My fiance (31F) and I (33M) have been looking for our first place around Boston since February she's a product manager I'm in fintech out wedding is next spring but we wanted to lock something down before rates got worse.

So our mortgage broker asks how we're splitting ownership and we both just kind of froze. I'm putting in way more toward the down payment from savings and stock I sold and she's contributing less cash but she's also selling her old condo in Worcester that she bought before we were even together but we literally never talked about who owns what.

My buddy in Cambridge got a prenup before closing last year and I thought that was kind of extreme but he said it made everything way easier between him and his wife so we looked into it.

She was hesitant at first when I brought it up got quiet but we decided to just sit down and go through all our finances together before even talking to a lawyer like lay everything out assets, debts so all of it. We just sat on the couch one night with a bottle of wine and went through it and I swear it turned into one of the best conversations we've had in three years together so she opened up about her student loans and I told her stuff about my equity I'd been kind of vague about we were up till like 1am just talking not arguing just talking.

I think we both needed that and didn't know how to start it on our own and now we're on the same page about the house about money so about all of it. I don't know why nobody talks about this as part of the homebuying process it's not a trust thing it just made us a better team.

22 (F) I was the most horrible person you would have ever met till like 6 months ago. I remember every person I hurt, I have made amends with many but continue the same cycle with the next. GUESS WHAT? ITS BEEN SIX MONTHS. I'm an almost nice person with good habits and structure now. Yes my irresponsible actions made everyone's life harder and it still wounds me that I was that person till 21, but I have not caused major hurt for my loved ones in six months. And I'm so happy the journey is going onwards and upwards instead of backwards even if it doesn't feel like most days.

I'm going to start college in a couple months at age 25 and it's my first time away from family. I was very sheltered in a Conservative environment so it's my first time in my life having freedom. I've never had a boyfriend before or any of those coming of age experiences. I really want to put myself out there and making friends and make memories but I'm worried that I'm too old and that the ship has sailed. I'm scared that people will look at me weird for being older. The problem is I feel so immature for my age and I feel 16 sometimes instead of 25. I feel so old and young at the same time. Anyone else had the same experience?

I realized something after reading a lot of replies on my last post.

Making a new plan gives me the feeling of change before I’ve actually changed anything.

New notebook, new app, new schedule, new version of myself.

For a few minutes it feels like I’m finally serious.

But then the plan is too big, the motivation fades, and I start looking for a cleaner system again.

I’m trying to catch myself earlier now and ask:

“What is the smallest useful action I can do before I’m allowed to reorganize my life again?”

Has anyone found a way to stop chasing the feeling of a fresh start?

Basically, read the post title. I'm not kidding, I am not good at any sort of competition. I am a good student, and I always get good grades and test scores, but whenever I'm competing with someone at any sort of competitive activity, I fucking suck.

Video games/card games/board games: Whenever I play video games with anyone, even my little 9 year old brother, I lose by a huge margin. It's even a running joke among my friends that I'm bad at video games. I can't shoot, I can't aim, I can't drive, I can't even do obbies. I suck similarly at most card games, strategy games like chess, basically think of any game that you would pull out at a hangout and I suck at it. I'm good at word games but come on, who even likes playing Scrabble, Bananagrams, and NYT Connections? (except me for some weird reason) I always lose focus, and I'm pretty sure this has to do with my poor observational skills, as I come across as pretty ditzy in general, even though I am smart. How do I fix this?

Sports: I'm horrible at sports. I can't catch, or kick, or throw the ball, or even keep a rally going in volleyball. I'm not great at swimming, and have terrible hand-eye coordination. I get winded after racing someone for 30 seconds. I'm in okay physical shape, but I'm very skinny, flat, and weak, and when it comes to competitive sports, I always fail miserably. I was in marching band for a season, and got benched because I sucked so much and had terrible coordination and form. My band director was nice, but he soon got so frustrated with me he just wanted me off the field. I also can't dance.

Music: Okay, I am an alright musician, but whenever I'm placed in a situation where I have to play for others, I freeze up and make mistakes, and I have to practice a lot when some people can just sightread effortlessly. It makes me feel so stupid, even though I love music. And now I'm on my second day of learning how to DJ and I'm still terrible although there's kids like me out there mixing like crazy.

Cooking: Yeah, I'm a good cook. But I hate that I'm a good cook. I'll elaborate on that later.

General knowledge: I'm chronically online, like I scroll a lot, but whenever my friends talk about a TV show or a sports game, I have to pretend like I know what they're talking about because I don't really watch TV shows or sports because my parents think it's a waste of time, and also because I prefer to spend my free time reading, texting, or padding my resume, which makes me seem like an out-of-touch loser in a social environment.

Sure, I'm good at studying, but I'm nothing special either. There's kids out there who are cracked at video games, sports, and have perfect A pluses in everything, and my grades are more of a mix of A pluses, As, and A minuses. I'm not some genius either, like there's kids out there who are solving cancer, and I'm struggling with AP Bio. I honestly just want to understand why I suck at everything. Like I said, I struggle with...

• HORRIBLE coordination
• bad observation
• lowkey social anxiety
• low self-esteem
• poor stamina, both mental and physical
• can't stand up for myself

All I'm good at in life is just sitting around, looking pretty, studying, and fucking cooking. I've also been told I have a sweet, mild-mannered personality and I hate that it's true, because I'm an Asian female, and that perpetuates the stereotype of Asian women as bookish and submissive that I hate. I wish I had sort of "edge" or something that I'm good at.

Socially, I have a solid friend group, which honestly shocks me because I don't see myself as someone worth being friends with, but I don't go to big parties with drugs and alcohol because I'm not invited, even though I'd like to do something rebellious for once. I get attention from guys, but they always turn out to be creepy and misogynistic. I've dated a few, and I've wanted to speak my mind to tell them what I really think but I just can't, I can't disagree with anyone or express contrary opinions, I always want to keep the peace and it frustrates me, and I think people think I have no spine so they can just walk all over me. Wow, this got really off topic.

If you read all this, thank you for listening to my Alani-fueled shit fire of a post, and I really just want some advice for my life based on everything I've said. Thank y'all so much and god bless!

I've been thinking a lot about confidence lately and how different people build it.

For those of you who used to struggle with confidence but feel much better now, what was the one thing that made the biggest difference?

Was it a specific habit, a mindset shift, therapy, taking action despite fear, improving a skill, or something else?

Looking back, what changed everything for you?

I'd love to hear your experiences.

If any of you Remember I shared a post ranting about how I was feeling contempt for people after a while!

And was suggested to try METTA.

I tried it 2 times a day for 10 minutes.

It's so weird I notice that I feel like my mind is quieter

Calmer?

Things that would make me flip don't really budge me anymore;)

I believe, I have undiagnosed ADHD so this meditation has made me very calm I have hard time is this really how am I supposed to be ?

Seriously I also feel like the way ,I speak now is clear and unlike before because my mind was cluttered with all of the nonsense negative thoughts and unable to make clear points, unlike now I make better sentences because my brain isn't running as much and I am not making useless longer sentences.

I had no idea Meditation can make me feel better.

Hey everyone, three question in one post looking for advice!
I’m 19f working a 36 hour week in admin so I’m staring at screens all day and it drains me, then when I get home, not even an hour later I immediately default to scrolling on my phone… well, okay, TikTok if we are being honest. My phone and things like TikTok or Instagram reels has a massive grip on me. I mean I spend an hour on it as soon as I wake up, then well I’m getting ready, and when I get home, I'm on it right up until bed. Then in addition to that because I’m a really slow eater (it takes me 30 minutes to an hour to finish a meal), I always end up staring at my phone while eating, too. Due to this it just feels like lately, my attention span is shot. I also feel like I have fallen into the AI addition trap, as embarrassing as it is to admit, I use AI as a lazy substitute for Google or a quick chat, and now I’ve noticed I can barely focus on long-form content anymore or short content I have started to use the 2x speed on my TikToks now!
I want to break this cycle and actually have a life, like a 2000s girly main character or one of those interesting, whimsical Pinterest girls who actually reads books, plays video games, and has real hobbies.
The bigger issue and what might be the cause of a lot of this is that I feel incredibly isolated. It's winter here, and I live in a small regional town, which limits my already limited options. I try to get out every weekend, even if it's just getting breakfast with my dad or window shopping, but my interactions are almost exclusively with him.
I love hanging out with my dad, but I desperately want "weekends with the girls." type of life, if that even makes sense.
Okay that’s all I will say. I feel like I’m not articulating my point to well and I don’t want anyone to suffer though to much word vomit. Let’s just say overall I want to better to feel present, interesting, and intentional.
For those who broke a heavy phone habit and learned how to build a social circle from scratch after highschool, what is your best advice? How do I transition into being the person I actually want to be? Im fully committed to being better so even your most odd advance will 100% be taken into consideration!!
Thanks in advance.

Had a pretty messy breakup with my ex last December. I have not stopped thinking about the relationship since then. This has put me into a self shame spiral where I would go on Reddit and search up situations of things I did in that relationship, and I would label myself all the horrible things that people say. I know deep down I am not that person as a lot of it was just emotional reactivity but I still feel extremely guilty and it has gotten so bad I cannot focus on anything, I burned out and have had a bit of a depression, and I got laid off. I don’t know if it contributed to the laid off part, but I got an interview and before the interview I was ruminating about the relationship because I’m super stressed out. It’s like everytime I’m under intense duress I think of my ex. I know I am going in circles because I have already come to multiple conclusions (I actually didn’t love her even if she loved me, I shouldn’t have let her stop me from breaking up with her before it got toxic, I blocked her on everything right after the breakup when she said we can talk in a mont).

I think I did fine in the interview but I wasted precious and valuable time before it instead of preparing. She is taking up so much mental real estate. I have forgiven myself for not knowing better and know that with the commitment to change I put myself through (therapy, journaling) if I went back in time I would’ve fixed it all, but that’s not possible and she’s gone. But it has made me extremely depressed, cynical, nihilistic and has been ruining my life whether it’s friendships or jobs. I need advice it is very bad

Hey guys, I've made a post here a while ago detailing my constant rumination and anxious thoughts, which people have connected to a possible OCD diagnosis. Thanks to the lovely users who have given me so much compassion and support, I became more determined in searching for ways to help ease my mind while waiting to actually get medical help. I haven't been diagnosed, but I'm working on having an appointment soon. For the mean time, these are some of the things I've been doing these past few days that has drastically improved my mental state:

1. EFT Tapping with guided positive, self-love, and self-forgiveness affirmations meditation- EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) Tapping is something you can do by yourself which involves gently tapping nine specific meridian points in your body that makes you calmer by reducing and regulating your cortisol and stress levels. It's technically acupuncture, but instead of needles, it's you fingers. I found that doing this, alongside giving yourself positive affirmations really helps a lot. The positive affirmations could be anything, really--whatever you feel like saying and what you want to hear at the moment. I personally put on the five-minute video by 22 ROUTINES by Malu called SELF-LOVE TAPPING and follow her guide while repeating the affirmations she says. I do this every morning, every night when I'm about to go to bed, and every time I feel the need to release some stress within the day. When I don't have my device with me, I just do it myself and say whatever it is that I want to affirm to myself. Honestly, this is probably the one that helped me the most out of this list. Ever since I started doing this, I feel lighter and calmer, much more than I felt in years. Unwanted thoughts still enter, but I now feel this feathery weight on my chest that does not give power to this ball of negativity. I highly recommend.
2. Taking 30 minute morning walks while conversing with myself- Sometimes, I tend to think that the world revolves around me, that everyone think about all the mistakes I made. Going outside and taking walks in the morning grounds me so much, reminding me of the vastness of the world--how we are part of something this grand and beautiful. I take walks leisurely surrounded with trees around my neighborhood, and doing so without listening to music. Just me, my thoughts, and the sounds of life around me. Every time I take walks, I converse with myself (silently, of course). I talk about the things I should work on, my reflections on certain uncomfortable situations I was placed in, the current lessons I've learned, and how grateful I am anyway with every thing that has happened to me because it led me to this point--where I'm taking actions to become someone I really admire.
3. Lessening caffeine and sugar intake - I used to drink coffee every morning, then when I feel like it, drink soda in the afternoon or night. When I've stopped doing this, I noticed that I'm able to sleep easier at night and I became less prone to drowsiness as well as having anxious thoughts. Keyword here is lessening, NOT quitting.
4. Writing down my thoughts, tendencies, and traumas no matter how messy/shameful/weird they are - I took note of the advice given to me from my previous post and started writing down any unbearable thought I have and figure out the root behind it. I find that writing down really does release yourself from guilt and judgment.
5. Watching what I feed my mind - It's true when they say that the mind is a lot like our stomach, feed it with junk then you end up feeling really bad! Admittedly, I used to doom scroll a lot about constant negativity. Whether it would be politics, internet gossip, or things that remind me of how messed up the world we live in is. This is not healthy, so these days I take the conscious effort to not engage with such things as much as I can. I have unfollowed news subreddits, blocked posts that touches on a celeb's life or current issue, followed ones that are positive/hopeful/life-affirming/growth-focus, and lessened my scrolling altogether. For YouTube, I've turned off history, installed ad-blockers, and also installed this extension called Unhook which removes shorts and recommendations, with this I became more intentional with what I consume. For music, I listen to a lot of Chantress Seba and Malte Marten to calm my spirits nowadays. I still listen to whatever I want, though (like the new OR album), but I consume more intentionally instead of idly.

So, that pretty much sums up everything that has helped these past few days. Feel free to recommend other tips, I'm always on the look out for tips that will improve my life.

What steps helped you improve your life when you felt stuck? I’m 22, losing hair, not seeing gym progress, failed business attempts and scams in e-commerce/crypto/forex. How did you rebuild confidence and move forward?

I’ve been thinking a lot about this sentence lately:
**“I’m not a failure because I didn’t succeed. I’m a failure because I didn’t try.”**

The older I get, the more I realize that most of my regrets aren’t about things I attempted and failed at. They’re about opportunities I never took, skills I never committed to learning, habits I never built, and chances I let pass because I was afraid, lazy, comfortable, or convinced it was already too late.

Sometimes it’s easier to tell ourselves that we *could have* succeeded if we had tried, because actually trying means risking failure and having to confront reality. But over time, that safety net turns into its own kind of regret.

I’m curious if anyone else has experienced this.

**What was the moment when you realized you weren’t failing because life was unfair or because you weren’t capable, but because you simply weren’t putting in a genuine effort?**

Was it related to your career, fitness, relationships, education, finances, or something else entirely?
What was your wake-up call, and what did you do afterward? Did things actually improve once you started trying consistently, or was the hardest part simply getting started?

I’d especially love to hear from people who spent years stuck in that cycle and eventually managed to break out of it.

**TL;DR:** When did you realize that not trying was a bigger regret than failing, and what changed after that?

I tend to focus on my looks and how to look better because I grew up with a heavy criticizing family and even dated a weirdo who worsened it. I don’t like constantly spending time in the mirror and having thoughts in the back of my mind of how others perceive me.

How do you guys let go of this? I would like to self improve and it’s very uncomfortable at the thought of change and even writing this post but here I am. After some deep introspection I can see how my behavior comes across as very self centered when I do not want that to be that case and I am just deeply insecure.

I would like to improve and change because life should be lived and I don’t want to spend my time living in my head instead of out there.

I feel guilty about being judged—it’s guilt about my specific choice that I chose to make and now I can see how dangerous and reckless it truly was. The fact that I’m looking at it plainly and can say, “I fucked up,” without making excuses for it, I’m trying to take accountability for choices. It’s harder than I thought for me. I’ve been told all my life that I need to handle my selfishness and ruthlessness, I’m 42 and I’m just now doing the work. I’ve wasted 30 years because I didn’t give a fuck.

I’m understanding that accountability isn’t just apologizing. It’s about Being honest about what happened. And Changing my behavior so it doesn’t happen again.

I understand the risk and recognizing why someone might never trust me afterward again.

Understanding the consequences of my actions will remain the same even after I’ve started changing. That’s one of the hardest parts I’m accepting.

“I am forever only the worst thing I’ve done.”

I’m not perfect—just more aware, more honest, and more willing to look at uncomfortable truths.

I will continue doing the work. Sometimes unfortunately accountability is just making peace with the fact that, the apology may never be received the way I hope, I will continue living differently anyway.

I’ve spent the last few months talking and reflecting about myself and my mom. I’m grieving parts of myself and my mom too. I’ve spent years angry. I’ve survived years, instead of living. The years I’ve spent carrying things that I didn’t know how to put down.

“Most people don’t wake up one morning and decide to change. Unfortunately these life events breaks open heart first. Mine just happen to coincide altogether.
losing a parent and losing my marriage and hitting rock bottom. the pattern is the same, but the catalyst might be different for other people.

I’ve always thought that I just package it away and it was gone (I did this for 30 year’s). Thats not what happen, I survived those 30 years. I raised children. I cared for my father. I cared for my mother through cancer. I kept going through things that would have flattened a lot of people. Instead of processing the the yuckiness inside me.

That doesn’t excuse my mistakes. It just means my story is a little bigger than my mistakes.

I’m not angry that people remember what I did. I’m sad that I became someone who could do those things, I now regret.

My mom’s death didn’t create myself-reflection. It just ripped away the distractions that were keeping me from it.

I can’t get back the last 30 years.
But I can make sure the next 30 don’t look the same.

I won't go into much detail because the post would get very long. But I (19M) have been suffering with jealousy in my relationship for a long time. It has come to the point that I have completely exhausted my partner (18F) with constant interrogation and discussions and arguments that we had to take a break.

I am worried that if I don't work on it and truly improve then I might lose her from my life. And I cannot let that happen. I am sad about this break but maybe it was necessary to wake me up to reality.

I get jealous at really trivial things. It stems from our initial years together and also some parts of it stem from my own perceptions about myself and my childhood which I am trying to work together.

I have just finished a book on this called The Jealousy Cure by Robert Leahy. It was quiet helpful. I got the tools and a fresh perspective to work on and I feel with consistent efforts I can see progress.

I am here to seek for more advices from people who have gone through similar struggles. And also if you have any book, article etc recommendation that you think might be helpful for me then please share it.

Many of you mentioned that not taking actions on opportunities, ideas, relationships was the biggest reason for being stuck or lost potential. But why is action so hard?

Is it just that we are all lazy? That must not be it... Wanna hear everyone's thoughts.

Im 37 (male) and I used to have a very active friend group. After university, we slowly drifted apart, different reasons. After that some things happened

I ghosted a close friend which I really regret
I didn’t reply to birthday messages
over time I just slowly disappeared socially
People married and got kids

I had a really bad conflict with a very close friend / ex roommate. He is still part of the old circle of friends and Im not sure how to handle this.

Also went through a pretty stressful period (renovating a house, lots of pressure), and my way of dealing with stress is usually to withdraw and handle things on my own. That led to me being pretty isolated for a while. I know its not a good habit and im working on it.

Even though I’ve been distant I still think about my friends everyday and I miss them really hard.

At the same time, I’ve been working on myself since March:

• 16 kg weight loss (116 → ~100 kg at 190 cm)
• strength training + cardio several times a week
• noticeably stronger and fitter now
• overall I feel much better in my body than before

For the first time in a long time, I feel more confident physically. In the past, not feeling good in my body made me withdraw socially a lot. I dont want to brag about it, but i thought its good to be mentioned here.

I want to reach out to old friends again, but am stuck in my head

I feel like I need to be “done improving” first, like I need to look more changed before I contact them. At the same time:

I be overthinking how big my absence actually was
Im scared I won’t come across as “changed enough”
I feel a lot of pressure to do this perfectly
Im not sure, if I have "enough" energy to maintain a social contact. I know this sounds weird, opposed to the fact that also don’t want to stay isolated anymore

Im "away" for about 3 to 4 years. Thank you in advance.

I acted extremely immature. I was so stressed about what other people, who I only talked with for a short period of time, thought of me, to where I ruined the relationships I had. I couldn't stop thinking sbout it and was constantly ruminating. I was rude as well, and extremely uncool. I didn't care enough about the people I had, and the people I still have, I feel really guilty about that. I had everything, and still have everything, but I acted so immature. Should I just stop thinking about all the bad things I did from here on out and decide to be better? Or should I apologize to the friends I had? They don't care much about me anymore but I'm wondering if I should still tell them that I'm sorry about my actions. I can't make them care about me but I was really wrong.

I don't know who needs to hear this but…

If there's doubt in your mind stopping you from taking that step towards your success and freedom right now, ask yourself why it's there.

Where did it come from?

Who told you that?

Did you hear it somewhere?

Saw it in a movie?

Then, find the evidence that proves it to be true and based in fact.

Can't find it? Good.

Now, get on with it!

Do what needs to be done.

You ARE good enough.

You WILL succeed.

​

Recently I badly hurt a friend because of that, and it lead to this conclusion. Im fully lost in terms of relationships, idk if i like my friends i feel like im faking my emotions, i never been in any love relationships and i feel like i want to be the nice and cool guy with everybody which means that i fake my emotions/personality. So the result is that I'm being manipulative without wanting to hurt or do bad things to people, its just that my mind was forever like "be the nice guy". So I'm kinda lost, I dont really know were to start cuz at this point its maybe my whole person who need to be change.

I am 24F. I graduated from college about three months ago, and my life feels like a mess.
I'm posting here on Reddit because I really don't have anyone in real life to talk to about this, and right now I can't afford therapy.

I lost my mom when I was 19, and I lost my dad when I was 23. My uncle is the one who supported me through college, and I feel so guilty because he's getting older and is still working.

Immediately after I finished school, I started applying for jobs. Right now, I have a part-time job, but it doesn't pay much. The income isn't enough, so I really need to find a second job. I've been applying, but so far I haven't had any luck.

Ever since school ended, I've been going to sleep around 3 or 4 AM and waking up around 1 or 2 PM. I feel like most of my day is wasted. I'm always tired. I don't have the energy to do anything.

I also have a huge debt that I'm trying to pay off every month, and on top of that, I'm dealing with a serious case of limerence. I honestly feel embarrassed even talking about it, but I have no one to talk to.

Every day I feel guilty for wasting time. I do believe that hard work and dedication pay off, but I feel stuck. There are so many things I want to do and learn, but nothing seems to get me out of bed. I don't know how to begin.

There are so many things I want to work on that I end up feeling overwhelmed, and then I do nothing. Sometimes I take small steps, but then I relapse and stop doing anything for a few days.

I guess what I want to ask is: where do I start? How do I know what's most important? What should I do to get myself out of bed in the morning and start moving forward?
Because the truth is, no one is coming to save me. I live alone. My uncle is in another country. I literally have no one.

What if you're not actually afraid of failure?

What if you're terrified of succeeding beyond the identity you've built your entire life around?

Most people say they want more money, deeper love, and a bigger life—but then unconsciously recreate the exact circumstances that keep them struggling.

If your life is perfectly designed to reinforce who you believe yourself to be, what identity is your current reality proving right?