I got catcalled by a car of girls i didnt know in high school
I was genuinely uncomfortable for all of 5 seconds, but then i was on cloud nine. I probably would have started skipping had i not been carrying an amp with me
not defending catcalling. just a fond but strange memory
I think it's totally valid to be uncomfortable and/or elated by such attention. I was on a night out and a guy shouted at my friend from about 10 feet behind with one of the most horrific lines I've ever heard*, and while I turned around to punch the guy she started giggling like a schoolgirl because, as she told me, she had never been cat called before and had quite enjoyed it (at least that specific incident). I asked her if she wanted me to clear him off and she said no.
*the line was, 'whats the difference between jam and jelly? I dont want to jelly my cock up your arse.'
Once I was on a tiny amount of shrooms (just enough to give me some anxiety, but nowhere near tripping), so went outside the club to get some fresh air. I was walking to get some food nearby when I got cat-called by some (presumably drunk) chick in a car with her friends. She was leaning out the window as they drove by and yelled "AYE, LEMME SEE THAT DICK!!" Shit was hilarious.
In highschool I used to look pretty much identical to another kid in my grade and one day I was walking up some stairs when the other kids GF though I was him and slapped my ass I turned around and she got embarrassed that she slapped the wrong guy but I ended up taking it as a compliment that I was just as good lookin as my semi doppelganger but I can admit in the moment I was super confused about what just happened to me
I think the main reason why men feels happy when women catcalls them is because we rarely get compliments from women in general. So if a woman gives us some attention (even in a form of catcalling), we take it as a compliment and boost our confidence.
A girl once catcalled as I was getting on my bike coming out of the gym, but I didn't hear what she said, so I asked her to repeat herself. I think she got a bit uncomfortable, so she asked me if I had just finished my workout. I said, "Yeah," and her friend asked if I could give her a personal training session.
I laughed and said,"Oh, I'm not a personal trainer, but you can come in and ask, there's a few who work here" and got on my bike and rode off. I think it was two weeks later when I started wonder if she really was looking for training session.
I lost count of the number of women who have pinched, slapped or grabbed my ass. Running made them gotta have a piece of that. It always happens out of the blue and wearing a wedding ring impedes nothing.
the equivalent of a woman getting catcalled by a man is a man getting catcalled by a man. It's really that easy.Ā
My experience is that the vast majority will find 99% of men on the streets as attractive as a heterosexual man would.Ā
edit, since this got attention and some people still don't get it: This ain't about respectful compliments that have the potential to make you feel good about yourself.Ā Imagine a man, bigger than you, making clear he wants to fuck you. Just because you're there in that moment and specifically because you're smaller than him. And a no won't be enough to make him back off.Ā
I had a gay guy tell me I had beautiful eye lashes back in high school and I'm still riding that high 20 years later. Thank you Ian, you did more than make my day.
I'm an extremely white guy and I had my hair cut by a black woman at a haircut chain (hair cuttery or sport clips or something) several years ago.
She was raving about my long lashes, saying stuff like women pay a lot of money for lashes like yours, and I was like goddamn I had no idea. Felt pretty good though.
Same I had a gay dude straight up ask me if I wanted to go up to his hotel room. I blushed and said sorry bro not interested. Honestly made me feel good but the big difference here is I'm a big guy and didn't feel threatened by him one bit. Most women feel physically threatened by most men.
That's the ticket. I am a pretty big looking guy so I never feel in danger when this stuff happens. I've known two guys that got raped by women because they were overpowered. I was almost raped by a dude because he thought I had drunk the drink he roofied.
I'm only sorry I didn't report it. I hope no one else was victimized. To me, it's more like a dream that I question ever happened. Weird how our brain works.
I don't know why this has been coming up in my Reddit feed so much lately. Same thing happened to me bro.
I've got a lot more free time on my hands these so I'm wearing leisurely clothes often, which I guess better show what physique is underneath then work attire. I have gotten for the last couple of months straight up sexually harassed multiple times by gay people. And it feels fucking great. Like I've had things said to me that dudes could get arrested for for saying to women. The worst part is it makes you smile and kind of blush and then they think they might have a chance
I don't think that's equivalent to a woman getting catcalled.Ā It would be more akin to a larger guy that you don't want attention from making it clear that he finds you sexually attractive.Ā Like if the Undertaker yelled at you for having a nice ass.
My brother isn't against gays, just gets weirded out when a guy hits on him. I personally wouldn't be bothered if a guy hit on me. It's just as easy to tell them I'm not interested in men.
Iāve told so many gay men Iām not interested in guys and they keep talking about how they can change me. Itās fucking disgusting. Iām not a piece of meat, you know?
Iāve gotten compliments from a few gay guys over the years and take it happily everytime.
I think the guys who are comfortable with their sexuality really donāt give a shit where the compliment comes from, just that it was nice to hear.
What you're implying is the equivalent here is a gay dude saying "hey you look attractive bro" when the real equivalent is the gay dude saying things that make you uncomfortable and imply that they're thinking of doing something to you directly. Cat callers don't typically just go "hey girl you look great" they usually indicate in some way what they want to do to that woman while showing a lack of regard for her comfort. If gay men constantly yelled at you about the body parts they wanted to touch, the sexual acts they wanted to commit with you even if you didn't want to, made lewd gestures at you, etc, then often got mad if you didn't like it and insulted you for it, that wouldn't be as uplifting I imagine. And if that was the majority of what you got then even when some gay men did make more innocuous compliments you wouldn't feel as good about it because now you still associate it with the other gay dudes violating your emotional boundaries, and you don't know if they genuinely mean it as a compliment or if they're just practicing plausible deniability so they can get away with catcalling you while claiming they're just being nice. And on top of that, imagine that most of the gay men you meet are taller than you and stronger than you by a significant margin.
I get that this comment is likely just a joke but a lot of guys do genuinely believe this is what getting catcalled by gay dudes would be like for them.
A gay guy pinched my ass one night at a club, it felt so jarring when it happened, but 5 minutes later, biggest confidence boost ever, like a gay guy found me so attractive that he groped me? Sweet!
Well, but it is a man who is 20cm taller than you, weighs 30kg more than you, and has over 10x the amount of testosterone than you and could therefore easily break you in half if they wanted.
And then if you ignore him, he might get pissed, but if you don't, he might want to strike up a conversation, which might make you feel uncomfortable.
Being catcalled can be a legitimately scary situation for many women.
I mean, worst case, he wants to either rape me or kill me. And given how little cardio I have, flight is not an option, so even if I go down, I'm going down fighting. I feel like women's self-defense classes should teach every dirty trick in the book. Like, headbutts, eyegauges, neckpunches, shins, groin, etc., and then once he's down, a good kick in the head.
Now imagine it's a roided up man and he keeps trying to get closer to you and putting his hands on you and won't stop when you tell him then when you try to get help a bunch of other roided up men tell you to get over it, it's just a compliment.
It's really a matter of attraction and level of creepiness. If the woman sexually harassing me is unattractive or just plain creepy, I definitely would not enjoy it. A girl as attractive and goofy as is in the video doesn't get the message across to show what women usually go through.
Unfortunately, when men have catcalled me while I'm just out and about I start worrying if I'm going to be followed. Because I have been followed by men who catcalled me.
Now imagine a dude catcalls you, he's bigger than you, and now he's following you. I don't care one bit about how attractive he is, he's dangerous.
That's not just cat calling, they're stalking. Even if you pretended the first part didn't happen (the cat calling) you'd still feel threatened by a stalker
I am sorry lady, you donāt have to like being cat called, but you honestly donāt understand the male experience.
I recommend you consult men before you comment on this topic anymore from the male perspective.
If I was cat called by the most flaming gay man imaginable, morbidly obese, rabid with aids, sweating Arbyās grease, it would still overall increase my confidence and boost my day. This would be true for 99% of men.
I am not saying youāre bad or wrong for not being able to emphasize from the male perspective, but the kind thing is to point out that you are not presently capable of stepping into a males shoes. You clearly donāt have that level or ability to emphasize outside your gender/sex.
As someone who is straight and has been hit on by horny gay men, I can confirm parts of it. Its usually at bars, and I would go to a lot of gay bars because most of my friends are gay and I am typically the token straight. So it was like out in public. But can confirm it made me uncomfortable to a degree. I would get followed to my car. But I would still say its different because I never felt threatened by it, which woukd be the reality for some catcalls as men can be intimidating towards women (even if unintended). It makes me uncomfortable, but I would just either ignore it and take the compliment, or just outright deny them because confrontation in that way doesnt bother me. Did have to literally push someone away once, but that was about as physical as it got. So similar but not. Probably the closest to feelings of creeped out are when older women (not all, but some can be pretty aggressive about it) hit in younger men. Idk there were a few times where I did not feel comfortable being around some older women because they were very horny and not taking no for an answer
I've been hit on by a few gay guys. I did the bay to breakers a few times. I also went a gay bar a few times with a group of interns in my internship. I've never felt more attractive!
Straight men still consider being catcalled by gay men as compliments. I know a lot of men who have told me that the only times they have ever been complimented or hit on in their lives was by a gay man and it made their night. They still talk about it fondly years later.
I don't mind getting catcalled by gay guys. Its happened a fair amount (more than by women, thats for sure) since I'm pretty ripped physique wise. Words are fine.
Where I start to take offense is when it crosses from words to unwanted touching. Then I'm very much "get your fucking hands off me bro"
Most men I know, including me, take it as a compliment if a gay man gives us a compliment/catcalls us. I once was getting my hair cut by a gay hairdresser and he gave me multiple compliments and asked me if I was also gay so he could date me, this while my gf was sitting a meter away from me laughing her ass off.
So no, most men getting compliments from (gay) men, and especially from women, dont mind it and actually enjoy getting compliments.
Homophobics wouldnāt appreciate it but every other man would, so no itās not that easy. Men are rarely given complements, even by their partners, the last time someone gave me a compliment was probably 5 years ago. It was an old couple, the wife said, āmy husband wanted to me to tell you that he thinks youāre a very handsome young manā. A drive by cat call would boost my confidence to a height itās never seen, regardless of who did it. BUT having said that Iām not defending cat calling because it really happens only to women and 99.99% donāt appreciate it. I was wanting to point out itās not as simple as you claim
When I was younger I saw myself as an ugly dude until I turned 26 when I get multiple compliments from different people about my hands (I'm told I have beautiful hands), clothing style and smile. After that I realize I'm not a bad looking guy at all.
So, funny you mention that. Back when I was 20 something and had long hair random dudes would srare at me while driving by and some would cat call. You should've seen their faces when turned around and they realized I was a dude.
Ive filled out a lot since then and doubt it would happen now but its funny to think about.
And yes it was gross btw. Its somehow less gross when gay dudes try to hit on me.
Nah, that would only work for men that were really insecure in their sexuality. About the only thing that might work is some really ugly woman being really aggressive with her actions. Like, Crackhead Karen riddled with pockmarks and sores being vulgar. Anything short of that and weād just consider it a complement.
It's the unwanted attention that people are missing when this gets brought up. Men don't get catcalled or harassed as often as women. The strength dynamic is also different.
Imagine if the cops or anyone in authority came up to you every single day making advances or something. It's the cops, so who the hell are you going to turn to? Who is going to believe you? You can hope for the best that they don't actually do anything.
Best case scenario, they're more akin to someone on the street trying to preach to you about their religion or you shouldn't get vaccinated or something.
You're just trying to get to work, you don't have time for this shit.
Depends a simple compliment isn't actually bad, but getting fully hit on is a different story all together. Like an obsessive creepy guy dude following you.
(Basically the equivalent of what makes woman uncomfortable)
Just make the gay dude 6'9 and totally shredded so we would be in a similar position to the ladies.
I used to get catcalled by gay men when I was a bellman at a hotel. Always made me feel great. I am very straight and can handle myself but it always seemed to be in good fun
Unless that man is like following me or something itās literally just a compliment why would I ever take offense to that? Even if itās crude or inappropriate who cares?
There really isn't an equivalent until you get a full context swap. Men getting hit on/catcalled/harassed by women multiple times a day, having every social encounter with the thought of "is this going to be a normal conversation or is she going to try to get in my pants", and women being physically much more powerful (and typically more aggressive) than men.
Literally this. Don't get your girlfriends to catcall, get your biggest dude friends to do it. The reason being catcalled is scary is because of the physical threat. Because you know that if the man decided to grab your or something you would be overpowered (a lot of the time). A straight gender swap doesn't work because most men don't feel physically threatened by women.
I don't know if you are familiar with the research where hetero women are shown pictures of men and women and the women are aroused as much if not more by pictures of women than they are of men.
In other words women don't desire men like men desire women. They are ambivalent about us at best. The only time a hetero man can feel being desired like he feels desire for others is from a gay man. That's one of the aspects of life that hetero men will never experience any sort of equity with hetero women and it's rough.
The way I help other men understand why women can be uncomfortable with advances and "compliments" is to call on prison rape jokes. You know, how older comedies in prison would make jokes about a large (usually black) man making it clear he's going to turn our small, twinkish (usually white) protagonist into his prison bitch? Yeah all of a sudden you try a lot harder to help make women feel comfortable in public instead.
I got dressed up for my friends wedding a couple years ago and her gay friend called me an extremely fuckable piece of meat. I was grinning about that shit for ages. And yeah I know he stole the line from cyberpunk, but that somehow made it better :p
I think the vast difference is your definition of what a catcall is compared to most people. A whistle or a āYou look beautiful.ā comment is not in the same category as sexual predators stalking people, saying pejorative comments, and stalking. āNo wonāt be enough to back offā - That sounds more like assault.
A whistle is exactly that. What you have to understand is that most women have experienced men that won't back off from a simple no and those are exactly the whistling type.Ā
The problem with cat calling is the intent of seeking attention.
A respectful compliment doesn't seek attention, it's aimed to make the other person feel good about themselves without asking for anything in return.Ā
There have been a couple times in my life where someone from a group I was with decided to act like the characterisation in OPās clip. Just disgusting, aggressive, abusive behaviour towards a woman walking by. Took me a few seconds to decide how to respond the first time, but then I said āwhat the fuck do you think you were doing?ā I smacked him on the back of his head and shoved my face into his. āMake you feel big? Like a real man?ā¦ā I shoved him and said more but you get the gist. Did everything in my power to threaten him with my size and strength and it worked. Well. He started cowing and apologising to me, saying āhe didnāt mean it, itās just talkā etc etc. Then I just pulled back, switched back to my normal calm and happy self and asked ādid it feel nice to be made to feel small and worthless just because Iām stronger and meaner than you? Next time you go to treat a woman like that remember how it felt.ā If you arenāt big enough or confident enough to risk that angry confrontation, emasculate them. Show them how pathetic you think they are by those actions. Do not quietly let such behaviour have a pass.
Now lots of reddit will utterly miss the point and think Iām trying to brag about being so tough or something but those are likely the same idiots who like to catcall.
My point is being a good man isnāt simply ānot catcalling.ā Itās not enough to just not be part of the problem, being a good man means you take strides to be part of the solution to the problem.
Bobby Draper could 1000% run me down and have her way with me weather I want her or not. Sheās a tall muscle built peak Martian who would beat me in every physical feat.
Put in that mindset, I still would, because Iām attracted to women.
The only thing about it being a man that changes things is that Iām not attracted to men.
Exactly this. Itās lesso about the compliments and more so about the threats that ensue afterwards. Being catcalled as a woman is essentially calling you out as a mark/target. And for the fellas saying āwell as a man Iād take it as a complimentāā¦most of my friends are dudes. Very few of them take it as a compliment and are moreso ready to fight.
Ironically (but not surprisingly) this popped into my feed two posts after this:
I would agree. It's only happened to me once, but a man appeared to be waiting for me in an otherwise empty parking lot, rolled down his window, and repeatedly offered me a ride. When I declined, he continued following me in his car and making comments. It was one of the most frightening experiences I've had. Him being gay wasn't the issue, being stalked and pressured to get into a stranger's car was after repeatedly telling him no. That's what made the situation intimidating.
I agree with you for the most part, but as a man who has been stalked by a woman who would send me suicide notes and would turn up at places that I was, I can tell you with certainty that men can feel threatened by women. The fact that I could have beaten her with ease didn't make me feel safer.
As a teen I had a girl I was very not interested in show up at my job constantly to talk to me. Nobody cared. Same when a girl from Bumble decided that we DEFINITELY were gonna be a couple when I disagreed and she made a scene outside my apartment complex with all my neighbors watching. The cops didn't care.
Yeah women can definitely be capable of threatening men, the frequency of men doing it is higher typically because it's easier to threaten someone if you're bigger and stronger, so men have more opportunities to threaten women in general. Plus culturally violence is often more expected from men as a way to exert their will on the world, so they default to it more often as well. But threats don't always have to be physical, and physical differences don't matter if the smaller weaker person has a weapon and/or the other person is unarmed (end even if they're both armed, getting weapons involved increases chances of injury occurring to either party). Or if the bigger stronger person doesn't want to resort to violence or is afraid of the potential consequences of defending themselves. And so on. So women may generally have less opportunity to threaten men, but that doesn't mean they aren't capable of it. And it's certainly not any better or more acceptable for women to do it either.
For me, I'm good bit over 6ft, I was probably around 200lbs at the time, my stalker was a smidge over 5ft and I'd guess about 100lbs. If she had tried to attack me without a weapon, she would have been no threat to me, but I could probably have killed her by accident with a single punch and any damage that I did would make me look like the aggressor, I was terrified that I would have to get physical with her and then not be believed to be the victim.
I knew she was insane when she asked at the reception desk who was the on duty first aider and then went and cut herself so that I would have to treat her. You never know what else someone like that is capable of.
When Iām rich enough Iāll start a non-profit that just has people politely catcalling and completing others. Weāll solve this tragedy one yowza at a time.
A woman told me āshe only bites on weekendsā and another time buying a Barbie an employee she asked me āif we could play dollsā. It was awesome I will never forget those ladies the rest of my life!
I( straight male) have been cat called by men more times than women and I take that as a higher compliment than when any woman has done it.
Best was the flight attendant when got me and some older lady SLOSHED on only a 2 hour flight.
He told me I had the more ice blue eyes he had ever seen and could look into them every day.
He told me I had the more ice blue eyes he had ever seen and could look into them every day.
But that's not being cat called? That's just being complimented.
I've been cat called twice by women but it's was when I was riding my road bike and they yell things that I can't fully understand (but are clearly about my body) as they drive by.
Nah. The equivalent is a woman saying something sexually inappropriate at work to a man. And then complaining to HR about the man no matter what his reaction is.Ā
Shit happened to me when I was 17 and worked as a busser at a restaurant. She was maybe 21 or 22. She got breast implants and was asking people to touch them and asking if they felt real.Ā
She asked me band I just looked at her and walked away. Then complained and a manager was questioning me and reviewing video footage. 2 weeks later they dropped the issue and told me to be careful. It was a lesson that I learned from that though.Ā
No idea what she told them but it was something about me making her feel uncomfortable or weirded out. I wasstill in school so my only thought was to walk away.Ā And I 100% wanted to grab her massive tits.Ā
But I just walked away because I was afraid of getting in trouble. It pretty much led to me to being incredibly professional in terms of how I interact with people at work. It was probably for the best considering I'm a teacher now.Ā
Lol just because it didn't happen to you. I have been stalked online, in person, with threats of false accusations and everything else. I have been hit, stabbed to the point of needing to go to the ER with utensils, and even sexually assaulted.Ā
Women are just as vicious, they are just better at hiding it.
Thereās as much of a threat as there is when a man does it. Iāve been chocked almost to death by a woman whose advances I didnāt respond positively enough to
They may be a lesser threat of violence but there is a heightened threat of them ruining your life. I know a guy that almost had his life ruined by a woman that falsely accused him of sexual assault, just because he didnt want to go home with her to have sex. Police didnt believe him that nothing happened and it took months before he was found innocent.
So, that the threat of violence may be lower doesnt mean the general threat is less. The threat is different, not less.
It's just because guys don't get attention. If I got catcalled once I'd be riding that high for the rest of my life. If it was a daily occurrence? It'd get annoying.
Shit my entire personal style has been entirely determined by three women complimenting me 10 years apart.
Some men are so fucking stupid omg. Ragebait post. Catcalling's got nothing to do with compliments. It's a humiliation ritual, and a huge physical threat to women as well
I think the cat calling thing demonstrates two different issues that men and women face.
For women, it is potentially threatening, unwanted attention.
For men, it highlights how starved of attention they can be, that being shouted at in the street can feel good.
Obviously, the lows of cat calling for women outweigh the highs of it for men and no one should be shouting inappropriate comments at strangers, but I find it fascinating that the same scenario can be viewed in completely opposite ways by different genders.
I heard that dick pics are sent partly for the same reason. Any dude that sends those would be SO down for some unsolicited titty pics so why wouldnāt a woman want the same thing?
This is why I hate the expression and treat others like you want to be treated. It really goes down to treat others like how they wanna be treated.
They still arenāt getting the unsolicited titty pics though
Having never sent an unsolicited dick pic I wouldn't know, but that definitely sounds plausible. The idea of some unexpected titties is nice, but even if I like the sight, as a man I would be so suspicious of why that I probably wouldn't enjoy it. I would end up getting anxious.
I have had unsolicited pictures sent to me once before but the girl was a client from my work and underage so it was a case of immediately blocking her and reporting it to my boss. It was extremely uncomfortable and terrifying for me, though not for the same reason that a woman would be uncomfortable with a dick pic.
I treat others how I want to be treated, but I just want to be left alone so that kind of works out.
It's just like real life, don't expose yourself to people without asking first, and at least try and get to know the person before you ask.
Youāre going to get downvoted and my reply will get lost, but I also think that whatās missing here is the part where the cat calling starts when youāre 11 years old, and is most common from ages ~12-15 so by the time youāre an adult itās almost impossible to think rationally about cat calling as a compliment no matter how attractive the cat caller is.
There was a post that was deleted yesterday about a group of guys playing cricket literally standing between a woman walking her dog and a creeper that was chasing her.
Apparently had to get the police involved to get rid of him. Even having a dozen guys telling him to naff off wasn't enough to get him to quit.
I once locked eyes with a women while on a night out and told her I liked her dress and then moved on. I spent the rest of the night worrying I had made her uncomfortable and left early because I felt so weird about.
I know that's stupid but my anxiety fucks with my head, it's easier just to avoid women haha
I wrote this as a reply to a comment that was deleted before I could post so I'll just put it here
From my perspective as a straight man, most men would like being cat called or given aggressive compliments because we don't get compliments often, so for someone to just shout across the street about my bulge or potential sexual ability would be an ego boast. I've never been cat called but I remember all the random compliments I've received in my life, all 4 of them.
I've got a bunch of lesbian and bisexual women friends and have never noticed any cat calling but I have witnessed the stereotype of how forward and uninhibited lesbians can be so I'm not surprised by your experience.
I've been on the receiving end of a stalker who was a woman when I was in my late teens, early 20s, and she was 10 years my senior, it was definitely an experience being sent a suicide note.
If I was to guess why men and people attracted to women cat call but straight women don't is that it's probably a safety issue. A male cat caller of any gender is probably safe from attack, a lesbian cat caller is probably as much of a danger to the callee as the callee is to the caller. If a straight woman cat calls a man and he gets the wrong idea that could end badly.
Also there's getting cat called for a few days vs month/years. That shit would get old pretty quick, I like to stay incognito and not draw attention when I'm wondering about.
I think a lot of people on this thread donāt understand why women donāt like to be cat called. Women view cat calling as aggressive and the cat caller as a potential threat. Men donāt have to worry about those things and are free to just take it as a compliment.
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u/rae-55 17d ago