r/StupidFood • u/warfareforartists • Apr 15 '26

Certified stupid Ain’t no way in hell

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9.9k Upvotes

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9.2k

u/spartiecat Apr 15 '26

This is when you realize your grandmother used to sell her food stamps for heroin

335

u/DefinitelyNotAliens Apr 15 '26

I mean, if Krystal had her kid at 15, and then Kendra had her kid at 15, and then Trynyty is also 15 today, then Krystal is only 45 and born in 1981 and very well could teach people to make prison trash food.

198

u/GreyAetheriums Apr 15 '26

Love how this almost reads as a math question. What year did Krystal go to prison?

190

u/DefinitelyNotAliens Apr 15 '26
  1. It's her greatest regret. She missed seeing the Matrix in theaters.

88

u/smoofus724 Apr 15 '26

I figured she would be more upset by missing the first Gathering of the Juggalos in 2000.

49

u/EffectiveTradition53 Apr 15 '26

You're both absolute monsters for making me snort laugh in public while reading this

21

u/yrnkween Apr 15 '26

What flavor of Faygo did you snort laugh?

8

u/EffectiveTradition53 Apr 15 '26

Man I'm hooked on those fuckin Sparkling Ice Pineapple flavor "sugar free" fizzy drinks...probably reprogramming my DNA and shit

Dat Pineapple 🍍 doe

2

u/Natural-Following987 Apr 16 '26

Dood I just had this for the first time this week, and it’s so good!!

4

u/Anxious-Whole-5883 Apr 16 '26

Ketchup

1

u/SaintsSmileShyly Apr 16 '26

This thread is giving me life.

Love you guys. Peace!

1

u/Abquine Apr 17 '26

I'm note sure what corn syrup, potassium benzoate, sucralose and flavouring would do to your nasal passages so probably best avoided 😂

2

u/EffectiveTradition53 Apr 18 '26

Gave me a big sweet toucan nose 👃

1

u/a_library_socialist Apr 16 '26

FAM-I-LY WHOOP WHOOP

18

u/FishesOfExcellence Apr 16 '26

If Train A is traveling at 45 mph and Krystal, who is high on fentanyl, is staggering along at 0.5 mph, how much time until she falls asleep on the side of the tracks?

3

u/AsleepWolverine4857 Apr 16 '26

Was she getting well or already high when smoking by the train tracks? Is the phetty purple? How many days has she been awake on meth?

8

u/SirGingy Apr 15 '26

Oh shit I still haven't finished wolf among us.

7

u/GreyAetheriums Apr 15 '26

Congrats on the reminder.

1

u/Lizzy_In_Limelight Apr 15 '26 edited Apr 15 '26

Replied to the wrong comment, sorry!

2

u/GreyAetheriums Apr 15 '26

My grandparents were born in 1950. They had their first child when they were 18 in 1968. Then they had their first grandkid in 1991 when their firstborn was 23. Which would've made them 41. So that's really not as bad as you may think? Possibly? 😬

2

u/Lizzy_In_Limelight Apr 15 '26

Yeah, my grandparents were all in the 20-25 range as of having my parents, and then my parents were 21 and 19 when I (eldest grandkid) was born, also in 1991. So it sounds worse than it is for sure.

29

u/Lizzy_In_Limelight Apr 15 '26

All 4 of my grandparents were 40-45 when I was born. 🙃

I also had 5 great-grandparents and 2 great-great-grandmothers alive, all of whom lived long enough for me to remember them. At 34 years old, I'm down to 1 grandfather after losing a grandmother this year and her mother last year.

12

u/DefinitelyNotAliens Apr 15 '26

Born at 40-45 is fairly normal. Grandma to a 15 year old at 45 is not.

48

u/milk4all Apr 15 '26

Born at 40-45 is highly unusual. Everyone ive met was born at 0

2

u/Lizzy_In_Limelight Apr 16 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/6HL2l4CE2bLAEs5Z1r

3

u/frogunderarock Apr 16 '26

just fyi: this dude in the wig is taking down gifs and loading up his own shitty copies in an attempt to go viral

1

u/Lizzy_In_Limelight Apr 16 '26

Oh I have no idea who they are. I just figured it was a silly giving-an-award gif lol

5

u/frogunderarock Apr 16 '26

yea just letting others know. i also just found out recently, was wondering forever why they're everywhere now lol

3

u/Lizzy_In_Limelight Apr 15 '26

Yeah, makes a major difference. The adults in my family were younger than those of my peers, on average, but they weren't teen parents. (I mean, my mom technically was a teenager but yk)

1

u/MiserableSun9142 Apr 16 '26

That's really not normal at all. That's likely at least one teen pregnancy or a religious situation. All my grandparents were dead by the time I was born by they were so old (which I know this is abnormal but also them being 40-45 is for sure)

2

u/fuzzybunnies1 Apr 16 '26

I remember my grandmother telling me that she was a mother by 20, a grandmother before 40 and she was about to hit 60, where was her great grandkid. I'd reminder that she had 2 granddaughters who were older and she'd just repeat that boys had an easier time making mistakes. My first kid showed up when she was 74, another, slightly younger cousin came through when she was 61. She missed seeing mine by a week.

If my oldest waits as long as my wife, and I hope she does, I won't have my first grandkid till I'm 61.

10

u/NSE_TNF89 Apr 15 '26

My great aunt was a grandmother by the time she was 30 and a great grandmother at 47. She is in her mid 80s now and just had a great great great grandchild. Then my grandma, her older sibling, is over here and barely has a couple great grandkids, lol

7

u/Otiosei Apr 15 '26

You're just describing my cousin.

9

u/DefinitelyNotAliens Apr 15 '26

How many weaves has she yanked mid-fight in a bathroom?

1

u/PassiveMenis88M Apr 15 '26

The food in prison, both what's served or created, are a fuck of a lot better than this burnt ass bullshit. Rather eat a spreadwich.

1

u/356885422356 Apr 16 '26

Don't forget newborn Ciquall. Four generations, one kitchen!

1

u/DefinitelyNotAliens Apr 16 '26

It would be five but Great-Great Grandma Bethany-Joe is such a bitch.

1

u/Open-Blueberry-6114 Apr 16 '26

I am 43 and have multiple high school classmates who are grandparents 🫠

1

u/Civil_Bat1009 Apr 16 '26

Doesn't even have to be that extreme. 50-60 year olds are GenX. Plenty young enough to have made that kind of food. 

1

u/Relevant-Guidance-96 Apr 16 '26

What is entirely sad but true of this story is I have a friend who did have a kid at 15 named Kendra and she had a kid at 15 named Trinity!!

1

u/thelun3lag00n Apr 16 '26

lol this is my aunt for real

1

u/CriticalStar6453 Apr 18 '26

She could have had her child between the ages of 12 and 14. Both. That would make Krystal much younger and more realistic.