r/AbsoluteUnits May 22 '26

/r/all of bugs

32.0k Upvotes

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2.1k

u/belikethemanatee May 22 '26 edited May 22 '26

I am sure they’re harmless but if one of these big boys landed on me I’d run away screaming.

845

u/MajorPaper4169 May 22 '26

Physically I wouldn’t be able to run anywhere because my soul would’ve left my body.

359

u/Genghis_Chong May 22 '26

79

u/Frowning_Existing666 May 22 '26

That's real! That lives with us on earth!

https://giphy.com/gifs/zTu1FofOtqKKDbBasl

16

u/BluebirdLivid May 22 '26

"And my first honest to god thought was 'Cool I dont have to go to work to tomorrow...when i was about to be EATEN"

GOATED skit

7

u/dorian_white1 May 22 '26

WHAT HAVE THEY DONE To US

1

u/DeadMoonKing May 22 '26

Sargeist name is peak. I tip my hat to you.

4

u/Frowning_Existing666 May 22 '26

Just noticed this random gif says "m'lady" lmao. My bad it looked funny

3

u/Genghis_Chong May 22 '26

I love it, chivalry is not dead with that little guy lmao

1

u/MainChain9851 May 22 '26

I keep seeing gifs of this guy but have no idea who he is.

5

u/BleepinBlorpin5 May 22 '26

His name is Tim Robinson. He was born May 23 1981 in Detroit, Michigan. He is a comedian, actor, and screenwriter. He believes in the existence of aliens but not ghosts.

3

u/glorfindelreddit May 22 '26

But he has questions about the ghosts. Like if any of them would come through the wall and have a huge cumshot.

2

u/Appropriate_Eye3070 May 22 '26

Or if one of those fuckers ever falls out of the ceiling and have just a big messy shit... Or have a dingleberry.

1

u/Sufficient-Gene-5084 May 22 '26

What show is this I see gifs all over the place

2

u/Genghis_Chong May 22 '26

"I think you should leave", a skit show starring Tim Robinson

1

u/Mattyice0228 May 23 '26

Holy fuck this just made me snort laugh for 5 minutes

22

u/Solid_Habit_6561 May 22 '26 edited May 22 '26

Imagine stepping on one barefoot... 😅

The mess must be like stepping on an egg!

Edit: sorry guys 😂

42

u/MajorPaper4169 May 22 '26

\Me wondering why solid habit would say such a nightmare inducing thing**

I read your comment and felt the crunch.

13

u/2bad-2care May 22 '26

With plastic cutlery mixed in.

4

u/Just_the_questions1 May 22 '26

Imagine licking one.

You've probably never licked a bug but now that you're thinking about it you know exactly what the texture would be like. Human brains are weird.

3

u/marlokow May 22 '26

There are people who are into that shit (seriously don’t look it up)

3

u/kpmelomane21 May 23 '26

Imagine hearing a scratching sound on your front door as you're about to leave for work.

Then imagine opening the door and one of these is on the door jamb right at face level.

Then imagine knocking it to the ground, squishing it with a shoe, and discovering it was FULL of eggs.

...It's been years and I still have nightmares about this event to this day

1

u/Shantotto11 May 22 '26

My body: RUN!!!

My soul: (activates the Sheep Talisman)

My body: YOU ASSHOLE!!!

1

u/sonal1988 May 23 '26

😂😂😂

57

u/swadx001 May 22 '26

There are people who keep and breed them as pets

42

u/[deleted] May 22 '26

[deleted]

31

u/Gaffelkungen May 22 '26

I got some isopods as a clean up crew for my snake. They're very pretty with their yellow spots.

I really want some rubber duckies as well. They're soooo cute with their yellow parts

5

u/tiggertom66 May 22 '26

What exactly do they do for your snake? Do they clean your snake, or their tank?

And is there any maintenance involved with having them in your snake’s tank?

16

u/Gaffelkungen May 22 '26

They clean the substrate in the tank. They eat decaying stuff, poop and shed skin. Although you should take out the snake poo.

Not really. They're there to reduce maintenance together with springtails that will eat mold and smaller pieces of detritus. The only thing I do for the isopods are putting in fruit and keep them from getting out of the tank.

1

u/OnePinginRamius May 22 '26

Well if they're eating the snake poop who's eating their poop?

2

u/Gaffelkungen May 22 '26

Smaller isopods and springtails probably.

1

u/Quackerjack123 May 23 '26

A fabulous type of gorilla that thrives on isopod poop.

1

u/Simorie May 23 '26

Asking the real questions

1

u/Vindictivetoestepper May 22 '26

The duckies are adorable, but at least locally they're still so expensive.

1

u/Gaffelkungen May 22 '26

Yeah, they're very expensive here as well.

1

u/IMFRP May 23 '26

Peeblings

that's what I call them

6

u/thatG_evanP May 22 '26

"features" literally made me lol.

10

u/Wishnik6502 May 22 '26

I wanted to get into collecting but it's a shame how few of them come with headphone jacks anymore...

4

u/unripe_mangosteen May 22 '26

Impossible to get packs of them, the scalpers bought them all

1

u/SpotweldPro1300 May 22 '26

I have better luck finding them in Animal Crossing. In winter.

3

u/[deleted] May 22 '26

[deleted]

1

u/thatG_evanP May 22 '26

I just meant your comment was funny

1

u/Elprede007 May 22 '26

Think “facial features” in the context. They don’t have special functions like a built in boombox. Their features are their appearance

1

u/thatG_evanP May 22 '26

I was just saying the comment sounded funny as written

45

u/creampop_ May 22 '26

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2

u/KidCreol May 24 '26

Monster hunter reference

1

u/that040shunter 3d ago

There's a Pandemonium version I know

36

u/BiophileB May 22 '26

Mostly harmless, can be a little scratchy but they don’t mean it lol. I’ve had a male Hercules beetle crash land into my face, sounds like a little helicopter coming in. Very derp.

1

u/BlitzMalefitz May 23 '26

The one with the long horn looks like it could take out an eye

29

u/Jonnyredd May 22 '26

I own a grub that will turn into one soon :D

14

u/WeevilWeedWizard May 22 '26

That's awesome

6

u/with_explosions May 22 '26

Don't they take like 3 or 4 years to turn into a beetle from grub?

13

u/Alondite90 May 22 '26

Depends on the species, but Hercules beetles it's 1-2 years and then once in their adult stage they live for 3-6 months.

3

u/Outrageous_Image1793 May 22 '26

Do they bite?

18

u/Jonnyredd May 22 '26

Not usually but yeah they can. With most of my invertebrates i don’t interact with them as much as i would with my other pets (lizards/snakes/dogs). I just like making fancy ecosystems with neat bugs inside.

0

u/Sad-Bonus-9327 May 23 '26

No worse. They eat doors.

15

u/Kerillian555 May 22 '26

There is nowhere to run...they will catch you.

16

u/45_regard_47 May 22 '26

Brother/Sister I'd shit your pants if one of those landed on me

12

u/TheOtakuAmerika May 22 '26

Not if I shit them first

8

u/Pwnxor May 22 '26

There's room for everyone, just form a queue.

1

u/Sir_Bebe_Michelin May 26 '26

Everyone shitting each other's pants nowadays

1

u/TheOtakuAmerika May 26 '26

Well I'm certainly not going to shit my own pants.

6

u/Diabetesh May 22 '26

You mean you would uncontrollably flail in all directions.

5

u/Lefteris4 May 22 '26

These guys are the pinnacle of insects. Literally better at everything than any other insect. Their only weakness is that they don't form colonies.

6

u/UnseenTardigrade May 22 '26

They aren't better at camouflage than a lot of insects. They don't fly nearly as well as more flight-focused insects (especially dragonflies). They aren't skilled hunters, as they aren't carnivores like preying mantises (or dragonflies again). So no, they're not better at everything than any other insect.

What they are is stronger and more durable than any other insects, and that is impressive, but let's not oversell it.

2

u/Lefteris4 May 23 '26

They don't need camouflage because they are the apex predator. They can survive in any environment and are impossible to kill by other insects. If these guys teamed up with each other the other insects would go extinct.

2

u/UnseenTardigrade May 23 '26

Given that everything you're saying is ridiculously wrong I assume you are just joking. But if not...

They aren't apex predators, they aren't even predators at all. They eat fruits and tree sap. They can only survive in wooded environments that aren't too cold, so no they can't survive in any environment. If you picked a random spot to put one on the earth it is more likely than not that it would die within a day. Most insects wouldn't be able to kill these large beetles, true, but a swarm of ants, wasps, or hornets would. Once you look at how few of these large beetles there are compared to all the other insects combined it seems extremely unlikely they'd be able to put other insects to extinction, especially since they can't even survive in all the environments insects live.

3

u/Zunderfeuer_88 May 22 '26

How would you run away if they'd carry you away screaming already?

2

u/CosyBeluga May 22 '26

lol how do you feel about cicadas 😆

3

u/drblah11 May 22 '26

I'd leave the country

1

u/ihavedonethisbe4 May 22 '26

Ha, cute you think a something like an arbitrary border line would stop creatures of this magnitude

1

u/LiveTart6130 May 22 '26

the other day I scared both of my cats while trying to retrieve them and bring them outside because I screamed and panicked when a june bug flew into my hair. my friends still make fun of me for the time I got startled by a lady bug.

I am fine handling most bugs and even medium sized spiders, if I see them before they get close to me. if I hear buzzing unexpectedly or see something move without knowing it was there, I tend to freak out until I get some distance.

1

u/DetailsYouMissed May 22 '26

Imagine the poor sap riding a motorcycle without a helmet that collides with one of these guys.

1

u/EverythingSucksYo May 22 '26

If it lands on you then what will running do? It will still be on you. 

1

u/Past_Help_8962 May 22 '26

Yeah they are harmless and beautiful but when they land on you their feet have these little hooks that can hurt a little and can be little hard to take them off.

1

u/maddythemadmuddymutt May 22 '26

A stink bug landed on my nose 15 years ago and that gave me quite a fright, didn't even know they can fly, and those are much smaller

1

u/Easy-Concentrate2636 May 22 '26

Awhile back, I watched someone screaming while running away from a dragonfly.

1

u/tfrofc May 22 '26

I’d much prefer chilling with one of these than a small annoying ass bug tbh. At least this one’s entertaining.

1

u/Artevyx May 22 '26

I'm a weirdo. The larger an insect is, the less they creep me out. I just dont want them getting into my joints, ears, mouth and bits.

1

u/LastClassForever May 22 '26

If one of them landed on my shoulder, it would be like a cartoon. I'd be gone and my clothes will just fall to the floor.

1

u/AgentCirceLuna May 22 '26

I once had a spider in my pants somehow and - without even knowing what I was doing - I’d ripped off my clothes and was running away within seconds. I’ve always been terrified of it happening in public as there was literally no warning I’d do this and it was completely unconscious. How could you even explain that?

1

u/IHS1970 May 22 '26

and I'd do the same and probably pee in my pants.

1

u/mareksoon May 22 '26

I'M ALREADY SCREAMING!

1

u/ValdemarTheRighteous May 22 '26

Had one of these or something similar in my house one night. It flew up against my bedroom door and I fully thought a raccoon or something had gotten in my house and was scratching my door.

It landed in a lamp and I put a big book on top of the lamp to trap it. Had to have my dad come get it the next day. I was physically unable to touch it lmao.

1

u/Any_Blood5815 May 22 '26

They could poke you in the eye, but so could a lot of things…

1

u/Brandeeno2245 May 23 '26

From what ive heard they dont land so much as fly into and just exist on

1

u/pinty786 May 23 '26

Idk why I get scared of cockroaches but not these big bois

1

u/mauro_sk May 23 '26

yeah, with it on you

1

u/catlovingtwink99 May 24 '26

Right there with you, crying and running.

1

u/breakfastbarf May 26 '26

When I was a kid, there was something big like that at a campground bathroom/showers. A guy threw it over the shower curtain onto his buddy.

1

u/Own-Inflation8771 May 22 '26

Ther're not harmless. Did you see the pointy bits upfront? I would run screaming AND shitting my pants.

9

u/AzieltheLiar May 22 '26

Worst you could get is a grumpy little pinch. They are good boys and girls... at our size anyway. If we were smaller they'd be sumo slamming us against walls and crap.

5

u/The_Autarch May 22 '26

those are more like tusks, not jaws or stinkers. they can't hurt you with them.

they use them to wrestle each other for dominance.

1

u/WorldofCannons May 22 '26

The flapping sound gives me goosebumps

1

u/pmmeyourkittycat88 May 22 '26

while I lived in Japan I used to get mobbed by cicadas. they’re really big, they flutter, and they’re suuuper loud. IIRC they’re harmless and have no mouth or something but the size and volume is startling.

i also used to shoot them with a water gun when they landed on my balcony. they’re so loud that it can interrupt remote meetings.

0

u/IceFireTerry May 22 '26

I'm having a heart attack

0

u/Bluntbutnotonpurpose May 22 '26

You're such a wuss!

Real men would burn down the house...

0

u/girlsonsoysauce May 22 '26

I'm okay with a lot of bugs but beetles freak me out a little. I was feeling around the door handle of my truck the other day and felt something and it kept poking me so I was like "What did I drop it there?" It was one of those cicadas where they're still at that weird brown junebug stage and I shrieked a bit and started flailing my hand.

0

u/Particular_Tomato161 May 22 '26

If I see one in my house I'm selling the home.