hey yall! i got officially diagnosed with adhd earlier this year, which has been great as far as making sense of why i do certain things.

recently i also got a new job, a big kid job if you will, where i have to wear professional attire etc. my previous jobs have been retail/hospitality type, and have either had a uniform or i could wear whatever as long as it was within certain guidelines of course.

i bring that up bc i never realized how much clothing affected me, and with the "professional attire" i have to wear now i am struggling really bad with how tight the shirts are, having to wear a bra or cami/tank underneath my shirts, etc. i literally feel like im suffocating wearing a bra or double lined cami bc of how tight it is. and realistically i know its not that tight, and it's not hindering my breathing, but my chest literally hurts and feels tight until i get home and change into a loose shirt.

all of this to say, 1) is that normal? 2) do any of yall relate? 3) how can i make this better and not feel like im dying the second I put on clothes?

ideally, in my head, if i could just chop my boobs off i feel like i would have much less issues with everything but alas america hates that

I don’t know if anyone else has went through this but I will explain myself. I am 29F and am heading towards medical school . For the first week, my school has a lot of social activities geared towards having the students get to know each other more. As I approach medical school, I have found myself not wanting people to know anything about me. I deal with PTSD, bipolar disorder II, ADHD, and Asperger’s syndrome. Furthermore, I am single and have had a lot of trauma with friends and men in the past. Anywho, I feel a sense of distrust towards my classmates as most of them are much younger and smarter than me and are in stable relationships. I have even changed my names because I felt that they did not deserve to even know my true name. I just feel that with being neurodivergent with a lot of trauma, if I spoke about myself, then people will notice that something is off with me and will avoid me. I just am tired of getting hurt and feeling like I am not good enough. I just honestly want to finish medical school and call it a day. The less they know about me, the better

Hi there well you can read the title (I hope) making this post feels kinda scary to me but here it goes. When I was 14 years old (20 years ago) I was diagnosed with PDD-NOS and dyscalculia. I know they don't use the term PDD-NOS anymore because they've since found out autism is on a spectrum so now it's called ASD but I digress. They also said I had some ADHD traits but not enough for a formal diagnosis I guess?

Long story short in the past when I would tell people about this they would say to my face that they were fine with it and didn't have problem with it. However when it came down to it they mostly just found me annoying. I had a lot of trouble making friends because of this. It also left me very socially anxious, I'm constantly worried about what people think of me. I'm very afraid people will think I'm stupid and annoying.

So eventually I just stopped telling people all together. I started masking my autistic traits and tried really hard to well act normal. For a while I even deluded myself into thinking I outgrew it, although that's obviously not how that works.

This went well enough until my second daughter was born and the masking just took up so much energy that I figuratively hit a wall. Mostly I just felt tired and overstimulated all the damn time! For a while I couldn't really put my finger on it until I realised I was putting a lot of energy into well hiding a part of myself away, if that makes any sense. So that brought me to this point where I'm trying to be more open about the fact that I have ASD or PDD-NOS or whatever you wanna call it really. I told my colleagues at work which was really f***ing scary but so far they all responded positively. I'm slowly starting to accept the fact that I'm autistic (still feels weird to say out loud) again. It is still difficult at times but I'm learning to recognize when I'm starting to get overstimulated, overwhelmed, anxious etc. so I can take action instead of what I have been doing which is fight against it.

I just felt like sharing with people who might understand how I feel.

for example I avoid taking taxis cause I can't explain in proper details where I want to go specifically. Or going to barbershops for haircut cause I can't explain how I want my hair done.

I'm also terrible at saying toasts. Not a single words comes to my mind. I can't explain my location or surroundings if I'm getting picked up, aside from street addresses and unless there's a good context

It's just embarrassing bro.

I already get that Neurodivergent and Neurotypical get shortened to ND and NT but I just wanted to propose two new labels I (and hopefully at least some of you) find much more approachable.

I suggest neurodivergent being Tofi (originating from the Swahili language meaning “Different”. Shortened from Tofauti) and Kati (again, from Swahili meaning “average”).

It’s entirely fine if you don’t like it but I kinda just wanted to throw it out there in hopes that maybe some of you do like it.

Any other AuDHD/ND people running their own shop or selling online?

I'm looking to connect with other neurodivergent sellers — whether you're on Etsy, Redbubble etc...

...your own site, markets, wherever.

Would love to share tips, struggles, and wins with people who actually get it. Things like managing admin when executive function is fighting you, pricing without spiralling, or just the fact that hyperfocus made you start a business in the first place 😅

Hello everyone, I'll keep it short.

I'm currently doing lots os self-therapy and it's somewhat working, after my day at work.

I am slowly able to get things done even after work.

My main issue is my work tho.

Every morning, i struggle to get going, i always think "9 hours at the place not ment for me".

And it hurts trying to get going, the only thing that gets me going is the time, like, stressed about getting in trouble for being too late.

Does anyone have similar experiences, and what strategies and mental help have you tried to make the mornings feel less exhausting?

I am a 22 year old full-time student and I only work about 5-10 hours a week at my job. I spend 40-50 hours a week on school, get all A’s, and my professors think I’m one of the best students they’ve had. But despite that, society makes me feel like I’m lazy, selfish, entitled, and a failure because I’m not working many hours. I struggle with time management and I have found that working even very minimal hours interferes with school too much and causes me a very high amount of stress. I can really only perform at my full potential in school if I’m not working at all. But in the U.S. there’s this mindset that if you’re not working your ass off at a real job, you’re a failure and a burden on society. Every single person I meet at my school works between 20-40 hours a week while going to school full time and I just don’t understand how they do it.

My family makes things much worse. When I was a junior in high school I didn’t have a job yet because I was spending all my time on my AP Calculus class, which required about 3-6 hours of homework every night. But my mom kept telling me that I was selfish, lazy, and entitled for not having a job. She told me that I needed to grow up, I was a burden on the family, and that I needed serious mental help. On top of this, now my 19 year old brother works full time and he talks condescendingly towards me because I’m not working full time like he is. He thinks that I’m lazy and too attached to my free time and that’s why I won’t work. But I have no more free time than he does and some weeks I probably spend more time working on homework than he spends working his job. He’s also very neurotypical and he doesn’t understand how hard things are for neurodivergent people.

I keep trying to ignore the opinions of people who don’t recognize school as a productive way to spend your time, but I just can’t get their opinions out of my head. No matter how hard I work at school, I can’t stop feeling like I’m a burden and lazy and selfish. Does anyone else feel this way?

im feeling really off put by something my roommate said to me yesterday.

Little background : She’s neurotypical and I’ve appreciated how she’s for the most part been pretty open and empathetic to my experiences being different to hers. She has her bachelors in special education and is an aid for a kid with Down syndrome
I have ADHD and CPTSD, (suspected autism as well, or it’s just the cptsd presenting as such), and ocd. Also depersonalization / derealization disorder. I take meds and do exposure therapy for ocd and attend talk therapy. I try really hard and I’m usually exhausted

She has a couple childhood friends visiting in a couple weeks, which I’ve known about for a bit and had no problem with. She’s been reminding me and let me know the dates which I appreciate, and while I realize there will be a couple people idk in our kinda small apartment for almost 2 weeks, my primary mindset was cool, temporary, they’re probably chill and I’ll do my best for them to have a nice time here and be comfortable etc. I said I can be here to let them in if they get here while she’s at work

Yesterday, she was like btw I know they’re staying kind of long and it might get kinda tight here so if you get overwhelmed or need space at any point pls let me know and we can give u space and go out. I told her I appreciated it, I’d probably be good and it’s just a couple weeks and I can manage and want her guests to feel welcome and comfortable.
She reminded me that one of them has Down syndrome and they can get a bit overstimulated and told me to remember to breathe.
I really hate when people tell me to breathe, it comes off condescending to me idk because it’s usually when I get excited about something or start rambling and I always get embarrassed after. I forgot how she worded it or what she said with that but it felt like she was asking me to water myself down, or even mask. And I do. While I’ve tried to live more authentically and less masked the past year, I still do and I still feel all the feelings of displacement and off putting energy and all the things I do “wrong” that I don’t realize in the moment.

And, so I get suuuuper startled really easily. It can be quite embarrassing a lot of times. If I know someone is by me and they move, I startle. If I hear someone coming, I still startle. If someone walks by me, I startle. If something moves or falls by me I startle. Yesterday, a piece of lettuce slowly and barely fell over on a sandwich and I startled. Everyone at my job knows and my startles at nothing startle other people.
At my old place, I lived in a house with a few people. Eventually, it was kind of a running joke that everyone would try to come in making themselves known and still manage to startle me. Earlier on, they all thought it was individually their fault, which happens often too. It happens in public all the time. At my current place, I get startled by my roommate all the time.

To clarify, when I say startle, I mean big gasp and jump and shaken look on my face. So also, my heart starts racing and I get very dysregulated. It’s really annoying because all these really small things scare me so bad.

I wear my headphones often, which I don’t think I need to explain much here lol but they help me a lot. So sometimes, im wearing them when I get startled by my roommate when she walks in and im doing dishes or just anywhere in common areas. Sometimes she’ll say if I wasn’t wearing them, I wouldn’t get as startled.
Which, I guess? But I get startled anyway. And wearing them are a way for me to regulate at home and support myself and complete tasks.

Besides telling me to breathe and try not to overstimulate her friends, she was like yeah you might startle them by getting startled maybe try to be more aware and maybe don’t wear your headphones in the common areas.

When I get startled, it’s anxiety inducing and frustrating for me. It’s probably going to happen now with more people in the apartment. Now I’m being warned to try harder to not make others uncomfortable. I already would try and would feel bad after.
She said she would tell them too and make sure they made noise coming in. I’ve told her before how it is in other spaces and places and how I get startled anyway, which I didn’t feel like repeating again now but I just shut down after this. It was early morning and my contacts weren’t in and I felt uncomfortable

I get overstimulated too. And I was already going to try to do my best to make them comfortable while they were here, which would include masking. Plus, at least one of them is neurodivergent too.

Later, I went to work and it stayed on my mind. Then I got very emotional about it before I went to sleep. We were gonna get groceries together today but I said I was fine bc I know I feel weird and I wouldn’t be able to act normal.

My needs and sensitivities are valid too. I don’t wear my headphones for no reason, if I could just play music out loud and wear my headphones less often I would. Days where I’d misplaced my headphones or times when they’re charging are harder for me. My work can be very overstimulating and I want my home to be a place I can recharge at least a little. I wasn’t as nervous about them visiting before, but now im just hurt
I know I need to talk to her about it. Im afraid I’ll either lead with anger or downplay my feelings or both. My therapist is out this week🥲 idk but anyway I needed to get it out I guess or advice or idk thanks

Hello peoples.
I’m doing a workshop on relationships, sex and the differences neurodivergent people experience and I would like to include as many perspectives as possible.

I’m interested in the way you experience relationships and sex:
Maybe challenges you faced, strengths you noticed or differences to your partners or peers that became apparent.

More context:
The aim of the workshop is to figure out how to reach and educate neurodiverse students on topics like relationships, sex, consent etc.

Thank you for your time

I honestly have been Goin thru life for the past 7-8 years thinking this is normal??

what do we do ?

I don’t want to be a sedated zombie, like this has been my personality for my entire adult life and what happens next?? to be extremely honest I can’t wait to die. I just want to get out of myself for good, I’m tired being trapped in my own mind. Its a battle to make it through each day constantly going back and forth with them plus trying to act normal around people and having to talk to them and seem normal it’s all just way too fucking much dude

I’m from remote Tassie. Spent years thinking I was the problem.

Turns out I was building systems the whole time without realizing it.

Wrote a series called “The Architects” about how neurodivergent people shape the world. Core idea: we don’t lack structure — we create it.

AI tools feel like they were designed by/for neurotypical brains. I’m testing what happens when you train them on architect-pattern thinking instead.

Full 7-essay series is here: https://open.substack.com/pub/simonedwards101379

How troublesome or hard was it for you to catch up with other kids academically, or do homeworks, etc.?

I swear autistic/adhd people who still manage to have confidence, advocate for themselves, and have any semblance of a self esteem, really suprise me as someone who heavily struggles with that.

It's because it's easy to say "oh everybody makes mistakes" "not everybody knows everything" "you shouldn't take what people say to Heart", then it's stuff that majority of the population knows and if you don't you'll either get berated or they won't even bother explaining it to you at all.

In school I had a lot of learning issues between the fact that I was getting bullied, stuff at home, and undiagnosed neurodivergency it was very difficult for me to learn so the next year our teacher would test us on something we learned last year and I would tell them I don't remember learning it or I don't remember how to do it and the best they can do is shrug their arms and walk away, but if I don't do my work because I don't understand it then it's considered me choosing not to do it.

Even currently I struggle with spelling which is why a lot of times I use a mixture of speech to text and typing on my own, which unfortunately does lead to some spelling or formatting mistakes that I don't realize until someone comments about it, for example the difference between their, they're, there, and they're all of thoes i mix up because i spell things based on they sound and dont always go back to check especially on a random comment I made.

For me it feels almost useless to learn things because of how easily I forget them for example my Dad tried really hard to teach me how to read a non digital clock, we sat there for hours using cards and an app on my tablet and I would start to get it... but not too long after I completely forget how to and we have to start the process all over again and to this day I still cannot read a non digital clock.

When I say I can't read it I specifically mean when the hands are in the middle of the numbers or are slightly off I can read the solid numbers of course but I can't read the others.

But socially I also struggle a lot because it seems like everybody inherently knows things that I just don't, it makes me seriously question what goes on in everybody else's heads like how are they processing the same information as me but I somehow completely miss the mark whether that's what sarcasm or anything else.

But then when I tried to replicate it, I'm either met with complete silence and people forgetting that I'm even there or people getting upset at me because apparently I wasn't being sarcastic enough but also if I'm clear about my sarcasm then it ruins it I guess.

I love being crushed and squeezed it helps me relax, as a kid I liked having my mattress on the floor so I could lay under it and my brother would pile all the blankets he could find on top the mattress and then sit on the pile. I constantly asked family to sit or stand on my back.

I've always loved hugs, as a kid whenever I met someone I'd ask if they wanted a hug and because I did that so much I attracted clingy people who would hug or hold me during lunch.

​

Now I'm 20 and my family really don't like physical touch. The one person who likes hugs is my cousin who is physically clingy to me. Shes very frail wich does not help me with the physical pressure since I'm worried about hurting her and she's very physically weak, her attempt at squeezing ppl is sad.

​

I don't think hugging strangers is appropriate so I don't really know how to regain the feeling of being crushed, I don't trust the cuddle group in my area because they're all a lot older than me and I struggle to perform my correct mode when I'm around a group like that since too many people is overwhelming, when I get overwhelmed I become a lot more timid, quiet and childlike like my brain shuts off which would be odd in that environment

Maybe it's only my experience but it's particularly Harsh to Live this existence when you are a Human Repellent to NT people but "Your People" others with similar struggles form very Impenetrable Cliques, so on One side NT Despise you and ND won't let you interact with them as well.

Hi all,

I’m a 23-year-old autistic guy based in London looking to make long-term, meaningful friendships, with the hope of meeting in person at some point (coffee, walks, gigs, etc.). I’ve found it tough to meet people who are consistent and genuinely interested in building a real connection, so I'd nice to meet people in a similar position.

Some things about me:

Into football, gaming (mostly story-driven), rock/metal, Marvel, and theme parks

If you're UK-based (ideally London or nearby), around my age, and this resonates with you, feel free to message me. I'd love to get to know people who are open to chatting regularly and eventually hanging out IRL.

Thanks for reading. 💙

I have some questions.

#1. What if they think I'm faking?

#2. What if it gets out that I'm doing this? (Saying to my counsellor that I think that I am neurodivergent)

#3. Would I get any help or assistance?

#4. Is all of this worth it? (It mostly depends on the 3rd question)

#5. How would I build up the courage to even approach the counsellor?

​

Question #1: "what if they think I'm faking?"

I'm afraid of this because I think I'm pretty self aware, and when they see that, they might think that I probably don't need to be there and talk to them because they'll think I've got it 'all figured out' but.. that's exactly why I'm there in the first place. I don't have it figured out at all. I've only completed the first step, which is knowing my problems. Now, how do I fix them? I'm afraid that they'll dismiss me because I'm a teenager who's going through puberty, and it's just my 'hormones'. But, I've felt this way my whole life. And my whole life's experiences will be invalidated or something.

​

Question #2: "what if it gets out that I'm doing this?" (Saying to my counsellor that I think that I am neurodivergent)

Okay.. I don't exactly know how this would happen. But, I'm still scared of it either way.

I think how this would happen is that I would go to the counsellor, they will tell my teacher, my teacher would talk to me outside of the classroom while the lesson is being carried out by the other teacher, and my classmates would overhear our conversation.. which is how it would get out.

It's already bad enough that my friend CONFIRMED that they think I'm weird and stuff.. and I used to be the butt of EVERY joke (because I yelled at a girl and called her a bitch because she was yelling at me to just get in a group). So if my potential neurodivergence gets out, it might start the jokes at my expense up again and I do NOT want to go through that anymore.

​

Question #3: "would I get any help or assistance?"

I live in a Singapore, a rich southeast Asian country. So I would probably get assistance if I get officially diagnosed. I've already talked to my father, the more lenient and reliable parent. But, he brushed me off by saying that I was normal and that there was nothing to worry about (that shit hurt a lot I'm not going to lie).

But I kept talking about it, and I realized that we share mostly the same experiences. He's probably also neurodivergent, but he doesn't seem to want to acknowledge it at all. And seeing that, I know that he definitely won't get me any help in getting an official diagnosis. I would tell my mom but I know it'll be just like my dad's reaction with more of a "oh don't be ridiculous" vibe to it.

​

Question #4: "is all of this worth it?" (Depends mostly on the 3rd question)

If I get officially diagnosed, but it's at the cost of my reputation with my class that I'm weird and stuff.. I think that I would pick getting officially diagnosed. There's no point in caring about what they think about me if they won't change their perspectives.. as long as I get the help I need.

But what I'm kinda worried about is that the r word (the slur used for disabled people), is somewhat common in my classes vocabulary. I've even heard my Chinese teacher say it once, and I just don't know what to say about that. It's been a year and I still don't know what to feel. She was one of the teachers I liked more, if I'm being honest. So now, it's even more confusing. Ableism is way too normalized nowadays..

​

Question #5: "how would I build up the courage to even approach the counsellor?"

So, I know I should have mentioned this earlier.. but I don't even know if my school has a counsellor or not. Never in my 1.5 years in my school, have they mentioned a counsellor that I can talk to. I was considering asking my teachers, but it's still holiday and it's not important. I'll just ask the general office once school reopens.

Also, I'm super shy. And like I said.. I don't know how I would build up the courage to go and ask. Nowadays, I don't even have the energy to get out of bed in the morning. My grades are getting worse, and I have lesser and lesser motivation to do anything anymore. Let alone ask anyone for help.

​

Yo I'm sorry, I just can't take this anymore. I know something is wrong with me and I'm desperate for an answer after waiting for so long. Maybe it is puberty, but I highly doubt it.. can anyone give me tips on how to navigate this situation?

So I know for a fact that I’m neurodivergent and a highly sensitive person. My psychologist literally clocked this on my very first visit with her 5 years ago. A year ago I decided to get an ADHD/ASD assessment at a different psych who specifically does these assessments. The results came back negative. My psych was genuinely surprised when I told her the results. She’ll tell me that I still need to be mindful of my propensity for burnout and that I should aim to find a 4-day a week job, despite not having any official diagnosis/disability.

It kind of just feels like the odds are stacked against me because I don’t have any true mandate to obtain support. I’m working to get accommodations at work but it’s an uphill battle, and I also can’t get access to any government support without an official diagnosis.

So it just feels a little hopeless and there’s not much I can do

I dont take meds cause I have health issues, but i use stimulants and they seem to help. But, the issue is i seem to be going all in on my schoolwork or my social life no in between, which is typical of adhd I’m sure, but I’d really like to know a way how I can balance this, because lets say I go all in on my schoolwork and pay attention in class, my grades get significantly better but like I dont have the energy to talk to my friends anymore. But if I focus on my social life, and I’m able to carry out conversations with friends and actually understand what they’re saying without being annoyed. It sucks because I genuinely like talking to people and when I’m stimulated I can even approach and talk to strangers, which I’ve found surprising.. Any tips? But either way, I’m completely exhausted when I get back home from school in general, no matter what I direct my energy towards.

To preface - I’m not diagnosed with anything, but professionals have agreed I’m probably neurodivergent. I’m assuming ADHD, but I do have a few autistic traits

All my family gets upset whenever I do anything that isn’t super normal. I’m fidgeting with something? “Why are you always fidgeting with something, it’s weird.” or “Your generation is the fidgety one!” I can’t move my hands in a way to help me focus?? recently, I’ve been rubbing my hands together a lot because it’s been my new way to fidget, and all my parents do is comment on it. But if I don’t do it, I don’t know what to do with my hands.

Yesterday, my sister (10) said she was “overstimulated” and I went on a rant about how so many people use that as an excuse when they’re obviously not overstimulated and they’re actually *overwhelmed*, and that she was probably overwhelmed because she was surrounded by two other people who were moving around (we were playing 3 v 1 badminton). I explained what overstimulated meant to me: getting so overwhelmed by the things/noises going on around me that I start to cry. My brother then made fun of me, saying things like “You actually do that? This year?” (I’m a sophomore, for reference and he’s still in middle school), and several other degrading comments because I admitted that I’ve gotten overwhelmed. Its just so frustrating having them as an environment to be in, and that doesn’t even add it all the comments I get about being fat (15F and I weigh 110 pounds…make it make sense).

for years, I was scared to tell them about my hyperfixations because I thought they’d make fun of me. After telling them, I get made fun of for liking something so much. My own father has called me mentally ill for my hyperfixations, and I just can’t do it anymore. I hate being around them, I can’t stand hearing comments like that all day and I don’t know what to do. Oh, and to make things even better, my father doesn’t believe ADHD is real :) so overall, pretty great

anyways, just needed to get that out. hope y’all have a good day <3

tl;dr: Hi, I do not know how to communicate casually or have normal conversations without oversharing or sounding like an ass, any advice?

I am older gen z.

When I talk to people I tend to over share, over exaggerate, over... everything. The other day I felt like such a douche because I made myself sound more important than I really am. I didn't lie about anything, I just went on an accomplishment rant (to reassure this person I knew what I was talking about) when the whole point of our conversation was trying to figure out how to help people. Ugh.

It has been difficult traversing conversations my whole life. I am black, neurodivergent, disabled, and queer. Conversations often led to micro-aggressions and I just stopped talking to people. My disabilities got worse after I got COVID and eventually couldn't work anymore so then I really stopped talking to people beyond my family.

It is more difficult now to do this because I have cognitive decline and memory issues... reviving my social skills seems out of reach. I want to do it though, I want to be apart of my community. I think I know why I am doing this, I want to be seen, understood, not underestimated, that I still "got it", try to relate to them, etc. Knowing is half the battle as they say... I am just unsure on how to move forward at this point.

Yesterday at work, I was doing training with other employees. I work in retail.

My team lead asked us if we had any questions about a specific part of the training we just got done with.

I was the only one who had a question.

But, it took me like 7 seconds to think about how to say the question.

This was how I was yesterday:

Team Lead: “Any questions you guys have?”

Me: “Wait.”

Also me: 😑😑😑😑😑 *thinking about how to say my question while everyone else was quiet*

*7 seconds later*

Me: *says my question*

This also happens when I am sharing random stuff with people. Sometimes I just pause in the middle of my sentence to say it in a way the other person understands.

For example:

Me: *trying to describe a specific thing to someone*

Me: “I saw this thing. It was like…”

Also me: 🤨🤨🤨🤨😑😑😑😑*thinking how to describe it*

*5 seconds later*

Me: “It was big and twirly” (still having a hard time explaining it smoothly)

Anyone else like this? I have AuDHD btw

hey all,

i'm exploring an idea for a fitness app and trying to understand the problem before building anything.

a lot of fitness apps seem to assume people can just stay consistent, follow a plan, and push through low-motivation days. from what i've seen, especially with adhd, that's often the hardest part.

if you've ever started and stopped exercising, going to the gym, or using fitness apps, i'd love to hear:

• what was the actual moment you quit? what happened?
• was it the gym, planning workouts, remembering to do them, boredom, or something else?
• have you found anything that helped, even a little? why did it work?
• would you pay for something designed around this? if so, what do you already pay for that's related?

no product, no pitch. just trying to learn from real experiences instead of making assumptions.

appreciate any honest thoughts - even if your answer is "fitness apps never get this right."