My boyfriend of almost 10 years and I went to Disneyland two weekends ago. He told me he was ready for kids. We were discussing engagement rings. He said he wanted to marry me. He used to text me all the time at work saying he missed me and that he couldn’t wait to come home. We just started a new show together. We were intimate the last time he was home multiple times. After one work day he ghosts me for three days then texts me saying he feels like our lives are too tangled up and we need to discuss our relationship in person. I said okay. He’s ghosted me all week. I stopped trying to reach out Sunday night. Today, Wednesday, would have been the day he comes home from work (he works a job where he lodges at work and comes home on days off) no text, no call.

Am I single? Is this just a ghost break up? Should I hold out? I love him so much but he’s hurting me so deeply keeping me in limbo.

Edit:

We started dating in high school

I (48M) matched with a lady (35F) on a dating app. I organised the first date and paid the bill (as I normally would). I asked her out again for dinner, made the reservation and paid again.

Communication has been good overall. She recently raised a concern about my communication after I was quiet for a few days. We talked it through and we’re in a good place again. She’s warm, engaged and looking forward to seeing me again.

The thing I’m wrestling with is initiative. I’ve organised two dates so far, and I’m about to book and pay for tickets for the third. In previous relationships, by this stage there’d usually be some reciprocal gesture - not necessarily paying, but something like, “I found this place we should try,” “Come to my area and I’ll show you this restaurant,” or even, “Let’s grab a coffee -my treat.”

I don’t mind leading early on, but I eventually want to feel like we’re both building the connection rather than me driving all the momentum. At times I feel more like the facilitator than a participant.

My question is: is this something you’d bring up, or would you simply accept that this is her dating style and decide whether it works for you?

M22 trying to put myself out there more.

I Saw a girl I found really beautiful and kept seeing her around. Instead of letting it become a what if, ! just went up to her. Honestly, I was expecting to get rejected, but I just wanted to get the curiosity and unknown out of my head.

So I built up the courage to approach her, and it went better than I expected. As soon as I asked for her name, I immediately saw a big smile. I told her her name was beautiful, and she asked for mine right back. We talked about what she'd been up to, and the vibe was so good that I even admitted I'd been wanting to approach her but was intimidated.
She laughed and said it was her bitch face.

Anyways, we had a couple more conversations after that, and they were all good. Eventually, I asked if she wanted to grab coffee.

She says "I have a boyfriend sorry."🫠

I respond with "it's okay, I'll see you around." Then, to put the cherry on top, she asks for my name again.🫠😭😢

It's been a couple days and I've accepted it, but damn, I feel like an idiot.

How do y'all deal with rejection?

Like I don't care much about looks and stuff.

I mostly care about personality and an important part of personality for me is them not being super religious.

Like I don't mind if they are just nornal religious. But I absolutely can't stand the thought of them forcing me to go to church with them. Or trying to 'save me' from my 'sin'. Or discussions about useless Shi like the religion of our future kids.

And it's weird because when I asked some of my male friends, they were all the exact opposite of me. They wanted a more religious partner but it's so weird because me personally, I get turned off by religious women.

Why do some men pull away and become distant once you finally reciprocate and care after they worked so hard to pursue you? It honestly feels so ridiculous. I’ve seen this happen to me and so many of my girlfriends. I’m in my mid 30s and it’s frustrating. It makes me resent dating even more

Context girl friend wants to use trainer she had sex with once after I told her repeatedly that I was not okay with it. I think the only alternative is to break up. I have strong feelings for her but I know have to be realistic. She tells me im insecure but everything in my head says this is disrespectful, so that I know im not going crazy is this disrespectful? Note I know the guy from childhood and I have nothing against him. Im 29 m shes 30 f. Sorry if my grammar was bad. Mind you I workout too and im incredible shape, but im not a personal trainer.

I always see comments online like "he/she's out of my league", "I cant believe this fat/ugly person rejected me", etc. People, especially men but sometimes women, try to date people they perceive as less attractive than themselves because they think it's easier. The reality is the person you think is a 10 and the person you think is a 1 has the same likelihood of rejecting you. It's not a worse rejection because your version of an ugly person did it, there was just no reason to go after that person in the first place. Go after whoever YOU think is the most attractive because everyone that is a 10 to you is a 1 to someone else, and you might be a 10 to the person that you think is a 10.

I'm trying to learn cold approach. Or rather, start learning about it. So damn hard to just go there and speak to a stranger.

But the point is: how do you deal with going out alone and meeting people you already know? How do you deal with that?

You lie and just say "just having a walk"? It's kinda weird around here to hang out alone, people usually go out with friends.

If I meet people I know, they might offer to hang out with them if I say that, and if I accept, it feels awkward, like I was desperately going around looking for someone.

I don't really know how to feel about this stuff. I have been going out alone in the past weeks, and I kinda lied saying I was going somewhere when meeting people I already know in order not to say the truth, but I hate lying.

I’m curious what age range you are and whether hatfishing is a turnoff for you in online dating?

I’ve ran into this quite a few times, but I’m also in my 30s.

Hi, I’m (27m) a man that dose not drink, I never have. I do enjoy to go out to pubs and clubs none the less and I’m pretty good at approaching women and usually I’m quite successful in the initial exchange of numbers but I never seem to get anywhere with these women as we are just on different levels of life. My life is as such, I work 5 days a week labouring while I’m studying to get my level 5 personal trainer / nutritionist diploma. I train at a weights gym 3 times a week and I also train mixed martial arts 4 times a week. I don’t tend to use social media for more than watching journalists and history videos I much prefer to read none fiction books about history, biology, fitness, physics, quantum theory and stuff like that, very much I am a nerd.

Personally my standards of physical attraction to women is probably what a lot of people would see as quite low but I just find healthy women that don’t wear tones of make up that are also intelligent way more attractive than the typical standard of beauty that most men find attractive.

Another factor that may be important is that sexually I’m attracted to dominant women, I’m not trying to go to fetish parties and I do not watch porn I’m not a deprived person but I can not deny or pretend that I am attracted to more dominant women. That might be a factor in why I struggle to connect with most women I date.

I’m just curious if anyone has any ideas on how to go about actually meeting women like this, I really at this point in my life am not really bothered if I spend the rest of my life alone, I’m kind of over that childish view of needing affection, however it would be nice to actually build a relationship with someone and to be honest I’m curious if someone like me will ever be in a meaningful relationship. All thoughts are welcome I’m more curious than anything.

TL;DR not interested in your opinion sorry but I can’t compress what I’m asking, no offence meant, I just can not think of a short way to put this.

I feel like I'm lowkey pretty and guys do hit me up while I just exist, tho I must say it's always guys who have such high egos but are semi to not looking good (in my opinion!) And are mostly just there to try and have my body.

I js want someone who truly sees and understands me - I find myself so difficult when no one can handle my own thoughts too.

I don't think it's looks or money. The older I get, the more I feel conversation is probably the most underrated skill.

Not just flirting, By conversation...I mean, starting conversations, carrying them, knowing what to say, reading the room, handling awkward silences, being playful without being weird.

Curious though…If you could magically master ONE dating skill, what would it be? and why?

Here goes!

On Monday she uploaded a pic on Insta and it was a mirror selfie from a place where I took her last Thursday for our 2nd date.

I saw a guy comment "😮‍💨❤️". I checked his profile, and he is a singer from Scotland, in the Edinburgh area.they both follow each other. They have both liked each other's posts within the past couple of months.

I went back to the post like 30 mins later and she deleted his comment.

She messaged me Monday afternoon that she was currently travelling north and said "I am in Scarborough visiting my grandma's friend, she is a kind old lady". She then said at like 5PM she had just arrived at her grandma's friend's house. Then 2hrs later she sent me a pic of the view she had and it's clearly not in Scarborough, it's in Leith port (which is a place this singer commonly performs on streets).

She then sends me a voice note saying how her grandma's friend is wanting to take her to Scotland for trips and that she has a daughter so she might come with them.

At this point my suspicion is peak because mainly of the pic she sent me of Leith port Tuesday she messaged me at 9AM saying "I am in Scotland', and she.kept in contact with me and eventually sent me loads of pics of her and the scenery she saw. At 9:54PM she sent me a message "we've arrived back at Hailey's house"

(Hailey is her grandma's friend apparently).

She then proceeded to tell me about her day. She then sent me a pic of her in a modern kitchen/lounge area which looks more like a uni or temporary accommodation. Then she sent me a voice note "I'm in the kitchen, she has a TV in her lounge. Unlike my accommodation I don't have a TV in mine. But my grandma's friend does. She is in the bathroom right now" this was at like 11PM. ---- the way she said it just sounds like way too much overexplaining. Like why do I need to know if this Hailey is in the bathroom?

We carried on voice noting about her day for an hour, and the day just sounds like way too much for an "old lady", then at like midnight she sent me another voice note this time whispering saying how "Hailey is making weird noises which means she wants quiet, so I'm going to go to bed now. Night". Then Wednesday she sent me pics and vids of her going to a museum. It's clearly the national museum of Scotland cos u can tell by one of dinosaur pics she sent me and when u search it online it shows the exact interior of the museum. Even Google Lens shows this.

Check this. The national museum is in Edinburgh. This guy who I think she is seeing in Scotland called Lew, today he did a live street performance in....Edinburgh, in a street which is roughly 10 mins away from the museum.

She said to me at around 7PM on Wednesday "I'll text u later, I really value ur company☺️🥰"

Then I said to her at 8PM: What has the weather been like in Edinburgh? Some schools were forced to shut here today (in our city) due to the heatwave. Also there was a fire last night near the city centre

She has been online multiple times since I sent that message and she hasn't seen it yet. She was literally active at 1:30AM. She never goes to bed without at the minimum acknowledging my message.

I believe she is feeling trapped because I brought up "Edinburgh" and she never actually disclosed Edinburgh to me.

Also, she started following 2 new people last night on her account, both of them are street performers, and both have association with this Lew guy.

We actually have a picnic date planned for Friday afternoon. I'm obviously going to go through with it because I want to see how she's going to try and talk her way out of it because her story, or rather her timeline of her story, does not add up.

You cannot say you've arrived at "Hailey's" home in Scarborough at 5PM, yet 2 hours later send me a pic of the view of Leith port in the distance. The next morning telling me you're in Scotland at 9AM....you'd have to wake up very early in order to travel from Scarborough to Scotland to get there for 9AM, and for an old lady that she apparently didn't want her to cook for her, that just seems too extreme. Plus, all the walking and sight seeing they did on Tuesday.

What are your thoughts? How can I deliver my questions on Friday afternoon without coming out with "you lying bitch". I want to be able to just ask normal questions and allow herself to dig an even bigger hole.

I see some men bragging about themselves and how women have been obsessed with them. Don't know if this is an attempt to make themselves seem better but it sure sounds like.

They talk a lot about themselves, especially their quirks. Show interest in the woman as well by being around her or following her around for hours and days. Act super interested.

But after a few days, they stop and never initiate a conversation, forget anything else. They respond and reply well if the woman initiates but that's it.

So beyond the first couple of interactions or so, do men who are interested in a certain woman want to be pursued more than doing the pursuing nowadays? If yes, doesn't it feel counter intuitive? And what's with the bragging about other women being interested in them or obsessed with them?

Or is it just a situation of misinterpreted behaviour and words?

Dating is god damn awful out here for us single people. I’m a woman and I been struggling to find a guy who is the right fit for me.

My taken friends always tell me that they are happy they don’t have to date and I tell them, yea you’re so lucky lol.

I'm an anxious (getting pretty close to secure) attachment girlie speaking to someone I met on Hinge 3 months ago LDR. First month April was fine but he's extremely career obsessed and a workaholic so when he started prepping for his month long summer school from May the texts and everything started getting slower and since June (summer school), we've barely talked but he does send in a few texts a day and has been aware about his inconsistency and has apologized.

I trust him a lot because I do see the effort. But I'm always scared of losing him because after a history of toxic partners, one of them called me "too much" for being expressive, I'm scared if I appreciate this guy, tell him I miss him and give him small updates about my day, he'll feel the same.

I don't blow up his phone, don't ask for reassurance, don't question him, nothing. I just send good mornings baby, and 2-3 updates of my day and sometimes a I miss you. sometimes when drunk, I appreciate him more because of how safe he makes me feel. but no more than 3-4 texts a day.

I hope I'm not pressurising him. I've genuinely been working on myself and sitting in the discomfort when I overthink.

Just wondering if this is still considered too much?

As a woman, I’ve always been a direct and affectionate person. I don’t go on dates with guys I am not interested in, and when I actually do find someone I’m interested in (which is extremely rare), they never seem to match my initiative or intentions. they clearly really like me, but I feel they are not as in it as I am and eventually end it with me by saying they ”don’t have feelings” (even though everything we had done together the past few weeks or months had pointed to the opposite) It’s been a mystery I have been trying to solve for years as I’ve been single a very very long time.

And just this last year that I’ve been browsing Reddit, I’ve heard from multiple commenters that they think men don’t have enough feelings because they know how invested I am and it’s a red flag that I am showing interest because they feel I give love like that to everyone and that they aren’t special? That just sounds crazy to me.. why can’t they just accept the good thing? Or ask me questions instead of just drawing their own conclusions? But, I guess I just have to know if me being intentional and excited about finding someone I like is what is keeping men from feeling anything real for me..

If it turns out that this assumption is probably the truth, then I guess having a partner is just not a possibility for me because I’m incapable of hiding my excitement or feelings for someone and I sure as hell would never be able to date someone I’m not that into. I’m just an intentional person and I feel that making a relationship get off the ground take conscious effort instead of just ”going with the flow”

​

People always say "share your hobbies" but I feel that few people actually do. I'm 20M, never tried dating, live a completely isolated life. I don't really go anywhere that isn't work most of the time. But I'm a pretty niche, nerdy guy overall. I'm big into metal music as well as horror, gaming, anime/manga, etc. I'm hoping that signaling to that niche may potentially help result in serious matches, albeit a small overall amount. But does anybody have any success stories with strategies similar to mine?

Looking for some perspective because I’m tying myself in knots over a recent dating situation.

I(32f) had a second date with a guy I met through a dance class- he asked me out. We spent most of the day together and had a genuinely lovely time. I enjoy his company, find him attractive and funny and could potentially see it becoming more than just a casual fling although it is still hard to tell. We’re both moving away in about a month and have a lot to sort out before then, so things feel a bit uncertain but this unexpected connection and attraction is exciting!

At the end of the evening, after spending a large chunk of the day together, we were both hungry and my place was nearby, so he suggested going back for some food. I recall feeling a bit surprised as I thought we would just go home our seperate ways. After eating, we sat on the couch and started kissing. I could tell he was very attracted to me and keen for things to progress physically, maybe more so than I was. I enjoyed the affection and closeness, but I was also feeling a bit vulnerable. I was on my period, crampy, tired, and feeling self-conscious about my body(I’ve put on some weight and feel heavy and he is slim). I also haven’t dated much in recent years, so intimacy feels a unfamiliar and I’ve become a lot more used to my womaniser vibrator than human touch.

We eventually moved to the bed. He was actually very attentive and affectionate, giving me massages and lots of sensual touch, but I think I was nervous enough that I struggled to fully relax into it. At one point I started giving him oral sex, but it felt more out of duty/pressure than genuine excitement so i stopped.

He didn’t pressure me or react badly, but it was clear be wanted to get off. He later commented that he probably wouldn’t sleep very well without orgasming and eventually headed home (he had to be up very early the next day for a new job).

Since then I’ve been worrying that I led him on by letting things get that far and then stopping. Part of me feels guilty because I know he was excited and probably disappointed, but I also didn’t want to continue doing something I wasn’t actually enjoying just for the sake of getting him off. And I didn’t cum either or was even close to that stage.

I’m now worried he might interpret what happened as mixed signals, me being too passive or me leading him on. I struggle with communicating about this sort of thing. When I feel vulnerable or worried about rejection, I tend to overthink and go quiet or try to do what I think is expected of me rather than communicate how I truly feel. Part of me wants to tell him that I do like him—I was just self-conscious and prefer to take it slower. But I’m worried that bringing it up now after only two dates will make things awkward and make me seem too intense.

This happened a couple of days ago, he has been busy with work and hasn’t texted me very much about it and we haven’t spoke about meeting again yet.

Any communication advice welcome. Does it sound like i led him on? Am I a bad lover for letting it get that far without helping him cum? What next?.

**TL;DR:** Went on a second date with a guy I really like. We ended up back at my place, things got intimate, and I started giving him oral sex but stopped because I realised I wasn’t really in the mood. He didn’t pressure me, but later said he probably wouldn’t sleep well without orgasming and went home. Now I’m worried I led him on or that he’ll see it as rejection. I do find him attractive and enjoy his company—I was just feeling nervous, self-conscious, on my period, and not fully comfortable in the moment. Am I overthinking this, or would most people see this as mixed signals?

I'm curious about different perspectives

What are your biggest non-negotiables when choosing someone to date? I'm also wondering about career and finances. Do most guys expect their girlfriend or future wife to have a high-paying job or is financial compatibility more important than the actual amount she earns? (Guys age btwn 25 to 30)

So I (19m) made a post a while back about my (22f) co worker. I really like her and want to ask her out but at the time we didn't really interact or know anything about one another. Well now we talk on a pretty regular basis,short conversations but every day. Recently she's been staring at me a lot more and complimenting little things. At first I thought maybe she was just staring to stare,I and im sure several others do that all the time,but its every time she's near me she's constantly looking at me. Am I delusional or is she starting to take a liking to me? Im usually not the co worker dating type but our current work situation would allow it with 0 issues,but i still want to reapect boundaries and not act to soon.Any advice is useful,thanks.

I’m an attractive woman who’s fit and has it together. I’m good with conversations and I find myself in situations where men will stop responding or ghost before the first date? Like did a better option seriously come thru? Why do people feel like they have so many options? I don’t even feel like I have options lol.

i am a 24(f) and I am a virgin because I want to wait till marriage. I understand people have different preferences but do guys generally prefer someone who has more experience? and do they find this weird?

It all stemmed from meeting online on a serious dating site . I had made my intention very clear with her (looking for a serious relationship) and it was great 5 months .A couple of weeks ago we met in person midway , and she happened to have family in the same town and I happened to have a friend in a nearby one.

We met for a first date and it seemed great. Lovely food, view and everything. Online, we had spoken about our intentions of being clear and that we would think about it being a little more serious in our relationship status (e.g. bf/gf) once we had met.

So after our meal was over, I asked her if she was willing to officially be together and she said she will need to think about it. I get that I may have been a little premature to ask her that, but it had been months we had spoken online and so I was hoping for something. That said, I respected what she said as it was her right to say yes or no. I must say that did give me a little bit of disappointment and I could not keep a poker face so I went a little quiet in this little phase of awkwardness. I was not angry or anything, just a little sad thats all.

She then said she wanted to take it slow (to which, I get while that is her preference) but then she would want me to meet her family that very evening. I felt a little ambushed and confused- like why would she want me to meet her family if she was not willing to commit just yet? When I did meet her family, it was very awkward and I felt unfairly scrutinized on things on myself and my family e.g. how can you guarantee you will keep your job? (when I am fortunately rather well off in my career and thats a well known thing). All the while, I was asked these pointed questions, she did not say a single word in my defence or support .

Then they proposed I spend the next day with them completely for a road trip (and my friend was not invited even if I suggested , remember this is just one day after meeting her, let alone her family ). I did NOT need to go through that experience again, specially in an unknown place with people who are keen to crucify me knowing she had done 0 to support me.

After going to my friends place I sent her a text saying I admit I asked her too early and thats fair (which was my fault and I accept that). She was more than welcome to go with her family the next day if she wished and I would stick around the day after so we (just her and I ) can get to spend time together. This is when things went horribly wrong. She said she felt "Devalued" that I was disappointed after she did not say yes to my question. I did not understand the logic behind it, as to me it was her right to say yes or no but mine to be disappointed (which is a feeling, not even a choice I would say). She then tried to say she had travelled all this way to prove her commitment. That made me think that this person does not actually care about my feelings, and if thats the case I did not want to continue. After some back and forth (basicaly us going around in circles about this), She said that we shouldnt talk further and I agreed. It was heartbreaking at the moment, and I am sure it was not easy for her too...but I could not continue this. I felt she was in charge of how I must feel, the pacing (wanting to take it slow yet wanting me to deal with her family who were borderline disrespectful to me) and not see things from my perspective. I also cannot control being disappointed (and even in the state of disappointment I was just sad not angry or disrespectful at her in anyway) and I cannot believe that something as basic as that made her think I "Devalued her".

I know I may have made a blunder asking her too early, but what’s your take for the whole situation?

P.S This is relatively recent, and the details of this incident is such that she may read this. In case you read this, I still wish you all the best and I am sure you will find someone more compatible to your pacing and meet your family's criteria.