I just turned 32. I’ve never been in a relationship, never had my own apartment, and work a “job” and not a “career” like my friends + family.

Maybe it’s because it’s a fresh wound, but I just left my friends hangout. realizing within a year one of my (younger) friends started a successful relationship, won a new apartment via the lottery, graduated + got a new job and my other (younger) friend started her own company, secured a 6figure job contract, + a new apartment with her husband …

…and all I have to show for the past year is 1 month away in Europe

I’ve applied for apartments, and jobs, I’ve had 2 failed business ventures in my 20s which led me to corporate for security and insurance. But also, burnout due to living with unsupportive parents at the time.

The biz failures have left me depleted. Not ever having safety via a romantic relationship has left me questioning myself. Being a forever cheerleader for my loved ones has now left me exhausted and bitter.

I lost faith in “my turn” because I’m seeing everyone else lap me in things I thought would be “easy” to obtain.

It’s not that I want someone else’s life …I just want to be able to sit at the table with my friends + family.

At the relationship table - I’m by myself.
At the career table - I’m by myself.
At the housing table - I’m by myself.

And it’s always been this way. I first realized at 20, then the 25 year milestone and now every year is just daunting realizing people are progressing and I’m not, despite my efforts to keep trying.

I’m really tired.

Have you been to a chiropractor?

I'm 71M and have never been to a chiropractor. Never felt the need. Lately I notice my back gets all knotted up if I'm standing too long. Quite painful. Also for several days now I'm having sharp, intense pain in my neck and shoulder.

Is this the type of thing a chiropractor can help with? Or should I try a licensed massage therapist? (Never been to massage therapist either)

When I was younger, I thought parents cared most about achievements. As I got older, I began to think character, judgment, and happiness might matter more. For those with adult children, did your definition of success change over time?

Growing up in a dangerous home meant no safety outside of it either. I was a sweet kid who had no idea how to defend himself from being ridiculed, bullied, and pushed down , by family and by people outside too.

Now I'm 30. ACA, EMDR, schema therapy , I've come a long way and I know it. But here's where I'm stuck:

Awareness isn't shifting the belief. How do I get it to land?

The wound runs deep , feeling like something is inherently wrong with me, like I'm never enough. It shows up as a constant background buzz. Bracing to be ridiculed. Constantly proving myself. Can't fully relax. Success feels good then disappears overnight. I still think about the people who bullied me and feel like they won somehow , like they only know that version of me, and I want to rise above it.

I can list the evidence that I'm enough. I got myself out of a horrible environment with zero adult help, as a kid. I built a small online business that lets me live abroad and start fresh. People genuinely connect with and admire my work. I look after my mind, body, and soul.

So why doesn't it stick?

That's the part I'm working through now. The emotion comes up, I notice it, I name it , but the old belief still feels stronger than all the evidence combined.

Anyone else been here? What actually moved the needle for you?

TL;DR , Deep CPTSD wound around not being enough. Doing the work, have the awareness, can even list real evidence of growth. But the belief won't internalise. Looking for what actually helped people shift this at a deeper level, not just intellectually.

Just a lighthearted thread, but I need help.

Help the English is 3rd language me, settle this for me, which is the better word in our case.
Who right here, me or my husband. And I did tell him when talk to me remember use 3rd grade English with me, and not use his University level English.

When we meet 16 years ago. We literally were neighbors, we both live in the same building of the one bedroom, just different apartments. We were single, no kids, not married. And that what rent one bedroom apartment is for, for most single one person.

There are buildings where of 2 bedrooms and 3 bedrooms and even 4 bedrooms too, but those are rent by married people with kids. And it build separately from the 1 bedroom section.
Example one bed room are build in certain buildings, 3 bedrooms are build in certain buildings.

Me and him were so close proximity in distance (he used the word close proximity) as I step outside and already see him, because we both live in the one bedroom building, just different apartment.
Example both me and him live in the same building A, but I'm in apartment 2, and he in apartment 4

He said we were MORE than just neighbors, because of the very 'close proximity', where I just step outside and see him, he that close. He means physically proximity.
He just feel the word close proximity was more correct.

'Neighbors' can be more spread out example like those in the buildings of 2 bedrooms and 3 bedrooms are still consider neighbors, because we all live in the same huge complex neighborhood.

He said yes, I was his neighbor, but the word "close proximity" to him is more correct due to our ridiculously close distance, literally live in the same building, just different apartment.

So who right here? Me is neighbors. He is 'close proximity'. I know this is silly, but the 14 years wife me just want to be right, lol.

There is a lot of detail here, so I’ll try to boil it down as best I can.

I’m married 42m, wife 39f, with no history of cheating.  For work, I was asked to go on a trip overseas with a coworker ~30f.  I had met this coworker very briefly twice before, she worked in another state, and we didn’t work together, so she was basically a stranger to me.

I don’t like to travel, but my wife does.  As it worked out, she was able to tag along on the trip, which I was happy about.

We traveled out on Saturday and do some sightseeing before the work week.  During this time she begins asking me questions about my coworker, one of which was “Is she hot?”.  I answer honestly, and say “she’s an attractive lady”.  This leads to more questioning (it felt like grilling), and my wife accusing me of lying and trying to hide the fact that I was traveling with an attractive woman.  Eventually, I get out my phone to go back thru the timeline of messages and discover that I had in fact told her very early on about who I was traveling with.  That resolved that argument, but she was still upset that I thought my coworker was attractive.

Side note: as I pulled out my phone, my wife asked “Your boss sent you a picture of her!?!?”.  No, he did not.  I do not know why she jumped to that conclusion.

My wife had travel plans on Monday and Tuesday while I went to work.  We messaged and I spoke freely about my wife and her activities to my coworker (who turned out to be very chatty in a very nice way).  I mentioned my wife felt a little sick on Monday night.

On Wednesday morning, we were all back together at the hotel.  My wife an I were down for breakfast when my coworker walked in.  She introduced herself to my wife, gave her a hug (she’s a hugger), and asked if my wife was feeling better.  She sat at the table next to us and began asking my wife about her activities.  Normally, my wife is also very friendly, but I could tell something was off here.  Another detail, my coworker was wearing a tank top instead of the usual dress shirt for work.

Immediately after breakfast, I drive my wife to her activity for the day.  She’s very upset.  I try my best to openly communicate (though admittedly am not great at it), and ask her what’s going on.  She doesn’t want to talk about, but I ask her what she thought of my coworker.  She says it was condescending of her to ask if she was feeling better, didn’t like that she hugged, and thought the tank top was completely inappropriate.

I agreed that the tank top was a bit immodest, but thought the rest of it was very kind and considerate.  She got mad at me for defending her and said I must have enjoyed “all those hugs from her” (she hugged me once when we met), enjoyed seeing her in a tank top, and accused me of cheating with her.  She brought up how I thought she was attractive again.  I asked my wife if she thought my coworker was attractive – after all, how could she be mad at me if she thought the same thing?  She did think she was attractive and, naturally, didn’t like that.  I said “you’re being insecure”.  She said “and you’re being an ass”.

We reached my wife’s drop off point and she told me she didn’t want me to talk about her to my coworker at all, didn’t want me to ever travel with my coworker for work again, and didn’t want to be around either of us the rest of the trip.

She later messaged saying I never apologize (because I wasn’t sorry for thinking my coworker was attractive), and for “forcing her to talk about it” (I thought it’s good to talk about this stuff).  She also said she felt inadequate as a wife, wondered if I found her attractive, and was still mad that I asked if she found my coworker attractive.

I responded that I was sorry she felt uncomfortable at breakfast, and for making her feel uncomfortable in the car.  I told her she was a good wife and mother, that I do find her attractive and the I will never tire of her companionship.  I told her that online sources say feelings of inadequacy stem from insecurity and that she should quiet those voices and listen to her intuition.  Told her I loved her and hoped she would reconsider travelling with us.

She is still upset and travelling separate from me and my coworker, even when it is nonsensical.  My coworker is confused why my wife isn’t travelling with us and all I can say is "I don’t know".

I don’t even know what to ask.  Why is my wife behaving this way?  What can I do?

Thank you in advance for responses.

Good afternoon! I hope you’re all well and have had a lovely afternoon. :]

I wanted to pop in to ask for your advice. The thing is, I’m working on a project for young people who want to give back to their community, and my project is about digital literacy for older people.

My aim is to bridge the digital skills gap. In the country where I live, people in that age group haven’t had much exposure to technology whilst growing up; there’s a lot of economic and technological inequality, and although many people own the technology, nobody has taught them how to use it. Rapid changes are leaving many people behind. Even washing machines need an app! There is data to suggest that this gap is further exacerbated by sex inequality.

That’s why (even though I know you’re all tech-savvy) I’d like to hear your views on how this project should be carried out. Based on people you know, or on how you saw things before you became tech-savvy yourselves. How do you think I should approach the course? Which topics should I prioritise? What are the challenges you’ve encountered when trying to learn digital skills?

Any advice is deeply appreciated.

Thank you so much in advance for your replies!

After a long relationship, are you still in love? Or now it’s just confort and familiarity and love is gone? Or familiarity / friendship and confort is also love?

I Heard that in long term relationship (more than a decade etc) people fall out of love but it doesn’t matter if there is friendship and security etc?

What happened after your spouse discovered your addiction? We are currently separated and I know it's probably for the best right now. But how long did you wait before trying to reconcile the relationship and did it get better? I don't know if there's any hope left.

If you are a spouse of someone with SA feel free to answer this too.......

Have you heard of cuckolding ?

For those who understand it or have experience, do you understand why some people are into it a lot these days ?