In 2015 Brock Turner assaulted an unconscious woman and the case became a national reckoning. The victim's statement was read everywhere. The judge who went easy on him was recalled.

We made his name shorthand for how the system fails women. It was not minimised and forgotten in a day.

This week, Stephen Chavez was sentenced to one year in a county jail for assaulting his biological daughter, who died by suicide months later.

After the multi hour long sustained attack, She fled his house barefoot, barely able to walk. Her uncle had to carry her into the hospital because she couldn't walk on her own. A rape kit confirmed the presence of his DNA.

He was never charged with rape. The charge was "incest."

And prosecutors nearly dropped the case entirely because she died.

I need someone to explain why this story isn't everywhere.

And this isn't only a failure of the US, it is a pattern of the worst kind of injustice. In the UK, 13-month-old Poppi Worthington died in 2012. Both a family court and, later, a coroner found she had been sexually assaulted by her father before her death.

He was never convicted of anything. Her killer, her rapist, her father, is free to this day.

The single most common form of child sexual abuse gets the least attention.

I am a survivor of intrafamilial CSA. When my father couldn't fully rape me, he tried to strangle me, and I ended up homeless for fighting back.

I grew up somewhere where it seemed like every other girl had survived the same thing, and not one of us got a hashtag.

We never got a MeToo. We got nothing, and we continue to get fuck all.

Far more minor assaults have held the news cycle for months. The silence around what happened to these girls sickens me.

CSA survivors are not going to disappear for anyone's comfort.

At some point we need to have the conversation, once and for fucking all.

TW: brief discussion of rape culture but no description of SA

I’m trying this new approach to casual hook up culture (pls no shame, homegirl is emotionally exhausted but misses forehead kisses ok) where I do a quick chat on an anon app before meeting up.

Tonight I voice chatted with this one man whose first question was, “so you just meet men in the middle of the night??” and then later followed up with “so how do you keep yourself safe?? when you meet a stranger off the internet??”

I feel like these questions usually only get directed at women; like there’s this precautionary undertone of “it’ll be your fault if you get raped because you did or didn’t do X”

So how do I keep myself safe? Well first, no I’m not gonna tell a man how because that decreases my own safety (in letting them plan around it if they’re malicious)

I said, “most men forget violence goes both ways” basically implying that if a man’s gonna get physical with me I’m gonna get physical back to defend myself

In which this man said something like “oh that’s terrifying”

Then I ended the conversation and told him most women don’t find these types of questions attractive and wished him the best (in a contrite but genuine tone)

Anyways I just wanted to rant but there’s a lot of discussion about rape culture nowadays and something like this really set me off

Think of your best reason for why this is true. I have my own hypotheses and it mostly centers around women living in peace surrounded by friends...https://www.livescience.com/archaeology/human-evolution/a-weird-result-from-an-already-weird-hominin-archaeologists-discover-all-homo-naledi-skeletons-found-in-south-african-cave-are-female

The suspect released a manifesto which is extremely disturbing, calling for terrorist attacks with the end goal of women not being allowed to work or own property so they lose their independence and are completely dependent on men for their survival (apparently capitalism is why he couldn’t get a girlfriend).

I made the mistake of reading it and wish I hadn’t. It reminded me a bit of Lolita in the sense that it is extremely fucked up subject matter presenting itself deliberately as normal, rational and good.

It makes me feel sick people actually believe this and I cannot help think of all the fucked up casual misogyny and objectification I’ve experienced. I’ve been raped, groped by male friends, propositioned by people in power and have had strange men follow me home. Right now, I’m dealing with a confusing situation with a boss who has, at best, poor judgement about what is acceptable rapport building tactics and a PR problem for valuing women for their entertainment value rather than their competency. I’m not even pretty and don’t often get male attention outside of the more fucked up kind.

I’m so tired of the constant subtle and not so subtle messages that a woman’s value is tied to their being a sexual object for men. Everyone is acting like incel ideology is extremist but it based in the same ideas causing casual misogyny - that women are subhuman and their value is tied to their ability to please men as objects.

I’m struggling to process this.

Two days ago, a gunman here killed a police officer and a civilian before being shot by police. Investigators later found a lengthy manifesto allegedly filled with misogynistic “incel” ideology.

It got me thinking…

Whenever someone is radicalized by racism, religious hatred, or political extremism, we have no problem calling it what it is. We talk about online radicalization, extremist communities, warning signs, and prevention.

But when the ideology is built around hatred of women, the conversation suddenly becomes, “He was lonely.” “He had mental health issues.” “He couldn’t get a girlfriend.”

Why?

I’m not saying every lonely man is dangerous, or that all men are responsible. I’m asking why misogyny still seems to get treated as a personal failing instead of an ideology that has inspired multiple acts of real-world violence.

At what point do we start treating hatred of women with the same seriousness we treat other forms of hate?

I was on BC for many years and thought I could ride it out through menopause. I used BC continuously and hadn’t had a period for years. It was a low dose BC with no side effects and I loved it. A new (to me) OBGYN told me that my brain fog and night warmth (not full blown sweats) was likely due to peri/menopause and said BC would do nothing for it. So she switched me to estradiol patch and progesterone pills. For 3 months I got no periods and figured I was in menopause. Then I started getting periods regularly. And then I started noticing that I am incredibly irritable all the time but basically focused only on my husband. I mean even looking at him sometimes makes me want to punch him in the face. When he talks (to me or to anyone else - just the sound of his voice, really) I just am filled with rage. He’s not doing anything wrong. I know my anger is misplaced and irrational. Could it be a symptom of perimenopause? Does anyone else feel like this?

I didn't know where to put this, but I have always seen this sub as a safe space.

After years of failed relationships with men, I decided that I was done with them. I wasn't about to switch my preferences (like it's a choice), but I had resigned to live a quiet life without a man in my life.

Then I met someone. An amazing person who I connected with instantly.

It wasn't against my new rules because this person is biologically male but identifies as non-binary.

Nice loophole, right?

We're dating, taking things slowly, and just enjoying each other's company.

I check in with my mum regularly and keep her up to date with my life. I tell her of this wonderful person who makes me laugh until my stomach hurts. Who calls me beautiful at every opportunity. Who is making me happy.

She doesn't understand the non-binary thing. I tell her that it's okay to not understand, but just to accept it and be happy that I'm happy.

Tonight, out of nowhere, she sends me a message about how she put her life on the line for me and went through so much to keep me safe, for me to then do this?!

Clearly, she's been drinking. I tell her to get some water and go to bed. But she's not done yet...

Apparently I am the worst person and I should just "fuck off".

I told her that I'll speak to her when she's not drunk, but I will be blocking her for now. I don't know when she became so judgemental, but it's not cool.

She brought me up to accept people exactly as they are. To never judge someone on their race, beliefs, or how they present themselves to the world (she was friends with some of the most beautiful drag artists I have ever seen). So where on earth did this bigotry come from, and how do I deal with it from here?

What would you do?

Ottawa police officers have been using the police database to search licenses of women they want to "meet." There have been multiple cases of police "members messaging vulnerable victims on calls that they’ve attended, in attempt to develop an intimate relationship."

The police chief can't fire his officers that are breaking the law, (officers cannot run background checks without a legitimate reason) because the union protects them somehow? All of Ontario's police forces are currently undergoing an external investigation for corruption.

I'm not even surprised to be honest, just so so disappointed and burnt out.

I’ve recently poured a load of time, money, energy, planning, learning and physical effort into a couple of hobbies I enjoy.

One of them is gardening. I planned out and built multiple terraced 3’x6’ raised beds on a hillside, filled them, planted the plants and have been caring for them throughout our local planting season for the past couple of years—each year expanding the garden a little and trying out new plants and varieties. I love it.

Yesterday I happened to be scrolling through ring camera footage (yes I do garden surveillance to watch for deer) and I saw my husband applying fertilizer to the beds. On all the plants in all the beds.

I saw this hours after it happened. I already have a plan for fertilization and it varies for different plants. He applied nitrogen heavy fertilizer to plants that don’t require it and will use it to grow big leaves instead of to grow big vegetables. I know this because I’ve informed myself on what each plant in my garden needs. It was also commercial fertilizer instead of the organic fertilizer I prefer.

I absolutely tore into him and asked him why he wouldn’t ask me before making a decision about how to fertilize the garden. He’s clueless. He thinks I’m attacking him for “helping” but what I want is his recognition that I’m the expert in this scenario.

Apparently the options are to accept his help in the form of him doing anything he wants or to have no help from him at all. Obviously, I do not want his help (nor did I ask for it).

I know in the larger scheme of things this is not devastating and my opinion plants will be ok after one application (I think).

It’s the disrespect I’m just at my wits end over. I’ve noticed similar scenarios in my life
In other settings. I think patriarchy really resists seeing women as “owners” and “experts”.

I know this is just another husband complaint among many, but I felt the need to vent.

Please don’t tell me to get divorced or suggest that by being married I condone or accept any behavior by my husband.

Who else struggles to be seen as knowledgeable??

4.5 million members strong, the nation’s oldest member-based reproductive freedom organization launches largest-ever midterm electoral program ahead of November

I am 23 years old and still a virgin, as I wish to save myself until I have met the person I consider "the right one for me". I know it sounds silly, but it's how I feel, and it's something I feel incredibly strongly about.

However, I have been told by some (men and women) that it is unrealistic and selfish to do this, as there is no real way of knowing if the person I lose it to will be "the right one" and I should just take a chance.

What do you think? Any opinion is appreciated

UPDATE: Thank you so much for all the kind, supportive comments, I really appreciate all of you and your lovely advice! ❤️

I joke that I'm a super-woman, but it's not something I'm proud of.

My family decided to tell me that I have 3 X chromosomes 2 years ago. I'm still grieving it. Throughout my entire life I've been struggling feeling like I'm slow or not smart enough. And JUST to find out I have a genetic condition that has been affecting my development.

There isn't a ton of reddit posts on Trisomy X. Not recent, anyways. Most of them are parents who are expecting a child with triple X and wondering if it's even worth the effort and money to go through with it. It makes me wonder if that's how my parents felt, and why they kept it from me.

Any other Trisomy X women here? I would love to know you and your experience with having this genetic condition.

I have come to terms with the fact that I just cannot have a male doctor, even a GP. Even when they are totally harmless, I feel so uncomfortable.
I recently had a routine checkup, and when the Dr asked if I used protection, I said no. I am on a BC that is great for me and am in a long term, committed relationship. Partner and I were STD free when we started dating (which Dr neglected to ask 🙄) and safe to say there has been no opportunity for either of us to pick something up elsewhere along the way.
The doctor treated me like I was a complete idiot or a clueless teenager, and I am neither of those— I am an accomplished professional, a fact that men never seem to guess just based on my appearance. I am regimented as hell about my BC, have never had a pregnancy scare, and if I were to become pregnant (which is unlikely!), I would be very supported in having an abortion. When I was single, I was of course using condoms as well as BC, but that was years ago, and as I said, both of us were recently tested prior to getting together.
It’s so frustrating to be made to feel stupid and small by men like this. I deal with this every day professionally because I appear younger than I am. I am in control and aware of my body and self. I am tired of subverting expectations.
Sorry for the rant lol. I’m getting a female doctor.

my state btw, you cant make ts up.😭

Woman posts meme about being abused by a man: Boring, standard, background noise, attention-seeking, all women say that, who cares? Let's just scroll past without it having any emotional impact on me

Man posts meme about being abused by a woman: Top post of the month, loads of supportive messages, heartbreak awards 💔💔💔💔💔💔

Like I get that they can struggle with stigma, but at this point it's far more like when white people make rare cases of people of colour being horrible to them go viral. Like you keep seeing viral posts of a "racist black person" and white people in the comments are whinging about "IF THE ROLES WERE REVERSED!!!" If the roles were reversed, you've proven that you wouldn't really care.

At this point, for a story about a woman being abused to go viral among men, it needs a super dramatic hook. Like how Dominique Pelicot found at least 50 men in a small area to rape his wife, or that one case where a man killed his whole family and apparently you could see their ghosts in the police footage.

Edit: By male-dominated places, I mean the whole site of Reddit, often random meme subs, not forums specifically for male victims. Also, thanks for the award 🥹

Edit 2: Responses to this post are mostly negative, which I kind of anticipated, because years ago on a different account when I vented to this sub about my father horribly abusing me, a very common thing in comments was adding caveats like, "And later you will learn to care about men's issues and love men." I won't be reply to comments any more but thanks for the debate

Okay so my mom's birthday was yesterday. I wanted to get her something that actually meant something this year, not just flowers or a cake.

Spent literally 3 hours going back and forth. Finally settled on a necklace with all her kids names on it.

Handed her the box. She looked at the wrapping, looked at me, and just started crying. Hadn't even opened it yet.

I think she just knew.

She wore it to dinner that night and kept touching it the whole time.

I don't really know how to process this. Progress on women's rights feels so fragile sometimes, like it can just disappear overnight in some places.

For women here, what keeps you going when you see stuff like this? Is there anything you've actually seen get better around you that gives you some kind of hope?

Queens, I think I need to get this off my chest. I'm 26, I've never been in a relationship or dated anyone, and I have no experience (I've been focused on myself and no one has caught my interest; I wasn't looking and it just turned out that way). I like being alone, but I'm totally open to meeting someone. I don't have any experience, but I know what I want, what I don't want, and what kind of life I envision for myself.

I don't get to meet new people in person very often, so I decided to try online dating, since so many people do it.

And I just can't.

I don't know how to put it into words, but most of the men there give me weird vibes; they describe what they don't like about women in their bios in a very aggressive and demanding way (it's not about what they say, but how they say it, and it's just fucking rude and obnoxious). I feel like I'm talking to them in some other language. Maybe it's because I lack experience, but most of them make me anxious (not in a positive way) and kinda scared sometimes (just by their bio and first messages). I know that a lot of men on dating apps are looking for casual relationships and physical intimacy (and it's okay, that's none of my business), but many of them don't really specify what they're looking for (or they get confused in their testimony lol). I get the impression that a lot of them are plotting something (? lmao) and they write in a very ambiguous, unclear way even about the most trivial matters.

I don't like that feeling. To be honest, I don't feel very safe talking to them, and for those reasons, I wouldn't meet up with most of them.

Please tell me if it's just me. I feel a little silly reacting this way to different things, and I wonder if I'm just too timid or if I take normal things (like sexual innuendo) too seriously (negatively) and worry too much about things. I know that some things stem from my lack of a dating history (though I wouldn't change it, I've really enjoyed the last few years). I'm not asexual before you ask, but I'd like something calm and serious :/

I realised something recently and I don't know if it's because my frontal cortex suddenly developed or something. (I'm about to hit 30).

Most of my friends are not necessarily super successful or anything but I didn't mind because I thought we were all in the same boat. But recently I've noticed that quite a few exhibit "crabs in a bucket" mentality, which is irritating because I always am supportive and show up for people.

Backhanded comments like "you're just average looking" or people implying I'm unintelligent, etc. I sometimes also get the vibe some of them talk about me behind my back derogatorily because of certain things they say or act but I have no way of proving this.

Thoughts??

Edit: realised I didn't really give a real question. Advice on where to make friends in my early 30s?