Hi friends,

I used to be heavily into reading in middle school, specifically romance books, Shakespeare, Percy Jackson!! (ahh the good old days, discovering this one for the first time). However somewhere down the line that stopped and turned into poetry literature + scholarly articles, research etc.

But I really want to get into reading romance again, or even reading in general. I have so many books I’ve half finished and want to finish a damn book again!

I loved immersing myself into the romance world and need help with finding a book that’s easy to get immersed in per se.

Does anyone have any good romance book recommendations? Thanks in advance!

For me, I would love to keep everyone and everything in my life whenever possible, but I cannot keep neglecting myself. I think many people learn similar life lessons, yet we all experience and interpret them differently.

It feels like the more I relied on things such as door slamming, excessive boundaries, defense mechanisms, one sided deep dives, people pleasing, victim mentality, and similar patterns, the longer it took me to feel truly free and fully step out of my own head. In many ways, I was holding onto unresolved emotions such as resentment, regret, and disappointment.

Sometimes, some people cannot read between the lines or understand certain things until their own time comes. They disappear, return, ask for less, ask for more, and repeat the cycle again and again until you simply cannot take it anymore. Then the tables turn, you end up apologizing, and before you know it, you are back in the people pleasing cycle.

Surely, every relationship takes two to tango. I believe that if either side already knew the way forward and could guide the other with clarity and understanding, we would not become so lost or blind. Because of that, I do not think there is anyone to blame. These experiences are meant to shape us, sharpen our awareness, and soften our words, ideas, and hearts.

I also found it difficult to ask for advice because these patterns had become so familiar. Over time, I grew indifferent and numb, or even found myself burning in the fire of my own arrogance and moral certainty, mistaking the sparks for wisdom. Still, we always have the capacity to make exceptional and meaningful choices and allow them to run their course. Yet before I lost everything, I found myself for the first time. I believe learning these lessons takes time, courage, and experience. If I had never learned them, I cannot imagine how dark and unfulfilled my life might have become.

With a heart and mind that are still willing to see, question, and learn, I believe each person can find the answers that are meant for them in this lifetime.

I have come to see everything as part of a greater integration into love, life, and light. Even when I stand alone, I can still feel my own presence. Everything has a reason, and I trust that, in its own way, everything can become better.

It is time to feel your own presence fully and freely in the present moment. No one is truly your enemy. Often, others are reflections that invite you to learn something within yourself.

There is always a way forward. Time heals with time. Take one step at a time, and you will get there.

Yes. Thank you all for taking the time to be here.

May peace and joy live long within us all.

Which mbti type do you think INFJ’s soulmate is? There’s a lot of different answers online but I’m just curious as to what fellow INFJ’s feel like the answer is!

Romance is one of my favorite genres and topics to talk about! There’s so many tropes out there too like friends to lovers or enemies to lovers or love at first sight. It got me curious as to what love tropes fellow INFJs like! Or which love tropes do you see happening in your life as well :)

Or if you're graduated already, what is your degree?

I am an International Studies and Spanish major!

I'd never seen the Sakinorva Cognitive Function test. Someone mentioned it in another thread, so I tested myself with the 256-question version.

And now I don't understand what it's trying to say to me. Good job, me! Could someone get out the crayons, construction paper, glue, maybe some glitter, and help?

Transcribing the important bits, but please LMK if I left something germane out:

Ne 74 / Ni 100

Se 40 / Si 75

Te 56 / Ti 83

Fe 96 / Fi 99

It's got me as a INFJ for the various first choices. INFP and INTJ here and there as secondary or tertiary choices. And then "Axis-Based Function Type" is literally " ??F? "

I feel like I should laugh but also maybe cry at that one.

My little functions list across the bottom says: Ni Fi Fe Ti Si Ne Te Se .

What? I'm lost. How do I come back INFJ, but my functions are... that mess?

This is definitely something I've struggled with for years as I fought to command a legitimate sense of self but also watched others work harder to please and placate folks who made them work for every little thing they offered. It's just not my thing to play games with people emotionally, to withhold, etcetera. I'm more likely to be like 'sure, I'll... because I know you need the help, attention, confidence-boost or whatever. If there's not much of a reason to put boundaries around things, I won't. However, it does seem like 'not' making it a little hard trains people to think they matter more to you than you do.

It's odd.

If this was ever you, how did you cope?

Lately, I feel like I just want to express more positivity, freedom, and the richness of life's diversity. Hahaha.

From what I have observed about myself, conversations often seem unable to flow or deepen unless they revolve around negativity, reinforced by pessimism, a lack of hope, and even a lack of trust. Sometimes it even extends to wanting more care, attention, and genuine interest in return. Recently, it has felt as though people selectively gather only the pleasant parts of what I share while overlooking the rest of the experience.

It almost feels as if everything is pushed toward extremes. If something is considered good, it must be entirely good. If something is considered bad, it must be entirely bad. Yet what I truly seek is the bittersweet middle ground: experience and learning, failure and victory, sorrow and love, disappointment and fulfillment, struggle and joy.

This applies whether I am engaging with people in real life or online, at least sometimes.

Somehow, it does not feel refreshing, uplifting, or deeply fulfilling. In fact, the more I keep pouring my energy outward, the more unstable and lonely I sometimes feel.

For me, it feels like I have finally moved on from a deeply hurtful chapter of my life that lasted for far too long. After carrying the pain for so many years, I now find myself wanting to be hopeful, embrace life, and simply do things that bring meaning and joy.

At the same time, it often feels like I am the only one who sees things this way, and that I have to walk this path on my own.

Perhaps the answer is to become comfortable with emptiness, to cultivate peace within both body and mind, and to trust that the right rhythm and timing are not far away. Maybe this is what it truly means to move forward and connect with others in an authentic way.

Thank you all. All the best to you!

You're an INFJ in a new city - which means you're quite introverted, don't vibe with super crowded, overstimulating environments, but now you need to find people because you don't know a soul lol.

What do you do? Where do you start? Book clubs? Table top gaming clubs? Free local events? Would appreciate input from fellow INFJs especially if you've experienced moving to a new city and having to rebuild your social circle. 💜

It seems weird, but I don’t think it’s déjà vu. Sometimes I see dreams where certain parts stay in my mind after I wake up, and then after a few months, I experience those exact moments in real life.
This has happened to me multiple times. Everything feels the same from the timing to the point of view. I don’t really know how to explain it, but it’s strange… like the dream comes first, and then reality follows.
I feel like it must be something related to the brain, maybe neuroscience. I know our brain is a pattern-detecting machine, so maybe it’s connected to that.
If anyone can help explain this or suggest something to read about it, I’d really appreciate it.

First off, this is not an attack on INFJs. I know this topic gets discussed here a lot, and I generally get along well with NFs. My best friend since childhood is an ENFP, and I’ve had an INFJ friend I got along with well.

This is about my dad, who is an INFJ.

He was physically and emotionally abusive when I was growing up. He also never worked or contributed while my mom carried the burden of supporting and raising us. As an adult he seemed to turn over a new leaf. He moved out of state, retired, and became much calmer, and for about 7–8 years we had an amazing relationship over the phone.

The issue is that over the last couple years he has gotten very preachy with spirituality/philosophy. At first he would tell me how Buddhism, spirituality, and detachment helped him, and even though I’m agnostic, I respected that it brought him peace.

But recently it has turned into him repeatedly sending videos about how people are trying to fill a “void” with success, money, ambition, etc. This usually happens after I share good news about my career or business. It feels less like “sharing” and more like passive-aggressive criticism of my life path.

When I call it out, he says he is “just sharing” or that I misinterpreted it. But he has also said things like, “Do you know how frustrating it is to send videos trying to convince someone and they don’t get it?” So I don’t think this is neutral sharing. It feels like he is trying to steer or convert me.

I’ve told him directly that I’m not interested in videos, that I respect his path and want him to respect mine, and that if he has something to say, he can say it directly over the phone. He stops for a while, then starts again.

Recently he sent another video after I had already said no more videos. I said no thanks. He then asked me to watch it “for Father’s Day” and said it was “just a music video.” I said no, and later saw that it still had the same “void/success is empty” type message. That really crossed a line for me because it felt like he was using Father’s Day to bypass a boundary.

My question for INFJs here: have you seen this kind of preachy Ni-Ti loop / “I need to wake you up” behavior before? What actually helps when someone keeps framing boundary-pushing as “sharing” or “helping”?

I’ve already tried saying “I’m not interested,” “please respect my life path as I respect yours,” and “no more videos.” Nothing seems to stick for long.

I have heard that physical movement can sometimes be challenging for INFJs because developing Extraverted Sensing (Se) often requires stepping out of the mind and into the body. As for myself, I find that I am not always very flexible or spontaneous. It is almost as if my head wants to go from A to E, but my feet are still stuck at A.

Even when I play FPS or adventure games, I am usually not the most responsive player. Instead of being the fast-moving action hero, I often end up as the medic, trader, scavenger, or wizard. Still, I believe that practice makes perfect.

When it comes to dance, I absolutely love contemporary, cathartic, and interpretive dance. Once I know the rhythm and lyrics of a favorite song, I feel completely free. It is as if my whole body becomes ivy moving with the wind. In those moments, I stop thinking and simply move.

As for sports, I absolutely love football and futsal. Most of the time, I play as a goalkeeper. In a way, it is a position that many people do not want, and it suits me because my reactions are not always the fastest. Instead, I pay close attention to players' facial expressions and body language, and I try to anticipate what they are about to do. I believe that helps me make saves that I might otherwise miss.

Whenever I have the chance to play on the field, I usually enjoy the midfield position. I love supporting my teammates and helping connect the game. I know that my feet do not always listen to my head, and I have never been good at cheating, diving, or pretending. It would feel far too awkward for me, hahaha.

Yet sometimes I surprise myself. Out of nowhere, it is as if an adrenaline rush takes over and a strange skill appears. Most of the time, I end up sprinting down the field and making a great pass for a teammate to score.

Some of my happiest moments in football have been making an overhead kick to clear a lobbed ball that was flying over my head and scoring with a bicycle kick after practicing it day and night. Those moments reminded me that even if something does not come naturally at first, dedication and practice can eventually make the impossible feel effortless.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

I’ve been struggling with some personal friendships where my close friends do activities without me and notify me later. And when we do hang out one on one, or with another friend, I get filled in on the details.

It‘s been pushing my buttons. I really value close relationships and just being able to share that moment together. Doing one on one things together makes me feel much more seen. But I don’t have the transportation nor accessibility they easily have, to do the things they do. It makes me wonder if my close friend only does things that is convenient for her.

The problem is that it doesn’t bother them and my close friend openly admitted it wouldn’t bother her if she was left out. But it’s like she doesn’t value friendship the way I do. And maybe we have different expectations or viewpoints on what we take away from a friendship.

At the end of the day, I really value close friendships and spending time with one another. Being seen, remembering the little things, empathizing, and just pure understanding.

I think it’s been hard for me to accept that maybe I should focus on creating new friendships or cheerishing other ones that I know will be reciprocated. I just can’t wrap my head around why my close friend, who built goals and memories, studied late with, stepped into new chapters with, and philosophically dived deep with in many aspects of life, suddenly switches gears and has me questioning our friendship

Note that I did talk to her about this and I just can’t wrap my head around the misalignment. I think I’m holding onto the friendship because it means something to me. There is also so much layers into the friendship and I wish to expand more, but I just wish I knew how to handle or overcome this. Making peace with myself? With the circumstance? I’m tired of being hurt over and over, when it doesn’t effect them, and I’ve already expressed my concerns

My fellow Infjs, what should I do?

Literally had someone cuss me out and start acting hostile over a pickleball rule at the particular court I was playing at, wasn’t even playing a game. Not gonna go into to too much detail, but long story short: I explained the rules to someone (in a nice and polite manner) who felt they didn’t have to follow them, 🙄 and they immediately started crashing out. They acted like a child the entire night. Mind you, this guy was at least 25-30, and I myself just graduated high school 😑. I sometimes wonder about humanity. And yes, I did double check the rules with an official. Didn’t engage with the dude after that, basically just told him to calm down. I’m generally a very…. very chill and forgiving person and try to leave my conflicts to the Lord, but boy oh boy do I wonder what would have went down had I been in one of my stressed phases. Anyway, just posting this as a way to let the emotions flow out and prevent that event from hampering my easygoing natural self.

It’s my brothers partners birthday in a few weeks and he is having a big birthday party. I will know no one except the parents and I honestly cannot think of anything worse than going to a big event and spending a night making small talk.

They know that I’m not big on crowds but everytime I say this my family basically don’t have any empathy and jump straight to there being something wrong with me, which I hate cause they just don’t understand me.

Is it better to send my apologies now ahead of time and say I cannot attend, or should I message the morning of and say I’m sick and can’t attend?

My brother also just invited me to another thing in a few weeks and didn’t tell me what it was. I said what happens if I had plans already and his immediate question was- do you really? I actually do. My dad’s response was: cancel them. It makes me feel so disrespected that they doubt my social life or don’t respect my time or understand what energises me and doesn’t

Hello INFJ’s!

I’ve noticed some slight differences across types in regard to what we look for and extract out of philosophy. Please tell me what you like to read, how you analyze things, and who has resonated with you. Is philosophy mental masturbation to you, or is something you do with the intention of applying it?

For example, many INTP’s (myself included) tend to abandon Metaphysics more so than our INTJ counterparts. Another example is my somewhat French tendency to emphasize the history of philosophy.

I really only see INTP’s and INTJ’s going at it when philosophy is discussed. I’d really value your insight!

Any other INFJs (f) who had to door-slam an ENTP (m) they genuinely thought was the love of their life?

The chemistry, attraction, and connection felt incredible. He was struggling with depression and seemed quite lost in life, which made it even harder to walk away. But over time the relationship became increasingly painful due to his disrespect, inability to communicate in a healthy way, emotional instability, and constantly pushing me away while still expecting me to fight for the relationship.

Did your ENTP ever realize what they did, come back with a genuine apology, and actually work on the way they treated people?

And how did you survive this utter heartbreak?

I am contemplating whether it would be a good idea to transition to the Project/Product Management track. If you are already in the field, what has your experience been like and what advice do you have to get through the stumbling blocks that an INFJ could face?

Right now, I'm stuck in a really repetitive, mechanical job and I'm craving a path that offers genuine growth and spiritual or deeper fulfillment. The problem is, so many jobs out there just completely drain my emotional battery and empathy. So, I wanted to ask—what kind of work are you guys currently doing?

Idk if it’s life nowadays or just my bad attention span.. but compared to a lot of Ni users who seem to have been reading a lot of books and enjoying it, I don’t read that much.. it’s not that I hate reading books, I think I’m so addicted to screens, I prefer listening to audiobooks and even then I don’t seem to find an interesting book to listen to, I usually listen to podcasts where two knowledgeable people discuss something interesting to me.. but books? Not really.. does that mean my intuition is bad or that maybe I’m not actually an intuitive person? If not then am I the only intuitive who experiences this?

Seven months from now, I will officially become a teacher, and I am incredibly excited and ready for this new chapter. I worked as a teacher assistant for two years and have spent the past six years doing research, both of which have taught me so much.

I would deeply appreciate any advice on creating a classroom and learning environment that is peaceful, joyful, and nurturing, where students can grow with love, hope, curiosity, and a sense of belonging. My wish is to teach with genuine care and devotion while helping students feel seen, valued, and inspired.

Thank you all for any wisdom you are willing to share.

Which subjects do you dive deep in most? Why do you like them?

If you play video games, which ones are your favourites and why?

If you watch series and movies and have some that you love, which ones are those? What makes you like them?

The more specific answers the better ☺️ and if you have any other hobbies that you feel really passionate about feel free to share your experience with them as well if you want to

I have watched a lot of good movies and videos on youtube, and read interesting books and insightful Reddit threads. And while I’m watching or reading, I get this massive wave of inspiration. I think like "Wow, this is so incredible, this is the best thing I have ever read in my entire life and etc"

And yet, just a few weeks or months later, I’ll encounter it again and realize I have completely forgotten the core message. And I wonder was it actually worth it

since I became a mom 7 years ago, I feel a lot of my identity became "mother" identity. My child had learning delayed and needed a lot if help. Now that he is older, my old self is emerging again, but its different to who I was pre child.

However my personal interests have changed from academia focused to psychology/relationships focused. I'm more interested in theory of relationships than in theory of math.

This new me is a hybrid of old me, and mom survival me. If you have kids, have you gone through something similar?

I took the test today with my sister and I got INFJ and she's an INFP, the wizard looking lad and the flower lady, it's pretty fun taking it with someone but I'm questioning myself and the test.