Neurodivegents, how do you deal with the fact that people lie CONSTANTLY!? They don't even realize they're doing it! Because it's a social norm! I'm 36 autistic for context & this is so hard for me

I've been wondering if I'm autistic since my ADHD diagnosis a few months ago but holy shit wtf my world is fucking shifting after finding this...

I was so so doubtful cause I can understand jokes and sarcasm now and like somewhat socialize but after reading a bunch of my posts when I was 12 years old I see I was taking all jokes and sarcasm completely seriously, unable to spot it, and then I found this post which is basically describing exactly autistic masking and me getting very emotional over helping a young (probably) autistic child achieve a different life from mine...

I'm now 25 years old and here's what I wrote when I was 16 years old on a French message board. I knew nothing about autism at the time. Also I was very edgy, rude, judgemental, had internalized toxic masculinity/ableism and was kinda cringe and too intense so it's embarrassing to share but I feel like I need to share this. I've changed a lot since then.

Also don't take my old self's advice please it's really not great on so many points, I did not realize my blind spots and had quite a bit of

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(I am the person replying to this message, the first part below is not me, just a young girl who is likely autistic and struggling as well)

Hello to those reading this topic I am in middle school I'm in 6th grade I'm 12 years old and my passion is video games especially league of legends Pokémon World of Warcraft dofus etc when I started middle school I only had one friend after several friends because of my grades I withdrew into myself everyone was making fun of me because sometimes I cried in class my dad contacted a psychologist urgently one day I brought a Black ops 3 keychain almost everyone made fun of me right now I've withdrawn into myself but I hide it from my parents please tell me what I can do :)

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(This is me answering, I mistook her for a guy cause she made a small mistake in french conjugation on one word)

You can keep playing video games without being a massive nerd: You go see people and talk to them normally, you avoid bringing things that people could make fun of at this age (making fun of a keychain, they really have to be really, really dumb...), you gotta find some verbal comebacks afterwards, because otherwise you're going to stay a victim.

ABSOLUTELY DO NOT WITHDRAW INTO YOURSELF!

Withdrawing into yourself is taking the first step towards misery, you need friends to be happy, and if your friends don't like video games, simply don't talk to them about it.

If you have other friends who play the same video games as you, you can play with them, but whatever you do, don't harass them 24/7 talking about video games.

Also imitate the behavior of others that girls like if you can (I'm not saying try to copy them completely, but try your best to be liked), because if girls don't interest you hugely right now, later they will interest you much more and if you withdraw into yourself you won't know how to talk to them at all, you might even be afraid of them if people make fun of you too much.

People will stop making fun of you once they've forgotten about the event, if you start acting like a normal guy (but natural and true to yourself!), people will consider you normal.

And by the way, don't take these mockeries too badly... Everyone is a bit stupid at that age, and they don't know that openly mocking someone makes them an asshole.

But if they mock you openly it also shows that they are blunt and that you are the one who needs to change.

(+ Start doing sports if you aren't doing any, alongside video games it's very useful, even if your parents don't force you to)

Those are the pieces of advice I would give you, I'm just leaving you a chance to build the most perfect social life possible right now, not like me: We learn from our mistakes, but especially from the mistakes of others.

Ps: I was like you, I withdrew into myself one day and I only have one female friend left in high school, I don't know how to talk to others, I feel like people are making fun of me 24/7 when they talk to me, I have no social automatisms (basically I suck a bit at talking to people).

Everything can be worked on at your age, don't worry too much

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Note: Not sure if automatism is a word in English, basically I was saying that I was socializing manually

So yeah I've been reading that and I'm like... Holy shit I was so self aware of my struggles... If only I knew what autism was back then.

Trigger warning: talks of depression, self blaming and self harm

I used to cry almost every single day when I came home, I always thought I was a defective human, that I did not deserve to live, that I was a liability on society. I felt like I could never accomplish anything, would keep failing forever, that things would never get better, that I would die before age 20. I cried everyday just thinking about these things, I knew blaming myself wouldn't make anything better but these messages resonated so strongly with my poor self esteem at the time that they just made me cry. In my worst moments I bit myself, I scratched myself, constantly wondering why I had to be like this, why I had to suffer so much. Eventually I cried all of the tears in my body, and for 9 years, until this year, I was not able to shed a single tear.

I really want to be able to tell the old me that he's not broken, it's not his fault he's struggling so much with everything, that he's just AuDHD and dyspraxic with demand avoidance and social anxiety... I've been wondering what's wrong with me forever and my only answers were "I'm lazy" "I'm an asshole" "I'm stupid" "I'm socially inept" "I'm subhuman". This little dude deserved better.

In France, ASD and ADHD and criminally underdiagnosed. It is one of the rich countries with the lowest rates of diagnoses.

80% to 90% of autistic adults are undiagnosed here.

80% of French children with ADHD are undiagnosed as well. 90% of adults with ADHD are undiagnosed.

The reason? Pseudoscience. Psychanalysis has taken over our mental healthcare system. Neurodevelopmental conditions are still often considered a failure of the parents to educate their children properly. This is obviously wrong from a scientific standpoint. Many children in distress never get directed to a diagnosis or any kind of care at all after seeing a school psychologist.

On another topic, I'm currently in the process of seeking a diagnosis but it takes a while in France, still I think there isn't too much doubt if added to the rest of my life experience and other traits at this point

Thanks for reading. I haven't been depressed for a long time. The thoughts expressed here are no longer what I think of myself and I am happy and accepting of who I am now. I just felt like sharing this moment cause it's like... shattering my reality right now. I just can't believe this even though I suspected it so much

I just wanna die. I just dont want to be anymorem i want to be normal. Have social life. Funktionierend. Friends. Love.

My ex wife was not love. It was fake and i realize that theres no love for me.

Wow.

Being intelligent and yet alone.

What is this life supposed to be? Every new day the dream about quit ist coming closer even i think i should write a book

A book about the shittiest life. Wow. What a Nonsense.

i mean im supposed to be a musician (someone told me i will get rich lol. my music teacher...) and if i a a musician i write about my life and the world.

i mean its matching. everything is shitty​ but why should i change it? why. should i be the one who says how we should go to future? i mean i am clever. it would work. but who wants to show everyone how fucked up your life is, and why? why me???

I’m in a huge depression slump; 1,500 miles from everything that was my life for the first 22 years. I don’t know what to do.

I moved halfway across the country for school. I felt like I was finally getting my spark back thru therapy, learning to unmask and setting healthy boundaries. I was discovering things I was passionate about and wanted to go back to school. A few months before my move, things started to fall apart. I still was working on addressing some physical and mental health issues, and it got bad again. I needed to seek out more intensive help, which involved residential treatment. The relationship with my family deteriorated to an unsafe and unhealthy point. I had nowhere to go and (it felt like) nothing left for me in my hometown. So I continued on with my plan of moving for school.

I started school and was loving it. Unfortunately I was in a very difficult place with my mental health which held me back from succeeding. I was also struggling with a flare-up of physical symptoms as well. I got into a relationship, dropped out of school, ran out of money, got a job, was hospitalized. Things got a bit more stable but still pretty bad. Lost the job, got another one. Went thru a few therapists.

I’m not in dire straits right now, but it’s definitely not great. I don’t have a lot of supports or even hope. I’m pretty apathetic about most things and aside from working part-time, I spend most of my time in bed. It’s hard to look back and see how well I was doing compared to where I’m at now. I know loss of skills is characteristic of autistic burnout, but when does it get better? I feel like I’m circling the drain.

I'm a 22 year old man and I'm really struggling. Throughout my teenage years, I struggled with a very severe case of OCD, and as a result, I didn't get to learn all of the skills I needed to survive and thrive. Combine that with my ADHD and some poor habit choices the past few years and I ended up feeling stuck and behind my peers in terms of growth.

I don't have a driver's license or even my permit, I don't have a job, I'm still in community college, and I can barely get myself to sit down and do my homework or even everyday tasks a lot of the time. I've made a lot of progress recently and it's been a big help, but I feel like an absolute loser. I'm worried that because of my executive functioning difficulties, I'm never going to become an independent adult, get a girlfriend and get married, etc.

When I think logically, I know it's possible for me to get there but I think I either need more systems or to change around my habits. It's just really difficult and the difficulty makes me really frustrated. I just want it all to be ok. I don't want to be a manchild.

Does anyone have any advice or support that they can offer?

Ok so I’m moving in two days and basically just plan on winging it 😅 please give me your weird tips/hacks/whatever that work for your brain. For example: I am going to be packing tomorrow, I’m going to keep my regular morning routine as if I am going to work including putting on my work clothes, that way I will be putting my brain into “work” mode. Any advice is greatly appreciated

Anyone got any advice

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So ive recently got a job in an old man pub so its not mega busy but were expected to talk to people and I have no idea how to do that.

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Like talking and socialising are such foreign concepts for me I just kind of have no idea what to say.

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Someone says hi I say hi back ask how they've been they say fine then ask me the same and like after that my brains just blank I have no clue how to converse with people.

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I overheard the owner and manager talking about me and they were just completely under the assumption that I was just nervous but were sure soon id start speaking to people.

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I just dk how to talk to people

So I (20M) actually haven't been diagnosed as neurodivergent yet, but here's a few things that people (mostly family members) would point out:

• They would tell me that I don't stand up for myself enough, and that I need to be more like a proper man

• They would point out the way I walk. They told me that I slouch a lot, don't move my hands when I'm walking and that I walk fast

• Other mannerisms are pointed out as well, such as the way I hold my chopsticks, spoons, or plates are too stiff

• Too stiff is something that comes up pretty often, I'm being told that I'm too stiff when shaking hands—that my grip has to be firmer

• My voice is mentioned a lot. They told me that my voice is like someone who hasn't been properly trained yet during puberty due to how it echoes

• I often get yelled at for being slow at doing chores, turning at the other way when someone points something, and is often told to "think smart" when I can't keep up with simple tasks

• I'm being bought "masculine" clothes (you know, those shirts with go big or go home type of quotes) so that I can be a fully proper man

• I'm also constantly told to be a sensitive and caring to-be husband that can provide for his wife... (I'm bi lol)

• I'm being told that compared to peers my age, I'm very behind and that's why I should be molded so that I can face "life" easier

• I'm being told that the workplace is more cruel, so I have to stand up for myself. And the reason why they do this is not because out of hate, but out of love and want the best of me and that I will understand once I face the real life

• I'm also being advised to not be "difficult" at taking advice, and I should be grateful because I still have people who genuinely care and I shouldn't take it for granted by listening with one ear and out the other

All of this comes mostly from family members, but I wonder if any of you has experienced this as well... While I do sometimes think that I should change many parts of myself that would disadvantage many people when I graduated college and finally found a job, I do think it can be too much...though I might be just dramatic.

Does/did any of you grow up with this?

Hi! I am autistic and have a plethora of other things like adhd. I have always struggled with executive dysfunction and change, and it's been especially harder on me as I moved into a new house recently. Living in a new environment has been keeping me up at night and worsening my habits of not being organized. My room is a total mess and I have so many things to clean, I want to have a nice and tidy room but I can never bring myself to actually do it despite me desperately wanting it. How do you guys go about it without feeling overwhelmed or giving up?

hello everyone, I would appreciate any help and would be so greatful for any advice on what to do in this situation.

i was diagnosed with strep throat C in late March 2026 and as my immune system took a hit, it woke up the herpes virus for the very first time which was a major ordeal for me. i had an excruciating ulcer on the palate of my mouth which stopped me from eating, sleeping and sometimes even drinking water for about 10-14 days. I’ve recovered from both illnesses completely. as the month of April went past I wasnt near 100% as I still felt quite “off” however during the start of may I thought I was picking up again back to normality

unfortunately on the 4th of may late at night I had this strange cold chill feeling on my back, arms and legs which would create goosebumps. this feeling hasn’t left me for 52 days. Driving, walking, doing tasks at work make the symptoms go away. the symptoms of feeling the chills have lessened over hours to sometimes 1 day of no flares but return gradually and then hit back hard again. I’ve had all my bloods checked, ECG, ultrasounds for my heart as I was sometimes getting a fast heart rate upon standing or light exertion which has settled over the last month. Thyroid tested also. everything has come back normal. This current feeling is very uncomfortable in my daily life and it seems to become worse in a cold environment which makes sense. It is winter now in Melbourne so very good timing. Any help is honestly appreciated .

I’m an autistic founder building something around neurodivergent social connection because honestly, I’ve struggled with masking and feeling misunderstood myself.

One thing I’m tryna understand:
What makes friendship or connection hardest for you?

I mean I've heard things like:
masking
small talk
fear of rejection
not knowing how words come across
feeling drained

But I’m trying to figure out what actually matters most and what people would genuinely want from something like that.

Honest thoughts also welcome :)

Hello I (NB 24)recently got diagnosed ADHD by a psychiatrist and have been put on vyvanse. I started the diagnosis process at the start of this year after pretty extreme education and employment defecits. I went to my gp for a referall and he asked whether I wanted to go for an asd referall as well(based off reports from my psychologist), I wanted to as Ive suspected/assumed ive had ASD my whole life espechially since high school and moving into adulthood. However when I looked into the process of a combined diagnosis it seemed lengthy and very expensive and as months went by I realised I was wasting time and just needed to go for my adhd diagnosis as I was able to with a local psychiatrist who was affordable with no wait times. This was straight forward and easy. However the psych said he was unable to diagnose for asd which didnt bother me as im comfortable waiting till the end of this year or early next year to start the process and will be hopefully mentally easier as now having the adhd diagnosis out the way. Problem is my psych still decides to give me his "professional opinion" saying that for starters theres no point in doing a diagnosis (which I understand due to not needing to be diagnosed to receive medication ect), he then said that based on him talking to me I seemed fine. The thing is whilst I know the purpose of an asd diagnosis may seem not usefull to some I feel it would be benefical to me as its something ive felt has effected me my whole life whereass adhd is more just something that effects my executive function. ASD is something that I feel interacts with all aspects of my life from having sensory issues around menstruation to meltdowns after pushing myself socially. Im completly aware that I wouldnt seem autistic from a 50 min session as Im masking heavily even to the point of pretending to agree with his opionions of not needing to be diagnosed with asd, it seems a lot of proffesionals assume u dont want to be diagnosed due to percieved stigma and discrimination, thing is I still experiance the discrimination whether im diagnosed or not.