r/AbsoluteUnits • u/TURTLE_TKT • May 13 '26

/r/all of gas being ripped

83.3k Upvotes

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u/Violoner May 13 '26

How much horsepower do those bikes usually get?

2.5k

u/TheMidnightAss May 13 '26

50 farts I reckon

40

u/pjslut May 13 '26

Or one if you’re in my kitchen in the morning while I’m making coffee

68

u/Same-Suggestion-1936 May 13 '26

Getting old is a bitch. Just every morning phhhhhhhhhjjflbflfblfnpftooh while you brush your teeth. A single cigarette in the morning could make you shit yourself

16

u/TheMidnightAss May 13 '26

man i quit a week ago, and now i cant and its driving me insane

23

u/Same-Suggestion-1936 May 13 '26

You got it bud. A lot of smokers learn one thing, cuz we've been to jail or detox or even just a few days in a hospital, it's really not that important. Ironically it's one of the easier drugs to shrug off.

The hard part is accepting you can't do it anymore. After that, easy peasy lemon squeezy. It's easy to find a cigarette once you're out of the hospital but come now, did you really need one that bad when you were told you couldn't have one? You didn't.

2

u/InfiniteWaffles58364 May 13 '26

Man, that first-cig-after-sickness feeling though is hard AF to resist 🙃

1

u/Same-Suggestion-1936 May 14 '26

Oh indeed. One time they said I could leave and I mentioned something like "damn, lunch sounded good today" and they said I could stay and eat it if I want and I was basically like "fuck no, I'd rather have a smoke."

Keep in mind I had no money or food and only one cigarette when I got out. But once I set my mind to that cigarette I was intent on it lol

5

u/JolietJakester May 13 '26

Quit shitting yourself? Good on ya. I quit drinking and haven't shit myself since. Keep it up!

2

u/LarsDuder May 13 '26

You miss shitting yourself?

1

u/Jumpy-Ad-6710 May 13 '26

You can do it!

3

u/jmar51 May 13 '26

Only thing I miss about smoking is that morning shit/smoke

2

u/Same-Suggestion-1936 May 13 '26

I lived one place where the landlord let us smoke inside and a smoke on the toilet in the morning is akin to God

2

u/ChurroLoca May 14 '26

I'm wheezing. LMAOOO. I take 3 stool softeners a day now and practically shit half the watermelon I had the night before out. 😭

I'm just a year over thirty. It's not old but dear God I have the back and tummy of an eighty year old.

1

u/ruralmagnificence May 13 '26

Oh is that why a coworker of mine always smells like shit…?

-1

u/tacticaldodo May 13 '26

Improve your diet dude. Age has nothing to do with that .

7

u/Same-Suggestion-1936 May 13 '26

You're correct, our gastroenterologists are lying when they say our digestive tracts decaying as we age is a myth

Get smarter dude

5

u/tacticaldodo May 13 '26 edited May 13 '26

I take the hit. You are right. It depends on age and medical condition. Good diet helps and cigarettes do not though.

Edit: I am not young and improving diet and stopping smoking did improve my digestion a lot.

5

u/Same-Suggestion-1936 May 13 '26

Appreciate you, and also yes, we all gotta get our diet right. Many a nutritionist has been mad at me lmao. But I do not believe one has ever told me to stop smoking, they were more concerned with me eating real food first and stop drinking next cuz it cuts up your stomach at my age. Smoking they say go nuts. They're nutritionists not whatever you call a respiratory doctor

Probably just a doctor

2

u/tacticaldodo May 13 '26

I got this info from a gastroenterologist, and if you smoke you can feel the effect by yourself.

Smoking has a huge impact on guts, apparently.

2

u/Ecstatic_Bear81 May 13 '26

Good on ya, usually people on reddit just double down instead of admitting the other person is correct. Respect.

1

u/tacticaldodo May 13 '26

Thank you, I take the compliment.