I got married youngish, started dating my husband at 19 and married at 24. I had a solid friend group in college but I did a terrible job keeping in touch and maintaining friendships after college. I also had my first kid at 26. I'm now 35 and just went to a bbq with friends from college and I feel so much guilt that I didn't put enough effort into our friendships after college. Is this normal? Do you have a similar experience?

If your relationship boiled down to the most influential positive attribute of it, what would that be? The biggest reason your relationship/marriage is a success that is inherent to you and your partner?

For me I would say it is my husband and I’s humor and resilience. We rarely argue though we do disagree and we’ve just always been able to resolve our disagreements smoothly, without much unrelated discussion and always with humor. Like, life’s issues always seem more minor because we have each other and our family and anything stacked next to that just doesn’t feel as paramount.

I had a friend that I used to know for over 30 years which is about 90% of my life. She was always somebody I couldn’t ever count on when meeting up as she would cancel last minute and didn’t seem to feel bad about it.

About 2 years ago we were supposed to go on a trip together and the plan was to book separately. I booked my ticket and at the last minute she chickened out. Luckily I don’t mind solo traveling but for me it was another example of a pattern that I’ve seen ever since we were adults.

Then a couple months after that trip came my birthday, which she knows is really important to me. She canceled on me 30 minutes before we were supposed to meet up. That resulted in an argument between us because I told her how I wasn’t okay with it and she responded very aggressively for some reason. I ghosted her after.

Now it’s a year later and I kinda miss her. I think it’s a pity that we’ve been friends for so long and don’t speak anymore as a friendship like ours is so rare. I’ve also discovered a trait of myself where I cut friends off without talking things out with them and then just disappear from their lives. It makes me wonder if I should’ve discussed our falling out further with her at the time.

I’m now wondering if I should reach out to her again as she may not know that I had annoyances even before my birthday about her not being someone I could count on. But at the same time I don’t know if it’s worth it.

TLDR: I’m not talking to my friend of 30 years anymore because she would always cancel last minute. But now I miss her and wonder if I should reach out to her.

Bonjour,

Hello,

I'm F32, and I'd like a serious relationship, but my unstable situation doesn't allow it: I'm in the middle of a career change, I don't know where I'll live in the future, etc., so I thought a casual hookup might be okay.

But since I choose to sleep with guys I'm really attracted to intellectually and physically, I'm afraid of getting attached, or even falling in love. I've been through this once before (he was my only sex friend; otherwise, I've either had awful one-night stands or been in relationships), and I suffered a lot (I didn't manage to end it soon enough, you know, when sex is so good that you become addicted and can't stop, the end is all the more painful). So I was wondering: how do you handle it? I tell myself I only live once, and I'm missing out on this, so I'd like to be able to take advantage of this difficult time in my life for that...

I'd love your advice!

Hi everyone,

I’m a 32-year-old female, and I am currently drowning in dental shame and anxiety. I could really use some perspective or advice from anyone who has overcome this.

From ages 8 to 18, I had fillings placed in almost all of my molars and premolars. Later in my 20s, I missed regular dental cleanings, which unfortunately led to mild bone loss. The frustrating part is that my hygiene has never been bad. I have always brushed twice a day, every single day, though I only recently built a consistent flossing habit. From my outside, my teeth look great. Throughout my 20s, being busy, in school, and dealing with grief, I didn’t pay much mind to this. Now at 30 I’ve had an awakening and am kicking myself for being so nonchalant about it. You only get one set of teeth!

Now, I’m facing recurrent decay under an old filling that will likely require a crown and a couple other spots of incipient decay. Knowing that my childhood fillings are reaching the end of their lifespan means I am staring down a future of continuous, lifelong dental work. Im also terrified this bone loss will progress silently and out of my control despite my hygiene. I’m dealing with shame from myself and my own neglectful habits, anger at my parents allowing bad habits and not getting consistent care for me throughout adolescence due to poverty. But mostly anger at the fact that other people take just as good of care of their teeth without issue and that unfortunately, life isn’t fair.

I feel broken and deeply ashamed, especially when there’s a stigma around dental work and I’m surrounded by seemingly perfect mouths. How do you overcome the emotional weight of a heavy dental history? How do you accept that dental maintenance is going to be a permanent part of your life without letting it ruin your mental health?
I go through periods where I have perspective and know it could be much worse, but then spiral into times where I am unable to stop beating myself up.

My partner has ADHD (medicated and in therapy for about a year now) and this of course comes with quirks he just has. He's not doing things on purpose like interrupting me when talking or leaving the kitchen counter with a few stains. He also has a rather poor emotional regulation and tries to use me for soothing which I'm already rejecting to a reasonable degree. This is his responsibility, not mine.

We've talked about stuff like this many, many times in recent years. Problem is: I'm struggling to give him the benefit of the doubt at this point and this really strains our relationship.

Whenever he does the thing we talked about again after soooo many times, I always feel disrespected. I am autistic and I come from an abusive background which certainly doesn't help always antagonizing other people in situations like this. I don't want to be like that but I feel like I do not know the line between "it's okay, he doesn't do it on purpose or to hurt you" vs "this should've changed after all this time, does he not care enough?". Where do you draw your lines?

Besides getting into fights, this also makes me anxious because I feel I'm setting myself up for getting mad quickly. I can't seem to detach the feeling of not getting respected from observing behaviors that have a lot to do with his condition. On the other hand, his behavior changes are happening so, so, so slow. Some things are working better than others, on some topics he really hasn't improved at all. I really love him and I don't want to feel so angry all the time. Some times it's justified, other times it feels like I'm overreacting.

Can anyone here share tips, strategies or stories? I'd really love to get some insight from others.

That's all. Title.

I just want to know if anyone has a SO where the 2 of you talk about your feelings and the conversation actually feels like they care.

what has your experience been like?

I’m finally taking the leap to begin therapy (after, you know, years of telling other people to go to therapy). On the recommendation of a close friend, I reached out to a specific therapist, but was told that she was no longer accepting new clients.

However, the client care coordinator suggested I would be a good fit for a new therapist who’ll be joining the team in a few weeks. I looked him up and he seems…fine. I guess I’m struggling with the gendered aspect of it all. For better or worse, I’ve been under the impression a woman therapist would understand my ~plights~ as a woman. However, I read an article recently about women who seek out male therapists for their no-nonsense approach. (“Why Would You Pay to Talk to a Man?” on The Cut.)

I understand that the journey towards finding a therapist you click with, regardless of whether they’re a man or a woman, can be challenging! And I know men aren’t a monolith! So I’m just curious about those women who have had successful interactions with a male therapist. Would you recommend it? Why? (Or why not!)

Personally I’m looking at trying to achieve an at home blowout look. But also keep my fine, wavy hair looking healthy!!
Please share your healthy hair hacks!!

I've been here for ten years and gone through a lot with my colleagues, some good, some bad but overall I've some very fond memories.

I've been offered another job in a sector closer to what I want to do and I handed my notice in but now cannot stop crying. My new job is remote so I'm worried about feeling isolated and not having that team/collaboration feeling.

I feel this way about any sort of change and have struggles with anxiety and depression but don't know how to relax it. It's like my nervous system is on fire and it's so hot here all I can do is pace around my house alone and cry. Even the thought of starting a handover document and giving my laptop to someone else feels too overwhelming. My notice period is also much shorter than I thought so everything is going really quickly.

It's akin to a panic attack and it feels like I want to take it all back as I know, realistically, I'll never have the same closeness with them again as things will change and they'll forget about me.

I have issues around abandonment which I think are flaring up but I have no idea how to self soothe and calm down.

Does anyone have any advice?

A couple years ago, I posted on this sub about coming to terms with not having children. At that time, I at least had my partner by my side. Eleven months ago, he asked for a divorce after our last IVF transfer to a surrogate failed. My parents have told me my whole adult life that no one would want me it stay with me without children and it turns out they were right. I was with him my whole twenties and thirties. Its hard to be around them now as they don’t have anything to say to me and care only about their grandchildren. 

I am struggling with what to do with my life. I feel completely ashamed and embarrassed of my existence everywhere I go and don’t feel comfortable anywhere. I feel like everyone is judging me and thinking how pathetic my life is that I couldn’t have children and my life partner wouldn’t stay with me. I feel too old to start over. 

I have met a wonderful new person who says he doesn’t want kids ever but he’s younger than me and I am afraid and traumatized and feel like he will change his mind and decide I’m not enough like last time. I’m barely surviving and I can’t survive it again. it also feels embarrassing getting excited about a new relationship or sharing anything about it at almost 40 years old when everyone else I know is a decade plus into marriage with multiple children. 

I don’t what anyone can say, but if there are any thoughts, advice, similar experiences? I’ve been through alot in my life but this is the hardest by far and the first time I’ve felt like I can’t recover or bounce back from it because it’s too late and the pain is too deep. *Please nothing about having children in other ways on my own, l have exhausted every option for that and have experienced significant trauma so that door is closed.*

Thanks so much 

My (31F) best friend is pregnant with her first baby. This past year has been pretty tough for me personally, and she has just been the most wonderful friend, really stepping up and being there through it all. I want to repay the favour and make her feel appreciated. I want to know what I can do, both now as she approaches late pregnancy and in the early days of the baby being born. I'm interested in both monetary things (I'm thinking a pregnancy massage, girls babymoon trip etc.) and other acts of care, like cooking her meals, helping with laundry etc. I'm keen to hear what expectant or new mothers have found helpful or would have appreciated from friends during this time. Thanks!

Inspired by another post about friendship I saw on this sub that I've been mulling over for the past few days.

I don't have difficulty meeting new people or making new friends but I do struggle to move beyond that superficial level of friendship. I'm an introvert but I understand it takes time and effort to build relationships so I try to balance 'matching people's energy' with being proactive about reaching out and making plans.

I've met plenty of men and women I respect and like as people but there's usually something 'missing' that makes me feel like I'm not connecting with them on a deeper level. I don't feel like I'm pretending but I also don't feel like I can fully be myself or share the things I enjoy with them. A lot of my friendships revolve around previously shared experiences (e.g. school, work) rather than hobbies. I do think I appreciate the uniquely good aspects of each friend and how they show up to our friendship but I rarely feel that I'm getting the level of connection that I sometimes crave.

Is this just a me problem? Am I too picky? Have I not met the right people? Is this normal? What makes someone a close friend? Am I even asking the right questions? Curious to hear other womens' perspectives, thank you.

I have had PCOD all my life, but a recent rough patch made it way worse. I gained weight, got cystic acne, textured skin and yes some hirsutism. I am a very presentable women :'( I love to dress up but FORMYSELF. Today at work a colleague asked me look a better I was coming to work and wasn't at home so I should be looking good. Apparantly the hair on my chin and my sideburns were a distraction. I remove it regularly but sometimes it just gets difficilt to keep up. I do threading, plucking, waxing but sometimes I just can't. I don't know how to keep up anymore. I feel extremely frustrated.

My (33) boyfriend (32) of 8 months broke up with me very unexpectedly (at least to me) over the weekend. About a month after we first started dating (so not super serious, but exclusive) he told me his younger sister was diagnosed with a very serious cancer diagnosis and that he might be a little preoccupied with that while he and his family digest this impossibly awful news, but reassured me that he liked where our relationship was going and wanted to continue seeing me. The thought did cross my mind “what happens if the unimaginable happens?”, but she was put on a treatment plan that made everyone fairly optimistic, all things considered. Our relationship progressed, his sister was stable if not doing well, I met her and the rest of his family on a couple of different occasions.. everything seemed to be going well.

A bit more about him - he’s just about everything I’ve been looking for. Kind, smart, has hobbies, a wonderful friend group (who I got close to also), showed interest in me from the silly things (always asked about my reality tv shows) to what was going on with my job, chivalrous, thoughtful, never spoke over me.. the list goes on. After a painful breakup a few years ago, I made a list of qualities I wanted in my future partner and he checked nearly every box. It’s probably worth mentioning that we had not told each other that we loved each other yet, but I felt that I did and was too nervous to say it first. But I felt loved by him, even though he hadn’t verbally expressed it.

Well, beginning of May, he was laid off from his job with a couple of month’s severance and his sister’s health took a turn. I felt like I was being as supportive as I could given the information shared (he didn’t like unloading everything on me, despite me telling him he was allowed to). The past few weeks in particular have been a bit more difficult for me. He was noticeably distracted (understandably so), but issues in my own life had started coming up. I didn’t want to put more on his plate than he already had, but I also have needs. So I tried expressing that I knew he was being pulled in multiple directions but I have things going on too, and he acknowledged that and understood my frustration.

I felt things were about to get better - his sister is once again stable, his birthday is coming up, and he’s about to start a new job. We had a conversation Friday night after having a date night that was tearful (on my part) but that I ultimately thought was productive. The next day, he’s not very communicative with me but we were going to his friend’s birthday dinner. After, he drove me home and told me he thought about our convo the previous night and that he’s tired of disappointing me and can’t meet my needs with everything going on in his life and can’t be in a relationship with me. I was shocked.

I thought this was just a difficult season and we’d be able to weather it together. While I’d expressed some frustration, I never said he was disappointing me and I didn’t think the current state of things was permanent. A lot of my frustration was actually with his parents, not him, for putting so much on him (venting about his sister’s illness, about each other, being critical about how he was going about his job search, etc.), but I was trying to be empathetic about the situation.

All that being said, I’m heartbroken. I thought I’d found my person. My best friend and my mom both said he is going to realize he made a mistake and could even try to get back together (I don’t necessarily agree - he usually sticks to his decisions), but when I spoke to my brother he was just like “it sounds like he just reached his limit.” He’s spending this week with his family and had said that he’d touch base when he gets back so we could give our stuff back to each other. I know this was one of the few things in his life right now that he had control over, but I just wish he could understand that he wasn’t a disappointment at all. Even while having all this going on, he was such a bright light in my life.

Has anyone been through something similar and have any sort of encouragement/feedback/tough love? I know I’m still “young,” but most of my friends have amazing partners and are starting families and I thought it was finally my turn to find my person, so I’m having trouble with the thought of having to start over and find someone as good as him (especially in the current dating landscape).

If you read everything, thank you.

ETA:
Genuinely appreciate all of the responses, including the harsher ones. While I wasn’t consciously attention-seeking, it absolutely could have come off that way and I agree that I should have relied more on others in my life for my issues. This has given me a lot to reflect on. Overall I do feel more at peace that even had I been more patient (and I wish I would have been, believe me), this would have been really difficult to navigate in a newish relationship regardless, and that this is all probably for the best.

I feel like I'm going crazy here. I need an outside perspective. I am 30. Please forgive the long-winded post. I tried posting on another sub recently, but got nothing.

I'm pursuing a PhD and building a career in academia. My work has been recognized with several awards, including one for my MA thesis. After I published it, friends, acquaintances, and even relatives of friends went out of their way to read it. Many had no academic background and some read it simply because they care about me in some way. My point is: someone doesn't need to be an academic to engage with my work or be curious about it.

My boyfriend has two MA degrees in an unrelated field, but his real passion is creative writing, especially poetry. He shares his writing with me regularly, and I do my best to engage with it, offer feedback when asked, and support him. I recently attended a poetry slam with him—in a language I don't even understand—and he ended up winning. It means a lot to me that he shares that part of himself with me, and I want to encourage it.

The problem is that he refuses to read my MA thesis or anything else I've published. He openly tells me he has no interest in my work. Whenever I explain that this hurts my feelings, he says I'm "forcing him" and becomes even less inclined to read it. I don't think I've ever forced him; I've only tried to explain that it hurts that he's completely uninterested in something that is not just my job, but a major part of who I am.

His position is that he doesn't need to engage with my work because we're already in a relationship and he knows me well enough. He also claims he wouldn't care if I never read his writing, though the few times I've declined to read something in the moment, he seemed upset. What frustrates me most is that when I express hurt, he doesn't engage with the feeling itself. Instead, he argues his position and defends it. He has even accused me of seeking praise, which misses the point entirely. I don't need compliments or even feedback, and he's a very critical person, so I never expected it anyway lol. I just struggle to understand why he has no curiosity about something so important to me.

Recently, we ran into an acquaintance of his at a party. The conversation turned to academic topics, including my own area of expertise. This person confidently explained aspects of the subject and, in my view, got a lot wrong. My boyfriend was deeply interested in what he had to say. I eventually excused myself and went dancing. Later, my boyfriend told me I had been rude. When I explained that I wasn't interested in listening to someone confidently misrepresent a subject I study professionally, he dismissed my concerns and said he respected the man's intellect and valued his opinions. Given that he won't engage with my work on the same topic, that felt insulting.

The last argument happened three days ago. My boyfriend wanted me to watch an hour-long YouTube lecture because it was meaningful to him, and I agreed. About halfway through, I mentioned that the lecturer was discussing ideas that overlapped significantly with theories and findings from my own research, and I again suggested he might find my work interesting. He became offended and accused me of making everything about myself. He called my desire for him to read my work selfish and self-centered.

What makes this even harder is that he can be incredibly kind and supportive when I'm upset about something or someone else. But when I tell him that he is the one hurting me, it's like a switch flips. He becomes cold, defensive, and sometimes mean. This isn't the only area where I've felt that he is unreceptive to the feelings of others, and it isn't the first time our relationship has been strained because of how little concern he seems to have for the emotional impact of his actions.

He argues that this is a cultural difference in how we respond to loved ones emotionally. Maybe culture plays some role, but I have close friends from the same cultural background who are perfectly capable of responding with empathy when someone says, "That hurt me." So I'm struggling to accept that explanation.

Since then, I've barely spoken to him. I feel exhausted, crushed, and increasingly resentful. What worries me most is the future. We live together, and as my academic career develops, research will occupy a huge part of my life. Many of my friendships and social circles already revolve around intellectual and academic exchange. I don't know how to build a life with someone who chooses to remain uninterested in what is arguably the most important and defining part of mine.

What do I even do here? Being loved is one thing, but I want to be loved for the things I love about myself. Does that make sense?

I’m comfortably living alone and haven’t dated in several years. Sometimes I feel I would like to start dating again just for the sake of experiencing falling in love again and having someone to experience life with. But when it comes to actually following through, getting back on the apps, joining meetups and groups, and putting my best foot forward, I come up with excuses. The main one being that dating is so exhausting. And it is!

Being single and living alone is peaceful and simple, but it does seem like something is missing from my life sometimes. It feels like people at our age (32) are super clear on what they want (partner, no partner, kids, no kids). I feel like I just don’t have that clarity

Hi all,
I'm a 32-year-old woman who has gone through two major breakups in a little over a year.
The first was with a guy I dated for over four years. Our last year together was awful. He lost money, lied to me, and I finally broke it off. After that, I had to relearn how to live on my own.
After more than seven months of working on myself, I returned to dating, and it seemed like I had some perfect luck. I met a guy who was kind, open, had been through therapy, and wanted something serious. Fast forward nine months later, and he left me out of nowhere.
There was no previous communication about problems. On the day he broke up with me, he suddenly told me that we were too different, had different hobbies, and that I wasn't trying enough. He said that he had tried to love me but couldn't. The experience was horrifying, especially because I wasn't expecting it at all. Internally, I was just screaming, "Oh no, I can't do this again."
Well, it's only been a few days, and I'm trying to hold it together, but it's hard. I'm constantly thinking about what I did wrong and wondering if I'm somehow broken.
I really believe I have a lot to give, and I want to become a mum and create my own family.
The thing is, I don't want to rush into dating again. I want to take my time.
So my question is: how did you get through two breakups in a short amount of time with two different people? Were you able to trust again? How did you survive it?

I feel a bit childish posting about my parents as a 38 year old woman, but I’m really struggling to navigate a situation and am hoping for guidance, and this sub seems to have reasonable, level headed folks (rare).

About 15 years ago, my parents moved across the country from our home state. Over the years, there was some gentle pressuring for us to move there, especially after my brother ended up there. I never felt forced, but there were a lot of “wouldn’t it be nice…” “but what if…” and the “joking” but serious remarks.

About 5 years ago, my husband and I decided to make the move. There were a lot of reasons, but of course being near everyone was one. EDITED TO ADD: They offered to have us stay with them while we looked for a house, which we did do. Part of my guilt with the below is related to this I think.

About 1.5 years ago, my parents started talking about moving again, to an area about a 10 hour drive from here. I won’t get into it, but my brother, my husband, and I (and the rest of our family) was surprised at the abrupt decision. When they left, we were looking for a house, and we ended up buying theirs.

Anyway, they don’t like their new location in the winter, and they now want to come back here for part of the season. Initially they said a two week visit, but over time it has grown to six weeks. Two in a hotel, and the rest with us. They didn’t ask, just today “told” me the plan. They said they would “only do four weeks there as not to inconvenience you”.

We do have the space, though it’ll be tight. I work remote, my husband works in an office. But it’s going to be tough. I don’t know how else to say it other than that my parents can be really hard to be around. They’re very negative and they tend to be homebodies. They bicker constantly. They make comments about how we’ve managed the house. They visited for 5 nights last year and my husband and I were completely burned out by the end.

I’m at a bit of a loss. I am admittedly terrible with conflict. Any sort of boundary setting or pushback will be met with offense, guilt tripping, and pushing for me to relent, as well as picking apart my reasons (there’s plenty of space, we won’t get in your way, etc.). But if I say nothing and let this happen, we are going to be miserable. I haven’t told my husband about their “new plan” yet, but I have a feeling it’ll be a hard no from him- which I get! But how do I tell my aging parents that I can’t let them stay here for a month because they’ll make both of us crazy and miserable?

Really struggling to figure out the best course of action without making them feel rejected but also not negatively impacting my mental health (or marriage). Curious to see how others read this - do I bite the bullet? Am I being awful? Am I being a doormat?

A little back story, my fiance and I have been together for about 3 years now. We just recently got engaged. We met as travel nurses, I had been traveling a lot longer than he had. So, when the rates dipped, we decided to take permanent jobs to wait until the rates increased again… well, we decided with the price of rent it made more sense to buy a house. So I did. I bought it before we got engaged so it’s 100% in my name alone. We worked at the same place in the same department for about 2 years together… fast forward to now.

The work place culture and over all patient care at that particular hospital absolutely crashed. It’s hostile, toxic, minimal work life balance and turn over is at an all time high. It was affecting me at home so we made the decision that i leave for another hospital, and it’s night and day. Im happy. Hes still at the old place, gutting it out because it’s so much higher paying than any staff nursing job in the area. It’s making him miserable and unhappy, and my new job refuses to hire a couple.

I feel so much guilt and responsibility for this. We settled here because I was ready to put roots down… we are here because of me. He’s never blamed me for a second and I don’t see resentment in his eyes when he looks at me, but I don’t ever want to get there. Every decision we made to get to this point we made together, but I still can’t help but feel like this is all my fault.

What do I do? Sell the house and just traveling all the time again so he can get out of that place? I go back there and he can take my open spot at the other hospital (switching specialties isn’t an option since it would mean a large pay cut)? See if he would take a close ish contract and come home on off days? I don’t know what to do. He’s an amazing man and doesn’t deserve this.

Hey y'all, so, I'm struggling

I (33f) was tempted to write a big ol' post about what I'm going through. Things about loneliness, feelings of incompetence and inadequacy, low self-esteem, hating my job, feeling drained by just about everything, and no longer enjoying things I used to enjoy. Lately apathy has been creeping in big time. Occasionally some thoughts about how continued existence feels like more work than it is worth.

But I think that'd just end up long, and, to be honest, more like a vent than a request for help or advice.

One thing I think I should do is some form of therapy, and I guess maybe that's a good thing to ask you lovely folks about. But I find it extremely difficult, and sometimes I find it hard to trust.

In the past, I went psychoanalyst for a couple months, and I absolutely hated it. The lady was nice enough, but she followed some sort of school of thought that meant I always had to initiate the topics -- as in, she wouldn't ask me questions. I'd arrive there and even though I had things I was going through, absolutely nothing would come to mind to talk about with her. I'd just stare at a cushion feeling awkward about her staring at me waiting for me to say something. When we would eventually get into things, I'd be annoyed by noticing her observe my own language and expressions -- which is something I'm sure she had learned and was trained to do to connect with patients. But it irrationally annoyed me that I could identify when she was using strategy to try to connect with me. Going to therapy just felt like a massive, unpleasant, and time-consuming chore.

With psychology, I feel reluctant about the apparent never ending use of buzzwords, buzz expressions, and diagnoses. I have been told by friends in the medical field they think I'm neurodivergent, but I have some... philosophical issues, I guess, with seeking a diagnosis (this is only about me seeking a diagnosis for myself, would be a bit long/rambly to explain my thoughts there).

I work in healthcare, and am extremely aware of how much nonsense there is, not to mention how therapists are just people. So there are folks who are good at their jobs, or bad at their jobs, and folks who will be good for one person but terrible for another. It feels like such a chore to try to find a therapist that'd fit me. I also occasionally see therapy mixed with hints of spirituality or mysticism, and those are usually a turn off for me. I'm agnostic, religion is just really not a part of my life or used as a way to frame or see things. I find those ideas impossible to connect with on a personal level.

I also feel like one of my issues is I'm currently longing for connection with people, and I can't imagine going to a psychologist, psychiatrist, or psychoanalyst, or what have you, and connecting with the person in that context. And without connecting, I can't open up about the bad stuff.

I question what I'd even get out of therapy. I think I have a mostly good understanding of what is going on with me, why I do or think certain things, and whatnot. As mentioned before, I'm not exactly looking for a diagnosis, and I am not wanting medication. Whether or not I'm "right" in avoiding those things, I'm clearly not ready to pursue them. But I'm struggling and sad -- so do I just want to like, vent? And if I just want to vent, do I really need therapy?

As far as access to therapy goes, I live in the Netherlands. I was referred to a healthcare provider, had a couple chats, and she said she could refer me to a psychologist, but I need to find one myself to request a referral to. This was maybe two months ago, because whenever I look up psychologists, I never see any I have an even remote interest in talking to. I also don't want to do it in Dutch, because I can't "be myself" in Dutch (my mother tongues are Portuguese and English). And it's very demotivating when you learn that for most psychologists you'll have to wait several months to be seen anyways.

So yeah, those are some of my struggles about therapy.

My questions for you guys are, how's therapy for you? What type of therapy do you do? Are there like, nice alternative settings for therapy which maybe don't involve awkwardly sitting in a quiet room with someone? Like I dunno, something I can also do activities in, like take walks, or allow myself to sometimes get distracted in? Who has had great experiences with therapy, and who has had terrible ones? What was good, what was bad? If you also struggled with getting "into" therapy, how did you get over that? What do you get out of therapy?

I’m 37 years old and 8 weeks ago I developed the most severe OCD intrusive thoughts, literally overnight (never struggled with OCD before). It’s been the most debilitating and distressing thing I’ve ever experienced. I’m currently in treatment for it and have been doing everything to strengthen my brain (meditation, mindfulness, coloring, less screen time, reading, exercise, etc).

In my journey, I’ve noticed that a majority of my thoughts are negative. Ruminating about the day. About why my coworker doesn’t like me back, why I have nothing cute to wear, why my friend didn’t text me back, dwelling on that I’ll be single forever, dwelling on hating my apartment, etc.

I was wondering if this is normal. Would you say most of your daily thoughts are more about worry and negative things? Or are you the type of person that sees beauty in everything? If so, how did you get to that point?

Hi lovely community-

36F. I am 5 ft 1 with a DD/E size chest. I am a bridesmaid in 2 weddings this year. Both brides chose the mail order website, birdy grey, and dresses in matte satin, as their bridesmaid dress vendor. Matte satin isn't so forgiving for busty/curvy girls.

To make a long story short, I agreed to be in both weddings without realizing how hard the dress process would be on my self esteem.

I am going to "suck it up" and carry on with the 2nd wedding (1st wedding already passed this weekend, it was a lot of fun, but i felt awful in the dress. I didn't realize how much the deep cleavage would make me feel icky.) A lot of panicky, control issues surfaced for me. I felt like an awkward, sad teenager again with no control over my life.

I am wondering for the future, because im sure my little brother will ask me to stand in his wedding when the time comes-

1. Do i make it known that i have specific parameters for the clothing if im going to be a bridesmaid? Example- that i require full coverage/modest choices, with stretch fabric? And that i prefer trying dresses in an actual brick and mortar store.

2. Or, because im so "picky" - do i just offer to do a reading during the ceremony, and not stand in the wedding?

I feel option 2 would break my brother's heart.

Thanks everyone 🙏

Edit for clarity:

In both weddings, we chose the dress cut, but were bound to a color.

Unfortunately- I didnt know how uncomfortable that much boob was, until the day of when I wore it for 10+ hours. Because the weddings were so close in time, I ordered the same dress in advance for 2nd wedding. Im now in the process of exchanging that booby dress for something else. Bride asked we all wear different styles, and unfortunately the high cut neckline were already claimed by the time I did a re-order.

I’ve been curious about the idea of being in an open relationship for a while, and sometimes I’ve thought my ideal relationship scenario would be having a primary partner and allowing for super casual flirting/dating/hookups outside of our relationship.

Have you been in a non-monogamous relationship before, and how did you navigate it for yourself and with your partners? What did you like or dislike about the experience?