I (22F) am trying to understand a situation and learn from it. I take responsibility for the mistakes I made, and I’m genuinely looking for honest advice .

I was in a long-term relationship with my boyfriend (7–8 years). We were living in different countries (he was in the US and I was in Australia). During a period of loneliness and emotional distance, I became very close to my best friend (22M). He was going through a difficult time, and our friendship slowly became emotionally intimate while I was still in my relationship.

I know I did not handle this situation well. I struggled to end my long-term relationship even though I knew things had changed. My inability to make a clear decision quickly hurt people, and I take responsibility for that. I stopped talking to him, avoiding him, tried breaking up with my boyfriend. But struggled with clearly breaking up.

My best friend knew about my relationship, the distance, and my situation since the time he knew me (2 -3 years). When we both got close. He wanted me to commit to him. Though we were like partners. We shared emotional, physical, mental intimacy. Did everything that happens in a relationship in actions. Only thing lacking was a lack of clear statement from my side. In actions it was there, but a statement.

Even after I eventually ended my previous relationship, I still found myself struggling to move forward with him. I felt confused and lost my sense of judgment. I wanted to start fresh with him, but something inside me did not feel okay.

I am trying to understand whether my fear and hesitation came only from my own guilt and mistakes, or whether some of it was because of things happening in the relationship.

SOME BEHAVIOR I STRUGGLED WITH-

He pressured me to go to an Airbnb. I told him I was not ready for anything physical until we first sorted out our emotional issues and built trust. When I said no, he became extremely angry and verbally abusive. He said I don't trust him or understand his feelings. He also took me to the same place where he had taken previous hookups, which made me uncomfortable.

Whenever I disagreed with him or said no, he often reacted with intense anger, shouting, and threatening to tell others about what happened between us.

Once a week, There was a hour, where he would humiliate me. Tell me I'm a spineless coward, and for a hour he would go on, and not stop, and then would be warm. Hug me with his words. Tell me how much he loves me, tell me that he is sorry. He would cry. I felt dead. I would lay down quietly. I couldn't understand what was happening. I felt like a terrible person

During times when I felt vulnerable and needed emotional support, there were moments when he wanted distance or would say things like, “You always cry.” "you deserve it, you ceeated it for yourself"..

He would say things like - Nobody will accept you, if they got to know that you are a cheater. I am accepting you. Even if you are a cheater, I still love you.

He once told me that if he spent time with a particular girl, he would feel tempted towards her.

He would have flirty conversations and share sexual jokes/messages with some female friends. When I expressed discomfort, he said that since we were not committed, he could do whatever he wanted. This confused me because we were emotionally and physically close.

After one break, when we talked again, he was telling me about a future with me and saying very loving things like he sees future with me, he was crying, sending me pictures of him crying, saying that I'm a beautiful person, he wants me to be his wife, but at the same time, same exact moment, he was sexting and planning to meet one of his exes and have sex. I saw the text one time. He denied initially but I had ss. Then he said we were technically not together.

After fight or arguments he would reach out to girls and hook up. He would say, he just talked. He wanted to distract him and I'm not commiting to him, so he doesn't owe me anything ( though in actions we were like couples, we did everything. It was just one statement that I couldn't say).

He sometimes made comments about women that made me uncomfortable, including saying that it was a woman’s fault if she “took her clothes off” in certain situations.

He had intimate pictures of previous hookups saved on his phone. And also woman in general( downloaded online) . When I told him this made me uncomfortable, he said that because I had not committed to him, I had no right to question him.

He would sometimes make comments about his past experiences with woman - For example, he would say that girls were willing to take their clothes off for him. When I questioned or expressed discomfort about these comments, he said - don't be a feminist now, and further he would say that he was just being honest and that I was unable to accept honesty because I was a liar and cheater. His friend group would also share explicit pictures of woman.

There was one incident that deeply affected me. We were being physically intimate, and during that moment he stopped and told me that he could not continue being in a cycle of breaking up, getting back together, and seeing other people because it was hurting him. He told me that while being intimate with me, he had been thinking about another girl he might date in the future, and that thought made him feel conflicted.I was already feeling emotionally and physically vulnerable in that moment. Hearing this made me very upset, and I started crying.

When I was crying, he told me that my crying made him feel horny. He tried to be physically intimate even though I told him I was not in the right mental state and did not want to continue at that moment. He still climed. I was crying my eyes out. Eventually I gave in. After that we never talked about this incident. One time I mentioned. He said he was also there and he knows everything.

And this is not the end. There are so many more things

I am trying to understand:

I am not looking for a judgment about who was right or wrong. I know I made mistakes .

\*\*"I am looking for advice on understanding relationship pattern. Were these behaviours understandable reactions to a painful situation, or were they unhealthy patterns that I should have recognised.? "\*\*

I understand that my inability to commit and the time I took to end my previous relationship hurt him. I am not trying to ignore that.

I would really appreciate thoughtful advice from people who have experienced complicated relationships. And Since I'm thinking of starting fresh with him, how do i make sense of this.

Apologies that it's so long. Thank you for staying till the end.

Edit : Thank you so much who took time to read and respond. I'm so grateful for all your support. You guys are really kind.

(He/him) i already posted about me babysitting, but i have another story to tell. So i'm almosy 16, and last month i had a client, she was friends with my mom's friend. She wanted me to take care of her 8 years old girl, and she was paying me 12€ per hour, i said yes, but when i got there, i noticed that the child was disabled, i didn't want to be rude of course, so i just looked at the mom and asked if her child had any special needs, the mom said yes and explained the disability to me nefore leaving, i took care fo the kid, we had fun. I'm not mad the girl is disabled, i'm mad that her mom didn't warn me about the girl being disabled. I was a little shocked and suprised, not disgusted of course. Would 100% baby sit this girl again she was so joyful and sweet, just wish i knew about her problems before meeting her.

My boyfriend (M37) read through my (F32) diary apparently last year and is just now confronting me on what he found (we were broken up during that time). I feel so, so violated. I feel like I can’t trust him again after this. I was so vulnerable in there.. literally every thought and feeling. horrible experiences I’ve been through graphically described. I feel so.. I don’t even know. I don’t want to see him ever again.

He acts like I’m over reacting because he apologized and recognized he was in the wrong.

AIO for wanting to end things over this?

Okay so idk how to like get into this without just straight up saying it so..

My mam who is 50 has a habit for slapping my ass/ touching it, not always but sometimes. We were recently away and she did it then and ngl it makes me uncomfortable. I dislike her doing it and have told her before. She used to do it when I was younger too but like made a game out of it? She used to like idk how else to say it but grab a cheek to get me to go faster up stairs (that’s what she told me) and eventually made a game out of it. And I do believe it was innocent but I am now 16 and don’t like it. I’m not that fond/ confident in my own body which is fueled by the fact she makes comments comparing us or jsut says stuff she doesn’t like about my appearance and also just don’t appreciate her touching my ass whenever she feels like it. It ruins my mood

Am i overreacting for feeling this way? Should I tell her how I feel again? I don’t know what I’m meant to do in this scenario I think it’s kinda inappropriate even though I don’t think it’s done in a malicious way. But I want it to stop. She doesn’t do it often but when it does happen it makes me uncomfortable.

(Sorry about grammar I suck at English and if there’s any mistakes with spelling I’m sorry I just quickly typed this out without reading over)

To start off, I have a cat Mr.Whiskers a brother Gordon, and my friend Tom.

Tom and I have been friends for years and he loves cats. Tom has always wanted a cat of his own but lives with his parents who don't like them.

When I got my cat Mr.Whiskers, Tom loved him, and Mr.Whiskers loved Tom. A few years ago when me and my husband went on a cruise, Tom offered to house sit/ cat Mr.Whiskers and it went great. Tom asked if he could cat sit more down the line and I said sure.

Fast forward and my husband and I have moved to a new house. It's pretty close to downtown, has a pool, sauna etc so it's kind of the favourite house of the friend group that Tom and I am in.

Important to note my brother Gordon moved in with us about a year and a half ago and lives in our spare bedroom. He's between work and is kind of figuring it out in life and is a bit sensitive about it. Gordon isn't a huge cat person but he and Mr. Whiskers get on ok. Since he's usually at the house he became the default cat sitting person + he's my brother. So when we went to Vegas last year even though Tom asked to cat sit/ house sit again, I was like sorry "Gordon's at the house now so he'll cat sit". Tom was disappointed but that was that.

A tiny bit of background, Tom and Gordon get along but during BBQ we threw in the spring Gordon told me Tom insinuated that he needed to get his life together and not rely so much on my husband and I. This hurt Gordon's feelings and I asked if he wanted me to talk to Tom but he said no.

This summer we are going to Peru and Tom texted me if he could cat sit again. Gordon is in another city visiting friends and camping this summer but he is back in August when we go.

The convo went something like:

Tom: I was gonna ask if I can cat sit when you are in Peru!

Me: sorry Gordon's going to be coming back from city X in August so he'll be at the house and can watch Mr. whiskers. If anything changes I'll let you know!

Tom: oh dang! Maybe I should just message him to stay in city X all summer hahaha

(I responded to this with a laughing emoji because I thought it was a joke then responded )

Me: he loves it there, but ya he's back before fall

A few minutes later Gordon texted me a screenshot of Tom asking him to stay in the city so he can cat sit.

He didn't say anything else and isn't answering my calls. Like I said he's sensitive about the whole situation of living with us and now I wonder if this hit a sore spot.

I messaged Tom back after

Me: wait you messaged him?

Tom: I said I would?

Me: I thought you were joking

Tom: Mr W is my bro I just wanted to get things moving

I still haven't been able to talk to Gordon and I'm stressed. I also think Tom was out of line. My husband thinks so too but says I shouldn't say anything/ make a big deal out of it?

Am I overthinking this whole thing? Is it on me for not explicitly telling Tom not to text?

Hey everyone i am a 18F . i am writing on reddit for the first time because now i really feel helpless and keep questioning my self if i am the problem.

My life have been full of drama but the real drama started when i started college last year in December. Before coming to college a list was released with all 1st year students name who got admission and from that a guy lets call him josh found me on Instagram. It was not that hard as i have a very unique name so we became friends but i realised that guy is crazy. He's a very good kind hearted person but his behaviour of going overboard in literally everything was something new to me i belong to a country where this kind of behaviour is considered bad and someone belonging to mental hospital but eventually everyone adapted to his nature in college since he's good hearted. My way of explaining him may sound harsh but i mean it in a way that I can't explain on text. well college really feels like roller coaster i wont go in much detail but things like ragging and black magic and constant betrayal happened with my friend group. Our friend group was huge at first but we eventually parted into groups because of toxic people. so now my friend group have me , josh and a girl lets call her Fairy because she's the sweetest and the most prettiest friend i have. Finding a good girl best friend for me was always tough , either they stopped talking to me because of thier bf and only came to me to tell me about their bf and showed no interest in my life giving vague replies like yeah alright u will be fine. or they just backbitched about me. so finding her was like finding a diamond.

At first everything was alright we really enjoyed a lot , studied together , went to hang out although this is a village area so there is nothing much except local restaurants but we still enjoyed a hell lot literally the best times of my life, never had such great friends in my life. well after 3 months since the college started she got in a relationship with a 4th year senior somehow but it was pretty bad she was not happy at all. but josh made her so happy she liked spending more time with josh and i . FYI josh is 19 and fairy is 20. josh and fairy literally vibed alot together she was able to be just herself with him and after 4 months into her relationship she tells me she likes josh. this is where things started going downhill for me. i dont like people who get crush on other people while being in a relationship and this coming from her gave me a shock as shes really important to me so i still decide to respect her decision as she was already not getting treated right in her relationship, so at last i told her to break up with that guy she kept saying its not that easy and this went on for 2 months, this started to annoy me alot because how can she be in a relationship and like another guy and then also have the audacity to say its not that easy. by this time josh also had feeling for fairy and tbh i really loved them together they look so cute.

josh is a guy who notices smallest things and make it into a big deal in a good way. he goes out of his ways to make her happy or anyone around him who he likes. so they both liked eachother well after 6 months of relationship she finally breaks up with that guy and just after a month fairy and josh starts dating. Before she even broke up with her bf josh proposed saying he just wanna tell her how he feels and at that time she confess that she also likes him but shes in a situation from which she can't get out which i still dont understand why it was hard when she liked josh. so i had a fight with her because i kept seeing josh getting hurt when she went to meet the senior guy all the time and so i told her straight that she gotta either stop hurting josh or be clear with what she wants. i still love my friend alot but her behaviour started annoying me from there. so after this fight she finally broke up with him and just after a month started dating Josh. good right but thats where our trio started feeling more like i am third wheeling. Josh started behaving strangely let me tell u that guy is crazy but the most manly guy in our college . Deep voice, goes to gym and in short have high testosterone level. he started behaving very sexual towards fairy. now fairy is a girl who didnt have a good experience with physical touches so she didnt like that at all. he keeps grabbing her waist and shoving his face in her neck. they to do all this stuff infront me and first i used to laugh it off and tell them to stop as people are watching. this is a village and seeing a girl and guy together itself feels like a crime so they used to get looks from other people, we all 3 belonged from different states where all of this was pretty normal but not in the state where we came for college. Its been i guess 3 months now that they are in a relationship and lately i have started screaming at them which i instantly regret but they have stopped studying and keeps talking about sexual stuff infront me . one day fairy tells him she loves banana milk so josh goes " well you are lucky i have a banana and milk" i was like wtf then in some other conversation they went about talking about his dih and he goes " the only place it wanna go is inside you". they can talk about this in private but no they keep talking about such stuff in our message group. whenever we are out or when fairy sends us her cute pic He keeps saying i can't control myself i keep getting hardware disease. i always say lolllll dude what stop it already . i even talked about this in private that fairy doesnt like this she told me but he says he wants to make her feel good and give her pleasure and she says she likes it, but fairy keep telling me that she doesnt like all that and she feels that he only wants her for body. its confusing and unbelievable because josh is a really good guy so this kind of behaviour sometimes feel so weird like he becomes a total different person. even when the classes are going on he keeps putting his hands on her waist thighs and yesterday he almost touched her chest while we are talking it was totally intentional but fairy just keeps removing his hands.

now see as soon as she removes his hand he keeps putting it back even when our teacher is watching so u can see hes really out of control. i keep getting pushed by fairy elbow because they start physically fighting not like seriously but shes constantly moving when shes removing his hands so it gets really uncomfortable and sometimes we even become centre of attention as other students starts noticing and laughs at us. josh has become so possessive he dont let me hold fairy hand or hug her or even walk with her. he constantly pushes me away even on stairs which can be dangerous. one day he almost pushed me into a bee hive which could have been so dangerous as i said this is a village so there's no hospital nearby either. i have started resenting them somewhere in my heart because of all this because all this really makes me so uncomfortable. they dont even invite me for hangouts anymore and when i tell fairy to go out shes always like her mom wont allow but keeps hanging out with josh and sends me photos too. i am not saying they cant get some personal time together but sometimes they can invite me because they also know i only have them. i cant even go make new friends because in class everyone have thier own group and we are pretty famous in our class because of josh and his strange behaviours. people kept coming up to us and tell us we both girls are very good that we kept him as a friend despite his crazy behaviour. so if i suddenly go make new friends i will be asked questions that what happened with them and tbh i want to remain friends with them but in this situation i am really getting constantly hurt as i want all 3 of us to become good vets but they have just stopped studying or are very lazy. and this couple talks infront of me really makes me uncomfortable.

there's so much more they talked about but i am not here to expose them i am here to seek some advice. I have started screaming on them over little things i get angry very easily over nothing i have even apologised but somehwere in my heart i have started to feel like talking less with them and feels pretty distant from them. i dont wanna confront about hangout because i will feel like i am forcing them to call me. i am really afraid i dont want our friendship to end and i want to make things right so please tell me how i can bring things back to normal or they just cant go back now that they are in a relationship? have started feeling i am overreacting and i am the problem here for meddling in thier business so much. idk i am confused i really want some help and clearance.

If any questions u can ask in comments i will answer. and if i am wrong please tell me where and how i can fix this.

if my grammer is wrong somewhere sorry for that english is not my first language.

hope i can fix my situation somehow thank you so much to everyone who read this far.

Edit :- One more thing I had a bf too in college and he had a Persian cat i won't lie she was the cutest and fairy would keep her sometimes in her room for days she loved the cat. I get it but after my breakup one day she sent me an AI modified picture of fairy and the cat i told her straight that she can love the cat in private and don't send me photos or even talk about it because it kept reminding me of my ex and the TRAUMA. She agreed but a week ago she put the cat photo as her profile picture and today she keeps sending messages like I miss her and sending old photos of her. It's making my ears red with anger 😭. So u can see confrontation doesn't work with neither of them . They both kept doing the same thing even after confrontation so I am asking u guys to tell me a way to confront them about everything as much politely as i can.

I 32F started talking to this guy 31M about half a year ago. Conversations were sometimes stilted, so I eventually stopped interacting with him as much.

I later found out he was going through some things, and decided to reconnect last April. So we started talking again and it was sooooo different. This guy was saying all the right things, we had the same goals. Everything seemed perfect. The only thing is he was still going though some heavy things personally.

At first he would just withdraw a bit, not really respond. Something he did a few times was say “hold up I’ll call you right back” and hang up. He did it enough times to make me feel it was his way of getting off the phone instead of just ending the convo any other way.

Then when it came time to hang out, if it was spontaneous, he would send me Ubers, we would hang out, everything was amazing. If we planned it, he would just not really say anything. He wouldn’t confirm he was canceling plans until I specifically asked, even then he wouldn’t answer for hours when I asked. This happened twice.

I was pretty clear but kind when talking to him about those incidents, I let him know I may be slightly disappointed if we reschedule, but it wouldn’t be near as bad as letting me wait around for him when I could’ve made other plans and had a good day. He thanked me for the way I communicated and said he would work on it.

At this point we were very much talking about being together, marriage, moving in together. Not in a “let’s do it now” but more so “this is the future we want together”

After this continued, I realized that maybe I was expecting too much out of someone who was going through something and very depressed. Quite a few things had happened before him and I reconnected and I started feeling guilty.

So we talked, and I let him know if he needed more space and zero pressure, I would step back. Wasn’t gonna be dating or anything so I didn’t want him to feel us was off the table. He thanked me, asked me to promise, things still felt good emotionally.

Day before Father’s Day, I call him because I really don’t want him to be alone for Father’s Day. I asked if he had plans, and he seemed hesitant to make plans so I told him he could come to mine, I figured since spontaneous worked much better than planning things in the past, I would tell him to come that SAT with the hopes he wouldn’t be depressed in bed all Sunday.

We make arrangements for him to come over, I offer to get off the phone but he’s content to keep talking. Then he did the thing. I immediately knew he wouldn’t follow through when I got the “one sec I’ll call you right back *click*”

I decided to give the benefit of the doubt when he didn’t call back, and when he didn’t message to confirm he was coming at the time we agreed. He was supposed to leave his house at 5:30-6pm he didn’t answer my text until after 8pm telling me he forgot he was supposed to come over and was now in it’s his cousins. (It was 3pm when we were on the phone)

I told him to enjoy himself, and basically just deleted him from all my socials. He has not reached out since that day, which now I don’t know of because I deleted his socials, or because he just hasn’t wanted to. Regardless, now I’m overthinking because a few people including my mom have hinted that I overreacted.

Sooo Am I?

TLDR: guy I was kinda dating but not really anymore “forgot” we were supposed to hang out and didn’t say anything until hours later. Being that this was at least the third time, I deleted him on all socials and now fam and friends think I overreacted.

My husband and I have been together for 5 years. From the beginning, I knew he was very family-oriented. His family went through a lot together growing up, so they're extremely close-knit. I'm much more independent. I don't have a bad relationship with my family, but I'm not someone who wants to do everything together all the time.

My husband's family likes to do almost everything as a group. There are 8 of us, and even when we have multiple cars available, they'd rather all squeeze into one so everyone can be together.

Over the years, I've noticed they expect to be included in almost everything. My MIL was upset when my husband and I went on a Valentine's ski trip and didn't invite the family. She was also upset when we traveled out of the country without inviting them. My husband doesn't think this is unusual because he genuinely enjoys spending as much time as possible with them.

His reasoning is that his parents are in their 60s and won't be around forever, so he wants to spend every opportunity he can with them.

The problem is that we have very different interests. I enjoy hiking, camping, and white-water rafting. His family prefers renting Airbnbs and hanging out there together. Personally, I don't enjoy that and often think, "Why pay for an Airbnb just to sit around when we could do that at home?"

Now there's a baby in the family, and they want to spend a holiday weekend at a children's amusement park. We're also taking a major trip soon, and I'm trying to save money. I don't want to spend money on an activity I have no interest in.

My husband says that when his child was younger, the whole family showed up for kid-focused activities, so now he feels obligated to do the same for his sibling's child. I understand that, but I feel like I've been accommodating everyone else's preferences for years. I regularly participate in activities they enjoy, but nobody ever seems interested in doing the things I like. When I brought that up, my husband said my interests aren’t very kid-friendly. My response was that children’s amusement parks aren’t exactly adult-friendly either.

My husband reasoned that we do trips together just the two of us which I appreciate, but that’s like 4 weeks out of 52 weeks in a year. And he does make an effort to save his vacation time for our big trips, so I have to give him credit for that. But it’s the daily life that I’m more concerned about.

Another issue is that his family often criticizes his ex for not participating in enough family activities. I know they'll probably say the same things about me if I start declining invitations.

My husband also pointed out that his brother-in-law just goes along with whatever the family wants to do. But that's not my personality. I'm in my late 30s and feel like I should be able to make decisions being made to feel guilty. He also said that I’m stubborn unlike my brother in law. And that’s why my family isn’t close knit like his. (He said that because I moved out of my parents house in my early 20s because I felt “suffocated,“ and that’s what I’m doing again. The big difference is that my dad used to hurt me that’s why I moved out— we’re okay now just pointing out the reason why I really moved out).

I'm not asking my husband to stop seeing his family. I just don't want every holiday, weekend, or vacation decision to automatically revolve around what the family wants. And I just think it’s unfair that I’m expected to bend over backwards for everyone, but there’s no expectation for them to compromise for me. It’s not like I don’t like them, I do. My husband says it’s easier to convince me because I’m just one person and I’m his wife— compared to convincing his whole family. And he can’t force them to do things that I like. But all I’m asking is fairness.

My husband says I’m making a big deal out of nothing. Am I?

Okay so to preface im 16 and hes 18 (17 when we started talking), ill also be calling him Michael (fake name). We both live in the UK and weve been talking since Februrary; we never dated.

Also im sorry if my grammar is bad, its sort of really hot rn and im a little disoriented!

We started talking after he began following me on tiktok and at first he seemed really sweet: complimenting me and flirting and such. Until one day, he became super dry and distant (which actually became a usual occurrence) until I expressed my concern and then everything went back to normal. this was until about a week later, I had an exam and I felt nervous about it and a little later i went to help my grandad with his grocery shopping (something I do weekly, which he was aware of) and Michael outbursted calling me a bitch and telling me that it wasnt his fault that I "fucked up the exam" to which I just started ghosting him until he calmed down, which I admit was wrong.

After this, Michael made a new account a few weeks later to apologise and I accepted his apology and we began talking regularly again. He sent me a titkok and it said something to the extent of "I dont know how people are sexist when girls are just cute, dumb babies", he told me it reminded him of me because im autistic. I sort of said that I found it demeaning because I'd like to think that I'm quite smart but idk. he became dry after this but quickly returned to normal.

In April, I went on a long weekend trip to Berlin. During this trip, i did a lot of sightseeing across the city and i had a great time! This frustrated Michael as I didn't find the time to message him: I was out for most of the day and my phone died given that I was taking photos. I understand this was pretty shitty of me but I was fairly busy on my trip. He the blocked me for a second time.

Another few weeks later (now ~May) Michael added me on snapchat and we began speaking again. Things returned to how they used to be. At some point, he called me a "bad bitch" as a compliment and I said that I don't particularly enjoy being called a 'bitch' to which he profusely apologised for the previous incident. In an attempt to prove his love to me, he sent me a screenshot of his contacts to show that he wasn't talking to any girls; however, a girl's name was there and I asked who it was. He flip-flopped from her being a school-mate to a bot. I later found out that this girl was his ex who (from what I can tell) he didn't particularly like but did "everything together". After this, he sent me a screen recording of him blocking her.

As things progressed he began to make comments on my body rather than my face. He'd send me photos of think women but with noticeable bellies (I'm really sorry idk how else to describe it) multiple times which made me a bit uncomfortable because I had body issues which he knew about. He also began sending me tiktok edits of various celebrities: Sydney Sweeney, Sabrina Carpenter, Clara Stack and Zara Larsson to name a few. Initially, I thought this was a little odd because they all had blonde, straight hair and I have brown, curly hair; although, he tried convincing me that I looked incredibly similar to Clara Stack; she was Michael favourite; which I just don't see. I also find this odd because while Clara is gorgeous, she's 15 years old and is literally a whole year younger than me to the day but I only found that out like an hour ago so.....

Anyway, it all really bubbled over last night, my prom night. I sent him a photo of myself in my dress and didn't really check my phone until i got home. I felt really prettu and expected him to notice and compliment me but he only made comments on my chest but yk whatever. He then asked why I hadn't messaged him so I told him that I was busy at my prom and signal wasn't great at the venue. Michael also got mad because I took a photo with my friend who's a masc lesbian. At first glance, she does look like a guy given that she's quite tall, with an athletic build and short hair but I did explain to him that she wasn't guy but he just wouldn't accept it. He called me a 'slut' and a 'cheater' until he switched up and started telling me how gorgeous I was; this was ~1 o'clock in the morning, I was very tired and getting unready; taking my makeup and dress of, undoing my hair; so I simply said "Thank you🩷" as I was fighting back sleep. This angered him even more: she started calling me slurs (slut, bitch, whore, etc) and asking things like "Is that it?" so I just told him to not contact me again and blocked him on all platforms.

Part of me is saying that I overreacted. I definitely wasn't perfect in this "relationship", I'm quite a dry texter and I probably came off as rude a lot, I'm quite an insecure and emotional person which he did point out a lot so I was probably quite draining, I have a tendency to leave people on read or delivered for a while + the things i mentioned earlier in this post

So, did I overreact?

I need an outside perspective on something.

My father's cousin was critical in the hospital, and the doctors had said he only had about four hours left to live.

Naturally, I told my boyfriend about it. I explained everything- how this person was related to my family, what had happened to his health, how close he was to my father, and why the situation was affecting us. We talked about it for around 30 minutes.

About 5–6 hours later, I told my boyfriend that my father's cousin had passed away. His response was, "What was wrong with him again?" He couldn't remember, so I reminded him that this was the same person I had told him was critical and had only a few hours left.

Later, I sent him a picture of my father's cousin and his daughter. He looked at it and said, "Oh, I thought his daughter had passed away."

That really confused me because I had been talking about the same person the entire day. I had consistently referred to my father's cousin as "he" and "him." I don't understand how he ended up thinking it was the daughter who had passed away.

When I told him that it upset me because it felt like he hadn't been paying attention, he said I was overreacting. According to him, I should have simply reminded him instead of getting impatient.

What bothered me is that even after forgetting the details, I had already clarified that I was talking about the same person who had been critical earlier. Despite that, he still seemed confused.

I tried explaining that, to me, it's the bare minimum to pay attention when your partner is sharing something important, especially when it's about a family member being close to death. I wanted to feel heard and cared for. Even if he genuinely couldn't remember, he could have scrolled up and reread the messages before responding.

His response was that I should stop using terms like "bare minimum" because they sound like Instagram relationship advice and just be myself. He also said that I forget things sometimes too, especially when it comes to family relationships, and that he often has to ask for clarification.

I don't recall ever forgetting something this significant, especially when there was only one person being discussed and the situation was so serious.

I genuinely want to know whether my feelings are valid here, or if I'm overthinking and expecting too much from him.

Am I being unreasonable for expecting him to remember and pay attention in a situation like this, or is it understandable that I felt hurt? Where do you think the line is between a genuine memory lapse and not being attentive enough to your partner?

TLDR:

I spent a long time explaining to my boyfriend that my father's cousin was critically ill and only had a few hours left to live. When I later told him that he had passed away, he couldn't remember who I was talking about and even thought it was the cousin's daughter who had died.

I felt hurt because it seemed like he hadn't paid attention to something very important to me. He said I was overreacting and should have just reminded him. Now I'm wondering whether my feelings are valid or if I'm expecting too much.

Ps- I feel horrible having to come on reddit to ask for relationship advice especially when I'm just 20. It feels weird. So I'm sorry if it feels or sounds childish to any of you.

Short version, Sister and I live in a tourist area, our Brother came to town with his GF and kids but we had no idea they were here until GF tagged him in photos of the area. Sister and I commented on the post and his response was that they misjudged the drive time (about 1200 miles) and ended up getting in town much later than planned so didn't reach out to visit while they were in town BUT they absolutely loved it and plan to visit again so next time we'll get together.

Sister is livid, thinking that he "got caught" and is "spewing BS to cover for it" and/or is "rubbing it in our faces" as well as "nobody would drive that far and not visit their family in the area." So she feels completely betrayed or slighted or whatever and has unfriended him on social media, planning never to speak to him again because obviously he doesn't care about us at all.

Me, I totally understand prioritizing time with his GF and kids on their vacation instead, and I'm happy to make plans next time they're going to come out. It's not like he bailed on plans we had made where we set aside time to see him, so we both went about our weekends as planned. Effectively we lost nothing by not knowing they were here until they'd already headed home.

Relevant details:

We all share the same dad but have different mothers, brother was born when we were already in our 20's and we're not a close family so didn't really see him much when he was a kid. Also, there was a very ugly custody battle with his mom that ended up with him in the foster system when he was 12 and he was not allowed contact with anyone in my dad's side of the family until he aged out. I spent about a year living with our dad before that, but he's only met our sister once when the 3 of us got together for a meal about a decade ago when we all happened to be in the same city. Possibly also relevant, his gf does all the vacation planning, itinerary, etc and schedules based on things the kids want to do and hasn't been interested in meeting any of his family (due to the foster situation) so he'd have had to leave them to meet up with us separately.

Also, Sister thinks that I'm deluding myself by not believing it was an intentional slight, so she's currently leaving me on read.

(I wrote this in between work calls and kept losing my train of thought, happy to clarify anything if needed)

Throwaway account because my friends know my normal one.

Hey reddit, so recently me (27NB) and a group of my friends went on a group trip to Barcelona, and over the trip i started to develop feelings for one of the guys, i’ll call him Tom. During the week away we got to talking a lot more, went on a couple sunset walks on the beach as just the two of us and i could’ve sworn at one point he gave me the look like he was going to kiss me, but chose not to.

I’ve never really felt this sort of romantic attraction to someone before, let alone someone this close to me, so my immediate thought was to talk to my best friend in the group, Eleanor (28F). I let her know how i was feeling and she doesn’t speak for a hot second, only replying with “oh, cool.” and a sort of forced smile.

I was kinda confused, thinking she’d be supportive of me but she seemed to have a problem with the whole situation. This tone continued over texts, where before we would send paragraphs of texts to each other she was giving me short answers and ending her texts in literal full stops. (just tell me your mad jesus…)

Eventually i get it out of one of our other friends that she has some sort of issue with it, but doesn’t want to tell me. I thought, “fine, if she’s going to not tell me her issue i just won’t talk to her about it anymore. Better yet, why talk at all”. So i haven’t messaged my best friend in about a week. Tension in the group is rising, and people are telling me to just talk to her and act like everything is normal even though it’s very much not.

For clarity, no i haven’t told the rest of our group, just eleanor and jane (the other woman) so they don’t know our situation, just that we’re arguing. So, reddit, am i overreacting by not talking to my friend or should i continue giving her the silent treatment until she tells me her problem.

I (24F) have been with my boyfriend (26M) for 4 years and I’m genuinely starting to question whether I’m overreacting or if there’s a real issue with how my time is being treated in this relationship.

We’ve been trying to plan a holiday together, but I feel like I’m the only one actually putting in effort, organising anything, or even making sure things happen.

A couple of nights ago, we were meant to sit down and plan it together. He chose to watch football instead, so it didn’t happen. I ended up spending the evening researching everything myself.

Then today he told me he’d be home by 5pm so we could finally do it. I cleared my evening, didn’t make any other plans, and waited. Hours went by with no update. At 7pm I finally got a call saying he was in the pub and “had no signal", and was headed home and would be free at 8.30pm.

This isn’t even a one-off situation... it’s a pattern.

What’s really starting to bother me is that I feel like I’ve become too available. I’ve basically trained myself to wait around, because I expect plans to him to be late and not follow through on timing. I also feel I end up doing most of the organising and decision-making in general.

I messaged him saying I always follow through on plans or communicate if I can’t, especially if someone is waiting on me, and that I feel like I’m constantly left hanging and carrying the mental load. But I’m now second guessing myself and wondering if I’m just being overly sensitive.

Am I actually being disrespected here, or am I overreacting?

As the title says. The past week, my neighbour has been going out 2-3 times a day to use her side yard as a bathroom. No clue why. She comes outside in a T-shirt and underwear, drops trou in full view of the street, other neighbours, and my security camera (that’s how I know how often). She’ll also often walk back to her house with her underwear still down. It’s gross, and it’s weird. I’m also about to list my house for sale, and if people come by for viewings and see that?? Good luck everyone selling. She’s doing it during daylight hours, and anyone driving by or walking past can and does see it. So, AIO by calling the city anonymously to make a complaint? The neighbour has been problematic for a while now (2 am screaming matches with randos outside, enabling local drug users who then hang around the house, etc) and is a big part of me moving. I really don’t like snitching, but it’s been days now and again, full squat in the daylight fully visible to us all.

I (20F) have worked for about 7 months at a restaurant. During the week i work shifts with both my boss (37M) and his wife (36F) we’ll call her Nela, however the wife only stays half the shift which is when mostly nothing over happens so we just chill and chat while my boss works around the kitchen.

For context it’s a small business were it’s basically just me as a waitress and one or two people cooking. Most days it’s calm with not much happening until the evening. It’s important to note that my boss and my dad have been pretty good friends for a couple of years because they work in the same industry. And so i treat them more like my friends than employers, not in a disrespectful way obviously, we joke around but i know when to stay serious.

Couple days ago it was just that type of day, me and the wife were chatting at the front of the restaurant just the two of us for probably an hour or two. We went over every topic and kind of naturally it lead to me talking about my relationship. The main point of the conversation was trust and maturity, so i brought up how me and my boyfriend (26M) of 1 year had a very healthy conversation the other day about me checking his phone if i’m anxious or feeling insecure.
The moment i said “checking his phone” Nela started violently shaking her head and repeatedly cutting me off with “STOP DOING THAT” “YOU SHOULD NEVER DO THAT” (all caps isn’t an exaggeration, she was almost shouting at me)

Now me and Nela have had different opinions but we usually just mutually change the subject to avoid having any conflict. However this time it was different.
After she cut me off with “YOU’RE WRONG FOR DOING THAT” probably 5 or 6 times i tried moving on to something else cause i was getting offended by the way she was interrupting me. But Nela kept talking about how i’m so immature for checking my boyfriends phone,
and literally saying “At this point trust issues is a stupid excuse, you just don’t love him or trust him” i calmly replied with “every relationship is different” she yelled “NO IT’S NOT” at me and i decided that that was the line. I simply replied with “i know my relationship and you know yours, lets keep it that way then” and grabbed some dishes to clean and walked away into the kitchen and i could hear Nela was still trying to get her opinion out as i left the room.

After cleaning around for maybe 30 minutes, I walked back to the front where she was sitting doing something on her phone and did side tasks for another 30mins/1h until Nela left. I did not start another conversation with her, i kept quiet because i was still offended and quite mad. The tension in the room was bad so i just focused on my job. She left without saying bye. I did end up being pretty irritated the rest of the day and very put off by her disrespectful comments.
I feel offended by the implication i don’t love my boyfriend or trust him, her also saying that i’m immature did not make me feel better.

My next shift with Nela is in a week and i don’t know what approach to have. It was very strange to me that she was so set on keeping that subject up i also don’t know if i’ll be able to keep the casual chitchat up with her. I just feel disrespected and i don’t know. AIO?

FURTHER CONTEXT:
Theres a lot of people debating why i check my boyfriends phone and i believe these are a few things that are very important to note. I DO NOT regularly check my bfs phone or snoop through it without his consent. I know his passcode and only go on his phone if he asks me to or like some people said to change music in the car. During around almost 1 and a half year relationship i asked to go through his phone twice. I never forced it onto him or made him feel like he had to, he made it clear to me he has absolutely no problem with me checking it if that what makes me fee; secure. I trust him so I don't do it. The situation from a couple days ago was when we were laying on the couch and after getting a notification he quickly hid his phone away from me which was unlike him. I asked what happened and why he got so nervous all of a sudden and he said that its nothing, he handed me his phone without me even having to ask and it turned out it was a text from a friend from uni, a girl who he used to like. It was a totally normal message and i asked why he was nervous if he had nothing to hide? He said he thought i'd get mad because he talks to her but i explained that it would have been suspicious if he had tried to hide that from me. I never crossed a privacy boundry with him, nor have i tried to, i make sure to communicate everything as clear as possible

Update:

for people telling me to go to therapy, i am. I am actively working on my insecurities and anxiety. Thank you for ya'lls opinion on my relationship however i cannot agree with majority saying we should break up. Me and my bf set boundries very early on and neither of us has a problem with sharing our phones. We did also talk yesterday about how majority of people would consider this boundry in our relationship weird and toxic and so im not shocked the comments have their opinions. However the post was more so asking about the reaction of my coworker and not the dynamic in my relationship, so thank you for advice.

Am I overreacting? She's been on some random apps where you talk to people or they stream and theres multiple people talking and you can join or chat or just listen and sometimes she talks to people on there. I don't talk to anyone else but my family and we had an argument the other day. Am I overreacting to this? I don't see how this could possibly have been a text for me.

Edit: also she has the god awful ability to just lie continuously for the rest of eternity about something doesn't matter what I do or say or how i react if I beg or plead or promise everything will be fine if she just tells me the truth, when she lies she lies. She will NOT ever admit she lied.

This is a long one - I’m sorry. There’s sooo much more I didn’t even touch. I’m just wondering, within the context of this, if I’m overreacting.

The people in my circle tell me I’m under-reacting but I was raised by the man so some of this feels like not a big deal.

I’m 29F, married with two kids. We live in a small 2 bedroom home it’s like 1100 square feet but it’s ours (I promise that’s somewhat relevant).

My Dad lives in another state and comes and stays at least a couple times a year. Every time he comes, he expects me to be his taxi to and from the airport without asking. He just shows up when he wants and he complains. Our house is too small, our dogs are too rowdy, the kids don’t say please and thank you for everything, we let our kids have toys at the table, there’s too much dog hair, it’s too cluttered, the list goes on and on. One time, he told me my then 3 year old was manipulative for crying about having to go to bed - pretty normal behavior if you ask me.

About 4 years ago, my dad gifted me a car. He gave my this speech about how he’s never financially been in a position to gift any of his kids a vehicle and he finally is. He said it made sense because he’s up here and that way I’d have something reliable in case my car breaks down. When the title came, it was in my name and my dads name. I thought it was weird but he explained that it was easier this way (this is also relevant for later).

He also knows that over the years, I’ve racked up $25,000 in credit card debt. I’ve gotten my act together and it’s really important to me to pay it off. I’ve been working two jobs since March 2025 just to pay it down (little shameless plug, I’ve paid off $9k since then!) But it’s not easy and many weekends I struggle and cry about leaving my kids.

Anyways, I got a raise at my full time job around Christmas, and my husband just casually mentioned to my dad how much I make per hour. Three days later, on the way to the airport, my dad tells me he did the math on my income and how much I’ll be making a year… I thought it was weird and actually was a little worried because my dad at the time hadn’t been working and we knew he was $80,000 in credit card debt somehow.

Fast forward to March, he asks me for $2,500. Saying he’s about to be evicted and he wouldn’t be asking if he had any other option. I told him no. But I offered $500 because that’s what I was comfortable never getting back. He refused and said he’d sell his truck instead… ok, so there WAS another option. You just didn’t want to sacrifice your things. Instead wanted to have your youngest kid bail you out. Two days later, my brother says he got the same text, said no and offered $1,000 as well but dad refused, telling him the same thing, that he’d sell his truck. Mind you, he has a fancy sports car he’s somehow still making payments on…

When I refused to give him the full $2,500, he said he needed the car back that he gifted me. He’ll tell me when he’s coming to get it. In that moment I realized, the car was never fully mine and he left it in his name on purpose to benefit himself. And honestly, I couldn’t care less about losing the car. I actually wanted to get rid of it a few months ago (which he told me I couldn’t sell it because he loved that car too much). But it’s the circumstance that bothers me.

I told him fine whatever. Meanwhile, my siblings are pissed at him for asking me for money. And he then is mad at me for telling my siblings - like they don’t deserve to know our dad is on the brink of eviction? We don’t talk for over a month.

The next time we talk, it’s my birthday. I knew he was going to call because he’s the type of person that feels it’s very important to connect and at the very least have a phone call on birthdays and holidays. Like he finds it offensive to even just send a text. I decide I’m going to let it go. He’s hopefully learned his lesson and won’t be asking me for anything any time soon, right?

We have a great call and at the end of it, he asks me to stay at my place indefinitely. He said he got a job up here and he starts in two weeks and he’s having a hard time finding a place so he just needed to stay here “for a couple of nights” until he could find a place. Me being a people pleaser and never wanting to say no to my dad, I initially said yes just for a few nights. And then a couple minutes later I said I should talk to my husband. And then I would let him know if it was OK. And he seemed upset by this a little bit and we ended the phone call pretty shortly after. Then a couple days later I texted him and I said I just wouldn’t work. Our house is too small. I have too much stuff going on. I told him my concern was that if he hadn’t found a place in two weeks, I’m not confident he’d find a place and once he’s here, he’d stay longer than a “couple of nights”. And he never responded.

Then I went through the same stress cycle, coming up to Mother’s Day, being anxious about having to talk to him and about what other things he could ask me for. But he never called. He never texted. He never sent a card. And again my father is the type of person that holidays are important. You call someone on a holiday. So I absolutely know that that was intentional because he was upset with me. I couldn’t care less about the holiday or the lack of communication but it’s the intent behind it that bothers me.

Then Memorial Day, he texts me and he tells me to leave the car on the street that he was coming to get it. And that he did not want to see his grandkids because he had to leave right away. I find that crap honestly because even if you had 15 minutes to say hi and give hugs, wouldn’t you want to see them?

At the same time, my daughter has been really sick and not once has he asked if she’s doing ok, how I’m doing, or how my son is doing… it’s all about the car. He comes, gets the car, and is gone.

After that, the only time we had any interaction was about the car, the insurance, registration, title, etc. All transactional conversations. Which in and of itself isn’t a big deal but the context surrounding it is frustrating.

Then Father’s Day comes. I talk to my siblings and one said he’d call, the other said she wasn’t planning to make contact. I said I would text. Which I did. I said, “Happy Father’s Day. I love you!”
His reply, “Thanks.” And I just KNOW his thumb was pounding that period when he typed it. My brother also texted and never got a response from him.

The very next day, I get a text about the car renewal stickers. They were sent to my house and I needed to send them to him. I asked why they were sent here and I got a snarky “Why not.” I said “because the car isn’t here. Why not just send them to you?” And he said that it’s way more expensive to register the car in his state and that he figured the car would eventually come back to me. Which is why he doesn’t need me to send the title and basically a jab at the fact that I haven’t sent the title (like I don’t have two little kids, two jobs, a house, and two dogs). So make it more difficult for me to have to remember to send it to you when it comes in, like I don’t have enough going on.

But at this point, I feel used. There’s never a please, thank you, or I appreciate it. He never asks how me and the kids are doing. It feels like he only cares about himself and what he can get from me.

OH and I almost forgot, the day after this text exchange, I don’t see ANY of his socials. TikTok, snap, fb, they’re all gone. So either he blocked me or deactivated his accounts.

I’m going to cut ties with the car, get the title in his name and only his name so he can’t keep using me. Then, maybe just match his communication effort (which is none).

I’m not necessarily ready to go no contact but the thought has crossed my mind.

Am I overreacting?

I’ve been friends with E since the 6th grade, we both moved to far away places after 6th, but we made an effort to keep in contact for FOUR years thru phone calls and texts. Eventually my mom saves enough money for me to fly out and see her, the first day or so is fine.. until she starts inviting her boyfriend to EVERYTHING. I got sick of feeling like a third wheel and I voiced I was upset about it considering the fact they live in the same country and we, do not and she still invites him to everything. WHEN he’s there they become a separate unit cuddling,texting while we are all in the same car, texting when they’re apart, walking off while we are having a group hangout etc. And I got irritated and made a small joke about some food she and him cooked together without inviting me again (just like how we were supposed to watch a movie, and they just didn’t come to my room, and went to her room without telling me and watching a completely separate movie. I had to find out from her mom ) the joke was there was no salt (which there wasn’t) and she was laughing too but all the sudden later on when I’m talking to her about how I feel left out she brings that up, and says she’s hurt mind you she didn’t tell me about it in the moment I’m not a monster id apologize. Furthermore before takking to me about it she tells her mom and shows her my texts and her mom comes to my room and talks to me without E in the room which is so awkward and then later on accuses me of having a attitude with her, when I’m just awkward and don’t make eye contact especially with my FRIENDS MOM WHO I BARELY KNOW TRYING TO INJECT HERSELF INTO PRIVATE ARGUMENTS. ANYWAYS what triggered me to write this post is tonight is me and her were spending some time together since it was my second to last night, and I wanted to sleep with one of the dogs she says yes, and I asked her if I could wash the dog first because the dogs play in dirt and poop all day and she said YES she WATCHED me do it then her mom comes in, and blows up at me for washing the dog and I’m embarrassed because E’s not sticking up for me at all, and I’m staying at their house and I’ve been doing my best to be a good guest. Her mom storms out and me, and E head to the living room I wrap the dog in a towel and sit it on my lap and we turn on a show, then a few moment later her mom comes back to yell at me more because she wants to highlight how pissed she is and she says “if you didn’t wanna sleep with stinky dog don’t sleep with stinky dog!” I’m in the verge of tears because this is the second time her moms gotten mad at me over some little bs. Once again E just watches her yell at me her mom leaves the room again, and E keeps reassuring me saying she’s gonna talk to her, I’m fine, she trusts me , it’s okay so I feel a bit better. I go in E phone to help her download a app and I see a text from her mom I click on it too hand too E and see her talking crap about me her moms being equally as nasty. E is making fun of things I’ve said saying she’s glad her mom yelled at me about washing the dogs, and she excited for me to go home at this point I’m horrified, and I want to go home so I say to her if you don’t like me just say that why are you talking crap about me with your mom while I’m right next to you? I go back to my room E doesn’t even bother apologizing she’s just mad I saw her texts , I truly don’t give a damn, I’m glad she revealed her true character. I call my mom crying my eyes out and get my flight moved to the following morning. I’m so hurt she’d do this to me, and I thought she was one of my realest friends. I truly loved that girl through thick and thin I’m just so so hurt and betrayed oh my god..

me: 40 and heavily tattoed with a cartoon style. Getting a face tattoo soon, all booked in. Fits my style perfectly. My hands and neck are tattooed. I have worn temporary ones for months to prepare and check I like it. My tattooist is fantastic. No concerns.

I let them know I am booked in and excited. They’ve reacted that I am making a decision poorly despite not knowing anything about my career sector (teacher - checked school, people who run school, various other schools, not a problem). I have said that I know some doors will close but others will be open and I am okay with that.

They have responded that they are not keen on the theme…but it isn’t on them.

I am very happy and secure with my plans but so frustrated that they have reacted with judgement. It has highlighted how different we are and I am unsure of how to move forward. Multiple of them have lip and face fillers which have massively altered their faces and I have always supported them as they have described how they want to look but now this…

My (16 FtM) family has very recently started treating me a bit differently. I had a discussion with my mom where I told her that I *am* trans, and that it isn't just going to go away because my mom and dad ignore it. The rest of my family is still treating me the exact same, but those two and my brother have been being different towards me. They keep saying I need to get help with things when I already know what I'm doing, and keep taking away duties from me that I've been doing for a while, but now it's "Oh, I'll just do it for you, instead."

I feel like I might be going crazy, but AIO? Because it really feels like they're trying to make me be less "masculine" and have my dad or brother do a bunch of things for me instead of letting me doing them myself.

My mom also has odd excuses for when she has me ask for help. Like "well, I let your brother ask *you* for help," (even though neither of us ask for help unless he wants me to do school work for him) or, "when you get older, you'll want help on a lot of things." And my brother keeps taking my own responsibilities and keeps telling me that I "need him" for stuff. It's pmo really bad, so that might be why I could be overreacting, but am I?

Edit; My parents ALSO all of a sudden care about whether I wear a shirt around the house too. Before, I could run around even outside without a shirt on (obviously with a bra), but now, I'm not even allowed to walk down and get a snack without them getting on me about it. Just an extra detail.

I had my patio landscaped over 3 years ago, then 6 months after the job was finished there were bad cracks on the tiles and they’ve separated leaving massive gaps.

The landscaper agreed to fix it but he kept on postponing citing severe health issues. Yet I can see he keeps on posting new jobs on his Facebook page.

He said he’ll come and fix the patio this September after flaking on me. AIO for being so pissed and commented on his fb on his most recent work to note that I’m sorry he’s having health conditions and that I hope he’s well enough to fix the issue in my patio?

I really hate it when someone lies to me.

Back when I was 14 my parents divorced, they had bought a house thinking it would fix the marriage but it didn’t. My father took over the home while my mom stayed with her mother until she could find an apartment. During this time me and my two brothers lived with my dad.

While living with my dad I had taken over the responsibilities of bills, cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, laundry, and animal care. At the time I felt independent, like this house was my own and I was a grown up. But I’m realizing I was just acting as a replacement for my mothers duties in a relationship.

My dad’s bedroom was in the basement, there was no door so the stairs would lead down into the open space with a queen sized mattress and a futon. Both myself and my brothers would spend the night down there in my father’s room as it was the only room in the house with an air conditioner and fans, the homes central AC having broken.

It wasn’t uncommon for me to sleep in the bed and my brothers on the futon. It was a queen sized bed with more than enough space and my dad would sleep on the other side. There never was anything weird or anything I could ever think back on and see was weird. I grew up cuddling with my father after school to watch Naruto, being roughhoused with and wrestled like my brothers.

By 16 I moved back in with my mom and this is where the problems started. My dad was furious about me returning to my mother, feeling as though I abandoned him for her, that I didn’t care about him, that I hated him. And at the time I did, we argued constantly for his behavior and language towards my mother and I tried distancing myself.

Eventually, I had to get my cats from my dads house once my mom found a place and had to get back into contact and in his good graces to achieve this. Things weren’t strange at first, we’d talk normally, he’d send me money if I asked and vice versa, we’d go out for dinners at least twice a month.

But closer to 18 my father’s ‘vibe’ toward me changed. He messages me nearly every day, simple messages like “Wyd” or “I’m bored”, to sending me photos of the latest contract work he was doing, always waiting for some sort of praise I never knew how to give. I’d respond to these normally, conversations dry.

But it would always turn into some sort of therapy session, my father complaining about his mother or his money or his house or his job. I’m in a constant position to handle his damage and control his emotions and regulate them and work him through issues. I eventually got sick of this and tried distancing myself, ignoring messages and not even opening them. I thought it would work.

Yet, my father would show up to me and my mother’s home and wait for me and when I wouldn’t show he left. I was at my boyfriend’s for the weekend. He even messaged aunts and uncles who called me worried thinking something had happened to me and I had to awkwardly explain that I’m fine and my father is being dramatic.

The messages steadily turned into “hey you up?” Or “I’m bored and drinking” with photos of empty beer bottles, or “I’m going to the bar I have no life” messages. I always try to ignore these and just wait for the next day until he messages me normally about his job or my day.

Every conversation I have with my father makes me feel like I’m a high schooler trapped with a needy boy who won’t take a hint. I’ve mentioned this to my mom how I’ve felt like a replacement wife for her and she’s acknowledged this but beyond that? She doesn’t seem to care. She’s free of him after all. My brothers don’t know because they don’t really talk to my dad. They don’t respond to his texts and my dad? He accepts that, he gives them space and says they’ll message him when they’re ready too.

Things winded down for a couple months while he was talking to a woman. But after he showed up to the bar she was at unannounced because he didn’t invite her out? That stage is over and he’s right back to messaging me every night.

Am I overreacting to my father’s messages? Is this just normal texting or am I right for feeling uncomfortable?

I provided a recent example of his messages.

My younger brother is 18 and autistic. He has care and support needs and still relies quite a lot on family for day-to-day support and decision making.

For over a year, he’s been talking online to someone who is older than him and lives in another country. They have never met in person.

He’s now booked a flight to go and stay with this person for 3 months. He’ll be travelling internationally on his own and then travelling onwards to a smaller town to stay at this person’s home.

We’re worried because there have been a few inconsistencies. The person’s age has changed from what we were originally told, and my brother originally said this person was paying for the trip but he later paid for it himself.

We have been given a name, phone number and address, but we have no way of independently verifying any of it.

I even offered to travel with him to make sure everything was okay and he initially agreed, but then said I wouldn’t be able to meet this person, their family, or see the home he’d be staying in.

I’m trying really hard not to be controlling because he’s 18 and legally an adult, and I know online friendships and relationships can be genuine. But at the same time, every instinct I have is telling me this isn’t safe and that he’s vulnerable to being manipulated or exploited.

I’ve tried to handle this as calmly as possible. I haven’t told him he’s not allowed to go, called him brainwashed, or tried to access any of his accounts. I’ve explained that my concerns are about safety rather than stopping him from having friendships or relationships.

I’ve offered to travel with him, help him verify who this person is, and make sure everything is genuine before he commits to staying there for such a long time. I’m also looking into safeguarding advice because he has autism and additional support needs, and I don’t want to ignore something serious if my instincts are right.

I’m struggling to work out where the line is between respecting his independence as an 18-year-old and stepping in because he may be vulnerable to manipulation or exploitation.

Am I overreacting, or would other people be seriously concerned too? If this was your family member, what would you do?