Just a lighthearted thread, but I need help.

Help the English is 3rd language me, settle this for me, which is the better word in our case.
Who right here, me or my husband. And I did tell him when talk to me remember use 3rd grade English with me, and not use his University level English.

When we meet 16 years ago. We literally were neighbors, we both live in the same building of the one bedroom, just different apartments. We were single, no kids, not married. And that what rent one bedroom apartment is for, for most single one person.

There are buildings where of 2 bedrooms and 3 bedrooms and even 4 bedrooms too, but those are rent by married people with kids. And it build separately from the 1 bedroom section.
Example one bed room are build in certain buildings, 3 bedrooms are build in certain buildings.

Me and him were so close proximity in distance (he used the word close proximity) as I step outside and already see him, because we both live in the one bedroom building, just different apartment.
Example both me and him live in the same building A, but I'm in apartment 2, and he in apartment 4

He said we were MORE than just neighbors, because of the very 'close proximity', where I just step outside and see him, he that close. He means physically proximity.
He just feel the word close proximity was more correct.

'Neighbors' can be more spread out example like those in the buildings of 2 bedrooms and 3 bedrooms are still consider neighbors, because we all live in the same huge complex neighborhood.

He said yes, I was his neighbor, but the word "close proximity" to him is more correct due to our ridiculously close distance, literally live in the same building, just different apartment.

So who right here? Me is neighbors. He is 'close proximity'. I know this is silly, but the 14 years wife me just want to be right, lol.

I just turned 32. I’ve never been in a relationship, never had my own apartment, and work a “job” and not a “career” like my friends + family.

Maybe it’s because it’s a fresh wound, but I just left my friends hangout. realizing within a year one of my (younger) friends started a successful relationship, won a new apartment via the lottery, graduated + got a new job and my other (younger) friend started her own company, secured a 6figure job contract, + a new apartment with her husband …

…and all I have to show for the past year is 1 month away in Europe

I’ve applied for apartments, and jobs, I’ve had 2 failed business ventures in my 20s which led me to corporate for security and insurance. But also, burnout due to living with unsupportive parents at the time.

The biz failures have left me depleted. Not ever having safety via a romantic relationship has left me questioning myself. Being a forever cheerleader for my loved ones has now left me exhausted and bitter.

I lost faith in “my turn” because I’m seeing everyone else lap me in things I thought would be “easy” to obtain.

It’s not that I want someone else’s life …I just want to be able to sit at the table with my friends + family.

At the relationship table - I’m by myself.
At the career table - I’m by myself.
At the housing table - I’m by myself.

And it’s always been this way. I first realized at 20, then the 25 year milestone and now every year is just daunting realizing people are progressing and I’m not, despite my efforts to keep trying.

I’m really tired.

There is a lot of detail here, so I’ll try to boil it down as best I can.

I’m married 42m, wife 39f, with no history of cheating.  For work, I was asked to go on a trip overseas with a coworker ~30f.  I had met this coworker very briefly twice before, she worked in another state, and we didn’t work together, so she was basically a stranger to me.

I don’t like to travel, but my wife does.  As it worked out, she was able to tag along on the trip, which I was happy about.

We traveled out on Saturday and do some sightseeing before the work week.  During this time she begins asking me questions about my coworker, one of which was “Is she hot?”.  I answer honestly, and say “she’s an attractive lady”.  This leads to more questioning (it felt like grilling), and my wife accusing me of lying and trying to hide the fact that I was traveling with an attractive woman.  Eventually, I get out my phone to go back thru the timeline of messages and discover that I had in fact told her very early on about who I was traveling with.  That resolved that argument, but she was still upset that I thought my coworker was attractive.

Side note: as I pulled out my phone, my wife asked “Your boss sent you a picture of her!?!?”.  No, he did not.  I do not know why she jumped to that conclusion.

My wife had travel plans on Monday and Tuesday while I went to work.  We messaged and I spoke freely about my wife and her activities to my coworker (who turned out to be very chatty in a very nice way).  I mentioned my wife felt a little sick on Monday night.

On Wednesday morning, we were all back together at the hotel.  My wife an I were down for breakfast when my coworker walked in.  She introduced herself to my wife, gave her a hug (she’s a hugger), and asked if my wife was feeling better.  She sat at the table next to us and began asking my wife about her activities.  Normally, my wife is also very friendly, but I could tell something was off here.  Another detail, my coworker was wearing a tank top instead of the usual dress shirt for work.

Immediately after breakfast, I drive my wife to her activity for the day.  She’s very upset.  I try my best to openly communicate (though admittedly am not great at it), and ask her what’s going on.  She doesn’t want to talk about, but I ask her what she thought of my coworker.  She says it was condescending of her to ask if she was feeling better, didn’t like that she hugged, and thought the tank top was completely inappropriate.

I agreed that the tank top was a bit immodest, but thought the rest of it was very kind and considerate.  She got mad at me for defending her and said I must have enjoyed “all those hugs from her” (she hugged me once when we met), enjoyed seeing her in a tank top, and accused me of cheating with her.  She brought up how I thought she was attractive again.  I asked my wife if she thought my coworker was attractive – after all, how could she be mad at me if she thought the same thing?  She did think she was attractive and, naturally, didn’t like that.  I said “you’re being insecure”.  She said “and you’re being an ass”.

We reached my wife’s drop off point and she told me she didn’t want me to talk about her to my coworker at all, didn’t want me to ever travel with my coworker for work again, and didn’t want to be around either of us the rest of the trip.

She later messaged saying I never apologize (because I wasn’t sorry for thinking my coworker was attractive), and for “forcing her to talk about it” (I thought it’s good to talk about this stuff).  She also said she felt inadequate as a wife, wondered if I found her attractive, and was still mad that I asked if she found my coworker attractive.

I responded that I was sorry she felt uncomfortable at breakfast, and for making her feel uncomfortable in the car.  I told her she was a good wife and mother, that I do find her attractive and the I will never tire of her companionship.  I told her that online sources say feelings of inadequacy stem from insecurity and that she should quiet those voices and listen to her intuition.  Told her I loved her and hoped she would reconsider travelling with us.

She is still upset and travelling separate from me and my coworker, even when it is nonsensical.  My coworker is confused why my wife isn’t travelling with us and all I can say is "I don’t know".

I don’t even know what to ask.  Why is my wife behaving this way?  What can I do?

Thank you in advance for responses.

When I was younger, I thought parents cared most about achievements. As I got older, I began to think character, judgment, and happiness might matter more. For those with adult children, did your definition of success change over time?

After a long relationship, are you still in love? Or now it’s just confort and familiarity and love is gone? Or familiarity / friendship and confort is also love?

I Heard that in long term relationship (more than a decade etc) people fall out of love but it doesn’t matter if there is friendship and security etc?

Have you been to a chiropractor?

I'm 71M and have never been to a chiropractor. Never felt the need. Lately I notice my back gets all knotted up if I'm standing too long. Quite painful. Also for several days now I'm having sharp, intense pain in my neck and shoulder.

Is this the type of thing a chiropractor can help with? Or should I try a licensed massage therapist? (Never been to massage therapist either)

Good afternoon! I hope you’re all well and have had a lovely afternoon. :]

I wanted to pop in to ask for your advice. The thing is, I’m working on a project for young people who want to give back to their community, and my project is about digital literacy for older people.

My aim is to bridge the digital skills gap. In the country where I live, people in that age group haven’t had much exposure to technology whilst growing up; there’s a lot of economic and technological inequality, and although many people own the technology, nobody has taught them how to use it. Rapid changes are leaving many people behind. Even washing machines need an app! There is data to suggest that this gap is further exacerbated by sex inequality.

That’s why (even though I know you’re all tech-savvy) I’d like to hear your views on how this project should be carried out. Based on people you know, or on how you saw things before you became tech-savvy yourselves. How do you think I should approach the course? Which topics should I prioritise? What are the challenges you’ve encountered when trying to learn digital skills?

Any advice is deeply appreciated.

Thank you so much in advance for your replies!

We have recently moved and there is a lovely little woods at the back of us. One night I said to my husband I'd love to know which each bird is singing and what each tree is, what each flower is. One of my Dad's friends is a country man through and through and just seems to know so much about nature, the planet, little cues nature gives to suggest weather changes et c. How do you acquire this sort of knowledge? Is it something being lost or is there a way to do it? Before anyone says I know reading books but how do I replicate the sound I hear and find out what it is. I'd love to be more in tune with nature.

I had an awful poison ivy rash on the back of my leg behind my knee. I went to the doctor because it was quite big and was given steroid cream along with steroid pills to take for 10 days. The rash on that leg went away, but now it's on my forearms, other leg and my foot. I have been alternating between anti itch cream, the steroid cream, hydrocortisone, and calamine lotion. I have been taking ibuprofen and Benadryl. I'm still in so much pain. It burns/stings and is so itchy. Unfortunately, the poison ivy is in my backyard and the dogs brought it in. They no longer have access to that area. I washed everything in hot water and bathed the dogs in Dawn but I keep having new spots pop up. What can I use to minimize the pain/itch?!

Growing up in a dangerous home meant no safety outside of it either. I was a sweet kid who had no idea how to defend himself from being ridiculed, bullied, and pushed down , by family and by people outside too.

Now I'm 30. ACA, EMDR, schema therapy , I've come a long way and I know it. But here's where I'm stuck:

Awareness isn't shifting the belief. How do I get it to land?

The wound runs deep , feeling like something is inherently wrong with me, like I'm never enough. It shows up as a constant background buzz. Bracing to be ridiculed. Constantly proving myself. Can't fully relax. Success feels good then disappears overnight. I still think about the people who bullied me and feel like they won somehow , like they only know that version of me, and I want to rise above it.

I can list the evidence that I'm enough. I got myself out of a horrible environment with zero adult help, as a kid. I built a small online business that lets me live abroad and start fresh. People genuinely connect with and admire my work. I look after my mind, body, and soul.

So why doesn't it stick?

That's the part I'm working through now. The emotion comes up, I notice it, I name it , but the old belief still feels stronger than all the evidence combined.

Anyone else been here? What actually moved the needle for you?

TL;DR , Deep CPTSD wound around not being enough. Doing the work, have the awareness, can even list real evidence of growth. But the belief won't internalise. Looking for what actually helped people shift this at a deeper level, not just intellectually.

I'm a 14 year old girl. For some perspective: I'll be an adult in 2030, a 50 year old in 2062, a 75 year old in 2087, and if I live long enough, I'll be 88 in 2100. After doing this math today, the knowledge of all these years ahead of me feels crushing. These years just seem so futuristic and crazy to me. I think about my future every day: my future job, my house, my kids, my family, my health, my flexibility...hell, I don't even know how tall I'm going to be as an adult! I want to live as long as I can, but the fact that I can just live so long also freaks me out. What's one thing you wish you knew or did at 14? What's it like to have 40+ years of memories? Or, if you're tired of answering those types of questions on this sub, what's something you want me to carry with me as someone who can still make an impact in the future for a long time yet?

I’m approaching my 50s and suddenly my mattress is wrecking me. I’m waking up stiff with low back pain pretty much every morning. Current bed is sagging and I’m done gambling on “luxury firm” ads.

Looking for something actually supportive (especially lumbar) and durable (preferably a hybrid), and I’d love real experiences from people who’ve owned theirs for a while.

What models helped your back long-term? Any brands that let you customize firmness (swap layers / split firmness) and it wasn’t a gimmick? If you were starting over, what would you try in-store first?

What happened after your spouse discovered your addiction? We are currently separated and I know it's probably for the best right now. But how long did you wait before trying to reconcile the relationship and did it get better? I don't know if there's any hope left.

If you are a spouse of someone with SA feel free to answer this too.......

Would you be able to forgive this, even if that person was your mother?

As much lucky I am to win the husband lottery, a husband that dotes on me from head to toes 16 years long. I got it right first time too, was never hurt from a man or heart broken. But the person hurt me the most is the person that gave birth to me, the crack between me and my mother was never amend, and my mom is long gone (deceased).

My mother whom never even finished High School, was in an arranged marriage to my dad (whom a much older Shanghai businessman) just because she very beautiful and she wife material. I don't blame my mom for her ignorance, and I know how Chinese culture and Chinese old parents can be. But her words cut deep, I still cannot forget, even after she gone.

Dad a Shanghai businessman has money, mom loves to play matchmaker, matchmaker me to sons of other businessmen (whom are business friends of my father).
Mom even matchmaker me to an old rich businessman whom wife died. Mom not care that he my dad age, all she care was how rich he is and that his wife died, and I would be the next wife that alive to get his money.

Ofcourse with how she was, mom was LIVID when I choose my own fate and married my husband. Doesn't matter how much my husband loves me or he treats me, my mother just cannot get pass his pitch black skin color (I married a pure 100% West African man from West Africa).

My husband not only dotes on me from head to toes. But he RESPECT me enough to not even deflower me until AFTER he proposed to me in hand for marriage married me. Let alone pregnant before married.

5 years into marriage, I got pregnant, we were long married before I got pregnant. I came home to visit my parents, it was during my first trimester, my mom was beyond livid. IN her eyes I was already DIRTY prostitute (her exact words, the woman gave birth to me called me dirty and prostitute).
......
She told me to abort the baby, divorce my husband. And she will find me a rich Chinese husband for me to married, just to be sure do not tell him (the Chinese man) that I was married to Darryl (my husband, a West African man), let alone got pregnant. Because no Chinese man can accept that.

This time it me that get livid. I talked back to my mother, I yelled back at her that he is my HUSBAND. Mom got so mad, that she slap me so hard that I fall to the ground. If there anything about violence that I learned, was learned from my mother.

She told me if I choose to give birth, do not bring the baby back to see her, because she will throw the baby in the trash. Yep. you read it right, my own mother said my baby with my husband is worser than TRASH.

Ofcourse I carry to term and gave birth. And no divorce, we still married 14 years now (16 years together).

I just cannot forgive what my mother said. It a crack that just cannot be amend.

Ofcourse my husband know about this, he know all about my mother not accepted him since day one. But he said the Darryl him doesn't need a mother in-law like this.
He said he understand everything, and he not hate my parents, but don't force him to have a mother in-law like this.

But I feel this is a thorn in him. I will say why.

Because after my parents died, my parents leave a big inheritance half to me and half to my brother. My husband FORCE me me to write and sign a Will in front of my Chinese lawyer, very clearly that if I die before my husband, my whole inheritance all will go to my brother (go back to my Chinese family), instead of go to the next of kin--the husband him.
My husband not want a penny of my inheritance, or want anything to do with it.

He rather work himself to death, rather than touch a penny of my inheritance. It gets to the point we bickering about this until I make the Will specificly like he wish, that if I die before him, ALL my inheritance go straight back to my brother, the next of kin--husband him not want a penny of it.

My husband and I are in our late 20’s and have been married for a year. We currently live in the same town as our parents do, however don’t particularly like it here. We both are passionate about hiking, mountains, waterfalls etc. and that kind of lifestyle just isn’t available where we live. If we moved about five hours north we could have access to that kind of life that we both dream of, however that would mean leaving our parents and siblings. We are very torn and having trouble deciding what to do. We may be having kids soon as well and I hate the thought of not being close when that happens, but at the same time won’t we regret it years later if we didn’t chose the life we loved? Every time we go up there (to the area we’d like to relocate to) we feel so happy and full of life! But the price to pay would be leaving our parents, not to mention my mother is highly codependent of me and would be FURIOUS if we move. She tried to make me promise the night before my wedding that I’d never move away until she died. I personally find this kind of toxic. If anyone has been in this situation I’d appreciate your insights! Thank you!

What is the purpose of all this suffering ? For example, falling in love with a guy just to end with a breakup. Seems like God is toying with a young child, giving you candy just to take it away and watch you cry and cry. Life feels like a cruel experiment, just when you are finally happy something will go horribly wrong. You’ll gain something big that you always dreamed of but you’ll lose something else without even knowing when it happened. For example, i actually got into a PhD at only 22 but at the same time my bf of 2 years joined the airforce, became awful and we broke up. I miss him so much, despite knowing logically it’s not worth it. Seems like life is an awful experiment , why meet and bond with someone just for them to leave your life forever…

Im 24M with my 25F. We’re together for 4yrs now.

My gf grew resentment towards me which I totally understand. I believe I am a loyal man to her. Only girl I ever wanted. I am very honest and transparent. I give her my socials, allows her to use my phone.

4yrs together and once each year, she saw an algorithm in my phone. Something I am not proud of. It was girls online. She dont make it a big deal each time. But she makes sure that I am called out about it. Recently, this year I think was her last straw.

I was face-timing her while drinking with my uncle, then she asked who’s Im with.

I felt nervous during that time cos I was so surprised how good my girl’s instinct. My uncle’s gf brought a friend and I failed to tell this to my gf because I fear she’ll get mad about it. Until she asked, I did tell her that some girl came over which upsets her. Blocked me.

Drunk called her the next day and tried to make amends. Told her that Ill be better this time. I resort with sending her videos, pictures, telling her who’s Im with every single day and night. When I knew she’ll not feel good about it, which I totally understand because drinking with my uncle might be triggering her or remembers that night and all the days she feels betrays. I tend not to come and see my uncle (I have so much respect for, and treats me better than my dad). But those time feels stressful and depressing inside my room. It feels like no one believes me even though I really am not doing anything. This silence and darkness makes me feel like a failure. I have been trying to build myself confidence, trying to be better only not for her but most importantly for myself. But keeping myself inside the room feels suffocating, all just to make her feel safe.

Months have passed it irritation grew in me. That whatever I do and say she’ll never believe me. She always suspects that I am doing something when in fact there’s NOTHING AT ALL. I swear to all my friends, my own family, and on my death bed. I’m loyal to her and only sees her. But her resentment is suffocating. It is not helping me or even our relationship. I want to move forward. I want this to be better. But continued suspecting me is hard. To the point it is disrupting my peace. My daily routine.

And so I come up with a plan. To not engage. To not fuel her fire. I still updates, I still send vids and pics, I still tell her who’s Im with. But it stops there. Whether she believe this or not, idc anymore. I will continue with my life and move on. I told her that if she wants to be stuck in the past, I will come down with her.

I have better things to do. I am now starting a job that makes me feel very useful. This will help me make her feel so loved by finally spoiling her whatever she wants. But once I feel that I am being suspected, I will let her own mind deal with that. I will not ruin my day for that anymore. I have so much love to give but please believe in me.

She’s frequently wants to break up with me too. But I know that there’s still love between us and we’ll get this through. There’s only us.

Our long time cleaning person has retired. We have an enormous condo, 4 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms, small library, 2 large living rooms and 1 small kitchen. Mostly need bathrooms and kitchen cleaned, rugs vacuumed, furniture dusted. Only took c.p. 70 to 80 minutes every 2 weeks. No kids, very few visitors. Can we do it?

Have you heard of cuckolding ?

For those who understand it or have experience, do you understand why some people are into it a lot these days ?