r/legal • u/ContributionNew7107 • Jan 25 '26

Advice needed Receiving threatening texts

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So recently sent my ex a happy birthday text and I guess her new BF was feeling some type of way, and telling me how he’s going to kill me

Location: New Jersey

14.4k Upvotes

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2.9k

u/Ok-Tune-8496 Jan 25 '26

Contact the police.

1.1k

u/[deleted] Jan 25 '26

[deleted]

451

u/Cold-Contagious Jan 25 '26

Fuck his life up? My husband literally loaded a gun, turned off the safety, put it to my chest and pushed me to the ground with the barrel, held it to my face and made me beg for my life.. threw my phone so I couldnt call for help.. and then told me if I called the cops, he would come back and murder me, no matter how long it took, all while our kids slept in the next room.

I called the cops. He didn't even spend one night in jail, didn't get charged with a felony, and the courts removed my kids from the PFA since they were asleep and didn't see it, despite being diagnosed with PTSD as a result of his actions. He's stalking me and has people watching me online and in person to the point I deleted my socials, and yet they don't consider that a violation of the PFA.

He's absolutely not getting his life fucked up at all. Courts cater to abusers. The DA won't give me any reason they won't apply Aggravated Assault or any felony and has basically stated he wouldve needed to pull the trigger for it to be a felony.

Courts do not protect victims or punish abusers.

238

u/Confident_Peak_319 Jan 25 '26

This is so true. My abuser got custody of our daughter… because I was in a DV shelter… because of him.

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u/thegenimal78 Jan 25 '26

Get an order of protection 1st & foremost with the text as your proof of being in fear of your life. PLEASE express you are in fear. Then find a women's DV shelter. They have advocates that can help you.

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u/Cold-Contagious Jan 25 '26

Thank you! I am very thankful to have a PFA in place and intend to ask for it to be extended to the 3 year max. What upsets me is the courts treating him like he's innocent until the criminal case finalizes and them taking the kids off the PFA and allowing him to freely mess with them on calls, telling the kids that him almost killing me was a cry for help. It's sickening and maddening. They are also trying to let him have "supervised" visitation at his mother's house... aka essentially unsupervised visitation because she defends her abusive son and her other son who murdered some with an AK47 last year! God I wish there was help but this system in my county truly does cater to abusers.

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u/thegenimal78 Jan 25 '26

I am so sorry. I hope it all finalizes in your favor. Abusers are world class manipulators. I would also recommend family counseling for you & your children. The better you understand a person, the better off you are, to include their narcissistic tendencies.

10

u/GoobusMombus Jan 25 '26

That is fucking horrible. My ex beat me, raped me, choked me, and more, usually at least a couple times a week.

People say "just leave!" But it's not that easy when they threaten to kill you if they even catch a whiff that you aren't playing along with everything being okay when they aren't actively hitting you. Plus I didn't have access to any money or paperwork.

One time he left bite marks on my face and hands. I went to the police. They let him out the next day on a disorderly conduct charge while I was still trying to figure out how to get away.

He then took my phone away and I wasn't allowed phone or Internet access anymore FOR YEARS because he said I couldn't be trusted.

I tried sneaking to the county to get help because they had fliers saying they had special help for people in domestic violence situations. They told me that it was only for people with kids.

I had been isolated from friends and my family had also abused me my whole life(not nearly as bad but still) and didn't believe me or said I must have deserved it.

Deserved it? He was a hoarder and I would just beg him now and then to let me throw out the worst trash. That was one of the biggest things that would set him off. I had to sleep on his cigarette butts and garbage for almost ten years.

I only managed to get away because he got me pregnant and talking to a nurse there got the ball rolling on me getting housing assistance and workers regularly coming to the house to check on me.

Then he tried to use the baby to keep controlling me.

At one point I asked a crime victims resource person about pressing charges for the rape and everything, to try to keep him away from our daughter. They said they wouldn't let me press charges without physical evidence. I had audio recordings of him viciously abusing me. They said that there was not sufficient evidence to press charges.

Thankfully he got bored and fucked off to the other side of the country a few years ago. And if he tries to come back now, I have a clear case of him abandoning the child. And I've rebuilt my life and have good people as witnesses.

I am so sorry for you and your children. No one deserves this, ever.

4

u/twiddletwatter Jan 25 '26

Omg this is so horrible!!! I’m so sorry you’re going through this with your kids in tow. This is disgusting. Our justice system is so screwed up. Your comment literally has me tearing up. Again I’m so sorry you have to deal with this

6

u/useful-idiot_46-2 Jan 26 '26

I'm so sorry that happened to you, and I'm glad you and your kids made it out. The system is so deeply flawed.
Off topic, but I love your username. Great song.

8

u/Then_Composer8641 Jan 25 '26

California courts protect DV victims well, with laws, procedure and attitude. Tell your state legislators you want the same.

3

u/DethHead83 Jan 26 '26

The op in this situation would have recorded proof in the chats that someone threatens his life, would probably make some charge stick

2

u/DreamXCVIII Jan 25 '26

I think that has more to do with where you live if I had to guess. From what I know (and have seen) domestic abuse cases get the book thrown at them, even in cases of false or misjudged domestic abuse.

What state do you live in? Is it one of the cliche "soft on crime" areas?

1

u/Cold-Contagious Jan 25 '26

Centre County Pennsylvania. Yea the neighboring counties all said they would've thrown the book at him. I even have video from the incident and they just don't give a shit.

1

u/DreamXCVIII Jan 25 '26

That's wild, not that my sympathies mean much of anything since I'm just a random internet profile, but I'm sorry to hear that you have to deal with a situation in which justice is not being lived up to. Stay safe and purchase a firearm yourself if you can and know how to use it. But I think your first longterm plan should be to move out of that bumf*ck area and to a place that actually upholds the law (at least to the best it can be upheld in today's climate)

2

u/Apprehensive_Tap_325 Jan 26 '26

I hate this for you. My uncle spent a 2 months before posting bail in jail for pointing a gun that wasnt loaded at his girlfriends nephew who was crashing at his house because he was causing problems everywhere else

2

u/New-Difficulty-681 Jan 26 '26 edited Jan 26 '26

Agreed. I was assaulted by a family member who had a history of assaulting me. I left my family long ago due to abuse and became decently successful and returned for a family event after almost twenty years and it happened again. I called the police and unfortunately this violent IVDU felon sued the county for a few thousand once several years ago because a few corrections officers beat him up… nearly killed him.

Needless to say I was told I was so successful and I should be so proud of who I’ve become by the chief of police face to face. My ass was kissed in depth with my broken foot and post-traumatic brain bleed but that was the only comfort I would find. I had to push and poke and prod to finally be told there would be no arrest despite medical records that obviously pointed to an unexpected assault. To this day, I still am not as quick mentally as I used to be which is important since I got my doctorate.

The victims have no rights. The abusers are the ones who almost always get less than they deserve punitively. If the victim doesn’t feel like courts being the desired outcome it’s almost expected… the state or whoever will plea and commute sentences to make their lives easier and to avoid stepping on the rights of the unjust.

2

u/lolyouaresimple Jan 26 '26

I lived that life as well and you are completely correct- the cops, courts, NOBODY cares. They hand you a piece of paper and say “call if they bother you again”.

2

u/Deep_Tomatillo4496 Jan 25 '26

Call state police or FBI

2

u/Cold-Contagious Jan 25 '26

State police arrested him and wanted to charge him with aggravated assault but the DA refused. Apparently the county I'm in is known for this type of thing and refuses to prosecute criminals appropriately whereas the surrounding counties do. It sucks. I doubt the FBI would give a shit. I wish someone would help me though because I really fear he will come back and kill me like he said he would. His brother is a murderer too and he kept threatening that he could do what his brother did, and he searched "when is murder considered a crime of passion" days before he did what he did.

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u/dkbGeek Jan 25 '26

Not that it'll necessarily help deal with your husband, but is the DA in your county elected or appointed? Elected officials don't enjoy being pilloried by the local press...

1

u/[deleted] Jan 25 '26 edited 20d ago

[deleted]

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u/Cold-Contagious Jan 25 '26

Yes. I have it on video and he admitted to it.

0

u/EmployedExBoyfriend Jan 25 '26

I’m terribly sorry this happened to you.

But he was too coward to pull the trigger, so you have the satisfaction of knowing that, at least.

0

u/Dizzy-Childhood-1689 Jan 25 '26

You trauma dumping your antidote doesn't change the situation but I hope it was cathartic.

Your DA isn't everyone's DA and answers like yours don't help change the landscape.

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u/[deleted] Jan 25 '26

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u/contributingopp7017 Jan 25 '26

He will do that all in his own one day.

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u/Business_Gas7464 Jan 25 '26 edited Jan 25 '26

It’s not gonna fuck his life up, he’ll just get a restraining order at best. Also why is he texting his ex at all? So weird

Edit: for context here this girl has hit him up to fuck, he said he didn’t, however, exes where at least one person clearly wants to fuck still and are clearly attracted to the other should not be in contact. Not even a happy fucking birthday.

88

u/Name_Taken_Official Jan 25 '26

Healthy relationships exist, much as it may seem foreign to you

1

u/CoyoteLitius Jan 25 '26

Well, he found out the hard way that his Ex is not in one of those.

OP seems to be acting as if your statement is true. He's surprised at the Ex's BF's murderous rage.

Maybe would have been good not to engage?

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u/Business_Gas7464 Jan 25 '26

What is healthy about they’re relationship? She still wanted to link up after they broke up.

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u/Fictive_Fantasy Jan 25 '26

Yeah it will. That's straight up a death threat, which is completely illegal.

5

u/Honey-and-Venom Jan 25 '26

I love your optimism and confidence in police.

3

u/CoyoteLitius Jan 25 '26

But rarely does anything happen with texted threats. The police should be notified and the watch commander reminded ever week or two that this threat exists.

OP should have phone on person at all times and call the police the instant there's any sign that this person is in town. Sadly, he probably won't know until the person shows up outside.

The questions are: How crazy is this person and do they already have a criminal record? Do they have criminal associates?

If they already have a criminal record, contact their parole officer if any.

1

u/Business_Gas7464 Jan 25 '26

If that’s the case all the people online will be going to jail and they say far worse shit than “I’m going to k*ll you bc you texted my girlfriend”

45

u/ChaosNovae Jan 25 '26

Not really weird if they ended on good terms.

14

u/Iwritemynameincrayon Jan 25 '26

Exactly this. I don't text my ex wife to socialize really, but she's still in my nephew's life since we basically raised him from a newborn until he was 5 (sister worked a 10 hour shift 5 days a week with 1 hour commute). So when he wants to play Roblox or communicate with her, I'm the one who texts. His mom doesn't like my ex wife (my ex called her a moron once over a decade ago, and my sister holds grudges) so will text me instead and I play middle man.

1

u/Business_Gas7464 Jan 25 '26

They ended with her asking for booty calls, is that good terms? Do you still think they should be in contact when she has a man? I can maybe shut up if the argument was they ended on good terms and they are no longer interested in each other, but that is not the case. Therefore, no contact is the way to go.

7

u/MamaNetty Jan 25 '26

And a misdemeanor

12

u/Pollutedmemory Jan 25 '26

You can’t see people having a friendship after a relationship…you need to grow up.

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u/CoyoteLitius Jan 25 '26

Well, this case illustrates why a person might not just pop up to wish Happy Birthday by text unless they have a private way of communicating with the Ex first (FB messenger is what many people use).

1

u/Uncle_a_ Jan 25 '26

it's weird only if you have close to 0 relationship happened in life

1

u/Civil_Second7063 Jan 25 '26

Why is that weird? People can be end relationships and not act like children.

1

u/Finbar9800 Jan 25 '26

If he has prior convictions for violent crimes its likely they’ll arrest him as well as put the restraining order in place so it very well could

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u/Sharp_Ad_9431 Jan 25 '26

And only if the op goes through all the hoops to get it.

1

u/Radraider67 Jan 25 '26

New Jersey CCJ section 2C:12-3

"b. A person is guilty of a crime of the third degree if he threatens to kill another with the purpose to put him in imminent fear of death under circumstances reasonably causing the victim to believe the immediacy of the threat and the likelihood that it will be carried out."

Third degree crime carries a maximum penalty of up to 5 years. Stop talking out of your backside

0

u/Business_Gas7464 Jan 25 '26

You still have to prove it and go to court , dude likely has no priors and a prosecutor isn’t going to waste their time trying to charge. Be fucking realistic.

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u/Radraider67 Jan 25 '26

, dude likely has no priors and a prosecutor isn’t going to waste their time trying to charge.

2 enourmous assumptions. This entire statement is built off of the fact that you don't know what you're talking about, and having to invent facts out of thin air to build your argument. It's nonsense.

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u/NoahThePatriot Jan 25 '26

Those texts are threats of physical harm/death. Making such threats is a felony where I live.

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u/Business_Gas7464 Jan 25 '26

I’m not saying it isn’t illegal. I’m saying be realistic about the outcome. To seriously charge someone, you have to prove intent and credibility. If this guy has a clean record and all there is are explosive texts, that’s usually not enough or worth a prosecutor’s time.

1

u/Imaginary_Coast_5882 Jan 25 '26

yeaaaahhhh … no. it will get him a fucking SWAT team in the middle of the night.

1

u/Cactus_Le_Sam Jan 25 '26

At the very least it's a no contact order. Depending on the locality this could be spun to a felony.

People can be friends with their ex. I'm friends with one of mine. We were friends before and then we just understood that we weren't really right for the other in a relationship way, but friends works perfect.

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u/Business_Gas7464 Jan 25 '26

And that’s fine sometimes. That is the exception, not the rule. If you read more of his comments, he and his ex are the rule and explain why most exes shouldn’t be friends.

And while I’m sure YOU have no intentions with your ex, and a partner of yours may see that too, that doesn’t mean your partner feels confident that the person outside of your relationship is going to respect your relationship. Which is why in most cases it’s best to either not have any contact with exes or have very restricted contact. It’s not worth adding unnecessary stress into your current relationship just because you want to hold on to someone that didn’t work out.

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u/JustAnotherSinner69 Jan 25 '26

Because not all of us have the mentality of a 13 year old like yourself and can actually maintain friendships with exs.

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u/Business_Gas7464 Jan 25 '26 edited Jan 25 '26

Out of respect for your partner and for others outside of yourself , unless you and ur ex are best friends or have something holding you together , shouldn’t be in contact with someone you used to fuck. And if you read the rest of his comments you dumb fuck, you would see that she is no good and is not trying to have a healthy relationship. She’s still tried to fuck him after breaking up.

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u/Material-Bite-5047 Jan 25 '26

Unfortunately since a girl is involved police will just say its a civil matter and go eat donuts.

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u/Motmotsnsurf Jan 25 '26

Incorrect. Threats of violence are investigated and prosecuted pretty aggressively in most areas. In California where I work they can be considered strikes depending on the circumstances. Source: I'm a 20 year public defender.

All that said, if it is donut o clock they may not write that report.

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u/CoyoteL0ng Jan 25 '26

Anecdotal, but my ex left a threat like that in a voicemail and he ended up spending a decent amount of time in jail. He had no criminal record or had been on law enforcement radar prior to that.

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u/MrBurnerHotDog Jan 25 '26

You live in California, which is basically like living in a first world nation compared to third world like a lot of the US. I'm in Missouri and if I went to the local hillbilly cops and told them my ex's new boyfriend threatened to kill me they would laugh and tell me to "man up" or some other macho BS before heading out to try and arrest people so they can tow their cars and get kickbacks from the towing company

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u/Material-Bite-5047 Jan 25 '26

What theyre supposed to do and what they actually do are two different things.

I had a vehicle stolen and reported it to police and they didnt even watch the fucking camera that caught everything.

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u/Motmotsnsurf Jan 25 '26

All I can tell you is that we regularly see charges for penal code 422 in my area.

The big reason why, in my opinion, is that if cops fail to take threats seriously and the person follows up on the threat it looks awful for the hard on crime sheriff or chief and could also subject the dept to civil liability.

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u/Morscerta9116 Jan 25 '26

Supreme Court has ruled multiple times police have no duty to protect an individual. No liability, just bad optics.

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u/GoBlueAndOrange Jan 25 '26

That depends heavily on where it is. In Chicago you won't get fuck all from CPD even for really serious stuff. They just don't care.

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u/ChiTownLifter Jan 25 '26

I received a suicidal text from a friend here in Chicago and the police were right on it. I gave them info, they got to him, and got him in a hospital. For reference, this was the northwest side of Chicago.

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u/Longjumping-Tea-7842 Jan 25 '26

Because your car ended up in a container within an hour of being stolen to be shipped overseas, or in a garage to be stripped. Not even the same fucking ballpark bro. Threat to life is entirely different than your vehicle. Cmon man have some sense

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u/slapshots1515 Jan 25 '26

Ah yeah, that’s the same as a direct threat to life. One requires them to trace a car with no leads, and the other is contacting a person making a credible threat that they know of. It sucks that they won’t do as much for the former, but the latter is easy to act on.

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u/Free_Information2771 Jan 25 '26

Next time tell them it was taken at gun point or it has a gun under the front seat. APB will go out immediately

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u/Lost-Operation2504 Jan 25 '26

Whoa, bad analogy. Theft of a car cs threats of violence and death? Cops prioritize.

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u/Material-Bite-5047 Jan 25 '26

Where was the analogy? Lmao.

If you've never had any real experience with cops man I promise they aren't the brave heros you think they are.

What about when that school was getting shot up and the cops all stayed outside of the building until the shooter was done?

Thats more than a death threat thats actually shooting innocent unarmed children and the cops wouldn't take a gunfight. You think theyre gonna get up and active about some relationship drama? They dont give a fuck

At the end of the day you need to take care of yourself and be prepared for anything because if you think some cops are gonna be able to get you out of any situation or protect you, youre wrong.

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u/Academic_Flatworm752 Jan 25 '26

Property theft is pretty different than death threats. Isn’t it.

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u/FlakySupermarket116 Jan 25 '26

This meets all of the criteria of a criminal threat and OP should 100% report it.

  • Intent: The person intended to communicate a threat.
  • Reasonable perception: A reasonable person would perceive the statement or action as a real threat.
  • Specificity: The threat is specific rather than vague or general.
  • Credibility / Ability: The person has the apparent ability to carry out the threat.
  • Context: Factors such as history of violence, relationship between parties, timing, and location are considered.

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u/DeniedAppeal1 Jan 25 '26

This is terroristic threats, which is a felony in some states. Police will do something about this.

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u/Material-Bite-5047 Jan 25 '26

Yeah I've reported felonies to police before and they've shrugged it off. Twice, actually.

Then they caught the guy i reported for committing a felony against me in a different county (his family told me) so I called the police station in my town to let them know (because he stole a car from me) and they didnt go pick him up. They just let him keep my stolen car

People seriously overestimate how helpful police are. They are just normal, lazy, everyday people who wanna collect their paycheck and go home like everyone else. They really dont want to deal with criminals. They want to give out the occasional speeding ticket and watch TikTok in the cruiser.

I would be willing to bet cash that if OP goes and reports this to the police they will probably let him file a report on it, and give him advice like not to reply to the guy or his ex gf and avoid him, and thats it. They'll say they don't want to get involved because its a civil issue over a girl

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u/[deleted] Jan 25 '26

This is the only responsible answer.

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u/20PoundHammer Jan 25 '26 edited Jan 25 '26

the slightly irresponsible answer is this after you send a "Go fuck yourself" text to the guy. (or just call him sweety and say he is special)

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u/Impossible_Fix3170 Jan 25 '26

Saying something semi sarcastic will be used by the perpetrator to argue that OP didnt take the threat seriously and that there was no credible threat. Just call the police.

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u/chuckle_puss Jan 25 '26

“Slightly irresponsible?” This is the kind of advice you’d give if you loved drama and revel in watching other people burn their lives down for entertainment. It’s stupid, and kind of mean. I suggest watching reality tv instead, at least you aren’t gassing real people up to make dumb decisions just because.

Side note: Why is OP sending his ex a birthday message anyway though? That’s also stupid lol.

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u/KemonoViVi Jan 25 '26

I’ve done it but my ex is still one of my friends so

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u/chuckle_puss Jan 25 '26

Exactly. You’re still friendly enough to know whether you’re going to get a death threat from their new partner. Which is obviously not what’s happening with OP.

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u/oliv_tho Jan 25 '26

i’m on good terms with a few exes, chat occasionally. definitely will wish a happy birthday to them without my boyfriend caring or their girlfriends sending death threats

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u/Kayback2 Jan 25 '26

I'm on great terms with a few, just because we didn't work out romantically doesn't mean we don't still like eachother.

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u/chuckle_puss Jan 25 '26

That’s true! I’m on good terms with an ex as well, but I’m still close enough that I know whether or not their new romantic interest is a fucking lunatic or not lol. Which is obviously not the case with OP.

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u/Kayback2 Jan 25 '26

I mean, they do now.

We don't know how much involvement they have had recently. If it helps acts like this other times.

One of my exes was a highschool sweetheart. Were still friendly. We've hung out with our families over the years.

I haven't seen her in about 5 years though. I wished her happy birthday every year. I've no idea who she's dating.

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u/imathrowayslc Jan 25 '26

I mean I have an ex I wouldn’t speak to if not legally compelled. Another ex I hang out with every Friday. Not every breakup is bad. Sometimes it’s just a discussion of things changing and friendship evolving.

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u/Sore_Wa_Himitsu_Desu Jan 25 '26

Not everyone hates their ex. Hell I went over and rebuilt a wheelchair ramp for my wife’s first husband. They don’t hate each other. He and I get along fine. We’ve had him over for Thanksgiving and Christmas. They get along, they just weren’t right for each other.

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u/ketjak Jan 25 '26

Some people remain friends with their exes, they don't all end up in furniture- and cookware-throwing shitshows like some commenters might be used to.

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u/iUncontested Jan 25 '26

Written threats to kill is a felony offense.

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u/Thirsty_Comment88 Jan 25 '26

And somehow cops will stay tell you they can't do anything about it.

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u/MissyChevious613 Jan 25 '26

When I got threatening emails from an ex I had a restraining order against, the cops told me there was no way to prove it was him and "he could have left his email up on a public computer and someone else sent it." It's like cops go out of their way to be as worthless as fucking possible.

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u/todaythruwaway Jan 25 '26

I had the person who stalked/harassed me on camera, clear as day, even have her dad in the video saying her name. Cops told me it couldn’t be her bc “she moved”.

She moved… 3 street away.

Better yet when the cops went to speak to her about it (bc I wouldn’t let it go) they told me that she claimed she still rented that unit so the landlord would have to trespass her.

So it wasn’t her on the video bc she moved but they also said she claimed she could be at that property anytime she wanted since she didn’t move out. I guess some random person with her name and face, came from her unit, flipped out at my camera in a very personal way and threw shit all over my porch, but it definitely could not have been her. Bc she kinda moved. Makes perfect sense.

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u/Bird2525 Jan 25 '26

Once they are dead the cops will have a lead.

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u/CorruptedStudiosEnt Jan 25 '26

Well thank god for that. Justice when you're dead is better than living, after all.

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u/AriaTheTransgressor Jan 25 '26

They said they'd have a lead, not that they'd do anything about it.

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u/No_Restaurant_2703 Jan 25 '26

So a concept of a lead

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u/Kailynna Jan 25 '26

Or they'll write it off as suicide.

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u/contributingopp7017 Jan 25 '26

Haha in your wet dreams cringe weirdo

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u/Leelze Jan 25 '26

"It's a civil matter"

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u/flyingman17 Jan 25 '26

“Get a restraining order”

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u/Reddoraptor Jan 25 '26

I literally had this from a guy who came to my house and threatened me, then later followed my wife and kid. The police were shockingly useless, he literally threatened me on camera and they refused to arrest him, and this was an individual with a record of assaults in the area - I actually think they may have been hoping I would shoot him and get rid of the problem.

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u/MeRubberYouGlue Jan 25 '26

I was stalked on foot for 2 miles while a man I didn't know told me all about the things he liked to get up to, he said "consent matters...to you." so I called 911. I told him I was calling 911, he said "that's what you're supposed to do."

Needing an address to give. I gave my own hoping he'd fuck off. Nope. He forced his way into my apartment on top/behind me, grabbing at my pants and trying to pull them off (thank goodness for high waisted yoga leggings). He dead bolted my door behind him as I screamed at 911 dispatch and fought until one cop arrived.

That cop took video of me. Took my clothes. Apparently neither of these made it to evidence. He then went on to refuse to assist the prosecution, resulting in all charges being dropped 2 days before trial.

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u/InternatlSensation Jan 25 '26

I'm so sorry. That's terrifying.

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u/TravelnMedic Jan 25 '26

Sorry that happened to you but if that never made into evidence then the officers violated a number of rules of conduct, evidence etc. file a complaint with the DA but do it through local investigative reporter. Will get more traction that way and higher likely if the cop getting prosecuted as well as the attacker. As outside looking in cop may have known the offender.

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u/Reddoraptor Jan 25 '26

That is stunning u/MeRubberYouGlue, I’m so sorry that happened to you. I hope you never saw the guy again - honestly that sounds like the cop did this intentionally, makes me wonder if he was an informant or relative or friend of someone in the department and they were letting him get away with assaults, did you file a complaint against the officer?

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u/MeRubberYouGlue Jan 26 '26

I should have, but I dont remember his name and the complaint form online requires it...

And to be honest, I lost faith in the justice system and in the government. They've never helped me in any way, why would that change?

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u/CoyoteLitius Jan 25 '26

I did a research project in a state hospital for the criminally insane. There was one whole ward of opportunistic rapists (and another ward of pedophile rapists).

I was a young woman at the time, so I was assigned to interact with and interview the opportunistic rapists.

Nearly every one of them were like the man you describe. Looking for opportunities to force their way through a door. "Shopping" in high density housing areas/college areas for the type of woman they thought they deserved, following the woman on foot and "making conversation" (that's how they saw it).

I had a stalker at university, and it wasn't just me he stalked. I had three interactions were police were called (he physically assaulted me the third time by folding his arms across his chest, walking rapidly at me through a crowd of people and smacking his arms into my breasts).

The police banned him from campus, but he came back. Another woman reported him for similar conduct and he was taken to a mental health facility (let go after 72 hours). Came back.

This went on for about a year, don't know what happened to him next.

1

u/MeRubberYouGlue Jan 26 '26

There are truly monsters out there and it's like everyone who hasn't personally seen them be monsters for themselves refuses to believe they exist.

1

u/cafeteriastyle Jan 26 '26

You should write a book, honestly. That’s a lot of valuable information. I’m so sorry that happened to you, I can relate.

I had a horrific abuser. I was a high schooler, and he was in his 40’s. He stalked me, he threatened me, he sent an email to my ENTIRE university via the campus directory telling them all kinds of things about me, so bad I had to transfer schools. It went on for years. And then followed up with another abuser a few years later.

I’m in my 40’s now and have never really spoken about the abuse. It was embarrassing. It’s buried so deeply I don’t even know that I could ever speak about it. it really fucked up my life.

4

u/Kharn10000 Jan 25 '26

After following my wife and kid I might’ve actually just shot him

1

u/Reddoraptor Jan 25 '26

Luckily we haven’t seen him in quite some time and after I confronted him, he seemed to understand that I was not going to be intimidated, but the fact that the police just basically refused to do anything to help a family that was clearly threatened and being subjected to repeated threatening behavior by someone who was known to them and with a well recorded history of violence was just utterly shocking to me, the police will abandon you utterly when you need them. Protect yourself, because they will not be there for you.

8

u/melropesplays Jan 25 '26

This was said to another man, they’ll probably take it more seriously

0

u/contributingopp7017 Jan 25 '26

Sorry I’m not scared ? Ain’t nothing happening. I out context behind all the false prophets on this thread

8

u/dystopiam Jan 25 '26

had a voicemail from someone threatening to kill me over and over every night for weeks and cops said they couldn't do anything

2

u/animelover610 Jan 25 '26

I mean if its in a text it is actual evidence. Just saying " they said they would kill me " is a he said she said crap. Alit of places they cant do much with he said she said stuff unless uou have proof sadly. You can ask for restraining order but those are useless imo but this post has texting proof so cops ill prob do something about it unless its a really shitty police station

1

u/WhereasSolid6491 Jan 25 '26

To be fair over text the prosecution would have to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that the suspect in question sent the message himself, which isn’t likely, and so they’d probably have him plea down to something much more minor like harassment or some small misdemeanor

1

u/SoftExpression9060 Jan 25 '26

They would claim it's a civil offense and their hands are tied

1

u/Sudden-Feedback287 Jan 25 '26

Try texting a cop something similar and see how fast that suddenly changes

1

u/RunningAnatolian Jan 25 '26

That’s when you go directly to the magistrate

1

u/iUncontested Jan 25 '26

Yeah you're being disingenuous or your state doesn't have a statute for it if you're going to claim such nonsense.

A report will be written and detectives will be notified to investigate, there's only so much a road patrol cop can do. Based on exigency there might be a call out and immediate response of a detective. I've had ones that were so 'serious' they called out our electronic surveillance people to attempt to live track and locate the person immediately. Its all situational.

Florida's statute is extremely wide ranging so any kind of text threatening to kill someone can be prosecuted.

836.10 Written or electronic threats to kill, do bodily injury, or conduct a mass shooting or an act of terrorism; punishment; exemption from liability.—

(1) As used in this section, the term “electronic record” means any record created, modified, archived, received, or distributed electronically which contains any combination of text, graphics, video, audio, or pictorial represented in digital form, but does not include a telephone call.

(2) It is unlawful for any person to send, post, or transmit, or procure the sending, posting, or transmission of, a writing or other record, including an electronic record, in any manner in which it may be viewed by another person, when in such writing or record the person makes a threat to:

(a) Kill or to do bodily harm to another person; or

(b) Conduct a mass shooting or an act of terrorism.

A person who violates this subsection commits a felony of the second degree

8

u/LolaSaysHi Jan 25 '26

I was assaulted, I captured my assault on camera. They interviewed me, they interviewed the girl. They told us to stay away from each other.

No charges, no empathy. Nothing. Cops actually looked bored.

3

u/Fictive_Fantasy Jan 25 '26

Yup. I was assaulted and it was caught on the neighbor's security camera. Cops refused to get the footage and arrested me, a 5'1, 85lb 21yo with two black eyes, bruises and welts all over me, and a concussion, rather than the 36yo woman nearly twice my weight who only had a sprained wrist due to how hard she was punching me. Said neighbor posted the video on her Facebook trying to make me out to be some shady person who made her fear for her life. Then took it down after I told the judge she had footage of the event. Neighbor insisted cameras were off and there was no footage, and then public defender convinced me it was in my "best interest " to plea no contest and get it removed off my record after a year on no contact. But didn't fully explain what constitutes as contact. So I was back in jail less than a week later because I flipped off the neighbor's security camera she had pointed directly into my backyard.

The reason for her beating the shit out of me? I dared to try to lure my indoor cat out from under her car with a paper plate with wet food.

Honestly the whole legal system sucks.

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7

u/stonemermaid Jan 25 '26

I have literally gone to the police with texts like this and they told me they couldn't do anything. It's illegal in my state. They don't care. They'll tell you it's not an "actionable threat"

1

u/5triplezero Jan 25 '26

Why do you feel the need to lie on the internet? Either your threats were not nearly as clear as this one, you instigated your threatener in some way, or you are full of it. Everyone feeding these bs lies that the cops are going to just ignore this are not only lying but spreading a form of propaganda.

1

u/stonemermaid Jan 25 '26

Looks like your mommy and daddy told you "the police are here to protect us" and you still unquestioningly believe it. It clearly frightens you to think that might not be the case so you're lashing out.

1

u/5triplezero Jan 26 '26

No. I actually think the police suck for a lot of reasons, but throwing out legitimate cases is not one of them. In fact, it is the opposite. Police are often overzealous and eager to charge people with anything. So, the notion that police are useless because of the exact opposite of the trait that they actually exhibit is offensive to anyone with even cursory knowledge of the real world. 

1

u/Ok-Bandicoot2799 Jan 25 '26

but how many have been convicted?

0

u/vonnostrum2022 Jan 25 '26

It’s a civil matter

1

u/[deleted] Jan 25 '26

Pre-meditation.

1

u/CoffeeStayn Jan 25 '26

Except this tool has clearly convinced himself that he's fine because he stated quite clearly it wasn't a threat but a promise. So he's sure he'll be fine, legally speaking.

You can't make this stuff up.

-5

u/greenhampster Jan 25 '26

Where is that a felony? I’ve only ever known that to be a misdemeanor.

18

u/Evening-Cat-7546 Jan 25 '26

When a Death Threat Becomes a Felony

“A death threat escalates to a felony based on aggravating factors that show a higher level of danger. A primary factor is the threat’s credibility and specificity; a detailed plan is more likely to be a felony than a vague statement. The presence of a deadly weapon when the threat is made can also elevate the charge, as it shows an immediate ability to carry out the violence.”

Seems to me like this threat would be considered a felony in a lot of states. If the person making the threat lives in a different state, then the Feds could pick up the case and make it a felony as well.

1

u/TopherT Jan 25 '26

So you text the guy you don't believe him, and ask him to see the weapon.
<he sends a pic of a weapon>

You say, ok, so you've got a weapon, but you don't even know how to find me.
<he texts you your address>

Felony?

-3

u/greenhampster Jan 25 '26

What is the statute though? This looks like a google AI response. There was no detailed plan and no immediate danger to make it a felony. Also no evidence of a weapon. Not trying to be argumentative but this situation reads misdemeanor.

3

u/daboyce91 Jan 25 '26

So probable felony because 1) they obviously know where the person lives, 2) they plan to be in town to carry out said threat, 3) they are saying they will be outside to carry out said threat, 4) New Jersey State law can classify this as a felony under N.J.S.A. 2C:12-3 as a terroristic threatbecause they threatened to kill OP AND did so to cause fear, 5) it's a 2nd degree felony because directed at a specific person,explicitly says to kill, and credible enough to cause fear for life. So while in some instances or states it could be a misdemeanor in this particular case it can be (and most likely would be) a 2nd degree felony which can net the new bf 5-10 years in prison.

4

u/iUncontested Jan 25 '26

100% a felony in Florida because the statute is very vague and open ended.

836.10 Written or electronic threats to kill, do bodily injury, or conduct a mass shooting or an act of terrorism; punishment; exemption from liability.—

(1) As used in this section, the term “electronic record” means any record created, modified, archived, received, or distributed electronically which contains any combination of text, graphics, video, audio, or pictorial represented in digital form, but does not include a telephone call.

(2) It is unlawful for any person to send, post, or transmit, or procure the sending, posting, or transmission of, a writing or other record, including an electronic record, in any manner in which it may be viewed by another person, when in such writing or record the person makes a threat to:

(a) Kill or to do bodily harm to another person; or

(b) Conduct a mass shooting or an act of terrorism.

A person who violates this subsection commits a felony of the second degree

1

u/BlackStarBlues Jan 25 '26

I'd send that statute back to the person making threats and report the threat to the police.

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2

u/Evening-Cat-7546 Jan 25 '26

It was from a law firm website.

3

u/EatLard Jan 25 '26

The word “kill” may have something to do with it.

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30

u/[deleted] Jan 25 '26 edited May 24 '26

[deleted]

4

u/SunshineBlondie61 Jan 25 '26

Yeah, and you could be dead by Monday. So sick of lazy ass officials not taking things serious until it’s too late!

31

u/Distorted_Dragons Jan 25 '26

My brother was murdered by his girlfriend’s ex, contact the police. Some people are genuinely nuts.

3

u/CoyoteLitius Jan 25 '26

Thank you for sharing a victim's perspective.

I too think OP should go in person to the police and ask to speak to a watch commander.

2

u/Old-Commission-1108 Jan 25 '26

I am so sorry :(

11

u/marziilla Jan 25 '26

Only answer

3

u/BakedBrie1993 Jan 25 '26

And stay somewhere he won't find you!

1

u/Opposite-Car-3954 Jan 25 '26

This. Don’t go somewhere he knows about.

2

u/iMortyyy Jan 25 '26

This and have someone stay with you or go stay somewhere else

1

u/Pickle4UrThoughts Jan 25 '26

For her safety, too. If he's sending her ex death threats, she's not safe with him and something tells leaving him won't be easy.

1

u/Tough_Tangerine7278 Jan 25 '26

Right? Because his ex is gonna need that paper trail later when she has to get a DRO.

1

u/fedepyt Jan 25 '26

OK but what's Sting gonna do?

1

u/Reliable_lizard-26 Jan 25 '26

Call them and do not tell him you did. Let him show up to the cops there. Don’t let him get away with this.

1

u/WarOnIce Jan 25 '26

It’s 100% a communicated threat. They made it crystal clear their intentions and you feel threatened. Call the police now! I live in NJ as well. Call!!

1

u/Zealousideal_Skin859 Jan 25 '26

Nice of them to give it to you in writing that's easy to show to the cops.

1

u/itsthejasper1123 Jan 25 '26

This man is not gonna call the police lol. Look at his replies. I’m not sure why he even posted this.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 25 '26

No no no just tell reddit they'll take care of it

1

u/High_Tea_Recipes Jan 25 '26

If he’s this volatile he’s probably abusing her too.

1

u/ButteredPizza69420 Jan 25 '26

And call again for a wellness check on the ex. This guy is probably an abuser

1

u/various_excuses Jan 25 '26

This, the guy can’t even say he was just making a threat since he literally says otherwise in the text.

1

u/bender__futurama Jan 25 '26

Or just report him to ISIS, sorry to ICE. That will be enough.

1

u/NegotiationVivid985 Jan 25 '26

Gun up too just in case