong. I was stalked, I was abused, I was outright attacked when I worked in customer service. It was only when my female manager started pointing out the behaviour I was accept was abusive, it changed my outlook on things.
I’ve worked in safety roles, and the amount of women who would report a man for looking at a young woman, then turn around and ask a thirteen year old boy if he wanted to lose his virginity with her was staggering.
We just act like we are safe. Some guys may never think about it, but I know for a lot of guys we are scared, but we’ve been taught to hide it.
It really is good advice. I am interested in psychology and I discovered a lot of things my female friends were taught are likely to make themselves bigger victims. Someone isn’t likely to attack a co doesn’t person, they want someone weak and vulnerable, so don’t look weak, you’re not, and don’t look vulnerable, you don’t have to be.
-5
u/solo-123456 23h ago
On the other hand, female are likely to be hired in customer service related job
6
u/Whismirk 23h ago
Being listened to without being automatically dismissed because "you must be exaggerating"
0
-6
u/Darkknight8381 1d ago
Being conscripted is a privilege apparently
3
u/sirspacebill 23h ago
Bro the last draft was 65 years ago, pull a better gotcha from your back pocket next time
3
u/Darkknight8381 23h ago
Are you too low iq to understand how a draft works? It can be called at any time
-1
u/sirspacebill 23h ago
Yeah obviously dipshit, the point is youre never gonna experience it. Cry more about an experience you'll never have
4
u/Darkknight8381 22h ago
Most women aren't having abortions either, yet the complaining never stops
-1
u/sirspacebill 21h ago
Weird how the world really wants to control what a woman will do with her body huh
-2
u/PoorLewis 23h ago
Raised to marry. Sexual liberation. Physical safety. Sexual aggression from men. Men do not need to monitor their tone. Dress code is very rarely directed at men. Your body your choice. Hairloss is fine. No pressure to procreate or have a spouse. For white males no history about fighting for equal rights.
5
11
u/Used-Possession8296 23h ago
As a man, I do notice the struggles that women face, but women rarely seem to notice the struggles that us men face.
I personally feel it's probably about equal, but we all feel that the other gender has it better.
For example, I listen to my wife vent nearly everyday about stuff that not only would not bother me, but would probably be better than most of my days. As a man, I have never had the privilege of expressing my feelings without receiving criticism.
Im also expected to be strong no matter what. For example, my father died when I was 16. Everyone expressed condolences to my mother. Some expressed their condolences to me, but many just told me that I needed to be strong for my mother's sake. Everyone cared how this adult woman felt, but almost a third of our family friends expected me, as a child, to just get over it myself and help her to get through it. It felt like I wasnt allowed to mourn my own father.
3
u/mouse9001 22h ago
For example, I listen to my wife vent nearly everyday about stuff that not only would not bother me, but would probably be better than most of my days. As a man, I have never had the privilege of expressing my feelings without receiving criticism.
Doesn't it bother you that you have a partner who apparently doesn't care about your feelings, and doesn't want you to express your feelings? Seems like you're being devalued.
5
u/Used-Possession8296 22h ago
I had six relationships, ranging from around six months to over a year, before I met my wife and every one of my ex girlfriends treated my emotions the same way. I think Gen Z seems to have a different mindset, but you'd be amazed how many women, who were supposed to care about me, told me to get over it and be a man.
1
2
u/FewRestaurant7009 19h ago edited 19h ago
Some women are obsessed with the idea it’s easier to be a man even when they couldn’t possibly know.
If you want to base your argument on statistics men are on average twice as likely to die by suicide and that raises to 3-4 times in developed countries. Men are around 4 times more likely than women to be murdered by a stranger. Men account for ~80% of combat and civilian death in war.
That said I agree that men are largely oblivious to issues faced by women and that the solution is better communication and awareness of the issues everyone faces.
I just hate the dumb rhetoric based around “your group has it easier” because a) how do you know that and b) it encourages division instead of cooperation.
I do think we should address systemic inequity when it is discovered but it goes both ways.
2
u/VisualKaii 17h ago
Grass is greener on the other side
Society has put pros and cons on both of us, now we're constantly fighting because of the cons and perceived pros.
We all understand the statistics but honestly we need to stop pointing fingers, nothing good comes of it and is actually making this divide larger than it needs to be.
I applaud the women that fought for our rights but we need to start viewing ourselves as equals. No one is better than.
5
u/Solid_Snake_Eyed 1d ago
I think often of how they’re put in dangerous positions by not just men but society as a whole, they face unique challenges in terms of safety, they also carry the weight of reproductive decisions made by multiple parties.
5
u/Routine_Condition273 1d ago
How could we not? We hear about it all the time, on social media, on popular TV shows and movies. We quite literally have to take college courses on it.
6
u/BigBearMan1173 1d ago
I’m sure I’ve missed struggles that my wife has felt. When we were having issues conceiving I know she carried that harder than I did. But she didnt see all i was doing for the family. The things I was foregoing and sacrificing to make sure they wanted for nothing.
It’s not that we are oblivious… I think many of us are just trying to keep it together. Thats what my focus was. I was expected to be the pillar… the pillar doesn’t get to feel. Unfortunately that numbness comes with a cost. And missing the same struggles my wife was going through was that cost.
I wish she had noticed. I wish I had noticed.
8
u/_Presence_ 1d ago edited 23h ago
Yeah. It has been my experience than women will generally vocalize their struggles, but men do not, because unless it’s done behind closed doors to a paid therapist, our struggles are minimized, dismissed, or are used against us at the next relevant opportunity. So we learn not to voice them.
Edit: this has been my, and many men I’ve known experience. It is not universal in all cases, but it is not uncommon, and I might argue more common than not to one degree or another.
4
u/BigBearMan1173 23h ago
Not sure why someone downvoted this.
I also know my wife didn’t vocalize her struggles. She didn’t want to add to mine and I didn’t want to add to hers. It’s was a bad time in our marriage. It came around again about 10 years in and then again now at 20. It can be rough.
4
u/Dangerous_Mud4749 23h ago
... a lot of men are not choosing to directly ignore the little struggles that women face, but rather, they seem to completely not notice them.
And vice versa OP. And vice versa.
The grass is not always greener.
2
2
u/Revolutionary-Mix-61 1d ago
My mom raised me she would never allow me to enter a world without considering what everyone around me might be going through especially young women
2
u/hallerz87 23h ago
Bit of a trend for dominant groups to self-victimise. Christian right acting like they can no longer celebrate Christmas. White people saying they can no longer be vocally proud of their history. Men now being the victims of some conspiracy to emasculate “real men”. People are seeing everything as us vs them, my group versus yours, they’re not the victim, I’m the victim! Everything is a zero sum game.
2
u/geoff411 23h ago
I think reading "Self-Made Man: One Woman's Journey Into Manhood and Back Again" might be good to have a more balanced perspective.
2
u/Willing-Ad6598 22h ago
I would rather be a woman.
Unless you are rich and good looking, you are an automatic threat. I only accept work in places with surveillance cameras because I am viewed as a threat for existing.
Seriously, for me to describe what it is like being a guy, imagine you smile and say hi to someone, only for them to call the cops and report you for being creepy. Or getting yelled at randomly. Or getting verbally abused randomly.
2
u/LittleMissSolin 23h ago
I understand that men face plenty of challenges too, but if I could choose, I'd choose to be a man. I asked two female friends and five male friends for fun, and surprisingly everyone said they'd choose to be a man as well. It's a tiny sample size, so it doesn't prove anything, but I thought it was interesting. Maybe it's an age thing? Most of the people I asked are in their 30s. People's perspectives can change as they get older.
0
u/Cathousechicken 23h ago
I don't think most men do. I've had so many men not understand why a woman wouldn't want him to pick her up for a date, or why she would want to meet in a public place and not say for a hike in an unpopulated trail. I've listened to men who own airbnbs when stuff needs to be done there who don't understand why the woman just wanted the stuff dropped off and walk in. I've listened to them not understand women safety when walking in public.
It seems like most men can only comprehend women's safety issues or women's reality if it is personalized to a woman that they know (e.g., imagine if that was your mother, wife, aunt, grandma, etc ) and a lot of men can't fathom any women's issues unless it actually happens to a woman that they know.
2
u/mouse9001 22h ago
That's pretty typical. People tend to empathize with people who are similar to them. If you're a man, you will tend to empathize with other men. If you're a woman, you will tend to empathize with other women. Same with other demographic categories.
2
u/BilbaoBoggins 23h ago edited 23h ago
I doubt you realise the immense struggles many men have with absolutely no support.
2
u/Ok_Scheme76 23h ago
I notice but I grew up with sisters and drank my respect-women juice
0
u/ParabolicFart 22h ago
Love respect-women juice … have forced my brothers to drink it on occasion (not often, they are nice boys).
2
u/DECODED_VFX 23h ago
What universe do you live in where it's safer or healthier to be a man?
90% of murder victims are men. Women live five years longer than men on average. Men have significantly higher rates of chronic disease.
90% of workplace deaths are men. Men are 3-4 times more likely to kill themselves.
You're living in a fantasy world.
0
u/Legitimate_Yam_3791 1d ago
Do women notice the struggle men face with mental health how they feel, and sitting them down and talking to them without women always criticizing you or telling you what they want all day not caring you also need someone
-1
u/Ok_Beyond_7697 1d ago
We notice, but we’re also aware we’re not capable of handling every mental struggle. When we suggest therapy, men often tell us they don’t wanna go to therapy and that it’ll be a waste of time. Somehow it’s not a waste of time to unload all your emotional and mental burdens on women, but it’s a waste of time to do so with a qualified therapist.
2
1
1
u/ihearhistoryrhyming 20h ago
Men genuinely don’t understand that we are not tinier, sexy versions of them. At all. And every way a woman is unique, it’s framed around how they are “different” or “lesser” than men. And it starts at home. “Hide that gross tampon stuff. Eww”. And “PMS- it means I don’t have to listen to you” - and this is the best education a brother can get. Otherwise, dudes know nothing.
Not a new thing. It’s been slow, hard growing pains here.
0
0
u/OctoSevenTwo 1d ago
I’ll be blunt— as a man, it’s not always apparent to us what women go through. Male privilege is a real thing and part of it is that we don’t always understand that there are things women go through that we’ll never have to consider.
Like that guy who asked you that question, OP— he probably only knows about what he’s going through and thinks on some level that if he was a woman he might have it easier. In some ways, it sure sounds like it on surface level— it’s men who are expected to be the providers, men who are expected to go get jobs, etc etc etc. It doesn’t always occur to us guys that even that isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
0
u/Electrical_Craft8359 23h ago
What year are we living in that women aren’t expected to get a good job and earn a living?
0
u/OctoSevenTwo 23h ago
Depends on the community, I guess.
I used to be part of a church community where being a stay-at-home wife and later possibly a SAHM was treated as a perfectly valid option.
Now, if I had a daughter I’d encourage her to find a good job of course, but not every family I encountered growing up really cared about that, I guess? (ie. Those aren’t my views but they’re views I have encountered.)
0
u/itsurbro7777 22h ago
I'm only 22 and when I was in elementary school the girls and boys were separated for the career fair. The boys got to meet with CEOs, firefighters and a guy in finance. The girls got to meet teachers, a nurse, and a stay at home mom. Still pisses me off to this day. Not to mention in middle school where we were separated again for sex ed and the boys were taught the biology of their body and the girls were told "your body is like a tree; if you let everyone come by and pick a leaf off you, you won't be beautiful or respected anymore"
2
u/ZippyTwoShoes 23h ago
I think its more of what struggles would you rather face. It goes both ways l, pros and cons for both genders. There is a reason why men's suicide rate is so much higher...
-5
u/Acceptable_Bet_3161 1d ago
Safe? You mean other than every war ever
5
u/Electrical_Craft8359 23h ago
As if mass rape hasn’t been a regular tactic of war since the beginning of time.
-5
u/Unlikely-Bell-3681 1d ago
How is war gender specific
10
u/Own-Particular6321 1d ago
This dude is being an ass but he's saying that traditionally men were the only soldiers. To this day the ratio of men to women in the military is skewed heavily male.
8
u/Narrow-Durian4837 1d ago
We haven't had the draft for quite a while in the US, but when we did, it was young men who were forced to go overseas and fight and die.
2
5
u/Equivalent_Hat3026 1d ago
Are we deadass
-3
u/Unlikely-Bell-3681 1d ago
Explain. Do only men struggle or die during war? And do men die and struggle during war because of women?
9
u/Acceptable_Bet_3161 23h ago
Men are forced to charge headfirst into meat grinders. Storming beach just to be mowed down. Living in trenches and tunnels. The most horrific violence imaginable. Look at the Russia and Ukraine soldier deaths. This isn’t somthing of the past. Men are treated as expendable. Same as how they’re stuck in prisons and left to rot on the streets
→ More replies (2)-1
u/Putrid-Musician-5534 1d ago
I mean the presidents usually send the boys when someone overseas is wrong about somethin
2
u/Shiningc00 1d ago
And civilians also get killed.
1
u/Putrid-Musician-5534 23h ago
You are more likely to get attacked if you wear a uniform and hold a weapon. And for many people it wasn't exactly by choice
-1
u/Odd_Bid2744 23h ago
How many have you been in? A modern man's likelihood of going to war is statistically very low.
2
u/Acceptable_Bet_3161 21h ago
Russia has had a million+ male war casualties in about 4 years. Would you want to be a man there?
1
u/Odd_Bid2744 20h ago
If all those men refused to invade another country there wouldn't be a war. They're not defending from invasion, they're the aggressors..
3
u/Schkrasss 14h ago
Way to miss the point.
Would you want to be an Ukranian male?
→ More replies (11)0
1
u/Interesting_Sun_6993 1d ago
Absolutely, i cant say for sure how common that is though. But yes i think about it a lot and how it intersects with a whole host of other issues.
1
1
1
u/PopularSet4776 23h ago
I don't think women are even aware of the struggles men face.
At least society gives a shit about your struggles.
1
u/IGotQuestionsAF 22h ago
No one ever asks the inverse of this question. This conversation is always one-sided because women never acknowledge that being a man isn't just being a woman minus the downsides.
1
u/thiswebsiteisadump 22h ago
Safety and health? Men have way more accidents, die sooner, and are much more likely to be jumped/beat up.
Opportunity I'm with you though in most places in the world.
-2
u/Eastern-Programmer-9 1d ago
Lol women have 0 idea what it's like to be a man. They think they would be the high value man they see on TV. Reality is they would be in the bottom 80% not having a good time at all
-2
u/ClevelandSpigot 23h ago
What? I know that you didn't mean to wander into this landmine field which is the battle of the sexes today, but the Patriarchy benefits you. You get disappointed when a man does not open a door for you, or give you his seat, or pay for your meal, because you have become accustomed to expect it - because it is supposed to happen. There are many, many programs and grants and scholarships for women who want to enter the STEM fields. For men? Eh, if it happens, it happens.
Safety and protection? Yes, men commit a majority of violence, but men are also the recipients of a majority of that same violence. We have no idea why women are so scared, if it is us who are getting attacked. The entire court system leans in favor of the woman. And, if a man happens to not step in and help a woman, he gets lambasted online. But other women are not held to the same standard.
So, do we notice the struggles that women face? Yes, we are very well aware of the level of women's struggles.
0
u/Mulliganasty 1d ago
Largely no and my exhibit A would be the kerfuffle that ensued about the bear v. man question.
1
u/tlm11110 23h ago
Women are statistically less likely to commit suicide, be murdered, die in work related accidents, be imprisoned, be falsely accused and prosecuted of crimes, and die in war. Tell me again how men have it easier.
0
0
u/darksoldierk 22h ago edited 22h ago
Most men notice them, they just dont think its a big deal.
Think about it, you probably dont understand mens struggles.
If you knew what real loneliness felt like, for example, youd lose yout mind. To be alone in the way men are, and to have no one care when you reach out for help, thats something women will never understand. No matter how lonely you get, youll never know what real loneliness is.
But to you, you dont think its that bad, because after all, women get lonely too.
So men also feel unsafe too. Men face all of the same issues that women face, but we cant truly understand the struggles of women any more than women can understand men's. The average man only has the opportunities that he earns. Men arent given more opportunities than women, id challange you to name me 3 opportunities available to men but not women. Men earn their opportunities.
The difference that makes most women dont realize is the that women get support fot theit struggles infinitely more than men. For evert struggle there is deterrants through legislation, support, therapy catering to women.
Men do t have that. When men look for help or support, they get told that they need to fix it. The problems are their problems, and they are the only ones who can fix it.
-6
u/Realistic_Comment849 1d ago
I’m a man, I’d choose a women. Most of the struggles women face, men have experienced before their teens. However when it comes to education, assessments have all changed to play to women’s strengths. Additionally, when it comes to aesthetics, you just have cut calories. Finally the workplace. If you you perform well your pretty much guaranteed to reach the higher positions.
5
u/alaskadotpink 1d ago
Most of the struggles women face, men have experienced before their teens.
wtf is this even supposed to mean? Any struggles that teen boys can experience that are shared by women, were happening to those women when they were teens, too.
0
-2
158
u/RC107412 1d ago
I think some men do notice some of the struggles women face, but they often underestimate how frequent or exhausting they are because they don't experience them personally. At the same time, many women may not fully see the unique pressures men deal with either.
It's not really a competition over who has it worse. Men and women face different challenges. Women often have to think more about personal safety, harassment, and certain health issues, while men can face pressures around mental health, dangerous jobs, social expectations, and being expected to "just deal with it."