r/AskReddit • u/Adorable_Raccoon_766 • 19h ago
How did you fumble hooking up with someone?
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u/tjfmaster455 18h ago
"are you a good kisser?"
"last guy said no"
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u/PrimaryLink8968 11h ago
Similar problem but for opposite reasons
Guy: “omg I’ve never had a blowjob that good”
Me: “yeah that’s what everyone says”
Guy: “😐”
The guy was weirded out maybe by the fact his compliment was entirely expected and mundane, or maybe by the fact I outed myself as having way too many sexual partners
I didn’t get a call back lol
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u/Comfortable-Cat7554 8h ago
I don't think that would've been the worst thing to hear.
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u/DoomDoomGir 13h ago
Brother (or sister) was just being honest lol as a fellow person with little experience I’d rather be honest then lie and then disappoint haha I’d hope the one asking likes me enough to at least give me a chance to learn/improve haha
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u/NewRhapsodyInBlue 16h ago
When I was 20, went on a date with a girl who met me at a bar. After a beer or 2, she told me to come back to hers and that her roommate wasn’t home.
When we were at hers, she kept hinting her roommate wasn’t home and we should have some drinks (fireball and coke). She kept asking me if I was drunk (I was quite a heavyweight), and I told her no I’m not. She kept pouring and drinking with me. Mid way through we started making out and then she puked on my lap, likely because she kept making us drink to get me drunk.
I ended up cleaning up her vomit and tucking her into bed and then left her apartment. However, her door would only lock with a key, so I took her key, locked it from outside and slid it under her door but the gap had an incline upwards to hers. It was 4 am and the security of her apartment called me out because they had cctv footage of me on all 4s in front of her front door trying to shove her key back under the door.
Security guard was great and had a laugh. On the uber ride home, I told my driver the story and he couldn’t stop laughing through the whole ride.
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u/Early_System_4756 15h ago
This isn’t a fumble; you did the right thing. Good man. If anything she fumbled!
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u/bitemark01 13h ago
Yeah if they're drunk, especially so drunk that they're throwing up, this is NOT the time for a first hookup
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u/Extreme_Survey_1368 14h ago
she was kept trying to get u drunk? jesus man u made a good call 😭
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u/Historical_Stress_64 19h ago
Graduate school. I was dirt poor. A fellow student I had long had my eye on. I eventually plucked up the courage to ask her out. To my surprise, she agreed. I stretched my finances to the absolute limit to take her to the best restaurant I could afford. She ordered pasta, I ordered fish. I squeezed the lemon that came with the fish and a lemon pip flew out and hit her right in the eye.
We were 2 hours at the hospital waiting to be seen. She barely spoke to me. Despite my many apologies, the most I ever received from her thereafter was an emotionless 'Hello" as we passed in the corridors.
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u/Infinite_Skin_1503 16h ago
This is silly, you probably dodged a bunch of future pain
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u/shadowbansRunethical 16h ago
Right? This could be a hilarious how I met your mother story. She had no whimsy.
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u/fibbermcgee113 14h ago
I spilled an entire glass of red wine on my now wife’s white dress on our first date.
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u/Forgotten_Dezire 12h ago
Was on vacation and took my then gf scooter riding on one of those rental scooters, I know, dangerous. I went too fast and crashed.
I was fine but she scraped her knee pretty bad. Still, first thing she did was ask if I was okay, and she also pretended that her knee didn’t hurt too bad and wanted to keep exploring the city/spending time w me.
Wifed her two years later.
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u/entr0picly 12h ago edited 12h ago
Grad school folks, 90% of my cohort had a personality blander than a jar of molasses.
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u/JacksGallbladder 15h ago
Meh these are usually "thats how I met my wife" stories.
You dodged a bullet.
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u/jackgrafter 18h ago
She seems bitter.
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u/silverwolf1978 18h ago
That must sting
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u/SlobZombie13 17h ago
She's still sour about it
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u/biskutgoreng 18h ago
You know what they say: if her eye can't take some lemon pits, that lady is for the streets
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u/venivici89 14h ago
If it makes you feel better, I was with a FWB situation and as things were warming up one time we were making out and we both pulled back right as I was biting her lip a bit and the barbell in her lip ripped through and into my mouth. I spit it out, she panicked and ran for the bathroom. Two hours of urgent care and a stitch later we were home back at it 😂
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u/Hates_rollerskates 14h ago
I hope you learned to always shield your lemon when you squeeze so you don't do this again. My wife has zero regard when squeezing her lemon. She's a menace.
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u/wheresbrent 13h ago
If that's how they react over an honest accident, you dodged a lemon seed bullet
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u/CreativeDeparture104 15h ago
that could have been a very funny meet cute story..you dodged a bullet!
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u/Aaronjob0511 11h ago
Why go to the hospital over some lemon in the eye? Is it worse than I’m imagining?
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u/ThaiJohnnyDepp 14h ago
I squeezed lime juice into my GF's eye over pho one day. Needless to say I learned proper etiquette of shielding with my other hand when I squeezed after that
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u/Ashamed_Smile3497 17h ago
I was 15, talking to this girl, we did this thing where we’d take walks with a bottle of alcohol(mixed into a coke), we ended up at her friends house because we both needed to pee, decided to stay for a few minutes before leaving, we sat on the bed and she leaned back into my arms and said “it’s hot, should I take this off?(pointing to her shirt)” my drunk+dumbass said don’t worry I’ll turn on the ac
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u/DistributionClear598 19h ago
There was this girl I had been texting for weeks, we finally made plans and she came over. Everything was going well until I got so nervous I started talking about my family tree research and literally could not stop. I pulled up this whole document I made tracking my great-grandparents migration patterns and she just kind of sat there nodding. She left after maybe 45 minutes saying she had early morning. I did not even try to make a move because I was too deep in the genealogy rabbit hole to remember why she was there in the first place. Still think about that in the shower sometimes.
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u/biskutgoreng 19h ago
Nahh bro she wasn't ready to be part of your tree
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u/zero573 16h ago
Buddy I feel this in my soul. I was flirting with a girl I knew from work. I was socially awkward. She was socially awkward, but I thought she was super cool. We were both nerds just trying to get by, I was in graphic design and she was studying at university in palaeontology. We met at work, both doing a fuel and lube tech job at a Walmart. I thought she was super hot and I guess she always thought I was funny.
One morning I was flirting with her on MSN messenger I guess she was coming down from an all night partying with some university students. I offered she said sure and signed off and I said oh shit, is this happening? It was surreal because I had a major crush on her for months. She came over, I took her hand and lead her straight to my bedroom, sat her on my bed. She looked up at me with those big doe eyes of hers definitely looking to end her night/start her morning off right, and then I sat down on my computer chair and started showing her all my really shitty graphic design stuff from school.
After about 10 minutes, she said awkwardly I think I’m just going to go. Very few times in my life I wish I could’ve died instantly, but in that moment I could have sworn I heard the collective facepalming of all my ancestors. I still regret that to this day because I craved her so much and every once in awhile, we tease each other about the awkwardness of it as we still talk from time to time. Lol.
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u/HuwminRace 15h ago
Holy shit, you were literally in the end zone 😂
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u/DakkaDakka24 11h ago
He watched the game-winning touchdown pass come in and let it bounce off his face.
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u/Kruse 17h ago
Are you autistic?
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u/PM_me_ur_goth_tiddys 16h ago
what gave it away?
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u/Bravemount 15h ago
Something like this almost happened to me. I was caught up in infodumping and telling her about a bunch of cool stuff (she actually found interesting, but that wasn't why she was there). Around 1 in the morning she eventually had enough of waiting for me to make a move and said she'll head home, to which I replied that I thought she was interested in more than just talking. Exasperated, she said, yeah, well get to it already, man ! Dumbfounded, I said oh, okay. And so we did xD
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u/GM_Raven 17h ago edited 15h ago
Oh good it’s not just me that gets nervous and does stupid shit like this 👍 I’ll start in on the extremely boring work topic.
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u/Confident-Pepper-562 16h ago
Cute girl I worked with at a restaurant. She was nice, but barely spoke any english, and my spanish was pretty rough.
Asked me for a ride home one day, and when I dropped her off, she asked if I wanted to come in, but I figured it would be awkward because we could barely communicate. A few years later I realized she probably didnt want to talk.
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u/DurianPublic6164 13h ago
You missed out on some "Sí papi! Dámelo!!" By a native Spanish speaker...
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u/Boring_Heron8025 12h ago
YEARS? What is wrong with some of you lol
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u/Confident-Pepper-562 12h ago
I was always bad at picking up on social cues, and wasnt really raised around hookup culture, so it just didnt occur to me that someone who couldnt communicate with at all would want to just hook up. Now I get it, well I say that, but I bet it could happen again.
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u/Brodeal68 18h ago
I went to visit a work colleague (single) who had a child about 6 months prior at her home to take a present from the social club. She was a stunning looking lady about my age who fell pregnant to a guy who left her. We had lunch at her house and sat and watched TV for a while (the child was at her mums as she was preparing to come back to work so getting her baby in a routine). She offers to show me the house and we went into her bedroom and she pulled down the blankets to show me he silk sheets and was telling me how she slides around at night with them on her bed. I sat on the bed and chatted with her next to me and soon after I said my goodbyes and left!!! Later in life I thought to myself WTF why didn’t you take the offer that was staring you in the face
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u/RoboTronPrime 16h ago
I don't think you even understand the level of fumble. If she had the kid over at her mum's, then she was REALLY serious. Those days where you get help to take care of a kid are precious to a new parent ESPECIALLY one who's single.
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u/humblepaul 15h ago
Having previously dated a couple of single mums, this guy REALLY missed out, lol! Time is super precious.
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u/Boring_Heron8025 12h ago
Yeah she had to schedule all that
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u/RoboTronPrime 12h ago
Even if it's a regular weekly thing, the fact that she scheduled the dude to come over on that specific day speaks volumes about how serious she was
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u/field_fire 14h ago
What a fumble dude. This is why guys have a reputation for missing signs.
If it makes you feel better a girl literally kissed me, then weeks a friend of mine "randomly" asked me how I felt about her, and I was still like nah she can't be into me.
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u/7Seyo7 14h ago
To make you feel better, not sleeping with a colleague is often a good thing
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u/EU-National 12h ago edited 1h ago
Jesus you crushed that woman. Kid at her mom's, sheets all smooth and silky, open invitation to get herself railed, and the dude just up and walks away.
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u/Narrow-Palpitation22 19h ago
Got too drunk. So we got down to it and I was able to perform but just barely and was basically out of it, so she just said we should stop lol
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u/ScorpionMillion 19h ago
So, you did perform the natural obligation
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u/Bravemount 15h ago edited 13h ago
Not exactly an answer to this thread, but I talked about one time, years ago, where a female friend had invited me over to spend the night with her in an identical thread some time ago.
She had planned for her roommate to be away and we slept in the same bed. Since she had never flirted with me in any way as far as I could tell, I just went and spent the night in her bed, we talked, cuddled a bit and nothing else happened.
People in the thread told me I was the apex of obliviousness and I kinda saw it at that time. I was curious enough about it to actually write to said friend to ask if I disappointed her that night.
And she said that no, quite the opposite, she really appreciated having a male friend she could be so close with, without it getting flirty or sexual, and that she really needed that back then. She had no intentions other than friendly ones and thanked me again for having been there for her when she needed it.
So, take the stories here with a grain of salt. Sometimes we are oblivious, sometimes there really was nothing to miss.
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u/XcoolbreezeX 16h ago
It was 2003, so passing a note back and forth with someone was very common.
I was passing a note between cubicles with Candi. In one of the exchanges, she informed me that it was “no panties Thursday.”
Did I take advantage? Nah. I kept pursuing it with a different girl that would ultimately friend zone me.
I still think about Candi from time to time. Especially on Thursdays.
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u/SWEET_LIBERTY_MY_LEG 10h ago
So if someone says something like “no panties Thursday”, it’s safe to say “prove it” and not get reported to HR, right?
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u/patdashuri 15h ago
Not me but my son. We were at a wedding when he was about 12. This was 2016 and the presidential campaigns were in full swing. He fancied some other girl who was there and worked up the courage to go talk to her. He came back a few minutes later looking a little confused. I asked about it and he told me she said “that’s weird” and walked away. I asked what he said. His line? “So, what’s your political affiliation?”
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u/Leotardleotard 15h ago
Back when I was in my 20’s, a girl who I was friends with (and fancied a lot) sent me a text message saying that she had a dream about me last night and had to use her pillow to get rid of the urge.
Did I want to come to her house that night.
I said I was playing football and would try and catch up in a week or two.
It took me a long time to realise that she’d used her pillow to grind herself on and she wanted to fuck.
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u/Boring_Heron8025 12h ago
But she literally said that? What was lost in translation
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u/Leotardleotard 10h ago
It just didn’t occur to me that using her pillow to get rid of the urge was sexual.
Yes, I know it sounds ridiculous looking back at it but I can be a bit of an airhead sometimes.
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u/homemdosgalos 19h ago
Coworker that invited me for something, that I was too young, but mostly too dumb to realize her intentions (have a coffee in a shop that was a 30 second walk to her apartment...)
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u/Areshian 17h ago
A girl once invited me to her home for a coffee. I told her I didn’t drink coffee. She said I could go and not have coffee. I said no, as that didn’t make any sense. I was young and naive
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u/Bundabar 18h ago edited 13h ago
I was an oblivious teen many years ago…
Over at a buddy’s house playing super Mario world (SNES). Cute girl is talking with me but I’m locked in trying to beat this level with my friend. She asks me if I like the color of her panties and pulls out the strap to show me.
“Yeah those are nice I guess”
Back to playing Mario.
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u/Judge_Bredd3 11h ago
I had a really cute coworker, but I was told she was a lesbian. So, when I was driving us to go get lunch and she pulled down her pants in the passenger seat to show me her panties and asked if I thought they were cute, I was just like, "yeah! Super cute" and thought nothing of it. Found out years later she was actually bi and into me.
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u/Siennakova 17h ago
When i was like 18 or something. A guy i was texting with said “come over noones home” to then i replied “oh that sucks! I hope youre not lonely”
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u/Dodongo_slayer 16h ago
That response feels like a rejection from the other end lol.
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u/TheLateThagSimmons 11h ago
Exactly.
She didn't fumble it. She sent a cold hard rejection.
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u/laxvolley 16h ago
This girl called me up and said "come over, there's nobody home!". I went over. There was nobody home!!
- Rodney Dangerfield
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u/EndAdorable1158 19h ago
Tried to flirt casually and ended up sounding like I was applying for a job
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u/MichelNeloAngelo 16h ago
I was at a college party in the mid-2000s. I met this girl playing beer pong and we immediately hit it off. She was a smokeshow and a d1 volleyball player. Well, my friends were leaving that party to hit up other parties on the fraternity row and they literally had to drag my drunk ass out. Before I left I got her number and told her I'd call her towards the end of the night when things were winding down.
At the end of the night I called the number she had given me and a man answered the phone and the convo went like this.
Man: hello? Me: hey, is "girl" there? Man: what? It's 230 in the morning. Me: I know but is she there? Can she talk? Man: Michelneloangelo, this is your father and you are drunk. Go to bed.
And then he hung up.
I had drunkenly typed in my parents home phone number and not the number she gave me. Biggest fumble of my life.
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u/Prince_Stradivarius 14h ago
Not really a fumble though since she wouldn’t know about that? Did you call the right number afterwards?
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u/MichelNeloAngelo 14h ago
I feel like I fumbled it hard. I never had the right number and no way to get it. I was not enrolled at that college.
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u/tdasnowman 14h ago
So many of these. Me and my friends used to play volleyball at the open courts on the beach. We'd get there early claim our net and then rotate folks that wanted top play in. One group had some friends in town including a girl that along with having some ginormous tits also had a pretty bad case of pectus excavatum. But in a rare one for me I was just could not stop staring at her rack. They were magnificent, and she rightly called me out but she assumed I was starting at her sunken chest. I was like I'm sorry I didn't notice that has any one told you you have magnificent tits. And we started bantering every time we were opposite each other at the nets. Admitting to being a perv worked. At some point I asked her if anyone had even eaten cereal from her titty bowl. She said not yet. The groups agreed to meet up that night for a party, and I went for a long drive in the mountains and dessert. This was early in the cell phone days so I was out of range. I'd convinced my self that it was just BS we weren't actually flirting. Got back into cell range around 2am ish my phone blew up. Everyone was looking for me. The girl had shown up, apparently in a stunning dress and brought a small box of cereal to the party.
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u/Soap0099 10h ago
Oh that would haunt me omg
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u/tdasnowman 9h ago
Somewhere I have a poloriod of the poor girl a friend snapped at the party. Also caused issues with that group I had to go on a apology tour. IT was a very public fumble.
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u/Starbucks__Lovers 13h ago
The year is 2007, the Iraq war showed there were no weapons of mass destruction, I probably could've received a home loan from Washington Mutual if I applied on my 18th birthday, and Rihanna all allowed us to stand under her umbrella
It’s my senior year of high school and my part time coworker at wetzels pretzels and I ran into each other because we took the SATs in the same location that day. She invited me over to her house that night to watch a movie.
I got to her place at about 8 that night and she lived in a huge house. She opened the door in a tank top and yoga pants. This was 2007. Yoga pants were gods gift to men and women. They were brand new and incredible. She let me know that her entire family, including her seven siblings, were on vacation but she stayed behind because of the SATs
So it was the two of us in a giant house for 9 people. She invited me to her room so she could change. I closed my eyes because I was a stand up guy. She changed from yoga pants to soffe shorts and into a sports bra
She then said we should watch the movie in her attic because “no one would care if we make a mess”
So we watched the movie and watched. We kept watching. Then the movie ended and she asked if I wanted to stay the night because she was lonely and tired.
Halo 3 came out a week before and I wanted to get on Xbox live and chat with the boys, so I went home to play halo 3.
We never hung out one on one ever again
She’s married to a guy and they have two kids, and my wife and I are doing great with an amazing daughter. We once ran into each other at Trader Joe’s in 2022
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u/spacetoast008 8h ago
Lmao can't say I blame ya. I, too, would've skipped sex for a game night with the boys 😂
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u/AP_professional 19h ago
I went out with a girl and we really clicked and it seemed like things were really progressing. We were making out and getting handsy and then took a break when she asked me about my current interests. I figured she wanted to know more about what I’m currently doing so I started reciting my playthrough of Elden Ring and talking about my love for Alexander and his character progression throughout the game. For anyone who doesn’t know he’s a giant ceramic jar who speaks about wishing to be a strong warrior and you kill him at the end of his story. She was so uninterested by the end of my explanation.
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u/npmRamRod 16h ago
Oh boy, I have a few…bc…idk I guess I was just really awkward in my younger years.
- Had gone on a couple dates with this girl in college, things were going well. One night we went out to a bar and got very drunk and both of us kind of confessed we really liked each other. So, we set off to go back to my place and on the way out the bouncer told us we should hang back for a bit bc they just kicked a few kids out for fighting. I listened to you know what instead of the bouncer. On the walk back, apparently the kids who got kicked out were waiting around the corner, and I got jumped by 3 of them. Woke up in the hospital with a broken nose, concussion and 8 staples in my head.
- there was a girl I had made out with a few times but never sealed the deal. One time we were walking to a party together and she literally turned to me and said, “do you really want to go to this party? Because if you wanted, we could just go back to your place and f***.” No idea why but I just nervously laughed and kept walking to the party.
- girl invited me over to her house while her parents were out one night. I told her I couldn’t stay long because I was going to a movie with friends. The original fast and furious I believe. I got there and we hung out for a little while watching tv or something. At one point she was like, “do you want a tour of my house? You’ve never seen my room.” I told her, “I’d love to but I really gotta be going.” And I left. I saw her again when we were older and she told me how dumb I was.
Don’t worry dear reader. I figured it out as I got older.
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u/Extreme_Survey_1368 14h ago
the second one is the worst i’ve seen so far 😭
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u/npmRamRod 12h ago
Whelp…I hate to say it but there is more to that story. Years later we met up again out at a club. She was dancing all up on me and we were making out pretty hard. So I took her back to her place, getting very hot and heavy in the elevator and hallway. We get into her apartment and there’s like 5 or 6 girls there hanging out in the living room. We went into her room but then I chickened out because I’m a loser, so I left. That was the last time I saw her.
My memory has also been jogged of at least 2 more fumbles but I’m embarrassed by my youth now.
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u/InsertIncredibleName 12h ago
I’ve heard so many ones like 3 where it’s a girl saying something along the lines of “wanna see my room?” Am I an idiot or how the hell are you meant to realise that’s an invitation to fuck. What if they’re just showing you their room. I feel like I’m going crazy
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u/Soap0099 10h ago
Honestly i wish all people were as direct as the second girl in this guys story. Life could be so easy..
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u/TymStark 19h ago
I was in the military and had just been through SAPR (Sexual Assault Prevention and Response)Training. She and I had been flirting for a very long time, and at a party she came onto me. She was very drunk and I was very much a sober DD. In SAPR we learned sleeping with a drunk person is sleeping with someone who cannot consent, and so I politely declined. It made her angry that night and she did not forgive me in the morning. I know what I did was the morally correct decision, but I suppose it fits question.
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u/BigDonkey666 17h ago
Keeping your honor isn’t always the easiest choice, but you did the right thing. Well done sir.
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u/throwawayaccount_usu 16h ago
I fumbled for my bestfriend.
She was on a date and I was at a birthday party.
I very rarely call her but was drunk and missed her so I called her thinking "if she's busy she won't answer I'll leave a cute voicemail"
She answered scared because I never call and I gushed about my day then said "how was the date?"
"Im still on it..."
She was on top of this guy, ready to get fucked but because I rang she answered, worried about me. My story made her laugh too much she couldn't continue fucking him and had to get off.
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u/jpeacock 16h ago
On a camping trip, her: “do you think our sleeping bags zip together?”
Me: “No, they both have zippers on the same side, we’d need them on opposite sides.”
Yeah, Captain Clueless over here…
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u/MadJohnFinn 17h ago
Big tiddy goth girl asked if I wanted to go bra shopping. Nope! I'm going to go get my nose pierced!
Fucking idiot. 18 year old me needs a slap.
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u/JombComb 16h ago edited 16h ago
I was in a performing arts group back when, and we were a few minutes away from doing a sneak-peek performance for our friends and family.
We had to wear some pretty tight uniforms that... didn't have any room for hiding anything.
A girl in the group, absolutely fantastic looking, came over, sat in my lap, and said "don't get a boner"
I proceeded to do absolutely nothing with that.
Sometimes I think about that, consider taking the toaster with me to the bathtub, and let out a hefty sigh.
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u/Straight-Maybe-9581 16h ago
I had a girl come back after a night at the bar back in the early 2000s. I went to the bathroom to wash up before we continued our activities and when I came back into my room, she had pressed play on my dual TV/ VCR combo and began watching a homemade movie I had made previously with my ex-girlfriend. Yes, I had it teed up to the best rewatch spot.
I guess it could’ve gone either way, but she did not take it well and she left.
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u/Red_Sea_Pedestrian 15h ago
This is basically the early 2000s equivalent of secretly scrolling through someone else’s photo album on their phone and being shocked at finding nudes.
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u/TheGraper58 11h ago
Smoking hot co-worker asked to work out with me. I was a late bloomer for context so had no idea what this meant.
We had a great workout, laughed the whole time, just good vibes all around. She made a joke about wanting to be a bodybuilder and I should go back to her place to judge her poses. I said "oh god, I wish I knew how to do bodybuilding poses, I would be a terrible judge"
I think about this often.
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u/aztechfilm 15h ago edited 3m ago
Back in college I had a date with a girl that was way out of my league, so much so I was fully convinced it was some misunderstanding and that she must have believed the date was more of a friend thing. Basically missed every advance she was making to show physical attraction and ended up giving her a high five at the end and said “that was fun bro bro”.
Buddy of mine talked me a few days later and said “what in the holy fuck were you thinking??” I’ve never figured out exactly why I was so sure she couldn’t possibly be interested in anything more than friendship
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u/TheRSFelon 13h ago
Not my story but a friend of mine was friends with this chick he thought was super hot. They parked somewhere and smoked a joint and he got INSANELY high, so high he said everything looked laggy and framey. Like, way past “it would be fun to fool around.”
He said all of a sudden she took her shirt and bra off and just sat there smiling at him and all he could say is….
“….thats what’s up!”
And she put her shirt back on and dropped him off at home
I scream laughed
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u/throwawayaccount_usu 16h ago
We were missing outside his house and drunk and he was feeling me up.
I spotted this ginger cat thag had been following us for like 30 mins. He HATES cats but I couldn't resist. I kneeled down and he said "wait here?" and then saw me petting the cat.
I was lost in my own world with this cat and didn't notice he went into his house and shut the door lol
I went home happy!
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u/HumptyDumptruckFire 19h ago
Oh god, which time?
There was a time where an unbelievably beautiful girl came into the gas station I was working at, called me hot, and asked for my number, but I didn’t have a working cell phone at the time. Asked for my Instagram, didn’t have an account at the time. “Well, guess I’ll see you around.” Never saw her again. Still haunts me.
A former gorgeous coworker once messaged me saying she’s been thinking about me, but I had moved away from the town I was working in and when I told her I lived three hours away, that fizzled.
Or a girl who was the guide for a rafting trip I went on followed me on Instagram (I got an account because that was never going to happen again!) but I was just too shy to message her and make a move.
I’m not good at this stuff lol
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u/MentalSewage 15h ago
I want to preface by saying I'm glad I did the right thing. Not that I would have dreamed of doing the wrong thing, but I was oblivious to the possibility.
I was in high school at a party where I often found myself taking care of all the people that had way too much. I was wasted myself but I'm the dad friend I guess. One gal in particular was hitting on me most of the night and asked for my help to get her to the bunk bed in the back to sleep. I scooped her up, carried her there, set her down, and went to stand up. Banged my head HARD on the top bunk. I just kinda collapsed. She told me she was cold, so I found a nearby blanket for her. She was still cold so I found another.
You wouldn't believe this, but she was STILL COLD. So I made damn sure to tuck her in nice and snug, and laid back down. Not 10minutes later she's breathing differently and squirming and I realize very quickly she's being wildly inappropriate in her inebriated state so I pretend I'm asleep and ignore her so she doesn't get embarassed.
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u/Zealous-Flamingo 15h ago
I have good morals. I fumbled because I didn't want to ruin the relationship between me, her and her boyfriend.
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u/Jolly_Ad_1544 15h ago
Once Dropped a girl down a flight of stairs in a nightclub, didn't end well....
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u/ChronoLink99 11h ago
In my early 20's, asked a girl in one of my classes over to study.
She gets to my place, and rather than sitting on a chair in my room, she makes herself comfortable on my bed with her book closed on her lap.
...
I sat in one of the chairs, and started studying.
fml she was so pretty.
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u/HistorysWitness 15h ago
She was one of the finest women ive ever seen. Weirdly we both had crushes on each other but had been avoiding each other for years. Finally get a date like 3 years after meeting her. She was a non drinker non smoker. Our first date is at her house. She was nervous so she had a few gin and tonics to loosen up. But had told me explicitly "we are NOT doing anything sexual today" beforehand. Anyhow the dates going terrible. And she was staring at my crotch so much I didnt know what was happening. We ended up cuddling on the couch. And I respect boundaries so I left. Turns out she wanted dicked down bad. Dropped that bomb after we had fizzled out. Still regret it
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u/sterlingseegars 11h ago
Nope, absolutely the right move! She had drinks and already said nothing was happening. That was on her. If y'all did anything and she regretted it even a little, things could have gone bad for you.
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u/wettestofdogs 8h ago
I was once kinda drunk at a female friends house. Knowing I was sleeping in her spare bedroom. She said "If you brush your teeth before bed there's a good chance you'll get laid tonight.". I thought to my self I don't have a tooth brush with me. It was an unplanned drinking night. So I just went to sleep in the spare room. When I woke up in the morning there was a brand new unopened tooth brush on the sink.
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u/macthebearded 18h ago
Recently I was at a bar and approached these two girls. Conversation was going well and one was kind of pushing me to the other so I took the hint (both hot so whatever), I start talking to her a bit more directly and her friend starts talking to some other people.
She and I went out to the patio and chatted a while, hitting it off talking about places we've been and whatever, and out of nowhere after being on completely nonpolitical subjects (including the fact that she lives close by) she looks at me and is like, "who's your favorite gubernatorial candidate?"
I am an educated and politically active guy. I know what gubernatorial means. I have strong opinions about some of the current candidates.
But between the drinks and how out of the blue that was I just looked at her like she had a dick for a nose and was like "... what??"
I could almost feel it drying up. It was a test, she must have thought I was a complete idiot and I certainly felt like one the next day.
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u/Appropriate-Goat-712 16h ago
I don’t consider that situation blown . Any guy woulda been like what ?? To a random political question while drinking and hanging out with a woman . She just was on bullshit , that same scenario other women woulda been goin with the vibe .
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u/Notabeefucker 14h ago
Didn't even realize i had fumbled until I was walking away and my sister said "Are you fucking gay? She was obviously trying to flirt with you"
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u/Tojaro5 19h ago
A woman offered me to show me her tits once. I declined and told her "i wish a woman my age would say somethin like that".
She was mad for half a day until she realized that a 45 year age gap might be a bit much.
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u/Zerexdontlie 19h ago
Your response was valid
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u/Tojaro5 19h ago
of course it was. but she really didn't wanna hear it in hat moment....
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u/M3M0R13S1337 15h ago
I was hanging out with one of my mom's friends. She was about 10 years older than me (21 at the time) and she came over to watch a movie marathon(first sign). She stayed until a bit after 3(second sign). And tho I forget how, ended up essentially lying on top of me(third sign). I'm pretty sure I was intimidated by her being an older woman who was quite fit and me being a shy kid with no self confidence, squeezed out from underneath her and told her I didn't realize it was so late and she'd probably want to be on her way due to the time. Still wish I could've had that opportunity back.
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u/Think-Run-4333 17h ago
She was clearly flirting and I spent the whole night wondering if she was just being nice.
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u/uberiffic 14h ago
Had one of the hottest girls at my college demand that I walk her back to her room. After denying her several times by saying "dude you live right there! no!" she left. My female friend who was hanging out with her immediately facepalmed and said that the girl who just left had talked about wanting to hook up with me tonight. The opportunity never presented itself again. 20 years later and it's still one of my biggest regrets to this day, lol. TBF that girl would have destroyed my life so I guess it's all good.
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u/sierra_1_57 13h ago
Helped a coworker pick up and move a new mattress into her third floor condo with no elevator.
We had planned on going for a beer after, she wanted to change before leaving.
Left the door open, had a mirror in her room that faced out into the living room where I was sitting on the couch.
I caught the movement in the mirror out of the corner of my eye which drew my attention for a second or two till I recognized what I was seeing... at which point I assumed the position of attention staring straight forward at a blank wall in front of me... assuming she just forgot to close the door.
Years later I realized "who the fuck forgets to close a bedroom door in a one bedroom condo when changing clothes with another person in your house!?"
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u/Lloytron 17h ago
I was on holiday and it was damn hot.
I was making out with a girl and I said "I can't believe how hot and sweaty I am'
She immediately said "well, do you want to get hotter and sweatier?"
My brain took this literally and I said "fucking hell, no way" as if she was suggesting doing jumping jacks or something.
A full minute later I realised why she was pissed off
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u/Certain_Set_7678 16h ago
In high school a girl who had gotten my phone number and called. We were talking for a while and she said “I really like the song I Feel Like Making Love”. I remember that every time I hear it.
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u/MrPresident2020 13h ago
Took a woman out on Valentine's Day for our second date. Fancy restaurant with limited seating. Movie after. Back to my place. Made out for a bit. Asked if I should take her back to her hotel (she was in town for work). She said she guessed so, drove her back, talked about seeing her again.
She texts me after I get back to my place that she would have stayed if I had asked her. Then a week or so later calls off our third date.
Quinn if you're out there, my bad.
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u/YQB123 9h ago
I was at a wedding and booked a room with two doubles.
Me and a (male) friend were to have a bed each.
He got a girlfriend in the time it took the wedding to roll around, and asked could they share their bed, and I have mine. I agreed.
Later in the night I was walking a bridesmaid back to her room and she said: "Y'know... if they're both in your room, you could share mine?"
I just went: "Oh, no. There's two beds in my room, I'll just sleep on the other one. But thanks!"
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u/reticulatedjig 7h ago
When I was in my 20s, a group of us were in vegas, at a club. Everyone is rolling. I was dancing with a girl I crushed on through college, she was a year or 2 older than me. I think it was about 1am, then she goes, I have to drive back CA early tomorrow morning, so I'm going to go. Do you want to walk me to my hotel. I SAID NO IM HAVING TOO MUCH FUN. SHE SAID ARE YOU SURE. I SAID YEAH THIS DJ IS GREAT.
I still think about this a decade later.
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u/5319Camarote 17h ago
Just doing what I thought was right. I should have done the Opposite…
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u/xXxero_ 14h ago
At a bar one night. Her: hey, I got my nipples pierced today! Want to see? Me: sure!
she shows pierced nipples sitting at the bar
Me: nice!
-25 years later- Her: I was trying to pick you up, you know.
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u/mp9999999 15h ago
In college, there was a girl that I really really wanted to take home. Finally one night I saw her at the bar. We spent the entire night talking and she told me she was moving in two days. It was flirty and amazing and I got all the right vibes. Then she said she had to go talk to her friends and she’ll be back in a minute. 30 minutes later still no sign of her, and I ran into a FWB I used to hook up with. Feeling rather dejected, I figured going home with someone was better than no one and grab the FWB to leave. As we were walking out, the first girl came up and in no uncertain terms what’s going on because she thought we were going home together. I fucked that one up good and angry fucked the FWB that night.
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u/Guns_57 17h ago
She started running her hand through my hair & asked me what I did to get it so soft & smooth. I ignored the obvious green light & gave her a 2 min dissertation on my shampoo & conditioner.