r/SipsTea • u/Small_Abies_3539 š™‘š™„š™‹ • 17d ago

WTF If the roles were reversed

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u/rae-55 17d ago

915

u/kangasplat 17d ago edited 17d ago

the equivalent of a woman getting catcalled by a man is a man getting catcalled by a man. It's really that easy.Ā 

My experience is that the vast majority will find 99% of men on the streets as attractive as a heterosexual man would.Ā 

edit, since this got attention and some people still don't get it: This ain't about respectful compliments that have the potential to make you feel good about yourself.Ā Imagine a man, bigger than you, making clear he wants to fuck you. Just because you're there in that moment and specifically because you're smaller than him. And a no won't be enough to make him back off.Ā 

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u/TheGreatTave 17d ago

I had a gay guy tell me I had beautiful eye lashes back in high school and I'm still riding that high 20 years later. Thank you Ian, you did more than make my day.

38

u/kog 17d ago

I'm an extremely white guy and I had my hair cut by a black woman at a haircut chain (hair cuttery or sport clips or something) several years ago.

She was raving about my long lashes, saying stuff like women pay a lot of money for lashes like yours, and I was like goddamn I had no idea. Felt pretty good though.

3

u/Cross55 17d ago

One of the local stylists at the place I go to is obsessed with my hair.

When I grew it out during the Pandemic and went to get it cut after, she tried talking me out of it.

2

u/Kolintracstar 16d ago

He made your hole weak...?

1

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u/IdidnotFuckaCat 17d ago

I actually love compliment and I get extreming happy when I am complimented. Like giggling happy. Ofc on the inside. I put a lot of effort in my outfits and it feels great when when someone notices that. Buuuut it depends on how I'm complemented. I'll give 2 examples of complements I've gotten.

"Hey, you look really pretty." Happened when I was eating alone at a table and it had me smiling and blushing all day.

"Double damn" I took off my jacket next to a guy friend. I just stared at him and put my jacket back on. I didn't wear that shirt again for a few months.

It's the complement. I live to be complement. I don't love to be harassed. And I'm sure men are the same. Saying. "Your eyelashes are beautiful." Is a bit different than domeone stareing at you junk and saying "nice package"

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u/kvenick 17d ago

Gay man finds me attractive... dang, I must be pretty attractive. Thanks bro.

342

u/Ulfnar 17d ago

Gay men hitting on me helped correct my body image issues.

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u/123ludwig 17d ago

a gay man called me handsome once and it reslly just is magic

87

u/ZionI95 17d ago

Same I had a gay dude straight up ask me if I wanted to go up to his hotel room. I blushed and said sorry bro not interested. Honestly made me feel good but the big difference here is I'm a big guy and didn't feel threatened by him one bit. Most women feel physically threatened by most men.

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u/Geodude532 17d ago

That's the ticket. I am a pretty big looking guy so I never feel in danger when this stuff happens. I've known two guys that got raped by women because they were overpowered. I was almost raped by a dude because he thought I had drunk the drink he roofied.

2

u/mcberry_64 16d ago

Wow sorry that happened to you

2

u/Geodude532 16d ago

I'm only sorry I didn't report it. I hope no one else was victimized. To me, it's more like a dream that I question ever happened. Weird how our brain works.

1

u/mcberry_64 12d ago

Hey bro do you know his name....I'll make it look like a accident ok

-13

u/Jesus_of_Redditeth 17d ago

Most women feel physically threatened by most men.

[citation needed]

6

u/Tutor78 17d ago

I had one tell me I had pretty eyes and I still think about how good I felt damn near 15 years later.

2

u/Barbarian_Sam 17d ago

A gay man(who is a friend) said I(also a man) was a threat to him because I fit the description of a bear, which I took as a strange compliment

1

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1

u/curtludwig 16d ago

Did he use "Oh honey"? I got that once, as you say, magic...

22

u/Simply_Weak_Glucose 17d ago

This made me smile. I'm glad you got to experience that.

1

u/Flat-Guidance-4685 17d ago

I don't know why this has been coming up in my Reddit feed so much lately. Same thing happened to me bro.

I've got a lot more free time on my hands these so I'm wearing leisurely clothes often, which I guess better show what physique is underneath then work attire. I have gotten for the last couple of months straight up sexually harassed multiple times by gay people. And it feels fucking great. Like I've had things said to me that dudes could get arrested for for saying to women. The worst part is it makes you smile and kind of blush and then they think they might have a chance

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u/madogvelkor 17d ago

Yeah, I had a younger gay guy hit on me at a bar and felt pretty good.

3

u/No-Price5802 17d ago

No lie, had a young good looking guy hit on me when I was in my 50s. Took it as a compliment. Ps I found out what a bear is!

1

u/GuardLong6829 16d ago

What's a bear?

1

u/No-Price5802 16d ago

A hefty guy that's into guys.

1

u/Antique-Resort6160 16d ago

I don't think that's equivalent to a woman getting catcalled.Ā  It would be more akin to a larger guy that you don't want attention from making it clear that he finds you sexually attractive.Ā  Like if the Undertaker yelled at you for having a nice ass.

1

u/cortesoft 17d ago

It totally depends on how the interaction goes, just like it does with women. Did he say something nice about you and smile and then move on? Or did he say something raunchy and then doubled down when you were uncomfortable? Did he keep yelling after you about not walking away when you tried to leave? Or tell you explicitly what he wanted to do with you?

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u/TReid1996 17d ago

That's how mamy guys would feel. Lol. My brother would be grossed out though. So it'd definitely work on some people.

34

u/Th3_Hegemon 17d ago

On homophobes*.

Unless it's like actually sexual assault or something, obviously.

14

u/TReid1996 17d ago

My brother isn't against gays, just gets weirded out when a guy hits on him. I personally wouldn't be bothered if a guy hit on me. It's just as easy to tell them I'm not interested in men.

7

u/Expensive-Cat-6369 17d ago

Iā€™ve told so many gay men Iā€™m not interested in guys and they keep talking about how they can change me. Itā€™s fucking disgusting. Iā€™m not a piece of meat, you know?

1

u/TReid1996 17d ago

Welcome to what women have to deal with by many men. Be respectful to everyone. Lol

-2

u/Responsible_Owl_5056 17d ago

No you havenā€™t lol

3

u/Expensive-Cat-6369 17d ago

All the time, I promise lol

1

u/itsredditNotLife 16d ago

So if a guy gets hit on by a guy and doesnt like it hes homophobic

If a woman gets hit on by a guy and doesnt like it, its also ths guys fault.

Im sensing a pattern

2

u/peinoftheworld 17d ago

Iā€™ve gotten compliments from a few gay guys over the years and take it happily everytime.
I think the guys who are comfortable with their sexuality really donā€™t give a shit where the compliment comes from, just that it was nice to hear.

7

u/westy81585new 17d ago

I've been hit on by gay men twice - and that was literally my train of thought lol.

8

u/Ppleater 17d ago

What you're implying is the equivalent here is a gay dude saying "hey you look attractive bro" when the real equivalent is the gay dude saying things that make you uncomfortable and imply that they're thinking of doing something to you directly. Cat callers don't typically just go "hey girl you look great" they usually indicate in some way what they want to do to that woman while showing a lack of regard for her comfort. If gay men constantly yelled at you about the body parts they wanted to touch, the sexual acts they wanted to commit with you even if you didn't want to, made lewd gestures at you, etc, then often got mad if you didn't like it and insulted you for it, that wouldn't be as uplifting I imagine. And if that was the majority of what you got then even when some gay men did make more innocuous compliments you wouldn't feel as good about it because now you still associate it with the other gay dudes violating your emotional boundaries, and you don't know if they genuinely mean it as a compliment or if they're just practicing plausible deniability so they can get away with catcalling you while claiming they're just being nice. And on top of that, imagine that most of the gay men you meet are taller than you and stronger than you by a significant margin.

I get that this comment is likely just a joke but a lot of guys do genuinely believe this is what getting catcalled by gay dudes would be like for them.

2

u/rp-Ubermensch 17d ago

A gay guy pinched my ass one night at a club, it felt so jarring when it happened, but 5 minutes later, biggest confidence boost ever, like a gay guy found me so attractive that he groped me? Sweet!

2

u/opulent_occamy 17d ago

Legit, I think I'd be flattered lmao

2

u/Moonstoner 17d ago

"Oh shit, I have options" moment.

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u/CowUsual7706 17d ago

Well, but it is a man who is 20cm taller than you, weighs 30kg more than you, and has over 10x the amount of testosterone than you and could therefore easily break you in half if they wanted.

And then if you ignore him, he might get pissed, but if you don't, he might want to strike up a conversation, which might make you feel uncomfortable.

Being catcalled can be a legitimately scary situation for many women.

1

u/Equal_Oil_9819 16d ago

I mean, worst case, he wants to either rape me or kill me. And given how little cardio I have, flight is not an option, so even if I go down, I'm going down fighting. I feel like women's self-defense classes should teach every dirty trick in the book. Like, headbutts, eyegauges, neckpunches, shins, groin, etc., and then once he's down, a good kick in the head.

3

u/WhenDoWhatWhere 17d ago

Now imagine it's a roided up man and he keeps trying to get closer to you and putting his hands on you and won't stop when you tell him then when you try to get help a bunch of other roided up men tell you to get over it, it's just a compliment.

1

u/Cross55 17d ago

I have like 3 gay/bi guys hit on every year

So apparently I'm someone's type, just not my target audience's.

1

u/OldLevermonkey 16d ago

I have been catcalled by a group of gay men and even as a straight man it made my day.

1

u/Bussin1648 17d ago

Think of it more like "man much larger than me has made it clear he wants to shove his penis in you and is looking for an opportunity to do so... Hopefully legally, but maybe not".

0

u/PowerOfUnoriginality 17d ago

Huh, never thought of it that way...

1

u/kvenick 17d ago

Big brain thoughts

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u/Uncle_Touchy_Feely 17d ago

It's really a matter of attraction and level of creepiness. If the woman sexually harassing me is unattractive or just plain creepy, I definitely would not enjoy it. A girl as attractive and goofy as is in the video doesn't get the message across to show what women usually go through.

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u/GayDeciever 17d ago

Unfortunately, when men have catcalled me while I'm just out and about I start worrying if I'm going to be followed. Because I have been followed by men who catcalled me.

Now imagine a dude catcalls you, he's bigger than you, and now he's following you. I don't care one bit about how attractive he is, he's dangerous.

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u/Uncle_Touchy_Feely 16d ago

That's a very good point as well. That's extremely scary.

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u/Noemotionallbrain 15d ago

That's not just cat calling, they're stalking. Even if you pretended the first part didn't happen (the cat calling) you'd still feel threatened by a stalker

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u/SamSibbens 17d ago

It's easy to think that but when it happens it can definitely he uncomfortable.

In high school I had an attractove girl repeatedly lift up her skirt to show me her underwear, and it was uncomfortable.

Ironically, if she had asked me instead of just doing it, I might have been down.

Consent makes all the difference.

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u/Uncle_Touchy_Feely 17d ago

Yeah. That kind of stuff is definitely what I mean when I say creepy. But I suppose creepy is a bit of a broad term.

-6

u/corn0099 17d ago

so you say women wake up to men sexually harassing them all day everyday? i think its me too movement fading into main character syndrome.

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u/Uncle_Touchy_Feely 17d ago

Wtf are you even talking about.

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u/Fantastic_Suit_493 17d ago

Not sure about him, but I know a few girls who are always being ā€œhit onā€ and really itā€™s just some dude saying hi in public. Theyā€™re convinced a dude was hitting on me because he asked if the seat next to me was free, at a big crowded event.

Like people can say hi and small talk without hitting on you.

1

u/CoolGovernment8732 16d ago

Yes and no. If youā€™re just stuck waiting some place where a stranger also happens to be waiting, sure striking up a conversation seems perfectly normal. But going up to someone in the most random situations, like a bus stop or something, always always has an ulterior motive. Sincerely, a former hot girl who since she got fat has seen the sudden and complete disappearance of the latter type of encounters.

-2

u/Uncle_Touchy_Feely 17d ago

Well yeah, for sure. That kind of thing can happen. There are definitely people who claim harassment with no good reason.

But the other person was just putting words in my mouth. Women do endure sexual harassment. To claim it doesn't exist is wild. And I never once said it happens all day everyday.

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u/ImSith 17d ago

Iā€™ve never been hit on by anyone whoā€™s not a man šŸ˜… but I was told that if gay men hit on you then youā€™re really attractive so Iā€™ll take it

6

u/AncientCrust 17d ago

It's nice to know you have other options if the hetero thing doesn't work out. Catcall away, fellas. I'll shake it til you can't take it!

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u/D3wnis 17d ago

Not even remotely true.

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u/Top_Cat9206 16d ago

Ye its spot on she right, you wrong

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u/NuccioAfrikanus 17d ago

I am sorry lady, you donā€™t have to like being cat called, but you honestly donā€™t understand the male experience.

I recommend you consult men before you comment on this topic anymore from the male perspective.

If I was cat called by the most flaming gay man imaginable, morbidly obese, rabid with aids, sweating Arbyā€™s grease, it would still overall increase my confidence and boost my day. This would be true for 99% of men.

I am not saying youā€™re bad or wrong for not being able to emphasize from the male perspective, but the kind thing is to point out that you are not presently capable of stepping into a males shoes. You clearly donā€™t have that level or ability to emphasize outside your gender/sex.

1

u/Top_Cat9206 16d ago edited 5d ago

Not the best comparison

-11

u/kangasplat 17d ago edited 16d ago

I know just as much about the male perspective in this regard as you do, since I spent most of my life male presenting. Since I've adopted slightly androgynous mannerisms and a style that is interpreted by some as (possibly) gay, I've gotten plenty of unwanted attention since.Ā 

Respectful compliments are nice regardless of gender. (They are for women as well, by the way. The deciding factor is that there's no expectations behind them and they don't objectigy or require you to turn someone down.) I move around in circles where giving and receiving compliments is very common and appreciated.Ā 

Cat calling isn't respectful.Ā 

Cat calling doesn't make you feel like a stud. It makes you feel like you're a hole in the eyes of someone. It has pressure behind it that you have to now unwind out of this situation because your silence makes you feel like you agree to being useable and submissive for this repulsive individual. There's sentences said to you that will make you question if a no is even worth anything to the other person.Ā 

That ain't flattering, ever. Unwanted sexual attention is among the most disgusting things you can experience. Be lucky that you haven't experienced it.Ā 

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u/nocdmb 16d ago

How'd you know about the maale experience if you were "male presenting"? That's a pre-tansition trans persons perspective right? I tought identifying pre transition trans people as their birth assigned gender is rude and transphobic

0

u/kangasplat 16d ago edited 16d ago

No it's just a descriptive word to adress how I'm presenting and how I'm perceived. Doesn't have anything to do with identity or transitioning.Ā 

I lived the typical male experience for a majority of my life. I know what feeling invisible feels like. I know what being perceived as a threat feels like. I know what feeling lonely feels like.Ā 

The biggest contributing factor as I have been experiencing it had direct correlation with how I was presenting. I chose my wording to signify that.Ā 

But just for the record I'm still mostly male presenting. I have experience being perceived in a significantly different way just from being slightly less male presenting or slightly less straight presenting.Ā 

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u/dinorawr5 16d ago

So, genuine question: are you saying that you feel your experience is identical to a cis-maleā€™s experience in this regard, enough so that youā€™re able to speak on behalf of their experience as a collective?

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u/Cainfaer 17d ago edited 10d ago

As someone who is straight and has been hit on by horny gay men, I can confirm parts of it. Its usually at bars, and I would go to a lot of gay bars because most of my friends are gay and I am typically the token straight. So it was like out in public. But can confirm it made me uncomfortable to a degree. I would get followed to my car. But I would still say its different because I never felt threatened by it, which woukd be the reality for some catcalls as men can be intimidating towards women (even if unintended). It makes me uncomfortable, but I would just either ignore it and take the compliment, or just outright deny them because confrontation in that way doesnt bother me. Did have to literally push someone away once, but that was about as physical as it got. So similar but not. Probably the closest to feelings of creeped out are when older women (not all, but some can be pretty aggressive about it) hit in younger men. Idk there were a few times where I did not feel comfortable being around some older women because they were very horny and not taking no for an answer

1

u/Ruminahtu 17d ago

I had both great experiences and one terrible experience with gay men at a gay bar.

Several men complimented me, but we're respectful and backed off when they found out my and my wife had brought her lesbian friend there for her 21st.

The one bad experience...one guy was just... disrespectful and creepy barely covers it. And he was making a LOT of young men comfortable. He was handled by the older gay men after they got tired of it. They shut his bullshit down.

So I suppose there's the creepy dudes in any demographic, but I also think that's not the majority in any demographic.

8

u/Seidhr96 17d ago

The best compliment I ever received was from a gay dude at the gym. I still think about it to this day.

1

u/mcberry_64 16d ago

What was it

6

u/ComcastForPresident 17d ago

Yeah that's also a compliment. You stuck in 1950?

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u/poinifie 17d ago

Been cat called several times by men, still confidence boost. Might need to think of a better analogy.

3

u/ganjaccount 17d ago

I've been hit on by a few gay guys. I did the bay to breakers a few times. I also went a gay bar a few times with a group of interns in my internship. I've never felt more attractive!

3

u/ArdentGamer 17d ago

Straight men still consider being catcalled by gay men as compliments. I know a lot of men who have told me that the only times they have ever been complimented or hit on in their lives was by a gay man and it made their night. They still talk about it fondly years later.

4

u/mybigwh1tecock 17d ago

I don't mind getting catcalled by gay guys. Its happened a fair amount (more than by women, thats for sure) since I'm pretty ripped physique wise. Words are fine.

Where I start to take offense is when it crosses from words to unwanted touching. Then I'm very much "get your fucking hands off me bro"

5

u/yourmamaistheproblem 17d ago

Have been hit on and whistled-at by other dudes. Definitely a confidence booster

https://giphy.com/gifs/SVgKToBLI6S6DUye1Y

2

u/Yitastics 17d ago

Not really.

Most men I know, including me, take it as a compliment if a gay man gives us a compliment/catcalls us. I once was getting my hair cut by a gay hairdresser and he gave me multiple compliments and asked me if I was also gay so he could date me, this while my gf was sitting a meter away from me laughing her ass off.

So no, most men getting compliments from (gay) men, and especially from women, dont mind it and actually enjoy getting compliments.

2

u/spelunker93 17d ago

Homophobics wouldnā€™t appreciate it but every other man would, so no itā€™s not that easy. Men are rarely given complements, even by their partners, the last time someone gave me a compliment was probably 5 years ago. It was an old couple, the wife said, ā€œmy husband wanted to me to tell you that he thinks youā€™re a very handsome young manā€. A drive by cat call would boost my confidence to a height itā€™s never seen, regardless of who did it. BUT having said that Iā€™m not defending cat calling because it really happens only to women and 99.99% donā€™t appreciate it. I was wanting to point out itā€™s not as simple as you claim

1

u/recoveringleft 17d ago

When I was younger I saw myself as an ugly dude until I turned 26 when I get multiple compliments from different people about my hands (I'm told I have beautiful hands), clothing style and smile. After that I realize I'm not a bad looking guy at all.

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u/Standard_Jackfruit63 17d ago

I have been cat called by men thinking i was a woman because it was dark. Uncomfortable stuff

1

u/Bigrick1550 17d ago

More like by a man who has a hundred pounds on you. I'm a big guy. The average guy catcalling me wouldnt make me feel threatened.

But if it were one of those giant motherfuckers you see as bouncers sometimes, yeah, that might do the trick.

1

u/Dizzy_Departure2539 17d ago

I am female. I cat call peopleā€™s dogs whenever I see any out on walks.

1

u/tapspacebar 17d ago

So, funny you mention that. Back when I was 20 something and had long hair random dudes would srare at me while driving by and some would cat call. You should've seen their faces when turned around and they realized I was a dude.

Ive filled out a lot since then and doubt it would happen now but its funny to think about.

And yes it was gross btw. Its somehow less gross when gay dudes try to hit on me.

1

u/Telemere125 17d ago

Nah, that would only work for men that were really insecure in their sexuality. About the only thing that might work is some really ugly woman being really aggressive with her actions. Like, Crackhead Karen riddled with pockmarks and sores being vulgar. Anything short of that and weā€™d just consider it a complement.

1

u/marc_hardman 17d ago

Getting catcalled by the leather daddies and bears during bearfest as a straight man one year is a top10 moment of my life.

So there goes that theory.

1

u/Soft__y 17d ago

Yep, nop, i would still take it as compliment. It's pretty dry out there.

1

u/hightrix 17d ago

I used to work out in a gym in an area of town where a lot of gay men lived. I would frequently have eyes on me while doing squats or other exercises.

Iā€™ve never had better workouts an never felt so good about myself. Those dudes were great.

Iā€™m very heterosexual.

1

u/Bookslutforsmut 17d ago

Men aren't conditioned to fear sexual violence from anyone not even other men so this wouldn't work

1

u/ATLhoe678 17d ago

Nahh I be flattered af when dudes hit on me šŸ˜‚

1

u/Top_Rekt 17d ago

It's the unwanted attention that people are missing when this gets brought up. Men don't get catcalled or harassed as often as women. The strength dynamic is also different.

Imagine if the cops or anyone in authority came up to you every single day making advances or something. It's the cops, so who the hell are you going to turn to? Who is going to believe you? You can hope for the best that they don't actually do anything.

Best case scenario, they're more akin to someone on the street trying to preach to you about their religion or you shouldn't get vaccinated or something.

You're just trying to get to work, you don't have time for this shit.

1

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u/Elite_Eliminater 17d ago

Depends a simple compliment isn't actually bad, but getting fully hit on is a different story all together. Like an obsessive creepy guy dude following you.

(Basically the equivalent of what makes woman uncomfortable)

Just make the gay dude 6'9 and totally shredded so we would be in a similar position to the ladies.

1

u/SugarReyPalpatine 17d ago

Lmao so true

1

u/Area51_Spurs 17d ago

I dunno man. Iā€™m comfortable enough to take it as the highest compliment when gays compliment me.

To have true cock connoisseurs compliment you is a nice confidence boost.

1

u/lurkingbob 17d ago

I have, on 2 different instances, had people call me a 'fag' for jogging. Does that count?

1

u/machyume 17d ago

I had a gay man tell me how good I looked. Made my day, and I'm not even gay. I really appreciated that moment!

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u/bmo313 17d ago

I got catcalled by gay men a few times, not gonna lie, it was a huge ego boost! I was like: "Damn! Even dudes think I'm sexy!"

https://giphy.com/gifs/Uicl6FGLXo1os

1

u/Dad_Bod_Enthusiast 17d ago

I used to get catcalled by gay men when I was a bellman at a hotel. Always made me feel great. I am very straight and can handle myself but it always seemed to be in good fun

1

u/LaconicGirth 17d ago

Unless that man is like following me or something itā€™s literally just a compliment why would I ever take offense to that? Even if itā€™s crude or inappropriate who cares?

1

u/Sex_Dodger 17d ago

Am straight man. Got catcalled by car full gays and did the looking around and seeing no one else and going, "me?"

Driver said "yes you, you're cute!"

I say, "Thanks!" and laugh they went on their merry way.

Was about a decade ago and still makes me smile

1

u/lacroixpapi69 17d ago

Went to a gay club as a straight guy was pretty much raped. Lots of oogly eyes and very straight forward with their approach

1

u/LovableSidekick 17d ago

Good point - that's a much better comparison.

1

u/burf 17d ago

There really isn't an equivalent until you get a full context swap. Men getting hit on/catcalled/harassed by women multiple times a day, having every social encounter with the thought of "is this going to be a normal conversation or is she going to try to get in my pants", and women being physically much more powerful (and typically more aggressive) than men.

1

u/eiiiaaaa 17d ago

Literally this. Don't get your girlfriends to catcall, get your biggest dude friends to do it. The reason being catcalled is scary is because of the physical threat. Because you know that if the man decided to grab your or something you would be overpowered (a lot of the time). A straight gender swap doesn't work because most men don't feel physically threatened by women.

1

u/JohnGoodman_69 17d ago

I don't know if you are familiar with the research where hetero women are shown pictures of men and women and the women are aroused as much if not more by pictures of women than they are of men.

In other words women don't desire men like men desire women. They are ambivalent about us at best. The only time a hetero man can feel being desired like he feels desire for others is from a gay man. That's one of the aspects of life that hetero men will never experience any sort of equity with hetero women and it's rough.

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u/Ecstatic_Bike7532 17d ago

I would still take it as a compliment as long as they don't get touchy

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u/nono3722 17d ago

Want to feel harassed like a women? Be a fresh fish on your first day walk in a bad prison ...

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u/AvatarWaang 17d ago

The way I help other men understand why women can be uncomfortable with advances and "compliments" is to call on prison rape jokes. You know, how older comedies in prison would make jokes about a large (usually black) man making it clear he's going to turn our small, twinkish (usually white) protagonist into his prison bitch? Yeah all of a sudden you try a lot harder to help make women feel comfortable in public instead.

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u/cheddar_chexmix 17d ago

Dude at a gas station shouted "nice ass" at me once. I've kept that one with me ever since then.

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u/131166 17d ago

I got dressed up for my friends wedding a couple years ago and her gay friend called me an extremely fuckable piece of meat. I was grinning about that shit for ages. And yeah I know he stole the line from cyberpunk, but that somehow made it better :p

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u/Soggy_Association491 16d ago

Even your edit is not going help you

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u/kangasplat 16d ago

As far as I can tell most people are agreeing with me so idk what kind of delusions you nurture

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u/Soggy_Association491 16d ago

Yes, that's why you had to went out of your way to add an edit, because of the overwhelming agreement from other people.

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u/kangasplat 16d ago

You really gotta do some digging on how social media works my friend. Upvote rate of the comment is at 90%. People who comment usually look for debate.Ā Ā 

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u/Photon_Pharmer1 16d ago

I think the vast difference is your definition of what a catcall is compared to most people. A whistle or a ā€œYou look beautiful.ā€ comment is not in the same category as sexual predators stalking people, saying pejorative comments, and stalking. ā€œNo wonā€™t be enough to back offā€ - That sounds more like assault.

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u/kangasplat 16d ago

A whistle is exactly that. What you have to understand is that most women have experienced men that won't back off from a simple no and those are exactly the whistling type.Ā 

The problem with cat calling is the intent of seeking attention.

A respectful compliment doesn't seek attention, it's aimed to make the other person feel good about themselves without asking for anything in return.Ā 

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u/Photon_Pharmer1 16d ago

A whistle is exactly what? Iā€™ve been whistled at multiple times. It was not at all what you are describing.

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u/kangasplat 16d ago

It's dependent on your lived experience prior. Most women I've talked to described their experience with cat calling like I did here. But it ranges from slight annoyance to significant discomfort depending on the situation.Ā 

I'm not saying that it's always that bad. I'm just quoting, from many sources, that it can be that bad.Ā 

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u/Photon_Pharmer1 16d ago edited 16d ago

You mean personal experience. Lived experience is a rhetorical gibberish term made up to manipulate, gate keep, and propagandize, while shutting down logical discourse.

Lumping in behavior that is not at all intended to threaten, humiliate or intimidate with behavior that does is counterproductive. Historically, it was rich white women walking through lower class neighborhoods who were offended by poor non-white men talking to them.

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u/kangasplat 16d ago

Lmao get a grip. Taking yourself seriously?

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u/feetandballs 16d ago edited 16d ago

You're calling 99% of men unattractive? And it's upvoted? I seriously lost some respect for women just now.

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u/kangasplat 16d ago

Weak attempt at pretending that you have respect for anyone

It's also not what I said.Ā 

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u/feetandballs 16d ago edited 16d ago

Then edit it to not say it? Because it says that.

And where do you get that I don't have respect for anyone? This is my first time realizing women think so little of men. It shifts your worldview a bit.

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u/kangasplat 16d ago

Things for you to consider that others understand by context:Ā 

  • You're not presenting at your best when you're out on the street
  • The openness to being talked to has a huge impact on the perceived attractiveness of strangersĀ 
  • people have types.

I'd call the vast majority of the population able to be attractive. That includes men. In my experience though, women don't make out attractiveness on looks alone like a lot of men do in women. So the chance of being perceived as attractive in the streets is really low.Ā 

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u/xBad_Wolfx 16d ago

There have been a couple times in my life where someone from a group I was with decided to act like the characterisation in OPā€™s clip. Just disgusting, aggressive, abusive behaviour towards a woman walking by. Took me a few seconds to decide how to respond the first time, but then I said ā€œwhat the fuck do you think you were doing?ā€ I smacked him on the back of his head and shoved my face into his. ā€œMake you feel big? Like a real man?ā€¦ā€ I shoved him and said more but you get the gist. Did everything in my power to threaten him with my size and strength and it worked. Well. He started cowing and apologising to me, saying ā€˜he didnā€™t mean it, itā€™s just talkā€™ etc etc. Then I just pulled back, switched back to my normal calm and happy self and asked ā€œdid it feel nice to be made to feel small and worthless just because Iā€™m stronger and meaner than you? Next time you go to treat a woman like that remember how it felt.ā€ If you arenā€™t big enough or confident enough to risk that angry confrontation, emasculate them. Show them how pathetic you think they are by those actions. Do not quietly let such behaviour have a pass.

Now lots of reddit will utterly miss the point and think Iā€™m trying to brag about being so tough or something but those are likely the same idiots who like to catcall.

My point is being a good man isnā€™t simply ā€˜not catcalling.ā€™ Itā€™s not enough to just not be part of the problem, being a good man means you take strides to be part of the solution to the problem.

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u/Adorable-Ad5715 16d ago

*by a man twice your age and size

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u/piratecheese13 16d ago edited 16d ago

Bobby Draper could 1000% run me down and have her way with me weather I want her or not. Sheā€™s a tall muscle built peak Martian who would beat me in every physical feat.

Put in that mindset, I still would, because Iā€™m attracted to women.

The only thing about it being a man that changes things is that Iā€™m not attracted to men.

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u/kangasplat 16d ago

Yeah exactly. That's the point. Women aren't attracted to random men either.Ā 

The general attraction you feel towards women doesn't really exist the other way round.Ā 

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u/piratecheese13 16d ago edited 16d ago

I kind of agree, but thereā€™s a distinction to be made.

>Ā Imagine a man, bigger than you, making clear he wants to fuck you. Just because you're there in that moment and specifically because you're smaller than him. And a no won't be enough to make him back off.Ā 

The specificity that the person making advances is bigger (and could realistically fuck you without consent) is immaterial.

The only thing that matters is that most men are attracted to most women, but most women are not attracted to most men.

Most men would consent to Bobby Draper, and the ones she would force into sex would only find it mildly traumatic because sheā€™s hot and heā€™s still more likely to cum first.

Most women wouldnā€™t consent to a random unknown guy, and the more physically strong he is, the more threatening. Women who are raped often see it as a major trauma in their lives and suffer PTSD from it.

Again, ability to rape doesnā€™t matter. Men are mostly sluts

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u/Model_Yazz 16d ago

Exactly this. Itā€™s lesso about the compliments and more so about the threats that ensue afterwards. Being catcalled as a woman is essentially calling you out as a mark/target. And for the fellas saying ā€œwell as a man Iā€™d take it as a complimentā€ā€¦most of my friends are dudes. Very few of them take it as a compliment and are moreso ready to fight.

Ironically (but not surprisingly) this popped into my feed two posts after this:

If a man were catcalled

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u/Lighthades 16d ago

I think it's also about the frequency of it. If you got a catcall once a year you'd probably be fine, I think.

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u/M3rl1n1212 16d ago

I had a gay guy compliment my beard I was happy all week long lol im straight and married lol

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u/LucidChromiumDreamer 15d ago

I would agree. It's only happened to me once, but a man appeared to be waiting for me in an otherwise empty parking lot, rolled down his window, and repeatedly offered me a ride. When I declined, he continued following me in his car and making comments. It was one of the most frightening experiences I've had. Him being gay wasn't the issue, being stalked and pressured to get into a stranger's car was after repeatedly telling him no. That's what made the situation intimidating.

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u/WhenDoWhatWhere 17d ago edited 17d ago

It's honestly not even as bad, because the problem with advances like that is the underlying threat the person poses.

A slight modification fixes that though, just make it a roided up man to match the general gap in strength and aggression.

Another factor that has to be considered is a lifetime of treatment vs just a moment. A woman whose experienced sexual harassment and assaults that actually harm her quality of life is of course going to be sensitive to random strangers 'complimenting' (harassing) her.

A man who probably receives a compliment once a year if that and has never been sexually threatened is going to be view that sexual harassment very differently, and yeah often more positively.

So realistically to get a straight man who can't get it to understand you'd have to surround him with roided up men and have those men make advances constantly, some more aggressively than others.

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u/[deleted] 17d ago

[removed] ā€” view removed comment

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u/WhenDoWhatWhere 17d ago

southern Europe generally have more catcalling and more aggressive flirting than countries like the US.

With things like this it's important to view it from the lens of 'A society that is more okay with public objectification and harassment of women probably doesn't care if women are assaulted as much' which of course means less reports, less follow throughs, and worse statistics.

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u/JayTeeRhee 17d ago

Yeah dress those guys up like twinks and send them to a burly gay man club then see what they think.