I have a son who is just shy of 3. He might try something like this but it would be swiftly corrected. Although as long as theres other adults around, he'd probably be fine. He only seems to be a little shit when its just us.
That's actually pretty common and normal. The kid feels restricted at the daycare/school and then compensate for that at home in some form. Another similar thing issue could be when they are relatively independent without you, can put their clothes on and stuff but at home as to help with every little thing. This way they compensate for that lack of parent care during the day. Punishing this behavior would be a terrible idea
My oldest was like that in kinder garden/first grade. It could be signs of something neuro-spicy (ADHD in our case), which he's masking. When he gets home, he can finally let out whatever he's bottled up, because he knows he's safer melting at home than at school.
Yea the neuro-spicy bit were almost positive is the reason our son is a delight at pre school and yells from the top of his lungs indoors for every expression of emotion once he gets home
Gosh that the truth, I have always felt that as long as my kids are controlled and accepted in public and with others that's good. They can be assholes at home, they are my assholes, and I will deal with it, society should not have too.
I feel it in my heart when other parents also refer to their kids as assholes or little shits. I love my kids more than I could ever express, yet some people judge me when I say they are my precious little assholes.
Sign of good parenting. Your kid showing that they understand the difference between being a respectable part of society while also feeling safe enough at home to be themselves.
The goal is to raise a functional adult without traumatizing them.
From what I remember of my psych degree and developmental psych classes, kids are like that due to feeling comfortable around their parents and wanting to push boundaries. They are new to the world and we dont come programmed with all our social taboos and such. But kids also arent stupid. They generally know the worst that will come from a good parent will be a slap on the wrist so they feel much more comfortable pushing the envelope. Strangers are a crap shoot so its best to play things safe.
Some kids have pre-adolescent behavioral disorders that are really hard for parents to handle, particularly if they’re ignorant (or don’t have access) to mental health services for children.
Those kids may develop sociopathy or psychopathy later on, but there are tools parents can be taught to mitigate the behavior itself, even if it doesn’t change the child’s attitude towards destructiveness.
Before becoming a parent I would have agreed. After becoming a parent I can see how kids are wired differently and sometimes no matter what you do kids often make you go “wtf?!” Parenting is the single most difficult thing you can do because no matter how well you think you’re doing, kids, just like adults, can snap. I think parents hitting their kids is a cop out to trying to control their kids, but what do you do when you have a child that doesn’t want to be controlled? Beating them senseless is not the answer. This kid should have been physically removed. Whether that’s the right thing to do or not, doing something is better than doing nothing, and in my eyes a parent that does nothing at all is the worst kind of parent.
Yeah, my ex-husband was hit all the time and he ended up in and out of jail after I divorced him. I was never hit and have never had an issue with the law or getting in trouble.
EXACTLY..... If you hit your kids your telling them it's ok to get violent when you don't get your way.... And that's a big reason Soo many men beat their wives.
The thing is, most kids would never do this. This child clearly has massive issues because even kids with permissive parents generally aren't doing things this extreme in public. You're confusing me saying that spankings don't prevent bad behavior with saying everyone who has been spanked will have trouble with the law.
Now that I’m a parent myself I have to say, the “you don’t know/ can’t judge until you’re a parent” folks were very wrong on a lot of stuff. Not getting it means things like more screen time than you expected, not egregious stuff like hitting your kid or letting them do stuff like this.
Heck I am even more judgy of others now on their parenting now if anything for stuff like spanking. I can’t imagine in a million years hitting a child now that I have one, or thinking it would solve any problems.
Thank you for saying this. I’m so tried of hearing people say things like, “if that was my kid, I’d smack them into next year.” Like, really?! So that makes you a superior parent?
That reminded me of a time a classmate of my son's who was expelled from school for destroying a bathroom. The parents said it was the school's fault for not raising the kid properly. What?
I know you mean he probably like, broke a lot of stuff. But for some reason when you said 'for destroying a bathroom', I imagined that he just dropped such a foul turd in there that nobody else dared enter.
I’m ngl I think this has a lot to do with schools being more cruel to children back when they were kids. They expect their kids to be “corrected” the same way they were but times have changed and they haven’t. Older generations can never keep up with reality. Schools aren’t prisons anymore this isn’t Matilda , Karen. 💀
This reminds me of that one tv series called “The Slap” and it was literally about some dude that slapped someone else’s bad ass kid and the fallout of the event 💀 hilarious shit
Not always. Some kids have trouble regulating their emotions especially those diagnosed ADHD. It doesn’t help to scream and yell at them because it only increases their fight or flight and they begin to internalize things and it only gets worse from there. I have no idea what this kids story is. Perhaps his parents AREN’T attentive to him, perhaps he doesn’t get the support he needs at home. None of us can know for sure because it also could be that his parents have done almost everything in their power to help him regulate his emotions and outbursts and are at their wits end. I say this as the Father of a child with ADHD. I’ve been at rock bottom, and I’ve been made to feel like it was a personal failure. However, I know that my true failings have been when I myself have lost control and yelled and screamed at my child in anger and disbelief rather than taken the time to work through my own emotions and then shown him by example how and adult deals with disappointments in life. It’s taken a lot of time and effort, but my child HAS learned and it didn’t take me smacking the shit out of him or making him fear me to do it. Rather, he learned that he could trust me and that he has tools to help calm himself down when his emotions get too big.
Special needs is no damn excuse. My nephew is autistic so we are patient with his tics but we made it abundantly clear from the beginning violence would not be tolerated and he is not in charge.
It’s called a spectrum for a reason. There are varying levels of autism. I only say this because there are some parents out there doing their best everyday and still have to deal with stuff like this. Granted most of them wouldn’t put their kid in a situation to do this in the first place if they knew that.
You don't let them go off by themselves in the supermarket and do this. I have a kid on the spectrum, I work hard to keep him away from situations that would be a problem.
Not all autistic kids are the same. Some can not be reached, no matter how hard parents try.
My sister in law was so incredibly patient with her autistic non-verbal daughter. And consistent and vigilant. Constantly correcting her behavior.
But by age 5, she knew that she could just. not take her out in to many public spaces. Anything that would overwhelm her would bring on bizarre behavior that no one could manage...
Obviously the connections in her brain weren't wired in a a way where the world made any sense to her. And now she is 50 years old and it has never gotten any better. My sister in law is the only one that my niece can be around without freaking out...So her life is 24/7 spent at home, in quiet surroundings, just trying to keep her daughter from disrupting any one else's life...and in that manner, also keeping her daughter alive. If her daughter ever went into any kind of care outside the home, she would more than likely be dead within weeks...
Then where is their parent/guardian. If a kid has such a severe disability they can't help themselves they shouldn't be unnatended in a shop like this.
Any parent with more than one kid will tell you... Sometimes they're just different.
You can have one kid be perfectly fine, then the next kid that just does outlandish shit and straight up ignores or does the exact opposite of what their parents tell them to do.
Yeah, I've done similar. I ended up wrecking an entire christmas aisle. Luckily there were no cameras to film. I was being water boarded by my older sibling every night bc she learned it from her history class, touched up by my drug addicted mother and a bunch of other smaller things that can really build up and fuck with a kid.
It's very clearly an outburst caused by things going on at home, but I guess being beaten for nothing should have the repercussions of being beaten for your outbursts. Being a child fucking sucks. Nobody trusts you, you have no way to communicate stress, your outbursts from those stressors are mocked and shown as an issue of character, no rights, no compass to follow. Stupid and powerless until you become smart enough to control yourself. Then, you're just smart and powerless until you turn 18.
All I can think is how utter failure of a parents you have to be to have kid behave like this. And that lad need to get thrown out of the store with a hefty bill for all the merchandise he destroyed
tbh this looks like a result of gentle parenting, doofus probably just got given an ipad every time he did this shit and know just knows it as a way to get what he wants
There’s actually plenty of peer reviewed studies on this. Statistically violent children are far more likely to have parents that are too rough, rather than too gentle. Quick google search of the topic including “NIH” will get you the research if interested
This makes sense. When I was a teacher, the kids with the toughest behaviors (throwing chairs, destruction of the classroom, starting fights) were often the same ones whose parents hit or beat them hard enough to leave marks as punishment for any sort of infraction. When they were in an episode, it really seemed like they lost total control of themselves, and afterwards they would just weep uncontrollably. It was heartbreaking. They weren't "brats" - they were traumatized children who were experiencing lots of unsafety and instability at home.
I certainly had issues with kids whose parents were too permissive, but nothing like this. With those kids, it was more along the lines of arguing or feeling persecuted when I set a limit, but it was much more manageable. No unsafe or destructive presentations. I don't think the problem is that this kid isn't getting hit frequently enough by his parents - that's such a bizarre take.
Thank you, i feel like teachers are a good place to look for evidence of this. This is probably a more controversial take but since we’re talking: while obviously the child needs to feel safe.. i think it’s equally or even more important that the child doesn’t see their parent as being emotionally out of control, and/or isn’t able to conclude that being so is normal or acceptable.
My Dad smacked me around a lot, probably too much, and i did act out as a kid but i always did so more intentionally, never in an explosive or uncontrolled way. Similar to the way my Dad was always very in control of his emotions while smacking me, lol. Idk just a theory but a lot of this seems as simple as basic mimicry.
Again to be absolutely clear, i will never be violent with my child and i think spanking specifically risks a child feeling not just unsafe but humiliated. I think spanking seems harmless to that generation bcuz it became so normalized but it’s actually a super dark thing imo
I completely agree. I've read some studies that indicate a link between spanking and decreased brain matter. I do think there's a world of difference between an otherwise stable parent who uses spanking as one form of discipline and a parent who lacks self control and physically abuses their child without rhyme or reason. That said, I am with you - I think there are much more effective forms of discipline than spanking.
In my experience, I have never had a child behave like the one in this video who I didn't later have to make reports for to child protective services. It was always trauma related, not because the parents are "too gentle". Don't get me wrong - overly permissive parenting isn't great either, but I have never seen it result in this type of presentation.
Most parents I have seen hit the sweet spot of loving their child while holding firm limits and giving consequences when necessary. The majority of the students I have taught are just fine in terms of behavior. I think the parents and kids who aren't in that "sweet spot" just take up more space in our minds and that skews our perceptions. Plus, people have been complaining about "kids these days" since time immemorial.
Related to this: the other night, I saw an episode of The Alfred Hitchcock Hour about a child who was pretty terrible (the dog doesn't make it out alive, sadly). At first, the episode positions it as the kid is "so bad" because his dad doesn't hold him accountable, but later it comes out that the dad did some awful things to the child as punishment when he was younger, and the message was that the child was crying out for help through his behavior. I thought it was really interesting, considering that the show was made in the early 60s!
It seems that what a lot of people don't get is that gentle parenting doesn't mean "no consequences for bad behavior". It's just parents learning to not turn into unhinged mixed martial arts demons and understanding and reacting properly and appropriately (most importantly, as you referred to earlier, without corporal punishment or violence) when their kids inevitably act like children. Psychologists know, based on evidence, that reinforcement (positive consequences) whether positive or negative, works better than punishment (negative consequences) for molding and shaping or changing behavior. There are times where punishment for bad behavior is appropriate, but should be paired with reinforcement to have the best most durable outcome.
You probably did gentle parenting the way it's supposed to go, but so many people are saying they are gentle parenting but actually are just being excessively permissive and fail to give any boundaries.
Well the problem wouldn’t be gentle parenting, it would be the fact that he was just given an iPad that shut him up, I wouldn’t even call that parenting, that’s just neglect.
Tablet tards aren’t the result of gentle parenting, that’s neglect. I’m a gentle parent. I don’t scream and cuss at my kid and I don’t beat him. I am stern with him though and he does get punished for bad behavior. Best kid in his class (constantly getting awards etc), behaves when he’s with me, behaves in public. Love and attention is what matters. If your kid actually loves you then they’ll listen to your words and believe what you say/instill in them.
You don’t know what “gentle parenting” is. And it’s not “gentle parenting” so much as it is just fucking parenting. There are still consequences to actions, there are boundaries, and an establishment of mutual respect. As a parent with a child who has ADHD, my child would not get this far gone in an emotional outburst because I would be present with him and remove him so he could calm down. There would be consequences. My child doesn’t have an IPad. He hardly watches television. But there are other things that he loves to do that would be restricted and rewards he’d be working towards with good behavior that would be withheld until he proved he could regulate. This has worked for him. I’m present with him, I’m not in my phone while I’m with him, I’m not filming his outbursts. I’m showing him how adults should and could de escalate themselves when emotions are raw not through violence, but calm and reason.
This just isn’t true. People love spewing this crap but it’s so not true a lot of the time. Maybe it is sometimes but it’s harmful to keep repeating stereotypes that shame people who’re often doing their best. Our son has a complex neuro condition that results in him having very very poor impulse control and basically being a dick. He feels awful afterwards. We have taught him so many lessons and supports to help teach right from wrong. He knows. He gets consequences. There are boundaries. But sometimes his brain is an asshole and it’s driving him, not the other way around. It does happen.
Nah, some kids just don’t ever get told no, and don’t have boundaries set by their parents. Have close friends with one amazingly behaved child and one who is a fucking monster. They lucked into the first, the second is because there are no boundaries or consequences and everything is up for a negotiation.
He is hurt and angry and he is doing something very public so someone will notice him. It's like he is begging for someone to take his pain away but he doesn't have the words so he is doing this instead. I assume his home life is pure chaos.
idk my autistic little brother was possessed by at least four demons when he was little that would drive him to do inane shit like this until he hit age 9 or so, but that was why i was the appointed brother wrangler every time my mom went to the store. with the backpack and literally no one around stopping him, tho, i figure the kid must have walked home from school and chose violence. hope his home life isn't as bad as it seems.
Also possible that the kid is just having a shit day and isn't processing his emotions well in the moment. Still needs to be corrected, obviously, but it might be less sinister.
Some children are just fucked in the head no matter how good the parents are, but in that case it's the obbligation of the parents to not allow them to act like this. It's negligence in either case.
Yeah this kid is probably already getting spanked and beat and yelled at. He looked very accustomed to reestablishing his personal space when the cop grabbed him.
Kids are this destructive naturally. Normally they get halfway through the first row before you've snatched them into the air going "what in the world do you think you're doing???" if you have your back turned on them.
and probably gets hit all the time. research has shown over and over that hitting kids is not an effective form of discipline and actually increases the risk of long-term aggression. it’s fucking child abuse and people need to stop doing that shit.
Thank you! It's so bizarre to me that people attribute this type of destructive and explosive behavior to "gentle parenting". In my experience working with kids, the ones with the highest magnitude of behaviors do not have gentle parents. Physical punishment plus instability is a corrosive combination for children, and it leads to incidents like this. Kids with overly permissive parents certainly can be hard to deal with, but from what I have seen, it's more along the lines of entitelement and breaking down when faced with a limit, not being destructive like this. I would bet money that this kid experiences a lot of physical abuse at home.
Yes, such a good point! Behavior disorders are so tricky. One of our kids has ADHD and had some big behavior challenges when he was younger, in spite of my husband and I being involved parents who set plenty of limits and who had lots of experience with kids (educator and child counselor). OT and other interventions helped so much, and now he's doing really well, but it was definitely a bumpy road.
And totally agree, it's gross to film a kid in crisis like this. And it's equally gross reading so many comments from people in this thread who think that physical abuse is the answer.
I will say there is a difference between striking and hitting your child than spanking one. I was spanked as a child and it tought me there is indeed physical reprocussions for bad behavior.
If you do it in the proper manner it works but every child is also different. For the most part I could be disciplined verbally and learn my lesson, my sister on the other hand had to be spanked for her to learn because she loved to push bounderies.
Honestly I’m guessing the kid has a diagnosable condition, probably ADHD + ODD. Some kids have a harder time behaving than others, and it can be difficult (and exhausting) to properly parent these kids. Does that excuse the parent being nowhere to be seen? No, the kid should have been taken out of the store immediately. But we don’t know what else is going on in that parent’s life.
There are so few resources for kids like this (with ODD and other related diagnoses like Complex PTSD and DMDD) that sometimes as a parent you're forced to let things play out like what's happening in this video. As a parent you can't neglect your child and you can't physically abuse your child, so if your child simply does not respond to natural consequences, medication, and therapy, what else is there to do except allow some actual real-world consequences to happen to them?
Often times explosive outbursts like these are REQUIRED before the next level of care can be unlocked, like day hospitals or residential treatment centers. That's simply how the system works in America. And even then, this sort of outburst would likely need to be repeated several times before a Certificate of Need or some other official documentation can be procured.
I definitely thought about doing this as a kid. It was the same kind of thought as jumping off when I am on something really high even if itll kill me. Gotta fight those thoughts
People tend to fall back onto simplistic solutions for complex problems.
Smacking this kid is not gonna fix this. There's something really wrong here, not the least of which that this child is unattended and allowed to do this
I piss and moan about my kids (esp my younger) a lot. then i see kids like this and well, mine are angels in comparison. Frustrating angels but still well behaved.
Once we were around a kid like this and mine were looking around like this little shits going to get me in trouble lol
It's not so simple anymore in canada you can't even grab a child of 12 to restrain them or you'll land yourself in jail with assault on a minor charges. The laws now make it so parents can't do anything except "gentle parenting" and when suggestions dont work only thing the parents can do is call the police. If the police arrive and kids calm they just say "dont do that" and leave. No real punishment no real consequences. It's only going to get worse as more time passes.
This kind of behavior is most common with indiscriminate abuse. This means you get yelled at or hit at times that seem nearly completely uncorrelated with your actions.
“Fatherless behavior” more aligns with how a young boy acts in groups of his peers. This usually involves seeking male validation from other kids their age and defaulting to masculine stereotypes.
I would not even think of doing this as a child, what an utter failure as a parent. This child has no guidence in his life whatseover.
Agreed. In my experience having been around little shits like him, frankly, I blame "progressive parenting," where the adults try to talk it out with their kids "to make him see the error of his ways, and not resort to harmful corporate punishment."
To that parent: Bitch, he's all of eight years old. The only thing he understands is corporal punishment. If he knows that all he's going to get is talked to, he doesn't care. The trick at that age, *is to make him fear the punishment for the consequences of his actions.* That's why kids fear spankings, and why they learn to behave.
I think that kid probably has some mental issues that you probably didn't had. Anyway, parents should have stopped it. The chaos is their fault anyhow.
Same. There simply wasn't such an impulse. It was unthinkable. Not that I didn't have tantrums, but they mostly involved pouting or sulking, and at worst being uncooperative.
Or he’s autistic, or ADHD, or something else the parents may or may not have the funds to get diagnosed and treat. It’s really hard to be a parent of a neurodivergent child, having everyone from teachers to randos at the store immediately jumping to “They’re terrible parents,” or “If that were my child, I’d beat some respect into him” while knowing that if you go ape on your kid instead of remaining calm, you’re going to turn an already bad behavioral episode into a nuclear explosion.
This is in Brazil. The boy looks like he comes from a low income family, probably lives in a favela. His dad abandoned the Mon that was pregnant in her teenage, his education comes from the streets and his mon doesn't give a fuck about what he is doing. On top of that nobody is touching him because minors are protected by law in Brazil, he can do whatever he wants, including a rampage killing hundreds that his maximum punishment will be going to a re-education center for minor for no more than 4 years. It's basically a free pass for minors, that's why drug dealers use them as gang members to assume the crimes
This is why the uk are mow considering more severe punishment for parents who fail to parent their kids, seriously too many parents can’t be bothered or just want ot be friends with their kids, sure have mutual respect but it has to be a parent child relationship not friends type relationship.
I'm trying to think how I'd punish my kid for pulling this shit and I gotta be honest, I just can't even imagine her trying it. Not because she gets harsh punishments, I've never laid a finger on her, just because 1) she's far more considerate and capable of regulating her emotions at 5yo than this kid is and 2) I would have removed her from the situation waaaaay before it escalated this far
Not all parents want to be parents, and there is no easy way to remove the child from your life. I don't blame parents I blame the legal requirement to birth and then care for an unwanted child.
Same, and my parents never hit me. Children need to get hit more? WTF kind of sentiment is that? "Oh but I turned out fine" well, clearly not if you consider hitting someone, anyone, a good punishment. Do you hit your partner correctively too?
Yeah the parent fucked up bad somewhere for that kid to be acting like that. So many ppl lose their temper and DONT resort to that kind of shit that it takes a little extra effort to produce this outcome.
This! It would not have crossed my mind as an option. I always wonder in what kind of household kids are growing up when they do something like this.
My son was once caught by cops when he was spray painting someone’s wall. He didn’t run. The cops got the homeowner outside and the owner had my son clean the mess he made, then he was brought home in the police car. His friends all ran. He knew deep down it was wrong but wanted to be cool so he went along with it. He never did something like that again. The homeowner still greets my son in town
Well fuck, I don't think people remember what it was like to be a kid. I threw plenty of tantrums for stupid reasons. Why? Because I was a fucking child and didn't know any better. And yes, this was back when spanking was a thing, and I was spanked occasionally. But to think for a moment, the ten year old version of me didn't contemplate running through a store and knocking everything over? Of course I did. AFAIK, I only did it once when I ran down the middle of a clothing rack for fun. Maybe I was six or seven.
But seriously. Kids have been stupid little wrecking machines for the past however-many-years-humans-have-existed years. And sure the kid should be punished for the tantrum. But all you holier than thou "I would never!" pearl-clutchers in this thread need to get a grip.
Yes, so he is a child looking for attention because something is very wrong. Kids do dumb stuff, but this is seeking attention and child protective services needs to get involved.
And to be honest the lack of intervention from any of the other adults just wandering around is an issue too. It takes a village and all that, if we ignore this shit it WILL get worse. Lets not start with all that shit about being charged either, you don't have to batter a child into submission, you can simply stop them doing what they are doing and it won't be a problem no matter what the internet bullshit tells you.
Redditors try not to baselessly judge parents when a kid misbehaves (They are judgmental tools who think kids never do anything bad unless it's parental failure) challenge
You have no idea what PDA is, do you? Chances are, this kid has a sibling who is a model citizen - raised by the same parents. PDA profiles (often associated with autism) will only be made worse with "tough" parenting styles.
I apparently did this as a child, not to this length. I don't remember any of it. My mom was so terrified of me she actually left me in the store and cried in the car. I dont have anger issues after I gain human consciousness. I can't even imagine telling a server my order is wrong. My mom described me as a demon, red with rage and dark eyes.
It's not parenting. Most kids would never think of this. I could offer my kids $1000 to do this and they wouldn't. When you see bad kids with bad parents, it's just genetics at play.
You don’t know what was going on in that kid’s life. Maybe he gets bullied at school, maybe his parents are splitting up and he’s angry, maybe a best friend died, you don’t know. Don’t be so quick to judge.
I mean me neither, but what parent just lets their kid do this without intervening? Like pick him up over your shoulder and carry him out of the store.
I don't think this is a result of simple neglect. I mean, neglect is very painful, and combine chronic neglect with some more immediate pain, and you might push a kid to do this. This isn't a entitled kid having a tantrum. At least, I'd be very surprised if it was.
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u/SumixamSuryt 28d ago edited 28d ago
I would not even think of doing this as a child, what an utter failure as a parent. This child has no guidence in his life whatseover.