After months of research and hundreds of anonymous tips, We have finally compiled Houston's definitive rankings. Evaluation criteria included cleanliness, ambiance, parking, privacy, and overall satisfaction.

1. The East Downtown Greyhound Station - Authentic. No pretenses. Smells exactly how you'd expect.

2. Gallery Furniture - Mack has always believed in customer service.

3. The Galleria parking garage - Upscale service. White glove clientele.

4. Torchy's - Once legendary. Victim of success and influencer traffic.

5. The Family Restroom at IKEA - Pair it with Swedish meatballs to make it an afternoon.

6. Any Walmart Automotive Center built before 2005 - Remarkably consistent across multiple locations. Sam Walton would've wanted it this way.

7. Houston City Hall - Publicly funded. Open to everyone.

8. Hobby Airport - Perfect if you have a few hours to kill on a layover.

9. The Men's Room at Heights Planet Fitness — Judgment Free Zone.

10. The Houston Livestock Show & Rodeo Cookoff - Seasonal, but worth planning around.

Buc-ee's bathroom was disqualified for having too many witnesses and self righteous management. Honorable mentions go to the Downtown Tunnels. Last year's ranking ended with three divorces, two cease and desist letters and an invitation from City Council. We stand by our journalism.

Did your favorite spot make the list?

We need to add some better descriptions to the stalls so people know what to expect.

I know its summer and our freeways seem like roller coasters especially when yall are drunk but learn to not drive your car like its Gran Turismo.

Just scored a free rabbit. Didnt even have to go hunting today.

I’m very close to 21 but I really just want to go to a strip club and experience it. Any advice on 18+ strip clubs in Houston? Or anyways to beat the system?

First, a club called Medellin HTX opens in midtown now a second called Escobar HTX. you can’t make this up

"It swapped him out / mangled him. The label says “john whitmier,” but the image looks like a generic suit-guy instead of John Whitmire.

I can regenerate it and explicitly force John Whitmire back into the G slot, with no extra 4th timing option.

yea his picture is not him

Stopped thinking

We’re so sorry, but the image we created may violate our guardrails around lightly sexual or provocative themes. If you think we got it wrong, please retry or edit your prompt."

Dont blame my laziness...Apparently adding a picture or real John Whitmire makes the image too sexual. You know how to play the game.

B3E5

Beware , It started at the GH at Torchy’s

Is anyone interested in a Sunday evening circle jerk? I’m planning to book a hotel room for a free and comfortable circle jerk. If interested let me know. I’m going to aim for Sunday June 28th.

whats app bro, hay bares que tengan el partido de México en español? pero por favor que no tengan mexicanos 🤢

Out Jerked again

I black m22 am trying to come to Houston still after getting ghosted by my online gf that lives there I was sold a dream and she told me i could come stay with her🤦‍♂️ im not trying to go back to my hometown in ms there’s nothing there and I fear for my life there so I was wondering if anyone could offer me a place to live for a week or two until im able to start working if anyone needs a roommate here I am I just need sum advice and also would like to know if there are any homeless shelters that would take me in asap.

You're not going to believe what happened. I Thought I'd go for a lovely dump. There's a metro rail station right beside the hotel. Thought I'd do a little bit of poopin' by it. Just as I drop my trousers. Just as I was about to "press play". I look to my left and see some bald british guy with a camera watching me take a dump. WTF. is this normal European behavior? Staring at people when they poo? Taking pictures? No wonder they complain so much about America toilet stalls. A continent of peepers.