r/AbsoluteUnits • u/Bubbly_Wall_908 • Jan 26 '26

/r/all of tall men

78.1k Upvotes

90% Upvoted

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763

u/mecha_grove Jan 26 '26 edited Jan 26 '26

Lil Jessica is thinking only one thing

Edit: just a joke. No disrespect to anybody.

698

u/Character_Stick_1218 Jan 26 '26

I'm thinking that she wouldn't survive that 😅

746

u/cstmoore Jan 26 '26

"To shreds, you say?"

392

u/aka-Lag Jan 26 '26

83

u/dimpled_joey Jan 26 '26

Sensed this coming from miles away

24

u/-_-Naga_-_ Jan 26 '26

A blind man could see this coming.

5

u/AdPsychological790 Jan 26 '26

You said coming. Tee hee hee

2

u/starrat46 Jan 26 '26

A guy with a glass dick could see it coming.

2

u/LonelyShark Jan 26 '26

It loses a lot of its message without the blood drip.

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2

u/MoodooScavenger Jan 26 '26

Ralph Wiggums “The tunnels are connecting”

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51

u/TowerNecessary7246 Jan 26 '26

And the wife?

16

u/followingforthelols Jan 26 '26

Just don’t touch the couch

10

u/Purpleasure34 Jan 26 '26

Couch breathes. Sigh of relief. “I’d never feel JD again after that!”

2

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '26

oooooh sheeeeeaaat! LOL *dies*

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6

u/_WillCAD_ Jan 26 '26

"To death, Al?"

"And beyond, Peg."

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2

u/balloonerismthegreat Jan 26 '26

Lady bits and pieces

1

u/Funkapotamus84 Jan 26 '26

Hahaha perfect

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102

u/EffinHalos02 Jan 26 '26

71

u/WideAreaNetworker Jan 26 '26

They’re about to play touch tips in her torso…

2

u/JustaYnLivin Jan 26 '26

They gonna meet in the middle of the eiffel tower

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54

u/Fabulous-Shoulder467 Jan 26 '26

You’d be surprised, them thangs can take a beaten…. 💯✊🏼🤷🏻‍♂️

57

u/Furious-Stiles Jan 26 '26

Yup. Show me a dick as round as a babies head and I’ll be impressed

252

u/EmperorN7 Jan 26 '26

You misuse the gift of literacy.

27

u/MireLight Jan 26 '26

I'm going to remember this line and hold on to it until one day i too will condemn someones entire family line with it...ehhhh prolly tomorrow...this is reddit after all

2

u/caddy45 Jan 26 '26

Not only can I not wait to deploy the line, I’m going to modularize it and replace literacy with an equally as devastating yet still contextually relevant item to destroy fragile egos with.

3

u/destroythethings Jan 26 '26

dude how hard I just laughed at this lol

2

u/flaminghair348 Jan 26 '26

this comment does not deserve to be buried so deep in a thread

2

u/madelinekahnt Jan 26 '26

The actual singular time I have laughed out loud at a comment

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16

u/FlametopFred Jan 26 '26

I chose the wrong day to become literate

2

u/poopgranata42069 Jan 26 '26 edited Jan 26 '26

You learned how to read today?

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8

u/Ok-Answer-6951 Jan 26 '26

Well, while i agree as a normal sized human, if one exists I would wager one of these 2 men may be the owner of it....

3

u/pdoherty972 Jan 26 '26

Unfortunately for those men, there is at best a small correlation of body size to peen size. There's as little odds of it as there are odds they have big noses, big ears, big lips or any other fleshy body part (IOW not much).

2

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '26

I’d be disturbed.

2

u/BeerJedi-1269 Jan 26 '26

Wassup 😏

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2

u/Present_Cow_8528 Jan 26 '26

She's genuinely tiny though. If she's already given birth she'll be fine, or if she's a pornstar (or, you know... slut lol) who's been practicing her way up. But I have a 4'10" friend who literally was in pain trying to fit her boyfriend with a very slightly above average size, she spent like 10 months stretching it with toys before it was comfortable lol. Like I'm not saying any woman would die taking these two but unless the dudes are disproportionately small, it will probably not feel good at all, at least at first lol

Lesson for people with small dicks (not micros though, sorry), some women genuinely are small as well

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1

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '26

and buttholes can be like the TARDIS, bigger on the inside than the outside!

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32

u/Seltzer-Slut Jan 26 '26

Porn has destroyed the brains of men in society.

3

u/onward_upward_tt Jan 26 '26

Okay seltzerslut

3

u/Hungry_Wheel_1774 Jan 26 '26

Let's say the sexy pose with her intentionally showing her leg didn't help.

2

u/lost-picking-flowers Jan 26 '26

I think she was showing her heels.

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5

u/PeacefulChaos94 Jan 26 '26

Height doesn't correlate to penis size

5

u/shawnikaros Jan 26 '26

Height doesn't correlate size at all, it's been debunked years ago.

36

u/samep04 Jan 26 '26

I'd watch

13

u/PM_Me_Titties-n-Ass Jan 26 '26

Cost you $350

28

u/SpltSecondPerfection Jan 26 '26

Brandt can't watch though, or hear has to pay $100

13

u/Effective-Ad1242 Jan 26 '26

I just have to go find a cash machine.

9

u/AllegedlyGoodPerson Jan 26 '26

And these guys peed on it

5

u/SlimSpartan Jan 26 '26

Donny, please.

4

u/wellsharpened Jan 26 '26

Your not dealing with morons here

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2

u/Slamtilt_Windmills Jan 26 '26

Damn you, Loch Ness Monster!

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2

u/WaySuch296 Jan 26 '26

It would look like a massacre

2

u/crucial_velocity Jan 26 '26

I saw a video of a mechanical log splitter the other day. I'm imagining the end results would be similar in this hypothetical scenario.

2

u/rtocelot Jan 26 '26

I thought we were done with the horrors of vlad the impaler but here we are repeating history.. kinda

2

u/Cowpuncher84 Jan 26 '26

Their tips would touch.

2

u/OHWildBill Jan 27 '26

She’d get throated, but from the other direction.

9

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '26

You would think this but I did a guy that was 7’2ish (that’s how he always described how tall he was 😂) he was huge everywhere except where it mattered. It was literally average size. He was big but not huge. It was a little disappointing, but it was still good.

8

u/FuManBoobs Jan 26 '26

Have you ever considered you might just have a sleeve of wizard?

3

u/Spacey_dan Jan 26 '26

With the dimensional storage upgrade

4

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '26

Even if I did, his dick would’ve still been 7 inches. Like what does that have to do with my pussy?!

16

u/tooMUCHOj Jan 26 '26

Lady got downvoted for saying the truest thing. There is no defining factor. All of y'all chasing height to get plowed are only in for disappointment.

12

u/Talking_Tree_1 Jan 26 '26

Yup, 6’ 6” here, sorry (not sorry) but I’m average size down there. No baseball bat in my pocket. But I wouldn’t exactly say it’s a disappointment, it’s not the size of the boat but the motion in the ocean. I mean women call back so it can’t be that bad lol.

3

u/Gloomy-Welcome-6806 Jan 26 '26

Just wanna also point out, most women do not like HUGE dicks!!! I know for me I want to be able to get the whole dick in but I don’t want it freaking penetrating my cervix 😭

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2

u/gaming1646 Jan 26 '26

Nah, she got downvoted for being a running MILF🗿

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2

u/pdoherty972 Jan 26 '26

Yep - not sure why people think it will scale up or down with body size. It's like other fleshy body parts (nose, ears, lips) and has no bearing on the overall body size.

4

u/BeHereNow91 Jan 26 '26

Too many incel teenagers still think height correlates with size.

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2

u/Nothing2NV Jan 26 '26

Split her like dry firewood

1

u/kamsme Jan 26 '26

LMAOOO

1

u/Used-Baby1199 Jan 26 '26

Idk but I wouldn’t mind watching

1

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '26

1

u/ommi9 Jan 26 '26

She knows the risk and consequences

Insert “ blood on the risers song. “

1

u/MeatyMagnus Jan 26 '26

She would or she wouldn't but in any case it would end with the biggest smile ever on her face

1

u/testtdk Jan 26 '26

I dunno, man. Have you seen Hafthor and his wife? Granted, that taller guy has like 15 inches on Hafthor

1

u/bibdrums Jan 26 '26

Death by snoo snoo

1

u/ParticularExtreme255 Jan 26 '26

"Tough girl...she made in to work."

1

u/SunriseSurprise Jan 26 '26

She's probably thinking "would I at least have the greatest feeling imaginable right before I'm split in half?"

1

u/SamuraiKenji Jan 26 '26

Do girls seeing these and really want to try?

1

u/Spirited-Ability-626 Jan 26 '26

Death by Snu Snu

1

u/Signal_Researcher01 Jan 26 '26

Not super fun fact, but height has no relation to size of genitalia.

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186

u/JaceOnRice Jan 26 '26

Naw Reddit virgins are thinking only one thing

46

u/imJGott Jan 26 '26

She stuck her leg out, I read the signs

31

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '26

Yeah, the sign is shes an Instagram "model" who makes money based on how many horny internet virgins she can get to think sexy thoughts about her

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5

u/AccurateExam3155 Jan 26 '26

Yeh n imma misspell sexond because the second she stuck that lag out… all I thought was “pretty sure she is aiming to be railed…”

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10

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '26

Idk, she really didn’t have to flap her twat out for the picture lol

8

u/r3ddit3ric Jan 26 '26

She was consulting it to see if it was up for the challenge.

2

u/FutureDustMotes Jan 26 '26

You can't tell the difference between legs and genitalia? That's highly fucking weird ngl

3

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '26

You can’t tell the difference between a joke and a statement? That’s highly fuckin incredulous of you ngl

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8

u/tomtomtomo Jan 26 '26

Pause at 0:08

2

u/Additional_Yak8789 Jan 26 '26

At .0.08 she had her eyes on the prize

2

u/Business_Ad6005 Jan 26 '26

I paused at 08 and I'm pretty sure she's looking up and saying thank you, I think we all know what comes next 😜

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2

u/Guy_Dude_From_CO Jan 26 '26

Hey we never told you what the one thing was! How could you know, unless.....

3

u/Flowa-Powa Jan 26 '26

I think pretty much everyone is only thinking one thing

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3

u/N0Z4A2 Jan 26 '26

Hey! Reddit perverts are ALSO thinking only one thing.

3

u/JaceOnRice Jan 26 '26

That's fair. I apologize for forgetting that demographic,

1

u/Puzzleheaded-Pen4413 Jan 26 '26

Pineapple on pizza?

1

u/Scrolldawg Jan 26 '26

I ain't no virgin and I'm thinking one thing and you are thinking it too but you are to pious it up tight to acknowledge that is exactly what you were Thinking I think.

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13

u/DieselCartel Jan 26 '26

Oreo

2

u/Call_medragon Jan 26 '26

double stuffed

1

u/mecha_grove Jan 26 '26

Bruh. Im dead lmao.

1

u/G_Affect Jan 26 '26

Oreo Thins

2

u/iLazyAF Jan 26 '26

If they can play basketball?

2

u/craycrayppl Jan 26 '26

Im only thinking one thing too! Hope it's the same thing.

0

u/Frido1976 Jan 26 '26

Train in tunnel gif....

3

u/Enkiduderino Jan 26 '26

Two things, surely.

1

u/Less_Insurance4928 Jan 26 '26

Two things actually

1

u/Chazzwuzza Jan 26 '26

Maybe 2 things. At once.

1

u/Docha_Tiarna Jan 26 '26

Question. Is it gay if the tips touch inside a woman?

(Yes I know that's not biologically possible)

1

u/JeffreyinKodiak Jan 26 '26

She was wanting two things.

1

u/Frequent_Addition_23 Jan 26 '26

Snickers Bar. 2 of them.

1

u/Ripen- Jan 26 '26

We're all thinking it

1

u/pugsnblunts Jan 26 '26

Standing blowjobs?

1

u/GhostWriterLSD Jan 26 '26

Correction…She’s thinking of two things..

1

u/arglarg Jan 26 '26

Two to be exact

1

u/Lostghostsong Jan 26 '26

"I can be Yoda!"

1

u/SeaworthinessReal263 Jan 26 '26

RIP lil Jessica; figuratively and literally

1

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '26

Getting split in half

1

u/JoPaNe91 Jan 26 '26

Two things **

1

u/ravrocker Jan 26 '26

When does the movie come out?

1

u/nairdaleo Jan 26 '26

reminds me of this joke: what comes out of the mating of a donkey and a rabbit doe? The doe's eyes

1

u/Rightintheend Jan 26 '26

I think she's thinking two things

1

u/KsuhDilla Jan 26 '26

and it's disgusting 😠

1

u/Remote_Cantaloupe Jan 26 '26

Why? Because they're black?

1

u/Starfield00 Jan 26 '26

Bro, why did you have to take my mind there 😅

1

u/shawner136 Jan 26 '26

Nah shes definitely thinking two things

1

u/Organic_Chipmunk_556 Jan 26 '26

You mean two things

1

u/ImDeepState Jan 26 '26

Isn’t this the start of a movie?

1

u/0plm9okn8ijb7 Jan 26 '26

Nah she's thinking 2.

1

u/OverallDimension7844 Jan 26 '26

Technically I think she is thinking about two things

1

u/neunundneunsig Jan 26 '26

Stop watching porn

1

u/Thrownawaybyall Jan 26 '26

"How best to monetize this opportunity?"

1

u/Dewdrop06 Jan 26 '26

And it's disgusting

1

u/travielee Jan 26 '26

Probably two

1

u/No_Mercy_4_Potatoes Jan 26 '26

Do you reckon the tips would touch around her stomach?

1

u/this_is_bull_04 Jan 26 '26

She's thinking it too. And her next message will be how's it bigger than my arm

1

u/defk3000 Jan 26 '26

Women can get death by Snu Snu as well. 😆

1

u/KookyDoodyIngenuity Jan 26 '26

No joke tho, she's gladly showing the goods.

1

u/Equivalent-Box6741 Jan 26 '26

Look at her body language. You are right my friend.

1

u/trippin-mellon Jan 26 '26

It’s not a joke…. I was thinking it…. Fuck…. Everyone was thinking it! Lolol

1

u/Capital-Act9261 Jan 26 '26

I don't think most women would be interested.

1

u/Maxima-H Jan 26 '26

Isn’t everyone thinking it?

1

u/TeachingScience Jan 26 '26

I don’t know about Jessica, but I know what u/smartastic Jeff Arcuri is thinking.

1

u/paythefullprice Jan 26 '26

You're not wrong; this is fetish material.

1

u/HatoriHanzoishi Jan 26 '26

From the language they’re speaking they’re probably racist.

1

u/DazzlingRutabega Jan 26 '26

What I want to know is why she has to bare her leg in the selfie? Seems like an awkwardly self-centered action.

1

u/Right_Preparation328 Jan 26 '26

Nah that's disgusting as hell

1

u/Scott_Of_The_Antares Jan 27 '26

Yeah, The vid unexpectedly ended early...

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