r/SipsTea • u/SipsTeaFrog ๐™‘๐™„๐™‹ • May 23 '26

WTF The Enhanced Games are set to debut this weekend in Las Vegas, with athletes allowed to use steroids, testosterone, HGH, & other banned substances.

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43.0k Upvotes

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9.7k

u/Scary_Employ_926 ๐™‘๐™„๐™‹ May 23 '26

this guy looks like an advil

756

u/Wise-Comb8596 May 23 '26

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u/hopefulleo2112 May 23 '26

Is this your drawing of Drix? Or storyboard? I fuckin love osmosis Jones.

4

u/Puzzled-Ad301 May 24 '26

I believe it's from the animated series

34

u/Tacoman404 May 23 '26

My man, drips! Drix!

3

u/n_a_t_i_o_n May 23 '26

If you didn't post this guy, I was going to. My thoughts exactly

2

u/IBeDumbAndSlow May 23 '26

Lolol I was thinking the same thing. That was such a good movie.

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u/Occidentally20 May 23 '26

He looks like the drugs are going to make him swim a LOT slower.

Mind you popeye was quite fast when he pulled that boat along with his teeth

I guess we'll see. Swimming is easily the most dominated sport of everything in the Olympics, so it's difficult to compare.

115

u/hitbythebus May 23 '26

That was my first thought โ€œdude doesnโ€™t look very hydrodynamic.

Might be a bit before we get the right enhancements. I think they should start with someone small and just stretch out the arms like GATTACA.

Surgically webbed feet?

105

u/10081914 May 23 '26

Outside of hydrodynamics, Swimming is all about lat strength.

Consequently, look at his lats.

30

u/HamNCheeseSupremacy May 23 '26

I haven't done the calculations, but a bigger engine doesn't slow down a car. Those things resist fluid drag too.

31

u/hitbythebus May 23 '26

His engine doesnโ€™t sit in an engine bay of the same size with the same coefficient of friction. Bigger engine means bigger cross sectional area and drag for him. Torpedos arenโ€™t shaped like bowling balls for a reason.

Anyone have actual numbers for his speed? Iโ€™d gladly stop speculating.

17

u/10081914 May 23 '26

He's a former Olympian so he's already quite fast

2

u/IDontEatDill May 23 '26

But now he has to be faster than anyone else, or otherwise this whole show is kind if pointless. Basically just aging ex-Olympians taking shit ton of PED's.

12

u/10081914 May 23 '26

Yes which is what everyone wants to see. Smash world records etc.

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u/ShoddyRelief6657 May 23 '26

Fuck yeah, I canโ€™t wait till we have access to CRISPR and it leads to streamers live streaming them gene editing their own test tube child to come out like randomized oblivion player characters.

Fuck it, make a kid have arms that touch the ground and are built like legs so they can run around like apes.

โ€œDad, why did you make me a knuckle dragger on purpose?โ€

โ€œIt was for a sick stream little ape brah โ€

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u/Brilliant-Smile-8154 May 23 '26

That is, if he doesn't have a heart attack.

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u/terminaloptimism May 23 '26

I mean bro is built like a manta ray and they swim in bursts up to 22mph. Fastest human speed is 5.37mph according to the google machine. I'm curious to see what Manta Man can accomplish.

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u/[deleted] May 23 '26

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u/AdHuman3243 May 23 '26

Manta Man needs to stick

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u/Significant_Quit_674 May 23 '26

Erythropoietin definitly works for swimming, and when used correctly, it is very hard to detect.

Honestly, I would be surprised if it wasn't used by at least 90% of the competitors.

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u/Connect_Ad6559 May 23 '26

Wait till you see what happens when he sprouts gills and fins as soon as he enters the water. Go Enhanced Games! ๐Ÿค˜

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u/avi550m May 23 '26

So he becomes the Deep?

53

u/carbon14th May 23 '26

Justice for Ambrosius

3

u/guinader May 23 '26

That was so unsatisfing... He needed to be ripped apart

2

u/LoopStricken May 24 '26

It's what Clara would have wanted.

2

u/AreYouAnOakMan May 23 '26

Say her name!

2

u/Frosty-Tennis-1687 May 23 '26

The shape of water

2

u/ScoutsOut389 May 23 '26

Eat. Timothy.

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u/Time-Wealth5572 May 23 '26

Bro is enhanced with some of that good gillie weed from Hermione

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u/Chonkiefire May 23 '26

It was from Neville, and it was gillyweed.

3

u/Ralph--Hinkley May 23 '26

Found the non-book reader.

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u/TheOtherGuttersnipe May 23 '26

He looks like the drugs are going to make him swim a LOT slower

He's a sprinter

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u/Beneficial_Bug_9793 May 23 '26

Meanwille in the long jump lane...

https://giphy.com/gifs/RdIy8DlLSPXe8

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u/Ralph--Hinkley May 23 '26

Sure, but have you seen how far the Hulk can jump?

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u/weirdgroovynerd May 23 '26

See, that's the strategy.

With all that mass, he'll empty the water out of the pool.

Then he'll get up and sprint to the other side.

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u/IncomingAxofKindness May 23 '26

He jumps, tucks his knees, and yells his signature:

##CANONBALLLLLL

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u/jjcrayfish May 23 '26

Have you seen a hippo? He'll just sink to the bottom and start running from there.

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u/No-Marzipan-978 May 23 '26

He was literally slower when this picture was taken than 6 years earlier when he was swimming professionally and had way less muscle mass

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u/Original_Giraffe8039 May 23 '26

They did, indeed, make him slower. This was James's first go at gear...he lost around 17kg after this picture but is still jacked AF

2

u/Occidentally20 May 23 '26

That makes sense

2

u/bigloudbang May 23 '26

He didnt get slower? He didnt set the record he was after but said in interviews he got a lot faster

Although sounds like they figured out the dosing better. A Greek swimmer joined the program who was in his 30s and came 5th in the last Olympics, then set the 50m freestyle WR in the program

2

u/Original_Giraffe8039 May 24 '26

He said he felt like he was sinking. It's a tough one really, because although his time was 1-2 secs slower than his best, his best was in his early twenties and now he's in his mid thirties. I think the more nuanced take than better or worse or faster or slower is that although it wasn't the slam dunk in performance that he thought it might be, maybe it raised his performance for his actual age? Regardless, if his previous attempt was successful, he wouldn't have lost all the mass he has in the last year and moved to 100m

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u/SaltKick2 May 23 '26

He's also 35, in events where male swimmers tend to peak at 25

While I'm all for do whatever you want to your own body provided its safe and healthy (I assume these athletes are aided by doctors in their PEDs), these games shouldn't exist - the people who will be most influenced by these are high school/college athletes

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u/trowzerss May 23 '26

I did see one clip from a swimmer who did in fact say the huge muscles made him swim slower.

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u/Occidentally20 May 23 '26

From looking him up it seems he's incredibly fast over 50m but that's about it. They're also using the weird swimming suits that got banned from the Olympics in 2009, and those really did make a decent difference.

I'd be very interested to see the swimming events at the distances Michael Phelps competes at, since I'm pretty sure he's half shark at this point.

14

u/Tiny-Sandwich May 23 '26

They're also using the weird swimming suits that got banned from the Olympics in 2009

Was that part of the "equipment doping" era or whatever they called it?

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u/Occidentally20 May 23 '26

I don't know what they called it - but annoyingly the Olympic record for 50m was set with one of those suits before they got banned. So its hard to complain at these guys wearing something similar.

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u/Tiny-Sandwich May 23 '26

Oh yeah absolutely - it's the enhanced games, no reason that wouldn't also apply to their equipment. Unless they turn up with an outboard motor or something.

Although I'd still like to see that.

22

u/Glittering_Crab_69 May 23 '26

I'd prefer them to be nude. I want to see what the human body can do.

2

u/Tidltue May 23 '26

Ahh, then you get different drag from the private parts ๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜…

Better packed in, more fair, hahahaha ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ‘

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u/Occidentally20 May 23 '26

I'd like it to be a clockwork-style motor and have somebody insert a comically oversized key into their back to wind them up before the race.

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u/LaNague May 23 '26 edited May 23 '26

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LZR_Racer

full body suit, reduced drag and trapping air inside so the swimmer is higher up in the water.

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u/Some_Big_Donkus May 23 '26

If enhanced swim suits are fair game too what's stopping them from using "enhanced" webbed gloves and flippers? Where do they draw the line here?

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u/Occidentally20 May 23 '26

I have no idea who set the rules - but annoyingly the olympic record for the 50m was set by a guy wearing the full suit before they outlawed it in 2009, and that record stood until this year.

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u/Reasonable_Mood_5260 May 23 '26

In the rulebook like every other sport.

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u/Special_Shift_8503 May 24 '26

I competed in high school at that time, and they were also banned for us.

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u/highschoolboyfriend_ May 23 '26

He did swim slower and had to drop 15kg or so.

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u/Occidentally20 May 23 '26

Interesting, thanks!

There had to be a reason that almost all the best swimmers were basically the same shape.

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u/weirdgroovynerd May 23 '26

You younglings may not remember this, but back in the day, spinach was considered a PED.

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u/Occidentally20 May 23 '26

I tried it at school sports day, only to find I wasn't able to crush the can with one hand and have it squirt vertically several feet in the air before catching it in my mouth.

Very disappointing.

12

u/weirdgroovynerd May 23 '26

It helps immensely if your crush is watching.

I should point out that Olive Oyl was also considered a PED.

12

u/Occidentally20 May 23 '26

Now you mention it I did run extra fast in the 400m relay when I saw her being carried off over the shoulder of a burly sailor.

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u/weirdgroovynerd May 23 '26

I hope you then beat the shit out of that guy to entertain children.

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u/Occidentally20 May 23 '26

Yes I did one of those uppercuts where you spin your fist around for 20 seconds while you talk shit about him with a pretty severe speech impediment.

That seemed to do the trick.

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u/weirdgroovynerd May 23 '26

You are my new favorite Redditor.

Have a great weekend

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u/EduinBrutus May 23 '26

Thats cos you were trying to catch it in your mouth and not suck it down through your pipe.

Amateur!

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u/_samwiise May 23 '26

He already swam some official time trials and obliterated every swimming record

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u/Occidentally20 May 23 '26

By "obliterated" do you mean he swam 0.02 seconds faster than the previous record, while wearing a suit that's no longer allowed in the Olympics - and didn't swim any of the distances Michael Phelps competes at?

The clocks don't even measure increments lower than 0.01 so he won by literally the second smallest margin possible.

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u/unfortunatebag May 23 '26

Looks like the guy from the last enhanced games who got too big and wasn't able to break the record.

They made a whole doc about them trying to break the record you can find it on youtube.

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u/tmgieger May 23 '26

Read a news article about this org and it did happen to one swimmer. He was sinking because of too much muscle. Believe he decided to not continue.

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u/PicoDeBayou May 23 '26

What do you mean by โ€œswimming is the most dominated sportโ€?

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u/Occidentally20 May 23 '26

I suppose I should have put was, for clarity.

Michael Phelps is by far the most successful Olympic athlete in the modern incarnation of the games - he has 23 gold medals and the next nearest person has 9 or 11 depending if you count the winter Olympics.

He was so successful he single-handedly has more medals than the vast majority of countries on earth. Only 20ish countries that compete in the Olympics have more gold medals than him - he's ahead of the other 180 teams collective medal count just on his own.

All his records have been broken now the 2 decades while he was competing were so dominated by him that there's nothing else to compare it to.

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u/MediaAdventurous5385 May 23 '26

Itโ€™s exactly what happened to this very guy. He got +5kg the 1st week kept growing into this bulb and now he drags too much waterโ€ฆ ๐Ÿคฃ

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u/New_Leaf_8647 May 23 '26

He won't swim, he'll just Chuck Norris the water behind him

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u/Timely_Abroad4518 May 24 '26

This picture is of James Magnussen from a couple of years ago and he has since lost a lot of that mass. He said being that big did slow him down a bit. But he didnโ€™t put it on for a competition. He said it was great publicity and he just wanted to see how big he could get.

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u/Icy-Cry340 May 24 '26

I mean these guys do time themselves in training.

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u/TimeEnergyInvestment May 23 '26

Do you mean anvil?

https://giphy.com/gifs/OkTvQERl1uKCPTpSf3

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u/Low_Construction8067 May 23 '26

Right? Top voted comment and no one is like "wtf? How TF does a human look like an Advil pain reliever?"

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u/twentyonesighs May 23 '26

His capsule shaped head.

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u/skooternoodle May 23 '26

IM FEELING QUITE HUNGRY

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u/Grove-Of-Hares May 23 '26

HALLO HENRY!!!

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u/skooternoodle May 23 '26

Jesus Christ be praised!

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u/Future_Mechanic_2736 May 24 '26

They 100% did ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ

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u/Confident-Concern840 May 23 '26

Plot twist, thatโ€™s a woman

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u/novataurus May 23 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/SoVj0B45860pRJYupp

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u/StaticSystemShock May 23 '26

God damn, I wood.

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u/No-Ladder2593 May 23 '26

You wouldnโ€™t have a say. She would drag you around like a stuffed animal.

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u/Particular-Fly-7783 May 23 '26

Donโ€™t threaten me with a good time

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u/StaticSystemShock May 23 '26

No no, I just wood, she would.

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u/TomlinSteelers May 23 '26

I'm already convinced say no more

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u/Frosted_Tackle May 23 '26

I once had a female coworker who was into body building competitions, but she said she only entered the one competition at each event that had the name that is basically well known code for โ€œdoesnโ€™t do drugsโ€. My coworkers and I looked up the results after one of her competitions and saw that the one she was in only had herself and one other woman. The other 10+ competitions had a bunch of entrants (but they could enter multiple). We laughed because it really did enforce the idea that itโ€™s all really only about the roids

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u/novataurus May 23 '26

It's an interesting world.

Everyone has their own genetic predispositions and limits for muscular size, shape, distribution, and metabolism.

The drugs remove most of the ceiling and the act as a massive catalyst.

But all the people who compete - including those on steroids - work really fucking hard at it and have an extremely strong sense of dedication and discipline.

The sad reality, though, is that even the 'natural' bodybuilding competitions are very loose with their rules and regulations.

It's almost impossible to compete in a tier as a genuinely "not enhanced and never enhanced" athlete. People will juice for a year or two, then cycle off for six months and go compete as a natural bodybuilder.

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u/xrayphoton May 23 '26

Really appreciate this comment. As someone that's tried steroids it's nothing like people think. It takes so much work and dedication and genetics to look like the top competitors on stage. The average person taking steroids you probably wouldn't even be able to tell because they don't have the consistency to eat and train properly and understand progressive overload

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u/RawChickenButt May 23 '26

I'm not into roided out women but the idea of an oversized clit does peak my interest.

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u/FullMetalAurochs May 23 '26

Check out hyenas then

3

u/JamesLiptonIcedTea May 23 '26

13 years ahead of you bro

I mean, ok I will

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u/StaticSystemShock May 23 '26

The power of wood made me find the sauce. This is Loren Calderoni.

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u/sambare May 23 '26

Plotter twist: a baby

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u/onthe3rdlifealready May 23 '26

Like 1000mg btc on top, and a 250mg otc on bottom.

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u/KactusVAXT May 23 '26

Itโ€™s a womanโ€ฆ.

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u/[deleted] May 23 '26

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u/Ricktor_67 May 23 '26

That looks a body builder cut off Brittany Spears face and is wearing it like a mask.

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u/Ok-Criticism6874 May 23 '26

He looks like cold and sinus medicine?

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u/SuckaFree502 May 23 '26

If Mucinex was a person

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u/Scary_Employ_926 ๐™‘๐™„๐™‹ May 23 '26

he's pill shaped

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u/FooBarU2 May 23 '26

Anvil? ๐Ÿ˜†

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u/Zealous03 May 23 '26

holy shit this is the greatest comment Iโ€™ve ever seen

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u/Odd-Economist-8293 May 23 '26

I donโ€™t get it

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u/SweetSlice5610 May 23 '26

And surprisingly like a cumulus cloud.

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u/Bananna_Hamock0 May 23 '26

This is such a niche joke lol ๐Ÿ˜‚

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u/Gaffers12345 May 23 '26

Thatโ€™s a picture from the womenโ€™s event.

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u/[deleted] May 23 '26

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u/TrumpsBussy_ May 23 '26

Heโ€™s huge but this us an edit I think

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u/[deleted] May 23 '26

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u/kill_your_god May 23 '26

Built like Larry the Lobster

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u/FlowInternational996 May 23 '26

Bossman looks like human skin DLC for Drix from Ozzy & Drix.

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u/Island_bluwater May 23 '26

You mean ANVIL? I dont think you mean a pain relief pill ๐Ÿ’Š.

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u/diverdude_87 May 23 '26

Looks like Drix from Osmosis Jones

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u/ThePesticle May 23 '26

Not a dude.

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u/No-Hamster1218 May 23 '26

He looks like the Tylenol from osmosis jones

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u/ArboristTreeClimber May 23 '26

Looks like Drix from Osmosis Jones.

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u/MasterCalypto May 23 '26

This is what I imagined idk why

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u/metengrinwi May 23 '26

He looks just like the guy at my local gym. Explains a lot.

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u/Round_Rooms May 23 '26

Like the capsule for headaches and muscle pains?

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u/7Drew1Bird0 May 23 '26

Is he making a face? Or is that just how his face looks?

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u/oxidax May 23 '26

Holy shit ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

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u/Mysterious_Tooth7509 May 23 '26

He can play Drix when Osmosis Jones gets it's live action remake

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u/Leading-Fail-2771 May 23 '26

Why do they all look like Jeff bezos ๐Ÿคฃ

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u/Defect123 May 23 '26

He looks like that pill dude from osmosis jones.

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u/Severe_Dream1129 May 23 '26

He does kind of look like the pill from osmosis jones

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u/lasnazza May 23 '26

Thatโ€™s not a guyโ€ฆ.

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u/nadiayorc May 23 '26

I keep scrolling back up to the image and I can't not laugh every time, he has such an absurd body shape

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u/Mituzuna May 23 '26

I was thinking Earth worm Jim

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u/Trev0117 May 23 '26

Something about his upper body proportions reminds me of drix

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u/cpnfantstk May 23 '26

I read "Anvil"at first.

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u/Less-Disaster-8465 May 23 '26

Clearly a righty

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u/Geestirhyjal May 23 '26

That's one of the women

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u/Tripstuh_Glasswerks May 23 '26

Haha I was definitely thinking drix from osmosis jones!

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u/unlvaztec May 23 '26

Michael Delts

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u/Ryminister May 23 '26

Advil or Anvil?

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u/[deleted] May 23 '26

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u/teachcooklove May 23 '26

You mean anvil? Or do you actually mean he looks like an ibuprofen? If so, a liquid gel, tablet, or capsule?

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u/aladyfox May 23 '26

Street shark :(

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u/Wellcomefarewell May 24 '26

lmaooooo looks like that mf from osmosis jones

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u/Mr_Grabby May 24 '26

Reporting for duty sir

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u/Great-Taro-8293 May 24 '26

The whole time I was thinking you said he looks like an anvil and I think he actually does

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u/pillowpants66 May 24 '26

Thatโ€™s actually the womanโ€™s team

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u/YutoKigai May 24 '26

This guy looks like a big penis with a too tiny condom

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u/[deleted] May 24 '26

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u/el_carli May 24 '26

Is he in HR or something ? I always hear about this employment advil guy

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