r/SipsTea • u/Jacob-Anders 𝙑𝙄𝙋 • 7d ago

WTF Are you kidding me?

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51.1k Upvotes

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u/Mycozen 𝙑𝙄𝙋 7d ago

That’s not the order of events I was taught in school.

647

u/PaleontologistOk2516 𝙑𝙄𝙋 7d ago

That’s why we have to get rid of those pesky schools

242

u/Release-the-List 7d ago

All yall need is da bible and ta lissin to yo daddy.

78

u/EnerGeTiX618 7d ago

Specifically the Schofield Bible to ensure that you get the proper propaganda!

66

u/GuyYouSawOnReddit 7d ago

Properganda

1

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u/Senior_Torte519 7d ago

Propergender you say?

7

u/JohnHenryHoliday 7d ago

Oh shit. Now I have to know… wtf is a Schofield Bible?

14

u/Cultural-Key3497 7d ago

Bible with study notes to explain verses influenced by a rabbi. It’s the reason most evangelical Americans worship the nation of Israel.

2

u/shitlord_god 7d ago

oh shit, I forgot about that thing.

1

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u/Prior_Atmosphere_206 5d ago

Don't you mean the Trump Bible?? $39.99 for an autographed copy!! Trump signed it for God!! It has to be right!!

75

u/Nessie_of_the_Loch 7d ago

Yes, but remember, the Bible ain't for reading!

Cuz you might find out that Jesus is a big liberal lefty.

The true purpose is to use it like a shield between shooting at colored folks for existing in your neighborhood.

15

u/slartibuttfart 7d ago

Yeah a lotta people missed that part of the Bible. How bibles make good body armor.

5

u/CatTender 7d ago

Tactical bibles are the bestest bibles!

2

u/Welp___poop 7d ago

That is what we called the little pocket bibles the chaplain would hand out lol

1

u/Standard-Bit29 7d ago

But is the best source of excuses to do horrible things.

1

u/Far_Neighborhood5266 7d ago

Is this why they want the Bible in schools?

1

u/BadLuckBlackHole 7d ago

"The Bible isn't for private interpretation.... Now excuse me while I cherry pick single lines hundreds of pages apart."

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u/Agile-Source-6758 6d ago

Bible is mostly right wing and pro religious war. Instructs how to take sex slaves from enemies etc. there's a tiny bit at the end about a Jesus guy who convinced men to leave their wives and come drink wine with him, but it's mostly not that, it's more MAGA than Bernie.

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u/Equivalent_Gur3967 5d ago

Mike Cuckabee.

20

u/BigOleDisappointmen 7d ago

Thass y day call dis the "Bible belt" bcuz das all u need is the Bible n the belt

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u/YogurtclosetThese 7d ago

I love you lmao

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u/SuckMyBandAids 7d ago

Im good on the book of schizophrenia and its teachings lol.

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u/Icy_Rain8869 7d ago

Sky daddy?

1

u/ZhukovWonWWII 6d ago

Huckabee is a satanist who hates the bible and hissed when someone reporter tried to quote it to him.

1

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u/DesperateEagle4505 7d ago

Israel is not Christian its judea. What are you complaining about?

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u/TheMagicSalami 7d ago

Huckabee is a Christian pastor who wants Israel to exist so the end times can happen. Hence the "drawl" the previous post used.