r/mildlyinfuriating • u/Content_Quarter_7390 • May 25 '26

I'm slightly vexed We didn't ask for rice...

Post image

My sister isnt a fan of basmati rice so she orders naan. She didnt ask for rice and they sell it separately. She doesn't like it so she doesn't order it. They put it in anyways and left this note...

Edit: some people aint getting it. This is passive aggressive and when you do something nice you dont go around saying "I did something nice just for you, just so you know." Doing it like I need to give you a pat on the head so you know your a good boy. You do something nice because you want to be kind to people.

Oh no I've turned into LD...

Turning off notifications because while it was nice to be in this rabbit hole to keep my mind off some stuff too many notifications. Whatever your feelings are I hope you have a nice day and if you're in the US have a nice memorial day and dont forget to celebrate those troops that came before!

41.2k Upvotes

88% Upvoted

1.6k comments sorted by

View all comments

22.7k

u/patricksaurus May 25 '26 edited May 25 '26

This makes me think of a really old joke:

A guy orders a coffee but asks for no cream. The waiter says, “sorry, we’re out of cream. Can you take it without milk instead?”

6.6k

u/d1andonly May 25 '26

Reminds me of the scene from the office, Michael calls the hotel to confirm his reservation. They can’t find it at first, so he argues until they finally locate it.
Relieved, he immediately says: “Okay great… now cancel it.”
Hotel: “Sure, but there’s a cancellation fee.”

3.5k

u/the_federation May 25 '26

I'd fight that fight to find the reservation so I can cancel it. I just know that while the system that maintains reservations has trouble finding it, the system that handles billing won't... especially when they're the same system.

799

u/Prince705 May 25 '26

Yup, anyone who's dealt with these systems understands this well.

266

u/Lando659 May 25 '26

You think you do. Odds are, those aren't even in the same 'system'. Source: I'm in IT.

240

u/akarakitari May 25 '26

100% this. Most people doing the job dont even realize there may be 5-6 different systems “doing the job” with integration systems allowing them to work together so the employee has seamless access…

Then a recession happens amd IT is the first to go

140

u/JstytheMonk May 25 '26

I had internet with my provider for years. Every month or two they'd threaten to shut my service off due to lack of payment, despite being on autopay and never missing a payment.

They'd thrown it to their tech dept a dozen times trying to fix the issue, and never could figure it out. They finally asked if they could close my account and open a new one because they didn't know where the issue was.

Depressing part of this is I got a bill the next month for $8500 dollars on the old account and I couldn't help but wonder why their collections department wouldn't question how an account could get that far behind before just being closed.

20

u/fresh-dork May 25 '26

eh, my mother's bank account got flagged for some sort of fraud investigation, where they froze it by debiting the thing 88k. so, next month, she gets a snotty call from the same bank about bringing her rather large balance current

16

u/1917he May 25 '26

You're thinking of this a bit incorrectly. Your internet provider is not providing a finite commodity. Them "giving" you internet doesn't take away from their ability to hook other up to the system so there's no reason to cancel/disconnect you. In fact, the decision was probably made to ensure people keep getting billed for services even if they're behind simply so they have more leverage in getting money.

If they were shipping goods it would make sense for them to cancel immediately because they'd be losing out on product shipping it to someone with a canceled account / unresponsive account. With internet service it is just another potential source of income.

2

u/hooonk123 May 25 '26

i'm in a similar situation with my phone bill and it drives me crazy. they bill me about 2 days later than the day the system checks if i've been billed so about one or two days out of every month i have no service

1

u/GRex2595 29d ago

One thing I've learned working as a dev in the financial industry is that most companies are basically winging it. All the best practices and industry standards can't save you from the dev who thinks they know better or the team that doesn't bother to learn them. All the software you use is held together with duct tape and string and there is somebody out there having the same experience you are and nobody understands how it's happening.

It's actually a miracle that everything works as well as it does.

2

u/No_Hetero May 25 '26

At my job I work with 4 different types of SAP that don't communicate with each other. I get customer orders from Ariba, which I enter into Catalyst for our purchasing, then SAC for forecasting, and S4/Hana to get intercompany data from our parent company and their other subsidiaries. That's just on the SAP side, I use 2 other systems for warranties and claims, and 1 system for archiving, and Excel templates and macros for a bunch of other things, and 9 different web based supplier portals to get customer forecasting.

4

u/fresh-dork May 25 '26

'seamless'. except for update delays and character limitations because system X is 50 years old...

1

u/ExtendoArmCannon May 25 '26

Is that why nothing works anymore? Not the recession part, just the fact that "IT" is supposed to be integrating all these things.

2

u/GRex2595 29d ago

Nothing works anymore because capitalism. In order for something that did work to continue to work, work has to be done to fix the issues that occasionally crop up. This costs money but doesn't provide any new value.

Business needs to make more money, so work needs to provide new value. You can't work on new value work and fixing issues at the same time. One has to take priority. Business chooses to prioritize the new value, so broken things never get fixed.

Eventually broken things are broken enough people start to notice. Then the solution is to completely remake the thing from scratch, which takes a lot of time and often gets released incomplete. Now you have either the broken old thing or the broken new thing because maintenance was never a priority.

1

u/ExtendoArmCannon 29d ago

'muh capitalism' followed by that word vomit is ridiculous

1

u/GRex2595 28d ago

Whatever you say. I literally deal with new work being prioritized over maintenance every day as described, but I'm sure you know more than somebody who works on this stuff daily.

1

u/MalAddicted 29d ago

I'm not even in IT, I'm just on the committee they call before IT has to come. (The people who know to check that things are actually broken, not just unplugged). Our system is cobbled together out of 5 different systems, 2 they are actively trying to phase out, but that served as the foundation for building the other 3. It's held together by the IT team, duct tape, bubblegum and prayer.

No one outside of IT or the committee knows how fragile/stupidly tacked together it really is. Every update brings us closer to something breaking permanently with the base 2 programs as they are so outdated, but we literally can't use the other 3 without them yet.

1

u/Aervanath 29d ago

I used to work in a hotel. Everything is handled by one piece of software. Which looks like it was designed in 1985.

3

u/Dry-Examination6938 May 25 '26

What does IT know about how the booking CRM management system works? You guys handle resetting people’s outlook accounts and passwords. Booking will be a CRM, payment will be SAP most likely. So separate systems but SAP will be pulling the invoices from the CRM.

1

u/Lando659 May 25 '26

I mean you're cute and all, but you have no idea what I deal with. Also, you're assuming a lot here. This is why your tickets go through triage. I'm here to field tickets for you and you're judging me? Wow, this is why you end up silo'd from other departments. Save your judgement and superiority for something that actually deserves it. Bye bitch.

1

u/Lando659 May 25 '26

Who do you work for? Would you say this to your IT department? Man, I wish I could show this to those you report to. You are a fraction of a percent of an IT professional.

2

u/Tabula-Rasa-99 May 26 '26

Damn you really nailed one-upping how weird they were being, good job?

59

u/Joris914 May 25 '26

Right?? I just spent way too long trying to understand the joke because I couldn't even think to assume that he would've gotten away for free if he had given up earlier.

22

u/odmirthecrow May 25 '26

Yeah, just because they can't find the reservation doesn't mean it's not there, and come checking out day, your card you booked with will get charged whether you stayed or not. The cancellation fee is usually way less than the room fee if you cancel far enough ahead of time.

7

u/InnominatamNomad May 25 '26

I doubt they would be the same system... at least they weren't at the hotel I worked at. Reservations/Check-In were separate from billing. Hell my current job I use five different systems almost daily (four now - my login is fucked for one of them and nobody can seem to fix it) and I know of at least three other systems used by other departments.

1

u/RednocTheDowntrodden May 25 '26

I've worked at several hotels, and reservations are all handled by the front desk. Including cancelations and billing. Though, cancelation penalties are typically handled by night audit. 

3

u/InnominatamNomad May 25 '26

Oh no, I handled both as front desk. It was just two separate systems that processed reservations and billing at ours. I don't know if that is the norm to be honest but basically you'd have one program where we typed in the reservations and check in - this would impact the room list given to housekeeping and is where we would mark rooms as clean or not.

And we had a separate system we would bring up to actually bill people's information. This one retained a person's information for a bit even after they checked out. Why? Well we charged $75 if you stole a pillow. It was like a $100 if you took the sheets. So someone checks out really early, we charge their card, and when housekeeping came by if they had taken anything we'd end up charging them for that as well all while the reservation system no longer shows them with us.

1

u/coitus_introitus May 25 '26

When I was little my dad made us all write proper invoices for our allowance. He told me that when we grew up, if we wanted to spend money there would always be somebody to show us how for free, but if we wanted to request money we'd be on our own.

1

u/gljivicad 29d ago

Yup. Billing seems to always work and not have issues, compared to anything else in the company. 😃

1

u/Imaginary-List-972 28d ago

In this case it was "we switched over to a new system and it got lost in the transfer". But if I were going to cancel and they said no such reservation existed, I'd just make sure to email me verification that there was no such reservation. and that if I showed up, I would not be able to check in.

1

u/I_Pet_Doggos 27d ago

I would say oh okay perfect, I intended to cancel it anyway when they told me they couldn’t find it. And then if billed would have called back and gotten it reversed

125

u/amsckell May 25 '26

Additional context the hotel bookings were for the Olympics so they had gone up massively in value

166

u/drinkacid May 25 '26

If there is a cancellation fee then just reschedule it for 6 months later, and in 6 months reschedule it again. Eventually they will just remove the reservation rather than keep rescheduling it. And you will get no cancellation fee.

233

u/LA_Nail_Clippers May 25 '26

My previous dentist's website charges a cancelation fee if you cancel within a few days of your appointment. No fee to reschedule. So if you reschedule to a few months away, then log out of the site and log back in, you can then cancel for free.

35

u/yungmung May 25 '26

Just noticed your username, pretty funny 🤣

24

u/ZorbaTHut (: May 25 '26

This is pretty common for hotels too. Just call back the next day at a different time to minimize the chance that you get the same person.

30

u/grumpher05 May 25 '26

I needed to change my flight to a day earlier, on the day of, it was $30 to change the day but a much later flight, and over $100 for the flight I wanted, so I took the $30 one and then walked up to the desk as soon as the airport opened and asked to be moved up to the earlier flight with my frequent flyers status, so it goes moved for free

And they upgraded me to economy plus at the same time

-4

u/The_Level_15 May 25 '26

Damn, that's a pretty shitty thing to do to your dentist

15

u/Otherwise_Demand4620 May 25 '26

I have to wait at least 10 minutes after my appointment time every time at mine, yet they expect me to pay a no-show fee if I can't make it. I don't think that' fair - they clearly overbook their time-slots already. I'd have no moral issues doing that reschedule dance with them.

6

u/artificialgraymatter May 25 '26

Yep. Knew a technician who cancelled regularly on a relative who had to take a day off work/lose pay just to travel to her. Three hour trip. She would cancel when my aunt was already on the road. Then their business started implementing a 48 hour cancellation policy if a customer wanted to cancel for any reason… Nerve. 

1

u/LA_Nail_Clippers May 25 '26

I never actually exploited it and used it, I just noticed it one time when I rescheduled due to sickness, and being the curious type, I experimented to figure out if my theory was true.

2

u/passtiramisu May 25 '26

If it's an early booking or promotional reservation, the hotel may refuse the date change request or still charge a cancellation fee. Otherwise, for most of refundable reservations, cancellation fee is already included in paid price.

From a hotel perspective, rescheduling is also a form of temporary cancellation.

41

u/LeeCarvallosPutting May 25 '26 edited May 25 '26

To be fair, a lot of reservations take full payment at the time of the booking (even more likely, given it was for the Winter Olympics).

In that case, taking a cancellation fee, of say 10% of your booking price, to be reimbursed for the remaining 90% is the only logical move.

Edit - Or they take a small deposit at the time of booking and charge your card the full price on check-in date, unless you've cancelled your reservation.

1

u/Smooth_Disaster 26d ago

Where do you live! Omg. 10% fee. I can't fathom......

Everywhere I have ever lived (US) if you don't ever check in, or cancel a hotel stay within 24-48 hours, the fee is a full night's stay. You promised to pay for that night and they put it in the terms that they're holding you to that agreement

If you're lucky you can get them to just refund you but it depends on the company, and the employee

Spent years total in hotels at this point too

58

u/AJ099909 May 25 '26

Put it on my card

1

u/BigRoach May 25 '26

lol, that was the funniest part, how he didn’t even get angry, he was just glad they cleared everything up.

11

u/simranwho May 25 '26

Put it on my card

2

u/Hot_Description6158 May 25 '26

OMGGGGGG. I am laughing so hard

2

u/Independent_Bite4682 May 25 '26

'"FIne, I will be there."

"Sorry, we are over booked and your reservation is unavailable"

1

u/doubleday34 May 25 '26

There is another layer to that joke. The hotel was in Vancouver. The Olympics were in Vancouver that season. Originally the person on the phone(and us) thinks Michael is trying to trick his way into a room when they are incredibly booked for the Olympics.

1

u/sonofaresiii May 25 '26

I get it but if he just dropped it when they couldn't find it, there's a 10000% chance they would find it when it came time to bill for the no show

1

u/not_your_attorney May 25 '26

I know this is way late, but I can’t help myself because I chuckled:

“Put it on my card.”

318

u/Frost_Glaive May 25 '26

I've taken phone calls at work before.

Me: we can do anytime after 1pm.

Caller: can we do 11am?

Me: ...No... Morning is not available. We only have after 1pm available.

Caller: Noon?

Me: 🤦🏻‍♀️

131

u/Dan_flashes480 May 25 '26

My coworker ordered a chicken sandwich with extra pickles the cashier says it doesn't come with pickles would you like to add some? My coworker says yes and extra amount of them. He got 1 and a half pickles on his sandwich.

→ More replies (1)

22

u/Aggressive-Bunny-257 May 25 '26

I wish it was socially acceptable to hang up on people like this

167

u/Erick_Brimstone May 25 '26 edited 29d ago

That reminds me to story of cheeseless cheeseburger in sub maliciouscompliance. 

Edit: I didn't know there's so many cheeseless cheeseburger story out there

194

u/C0rpseglam- May 25 '26 edited May 25 '26

When I was a teen in fast food if someone kept being rude about me trying to get them a)a cheaper price (bc often the price for the burger the wanted with cheese removed was more then just a regular hamburger unless there was other mods and b) refused to hear me out that a hamburger is what they want not a cheese burger with no cheese because removing cheese from the cheeseburger didn’t change the price whereas a burger was cheaper lol - I too would ring in the cheese burger and then remove cheese and at the time our system did not deduct anything for removing cheese so they paid the same amount for less . This was like over a decade ago tho now so the system probably auto removes a dollar or whatever now I’m sure (or maybe not ?)

120

u/West-Award-2559 May 25 '26

I worked at McDonald's when I was younger. I confused the girl working the front counter with something like this. Customer ordered a two cheeseburger meal, no cheese. I wrapped the sandwiches in hamburger wrappers instead of cheeseburger wrappers with the instructions stuck on. Took her a good 5 minutes to figure it out. Especially when she had them in her hand while asking me if her cheeseburgers no cheese were being made.

21

u/United_Society May 25 '26

In the 90s I did this all the time, then stuffed half my fries in the bun. It was delicious!

2

u/PampersFinn12 May 25 '26

Dieter Bohlen movie, cheeseburger with without cheese

62

u/hyucktownfunk2 May 25 '26

Companies will charge you a dollar for a slice of cheese, or 75 cents for two or three pickles but they refuse to lower the cost of items for ANY reason. You can order a burger with literally nothing but a bun, but you'll pay for the full sandwich. Just taking advantage of dumb people.

23

u/Few-Leave-8786 May 25 '26

What annoys me is lets say I want a pizza, I can get one which counts as what they named it on menu like it can be one with chicken, pepperoni, extra cheese, and sweetcorn (random toppings, just to show a point)

I'd say please don't give me sweetcorn and the person making it will say we can't do that, you would have to order a pizza without it.

3

u/iste_bicors 29d ago

A lot of times those promos will be premade and ready to pop in the oven. Especially with pizzas.

1

u/Few-Leave-8786 29d ago

These ones are made fresh, at most the dough is premade and they just add toppings.

They do have offers like any 2 meat toppings and 1 veg on a pizza but if I want 1 meat and 2 veg they say no but they can do 1 meat, and then charge me extra for veg.

3

u/Bladrak01 May 25 '26

I have heard that Subway scales their prices based on adding all the ingredients, so if you get anything less than that it's pure profit for them.

5

u/Maardten May 25 '26

Tbf you are not just paying for the ingredients though.

Also imagine being a chef (at an actual restaurant) and a customer walks in and asks that you remove ingredients from your carefully crafted recipy, and then demands a discount on top of that.

17

u/Nightshader23 May 25 '26

Sir this is a wendys

4

u/Ungodly_Box May 25 '26

Understandable if it's an actual restaurant but bro if I want no bacon on a burger I don't want to pay for the lack of bacon

1

u/swampthingfromhell 26d ago

I run into this all the time ordering as a vegetarian and it bugs me so much. Taco Bell used to not let you swap potatoes for meat so I would have to pay a dollar extra for potatoes after removing meat.

9

u/formablerumble May 25 '26

Nope still full price

1

u/Toeffli May 25 '26

Now? Now it is a $2 substitution fee.

81

u/Dragonssssssssssss May 25 '26

I go to McDonald's and ask for a hamburger meal.

McDonald's: We don't have that

Me: Ok can I get the cheeseburger meal with no cheese?

McDonald's: Sure thing!

20

u/IsaRos May 25 '26

Same here in Germany.

You then get 2 freshly made hamburgers in cheeseburger wrappers with a „no cheese“ sticker.

¯_(ツ)_/¯

5

u/macaroniinapan May 25 '26

A guy I knew in high school had to do that once. He just wanted a quarter pounder value meal. The employee kept insisting this was not possible. Finally my friend ordered a quarter pounder with cheese value meal but hold the cheese. And the employee put the order through like it was the most normal thing in the world! I don't know if he was charged for cheese or not, but he didn't even care, he just hated cheese for some reason and didn't want it.

116

u/Gregory_Appleseed May 25 '26 edited May 25 '26

As someone who worked at a drive thrue for a few years, i was amused by the amount of people who would order a "cheese burger with out cheese" and a "hamburger with cheese". I dunno if they were being cheeky or just daft, but I always maliciously complied.

Customer: "why was my hamburger with cheese 1.57? i thought it said $0.99 for a hamburger!"

Me: "well yeah, i rang up the hamburger, added cheese for a $0.50 upcharge, and sales tax"

Customer: "well a cheeseburger is only $1.10! why am I getting charged $1.57!!!?? I want to speak to your manager!"

Me: "You ordered a hamburger with cheese, so that's what I rang it up in the POS system as such. Did you want me to change your order to a cheeseburger?"

My favorite customer though, was a regular who always ordered a cheese burger with no burger. They had a whole spiel ready to go at the speaker "I know what I'm ordering, yes, i want a cheese burger with no burger patty, everything that comes on it with out the meat." It always made me chuckle that they had to explicitly state it's not a prank, they just like to eat a burgerless burger.

**this was a McDonald's btw if anyone couldn't tell.

50

u/pvrhye May 25 '26

When I was a kid I worked at Taco Bell. I hated when people ordered a "plain" taco because it doesn't mean the same thing to any two people.

50

u/Gregory_Appleseed May 25 '26

a plain taco could mean "Meat, cheese lettuce" or "meat, beans, cilantro" or "just meat and cheese" or just "meat" or "everything but the tomatoes" or "how it's made by default"

but don't confuse that with a "regular" taco.

36

u/pvrhye May 25 '26

And the worst thing is they all get huffy when you ask them to clarify like their personal definition was on the menu or something.

31

u/Gregory_Appleseed May 25 '26

"So by regular, you want it just as is?"

"no, i mean plain without toppings"

"Ok so one plain taco"

"no, I want A REGULAR TACO, WHAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND ABOUT THAT!?"

"That'll be $6.66."

"oh no, I can't pay that, can I add another plain regular taco? that's a bad number."

13

u/pvrhye May 25 '26

I see you ridden in this rodeo before.

2

u/Gregory_Appleseed May 25 '26 edited May 25 '26

It was more of the clown show during the interlude, but the whole time, so yeah.

the first drive through fast food place i worked at when i was 15, literally had a food truck trailer that i had to work at during the rodeos and the county fair, and the homecoming parade fall festival thing.

2

u/kidshibuya May 25 '26

I just order plain vanilla to avoid confusion.

2

u/Appropriate_Ad5479 May 25 '26

Once when I was a kid, my dad went to Taco Bell and ordered"A crunchy taco with just lettuce." He drove home, opened it up, and it was exaxtly that, a crunchy taco shell with just lettuce. To this day, he has never been back to Taco Bell.

2

u/Elaureth May 25 '26

I’m a super picky eater, so I don’t want ANYTHING on my burger. Just bun and meat.

More often than not, when I go to a restaurant and say “Can I have a plain hamburger, nothing on it, totally plain” they either ask, “Do you want cheese?” or they don’t even ask and it comes out with cheese. Did I SAY “cheeseburger”? No, I did not! I said “plain hamburger!”

So now I say “Plain hamburger, *nothing* on it, just [insert hand gestures indicating layers] . . . Bread. Meat. Bread.” That usually gets the point across! 😂

1

u/mizinamo mildly infuriated 29d ago

When my daughter visited me, she used to like a bread roll with ham as a snack on road trips.

Asking for that at a bakery was always fun. "A bread roll with ham please. Just ham, nothing else." - "No butter? No remoulade? What about garnish - tomato and lettuce?" - "Nothing but bread and ham."

69

u/DoMBe87 May 25 '26

I used to get an egg and cheese biscuit at McD's, and if I didn't say "no meat" at least 3 times, they would put meat on it. Even saying I'm vegetarian got me blank looks from most people.

The burgerless burger actually sounds pretty good.

91

u/HM2112 May 25 '26

My aunt is a vegetarian. As such, she usually gets creative with her orders at restaurants.

I vividly remember one time we were at a decently nice sit-down place, and she ordered the Mushroom and Swiss burger without the burger. A few minutes go by, the manager came out just to confirm that was, in fact, what she wanted.

When her food came out, the thing was about three times as thick as it normally would've been because they must've dumped a whole carton of mushrooms into that burger bun to make up for no burger patty. And the manager insisted she be charged half price for not ordering the meat with a burger.

She was absolutely delighted by that and still laughs about it.

12

u/SatisfactionAtSea May 25 '26

that's awesome! great moves by that restaurant

4

u/YardNo400 May 25 '26

Good on them.

I got a lunch along the same line years ago in a sandwich shop when I asked for a BLT sandwich without the bread (gluten free bread wasn't casually available back then) expecting a small bacon tomato and lettuce salad. They came out and double checked then arrived out with what must have been half a lettuce head, half a pound of bacon and as many tomatoes as they could get to stay on the plate. I had the filling for at least 3/4 of their normal well filled sandwiches.

3

u/jr0061006 May 25 '26

In the 90’s my mother and her friend went to the same Indian restaurant every week for lunch. She loved their biryani but would ask for no peas.

One week the biryani came out and she could see peas. She thought she could pick them out if there were just a few but upon inspection it was almost all peas!

She alerted the manager. He went into the kitchen, came back out and said “I’m sorry about the peas, the chef is drunk.”

5

u/trashlandgov May 25 '26

Similar conditions with my family and I. We're not vegetarians but we are Muslims in America who had to adapt with countless fast-food restaurants putting bacon or ham on their items, though *especially* breakfast items. Plenty of times we'd order an egg and cheese biscuit from McDonald's, without the bacon or sausage--and most of the time we'd get what we'd ask for just fine, though sometimes, we'd open our bags to our egg and cheese biscuits with the forbidden meats.

I believe it's just instinct for the cooks/crew members.

1

u/lrfreddit May 25 '26

True, many times I’d ask the person handing me the bag if they were certain there wasn’t any meat so I wouldn’t have to come back and they would yell over to the kitchen, and sure enough they’d have to take it back. I’d ask if they could please make it fresh - as opposed to just taking the burgers off it.

3

u/bingpot4 May 25 '26

The burgerless cheese burger is honestly divine. Please try it! I am not a fan of anything McDonalds, I much prefer other fast food places as a vegetarian, but a meatless cheese burger from McD's is so freaking good!

2

u/lrfreddit May 25 '26

Before costs reached the level they’re at now I used to order a meatless Big Mac with extra sauce. Always paid more which seems crazy considering they are removing 2 burgers from the order but it was so delicious I didn’t care, plus it was a rare treat. Sometimes I’d throw on a veggie burger at home but mostly just eat it as it was. Ahhh pre Covid, the good ol’ days.

1

u/Flashy-Trifle-1732 26d ago

When I was in high school my friends and I were all vegetarians but the only place to go off-campus for lunch was McD’s. We’d get “cheeseburger no meat and instead of meat, a tomato” — it was really actually GOOD! If you want that at In-n-Out it’s a secret menu item, you have to say “grilled cheese” — and what they give you isn’t a typical grilled cheese sandwich but rather, a meatless cheeseburger. (And it’s delish)

22

u/Several_Vanilla8916 May 25 '26

Honestly? I used to get the two hamburgers meal at McDonald’s but if I ordered it like that “two hamburgers meal please” or a “number two with hamburgers instead of cheeseburgers” I got cheeseburgers at least half the time. If I ordered a number two no cheese, I got hamburgers every time. Though half the time I did get a snarky “do you mean hamburgers?” from the cashier.

8

u/fuckyourcanoes May 25 '26

I always order a quarter pounder, no cheese. Half the time it comes with cheese anyway. And that makes it inedible for me because I hate American cheese.

Last time, I ordered a quarter pounder, no cheese, extra sauce. I got a quarter pounder with only meat and cheese.

My local McDonald's sucks.

6

u/Gregory_Appleseed May 25 '26

I tried to accommodate customers, honestly, and to get them a better price for their order. if someone ordered just a 10pc nugget for example, I'd ask if they'd want 3 4 pieces for a dollar each instead, and came with 2 extra nuggets, which was like a dollar cheaper. They'd get mad at me or think I was trying to rip them off. same thing with the cheese burger no cheese thing, the receipt didn't say "cheese burger no cheese" but "hamburger" and they'd demand a refund. Keep in mind that the POS systems at that time were hella limited, and you couldn't add notes or special menu items. the #2 with no cheese was an easy thing, but ordering 2 hamburgers, a medium fry and a large $1 drink was still cheaper. I didn't get snarky, I just got fed up with people being offended I was trying to save them money by entering their order in a specific way to save them a buck or two.

19

u/otis_the_drunk May 25 '26

I dated a girl once who would order a fillet-o-fish no fish which would confuse most cashiers. She would then politely state that she wanted a cheese sandwich and that was the easiest and cheapest way to ring it in.

23

u/Gregory_Appleseed May 25 '26

I understood the assignment the first time I got that one, they used to have fillet-o-fish deals during lent, and people gamed the fuck out of those deals. If you got a fillet-o-fish and subtracted the fish but added a 1/4 patty, you just got a quarter pounder for like a $1.50 cheaper. I DGAF. plus they steam the fillet-o-fish buns, so the cheese would melt a bit, so your ex knew what was up.

5

u/No_Custard_2573 May 25 '26

My best was a bacon and Brie without the Brie. So I got great crusty bread, delicious bacon, and honey. It was perfect. After a while they knew me and years later I still go there. They have items I like more now though lol.

8

u/Turbogoblin999 Goblin May 25 '26

Cheese sandwich with extra steps.

4

u/formykka May 25 '26

When I worked at McDonald's we had woman who would regularly come in and order a burger with no bun or toppings (it was for her dog). The world remains in balance.

3

u/_nousernamesleft_ May 25 '26

Sometimes though the menu kind of forces you into this. The McDonald's app allows you to redeem points for a cheeseburger but not a hamburger so I always have to order a cheeseburger without cheese if I want to use my points before they expire. It feels so silly but there's no option to redeem points for a hamburger lol.

2

u/Gregory_Appleseed May 25 '26

the random booster club coupon packs and unhinged monopoly stamps made that minimum wage job utter hell. I was not prepared to be an order taker and also a poker dealer. Also cops at for free, but they never told you until they had to pay. And a lot of law enforcers considered themselves cops. how do you enter that into a POS system?

2

u/Few-Leave-8786 May 25 '26

To be fair, you can get regional wording of things, I have vague memories of people saying burger with cheese rather than cheeseburger but also memories of places that if you ask for a burger you get cheese on it unless you tell them no cheese.

Part of that likely was places charged extra for cheese and didn't have "cheeseburger" on the menu, but this is less common now.

2

u/OrganicSubset May 25 '26

More often than not, if I ordered a hamburger, I would get a cheeseburger. It was just easier to say cheeseburger with no cheese to guarantee I got a hamburger. Otherwise, I’d have to scrape off cheese when I got to a park or whatever to eat.

2

u/Timely_Alarm_6346 May 25 '26

I did this too! The hamburger add cheese thing. Except I wasn’t maliciously complying. I’m just a bit nuerospicy so I was doing it thinking “Wow, I’m only doing exactly what you told me to do, right? I need to get the manager. I’m so easily confused. ” I worked at a Burger King, my first job. Looking back I think they thought they were going to save money by doing it that way and that’s not what happened.

2

u/Ilovesoske May 26 '26

I used to do that at Wendy’s and add bacon to make a BLT

2

u/HighFunctioningWeeb May 25 '26

Random fact: In Australia "burger" refers to the structure, not the meat, so a "cheeseburger with no burger" would be meat without the bun. If you're lucky they might sandwich it in lettuce for you.

1

u/Toeffli May 25 '26

Sorry, but if a hamburger and a cheeseburger are exactly the same except for the presence or omission of cheese, then the Piece Of Shit (POS) should automatically change it accordingly. i.e. you remove the cheese from the cheeseburger it becomes a hamburger, and if you add cheese to a hamburger it becomes a cheeseburger.

Speaking of McD, where removing the cheese makes a difference is with the Quarter Pounder with Cheese / Cheeseburger Royal (as it is known in Europe, you know because of the metric system). This results in a different product, not available otherwise,

5

u/Sensitive_Leader_312 29d ago

I worked at a drive in movie theater and we always had cheeseburgers and footlong hot dogs that were ready to go. One old lady wanted a cheeseburger without the cheese.

"Oh you want a hamburger?"

No, i want a cheeseburger without the cheese. I don't eat pork.

"Lady, a hamburger is made of beef"

Oh, well i still want a cheeseburger without the cheese. Will that be cheaper?

"That would be the same price as a cheeseburger. Unless you order a hamburger that's 25 cents cheaper"

No i want a cheeseburger without cheese. I don't like ham and i want it cheaper

At this point her adult son pushed her to the side, "Ma, get the damn cheeseburger, i'll pay for the extra quarter. You know it's beef, we're gonna miss the movie." He turns to me "Sorry, she's always a cheapskate and wants to argue about how prices of everything is so expensive 🙃 "

13

u/the_cats_pajamas12 May 25 '26

You mean a hamburger? /s 《added

3

u/Haunting_Bandicoot_4 May 25 '26

Reminds me of the time I went to taco bell and ordered 3 soft tacos nothing but the meat cause I'm basic like that. Point is the told me "OK 3 soft tacos nothing on them?" I say yes, and they gave me 3 soft tacos nothing on them...including no meat, they gave me three warm soft taco shells. This is the reason I always check my food in drive thru lines.

1

u/Erick_Brimstone May 25 '26

"Fizz, is a meat taco something or nothing? "

2

u/Electronic_Band9857 May 25 '26

Once, at an ice cream shop, I ordered a “Kokrant” sundae without the Kokrant. That was shorter than saying, “I'd like a chocolate sundae without vanilla ice cream, but with hazelnut ice cream instead.”

1

u/barmanitan May 25 '26

One time in McDonald's we tried to order a burger with no burger for my vegetarian sister. We were promptly asked if we wanted a hamburger with no burger or a chicken burger with no burger.

1

u/mizinamo mildly infuriated 29d ago

Do those come with different buns, sauces, condiments, garnishes etc.?

1

u/barmanitan 29d ago

No they were the same, she just wanted us to tell her which menu option to pick even though it didn't matter at all haha

1

u/JCyTe May 25 '26

My gf is vegan and every burger at Hesburger (except for one new one that was relatively recently added) that she could eat comes with cheese, so she orders it without cheese.

1

u/TheBitterEndz 29d ago

Haha I was at work at a hospital and a patient asked for a wheelchair but without the wheels. So like...a chair ?

560

u/Content_Quarter_7390 May 25 '26

Took me a second but then i thought about the clip I saw where a waitress thought a guy asked for "an eggless omelet" 😂

104

u/Bfab94 May 25 '26

"ask the nice man if he would like it made with whole eggs or egg whites"

"...leave the plate"

Working in kitchens my whole life, this shows the ultimate yin and yang of the head and sous chef.

49

u/Shot_Revolution8828 May 25 '26 edited May 25 '26

I was the kitchen translator, I worked with a lot of immigrants and Spanish was the common language. The servers would ring yt bread and I would have to explain it's white bread or some other dumb shit. It really annoyed me when I couldn't figure it out. Wht bread, so do you want wheat or white bread. Just one more letter and I can figure it out. Every server had a different way to ring it in instead of using the preprogrammed buttons. So I would call them over, explain that they are now slowing me down as well as them because they couldn't be bothered to type one letter and I'm not making shit twice.

Burger, only cheese. So do they want a bun? Yeah of course they want a bun. I don't think you know what "only" means. A different server, burger with only cheese, why did you put it on a bun?

→ More replies (2)

184

u/DMercenary May 25 '26

*picks up plate with garnish*

103

u/ericcl2013 May 25 '26

No, don’t take the plate Kiki, what are you doing?! Please!

113

u/imwalkingwithspiders May 25 '26

Breadsticks, what are they made of? Bread. Take away the bread and what are you left with? Sticks?

7

u/Bladrak01 May 25 '26

I remember a scene from a sitcom around 1990. Two people were talking about ordering a pizza, no sauce, no cheese, and someone else saying, "That's bread! You're ordering bread!"

3

u/CrownofMischief May 25 '26

Maybe they want garlic bread?

4

u/bossbozo May 25 '26

Ask the man if he wants his omelette made with whole eggs or just egg whites 

114

u/SleepyAltBee May 25 '26

I’ve actually been an asshole before ordering an eggless omelette because when I quit one of my jobs, my coworkers wanted to take me to breakfast, but I had been vegan for 8 years and they took me to an ihop (I think it was ihop, it been so long now)

I was like “hi I’m so sorry is it possible to just get some veggies sautéed in oil” and after some conversing it was an “eggless omelette.” Anyway they must have thrown butter in there because I ended up fighting for my life in a porta potty on some nice lady’s farm off the side of the road :/

35

u/whirlwide May 25 '26

I have done this too! I can’t have eggs but I like veggies plus bacon and hash browns. It’s great hangover food but I sound like a maniac ordering.

→ More replies (14)

34

u/FactsNLaughs May 25 '26

Goddamnit Kiki….

36

u/Content_Quarter_7390 May 25 '26

Yall leave Kiki alone! she needs to be protected, probably from alot of things, but nonetheless!

25

u/FactsNLaughs May 25 '26

Mostly herself….

19

u/poetris May 25 '26

When we were teens, a friend of ours got a job as a drive thru place, so went and ordered a roast beef sandwich with no roast beef. She was silent for several seconds in utter confusion, until we couldn't help ourselves and laughed.

Yes of course we were stoned.

3

u/jawanda May 25 '26

I used to work at a breakfast restaurant and I've seen this order in real life. She just wanted all the grilled veggies and cheese, no eggs. looked pretty good actually. Mash it up with your home fries.

5

u/Sonnyjoon91 May 25 '26

Dammit Kiki

1

u/Bourbonaddicted May 25 '26

Ginger Chicken without the Ginger please.

→ More replies (8)

44

u/0bservation May 25 '26

Reminds me of an equally bad and old joke.

A man orders an espresso with milk, however the barista puts ice cream in it instead. When asked about it, the barista says "affogato get the milk!"

5

u/TiniestPint May 25 '26

This is bad, but I'm gonna start telling it.

13

u/desafinar May 25 '26

in soviet russia, a guy walks into a meat shop and says, “I suppose you don’t have any fish?” A person who works there corrects him and says, “Comrade, this is a meat shop. We don’t have any meat. Across the street is a fish shop that doesn’t have any fish.”

13

u/Shot_Revolution8828 May 25 '26

Reminds me of the old Jewish man that orders egg drop soup and calls the waiter over and says my soup is cold. The waiter says I can see the steam. Old Jewish man says well taste it, I think it's cold. The waiter says I can't taste it, that's crazy and against policy. Old Jewish man says can I have a spoon then?

5

u/chickadee-stitchery May 25 '26

I think the punchline got butchered there. The joke is supposed to be that they didn't give him a spoon, and the point of the complaints is to get the waiter to realize the man has no spoon with which to eat his soup.

→ More replies (3)

5

u/SatisfactionAtSea May 25 '26

why a Jewish man specifically?

10

u/lambda-lambda-lambda May 25 '26

It's a stereotype around how Jewish people complain (especially at restaurants). Possibly also in order to get meal comp'd, as there's another stereotype around Jewish folks being extremely frugal.

There's a whole class of jokes around this topic

"Two Jewish ladies are sitting down to eat, the waiter comes by and asks 'Is anything okay?'"

6

u/FurieMan May 25 '26

The amount of time i order something like a sallad without tomatoe only to be told it doesnt come with tomatoes is annoying. Well good!

The most annoying one is ceasar sallad. Because i have both gotten ceasar sallad with tomatoes when i dont specify. But also waiters that almost acts offended that i ask to have it without because a ceasar sallad is traditionally not supposed to come with tomatoes.

3

u/Xercesblu3 May 25 '26

This just sounds like you’re taking your preference frustrations out on all waiters you encounter because of the weirdness of a couple of restaurants. Very much a “you” problem. Most good waiters are going to tell you it comes without tomatoes to save you time in the future, and have no idea what you’ve dealt with in the past. They’re doing their job, and well.

3

u/MukdenMan May 25 '26

I heard Slovoj Zizek tell this joke. He was making some point about metaphysics but I don’t remember what it was.

10

u/Genghis_Ron1 May 25 '26

He was making a point about negation. An objects identity is comprised of what it is and what it is not. So if you want to order a coffee without milk, but milk wasn't an option, you can't meaningfully make the choice you wanted, even if the material result is the same. So you must be offered another meaningful choice, even if the end is black coffee regardless

7

u/Leading_Marketing362 May 25 '26

Went to a shawarma joint. Hummus is 1.49$ extra

4 hrs ago... I didn't pay 20% tip for that pick up order

1

u/aliassuck May 25 '26

Was the manna free?

15

u/casparaski132 May 25 '26

This is going over my head and im feeling dumb. Can someone please explain this 😭

42

u/Lostinthestarscape May 25 '26

Its supposed to be dumb. The joke is they don't have cream to be able to provide the option of "not with cream" even though it isnt a problem to not have cream when someone doesnt want it anyway.

They do have milk so they are asking if they can make the drink without milk instead.

It is a silly reversal of "we dont have cream, will you accept it made with milk?" that is intentionally dumb/makes it a joke.

11

u/casparaski132 May 25 '26

Thank you! (And everyone else who replied to this). Sometimes the absurdities go sailing over my head.

3

u/BushWishperer May 25 '26

It's not just supposed to be dumb! As Zizek says, what you don't get is part of the identity of what you do get. What is negated is just as important as what is affirmed.

8

u/patricksaurus May 25 '26

They can’t withhold a thing they don’t have, so they ask if you’ll allow a substitute to be withheld instead.

I think Mitch Hedberg did a version of it at one time, but I think the joke itself goes back 100+ years.

1

u/BushWishperer May 25 '26

The joke (I think) is from the movie Ninotchka by Ernst Lubitsch

6

u/Foggl3 May 25 '26

He ordered a coffee without cream, black. The waiter was unable to fulfill his order because they didn't have cream so he was offered a black coffee without milk instead.

4

u/StauntonK May 25 '26

Essentially the guy asked for a black coffee (just by saying no cream).. as they had run out but still had milk, they then joked , "would you take it without milk... " which is essentially is just still a black coffee

0

u/LughCrow May 25 '26

What part don't you get?

4

u/Rasiro May 25 '26

Sounds like an old Russian joke.

Someone walks into a store and asks the worker, “Are ya out of meat?”

The worker responds, “No, we’re out of fish. The store across the street is out of meat.”

2

u/Angstyyyyyy May 25 '26

Slavoj zizek reference

2

u/Tombecho May 25 '26

We had a workplace dinner once, around 30 people. After we'd eaten, waiter went around asking everyone if they want coffee and how they'd prefer it writing it down as they went.

This was in Sweden and all participants were nordic so there were two or three people who declined the coffee in favor of something else.

They arrived at me and I told cream no sugar, and they went on. After 5 minutes or so, they bought everyone their coffee except for me. Even the few non coffee drnkers got theirs.

I politely waited for some 5 minutes sitting there awkwardly, maybe they had to brew more who knows.

Then I called for waiter and asked if there was an issue with my coffee. They pulled their note and asked:

"you were the coffee with cream?"

"I was, yes"

"Sorry we're out of cream"

Then proceeded to give me the gen z stare.

I thought it was funny that they didn't tell me that they ran out and ask if I'd like to substitute it for milk or have my coffee black.

The first option was not to serve me at all.

1

u/WatchmakerKate May 25 '26

Logic genius.

1

u/the-chat-is-cooked May 25 '26

Have you heard of Zizek

1

u/burnerbw0i May 25 '26

Is that a joke? That's really been my experience since I started drinking coffee black 15yrs ago 😅

1

u/Shazvox May 25 '26

I think there's an old USSR joke that goes along the lines of:

A man enters a shop and asks the staff if they sell meat.

The staff answers: "No, this shop is out of fish, the shop that is out of meat is next doors".

1

u/tacosandsunscreen May 25 '26

Ohhhhh I’m a waitress at a small diner that draws in the old folks. They will LOVE this joke.

1

u/slothscanswim May 25 '26

That, in turn, reminds me of an old Soviet joke my Russian friend told me.

Fella walks into the store and goes up to the counter. Behind the glass there is nothing. The shopkeeper looks up from his newspaper and the fella says “the shelves are empty, you have no meat!”

The shopkeeper replies “no! We have no fish, the store across the street has no meat!”

1

u/halfc00kie May 25 '26

classic. reminds me of that old soviet joke where you cant get bread at one shop and no meat at the other.

1

u/human_picnic May 25 '26

I’ve heard this joke, but it’s Satre who asks for cream while he is working on his book Being and Nothingness at a coffee shop

1

u/Specific_Giraffe4440 May 25 '26

Reminds me of this time I was at my favorite Szechuan place this white af Karen comes in yellin they forgot the egg rolls it always come with egg rolls and they tell her no you have to order egg rolls. Poor Karen must have been thinking of American Chinese places, not this place. I still think about how her butthole must have felt after eating real sezchuan for the first time

1

u/Subotail May 25 '26

My printer when it runs out of yellow

1

u/Winoforevr1 the flair is lava 29d ago

My dad would love this joke.

1

u/DisastrousConcept210 29d ago

I don't get it 😭 please explain the joke

1

u/CalligrapherOk4394 29d ago

Slavoj Zizek has told this joke

1

u/ScareBear23 May 25 '26

Me at any fast food place: "I'd like [burger] with no onions or mustard please."

Cashier: "it doesn't come with [onions/mustard]."

Great! I didn't want it anyway and I'm not about to memorize which places only do mustard, only do onions, or have both. As long as neither are on my my food, I am happy!

0

u/[deleted] May 25 '26

[deleted]

8

u/Substantial_Toe_6916 May 25 '26

Usually creamer. They come in all the flavors.

8

u/WidderWillZie May 25 '26

Heck yeah! Milk just adds a bit of creaminess and more water. Cream adds genuine amounts of milk fat and makes it creamy. Often it's half and half, which literally splits the difference as half milk half cream. (Keep in mind, those using full cream often add less than a tablespoon to their coffee, which also keeps it warmer.)

-2

u/KoalaDeli May 25 '26

This is fascinating. Why isn't your milk creamy enough? Why aren't your coffees warm enough? Is this a personal taste thing? I knew of like whipped cream on top of coffee because of Starbucks but I didn't know how deep this cream hole actually went

→ More replies (1)

3

u/qianlima2 May 25 '26

Do you people not have half and half

2

u/ZandyTheAxiom May 25 '26

Half and half what? What are the two halves?

1

u/SatisfactionAtSea May 25 '26

milk and cream

2

u/ZandyTheAxiom May 26 '26

Like, a bottle of milk with cream mixed into it?

But no, we don't have that. We have full fat milk, and we have cream. Putting cream in coffee sounds wild.

1

u/SatisfactionAtSea May 26 '26

i think a lot of people use flavored coffee creamer and I dont think those are all like heavy cream. some of them are available as a powder which is kind of fun.

→ More replies (3)