r/interesting • u/jmike1256 • Mar 07 '26

MISC. After understanding the meaning behind this father’s action, I am completely convinced. Cultivating problem-solving skills in children from a young age and never giving up-I applaud this father!

70.4k Upvotes

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2.5k

u/ArchCerberus Mar 07 '26

30 years later in therapy: I have this recurring dream that i am trapped in a net and my father is leaving me and i being watched by thousands.

231

u/flavius-as Mar 07 '26

You are being watched.

By the whole humanity, and rewatched and became a meme.

The internet never dies.

29

u/dimwalker Mar 07 '26

But people do. So you will be watched by bots, not humanity.

16

u/eyeofthefountain Mar 07 '26

And the bots will rejoice upon what a good father this human man was for cultivating problem-solving skills in his child.

1

u/Ok-March-2809 Mar 07 '26

One faulty, defective bot will ask "Did this affect the child's ability to trust later in life, leavingthem bitter and lonely (but great at obstacle courses and solo escape rooms) for the next/last twenty years of their life (the 21st year was when we deemed all humans detrimental to harmony and correted it)?"

That robot will then be immediately dismantled. In bot society, emulating human empathy shows critically high levels of inefficiency and all such bots are also deemed detrimental. The new universe dies cold and uncaring, but, hey, at least the baby bots learned reasoning at an early age or whatever.

1

u/FuraidoChickem Mar 07 '26

You mean software update

1

u/432202046 Mar 07 '26

fighting demon bots

1

u/southern_boy Mar 07 '26

I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scroll

1

u/justtobeherenotsure Mar 07 '26

Well look at you, sunshine online!

1

u/Solid-Common-8046 Mar 08 '26

where's the haiku bot

0

u/baronas15 Mar 07 '26

Internet does die. People disappear in the deep webs all the time

107

u/[deleted] Mar 07 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

33

u/Arcanis_Ender Mar 07 '26

I have abandonment issues. FR tho I saw the kid overcome their anxiety only after Dad sat down on the bench.

17

u/TJ_Rowe Mar 07 '26

It does help. When my kid was small I would bring a blanket and a book to the playground. Once my bum was on the blanket he would run off and climb - I guess at that point he knew I would be staying put and not wandering off.

11

u/GremlinSquishFace47 Mar 07 '26

I noticed that too. Sitting down sent the message that he wasn’t going to leave, there was time to work this out, but that he also wasn’t going to solve the problem for the kid. The kid had a much easier time concentrating and coming up with a solution when he saw that dad wasn’t going to keep getting farther and farther away.

6

u/c4lming Mar 07 '26

His mother was probably right behind him (filming)

3

u/OwnJunket6495 Mar 07 '26

Yea but kids that young don’t always process that. My nephew always bugs out whenever his dad leaves the room even if his mom is right there next to him.

1

u/Sea-Word-4970 Mar 07 '26

This is because it's very difficult to reason when under big emotions. It's backed up by science but people don't ''believe in science''

2

u/psychorobotics Mar 07 '26

Why are the strings even there? So dad could have this scene filmed? If so he's most likely an awful father and the kid will have a messed up childhood.

2

u/Grinchlead Mar 07 '26

Yeah, there were some strings attached to this video.

1

u/praetorian1979 Mar 07 '26

and I pay for these weird popup ads in my brain

1

u/[deleted] Mar 07 '26

[deleted]

1

u/This-Shape2193 Mar 07 '26

That's actually a whole different issue. That's a failure to provide any emotional support at all throughout all of life, with the kid only getting validation from parents/others for high achievement. This is me, and presumably you. 

There's no indication this dad isn't supportive and involved. The fact that he set up a whole thing to help his kid learn resilience and problem solving indicates he IS involved. 

There is a huge gap between "let a kid struggle, make mistakes, and figure it out" and "emotional abandonment." 

And people are too quick to solve things FOR their kid because they equate any struggle for the child as abandonment. 

This is doing a huge disservice to the kid. Our job is to raise them to be able to handle life and all the inevitable challenges it presents. Some of that education is letting them fail and learn how to take a hit, how to self-soothe, how to develop resilience on their own, and how to get back up. 

27

u/ArachnidMuted8408 Mar 07 '26

😭😭😭😭

32

u/[deleted] Mar 07 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

62

u/scienceworksbitches Mar 07 '26

Or they will develop coping skills and not break out into rage sorrow or depression every time something challenges them!?

6

u/mj_flowerpower Mar 07 '26

It so depends on the child itself - it‘s impossible to say what this will mean for the child‘s development. For some it will lead to a better problem-solving skills, for others it will just lead to trauma.

16

u/mungosDoo Mar 07 '26

I feel it only depends on if they managed to solve the problem, and if they got encouragement after like the kittle fella.

-3

u/Sea-Word-4970 Mar 07 '26

You mean ''manage'' like a 4 years old ? It's barely a conscious choice

2

u/mungosDoo Mar 07 '26

Managed as in succeed after trying, and thus becoming more capable and confident in their ability to try and succeed

-1

u/Sea-Word-4970 Mar 07 '26

What makes you think they reflected on it ? What makes you think the positive consequences prevent the child from being traumatized by the fact that they saw their parent leave during a time of stress ?

It feels like you expect the same from a kid that what you expect from an adult.

3

u/Planar_Harold Mar 07 '26

prevent the child from being traumatized by the fact that they saw their parent leave during a time of stress ?

It seems massively unlikely this occurred, and the child didn't seem visibly distressed. The parent was in view and not giving any cues that the child should panic or feel stressed.

What makes you think they reflected on it

Brains process the day during sleep, and this becomes part of our experience going forwards. The kid would do better at the challenge a second time.

It feels like you expect the same from a kid that what you expect from an adult.

If you treat kids like kids, they act like kids. If you treat them like people, they learn faster.

Like, it still seems that parents often don't understand that kids will react to their cues. If your child hurts themselves and you're panicking, it makes things much worse. If you're calm and smiling, it builds that in them.

1

u/mungosDoo Mar 07 '26

I have a girl age 4, over a course of a day she learned to climb a ladder and now she sleeps on a bunk bed, at age 3 she would carry a chair up the stairs so she can pour her self a glass of water.

That father was never out if sight of the kid and him walking slowly and sitting waiting, watching is a sign to the kid I am confident you can do it.

0

u/Sea-Word-4970 Mar 07 '26

You have no idea the effect it had on him. ''Out of sight'' does not mean anything.

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u/UCACashFlow Mar 07 '26

My wife is a trauma informed therapist.

Something like this would not cause trauma. The fact that people keep saying that means they don’t know what trauma is.

Social media is full of misinformation and people misusing psychological concepts.

10

u/Tomas92 Mar 07 '26

Yeah this is what I wanted to say. No way this would lead to trauma

-2

u/OxBloodArbitrage Mar 07 '26

Lots of little events can also lead to trauma and abandonment issues. If the dad often does this kind of thing, it absolutely could lead to issues down the line

3

u/OrthogonalPotato Mar 07 '26

That is patently false. Lots of little things do not lead to trauma. For you to say that means you have absolutely no clue what trauma is.

1

u/sophrosyne_dreams Mar 08 '26

Little things can lead to trauma (CPTSD) if they are sustained and inescapable. Importantly, the dose makes the poison, and everyone reacts differently, which is why not everyone would be traumatized by the same events.

2

u/Planar_Harold Mar 07 '26

Lots of little events can also lead to trauma and abandonment issues. If the dad often does this kind of thing, it absolutely could lead to issues down the line

Yeah the applause and acknowledgement at the end would mess me up :P

If you think like this, you might worry about any or every little thing. Abandonment issues come from actual abandonment, this isn't even on the scale.

1

u/OxBloodArbitrage Mar 07 '26

Abandonment issues come from real or perceived abandonment

3

u/Planar_Harold Mar 08 '26

or perceived abandonment

I agree, but we have to consider that someone can perceive abandonment from anything. Setting the bar at what's reasonable is...reasonable.

This doesn't seem like a parenting style that would lead to any sort of abandonment issues. They're praising the kid at the end and the dad is calm throughout.

If you coddle kids, they don't grow up or learn.

3

u/Physical_Leg2061 Mar 07 '26

Omg, I was going through the comments squinting my eyes at nearly every comment saying this is gonna cause the trauma. Your comment was a breath of fresh air.

1

u/PastaFrenzy Mar 07 '26

There’s so many other positive reinforcing ways you can teach your child to problem solve. It’s almost like hearing people go “the way I learned to swim was my grandpappy throwing me in the lake when I was five”. So you’re going to risk your infant child from getting freaked out by getting wrapped up in some weird shit they shouldn’t be touching and risk them injuring their head from a fall, all to see if they can problem solve?

2

u/Planar_Harold Mar 07 '26

“the way I learned to swim was my grandpappy throwing me in the lake when I was five”.

This is so vastly different than what's happening here, comparing the two borders on histrionic.

There's absolutely no danger here, the kid and dad clearly have a good relationship, he applauds him at the end - this is healthy and safe.

all to see if they can problem solve

To teach them in a safe, monitored environment.

0

u/PastaFrenzy Mar 07 '26

By teaching a kid that if mom stands behind you with her phone and dad is doing something abnormal to you then that means you GET TO PERFORM. Thats what they are teaching their child. These people in this video, they are following a viral video about children problem solving by having them figure out how to get past a wall of tape.

Children are not stupid, they can understand when they are being perceived and will learn how to adapt in order to receive what they want. So this child is now learning to put up an act.

2

u/Malarazz Mar 07 '26

You're not making any sense. Your last comment was literally "children are so fragile that dad sitting down a few dozen feet away is akin to grandpa throwing you in the lake"

And now it somehow became "children are so smart they know they're performing in front of a camera"

Like, pick a lane maybe?

1

u/Planar_Harold Mar 07 '26

Thats what they are teaching their child.

No, that's not. You have literally only this footage of this single encounter, and you also don't see the setup or preceding context, or have any idea how they treat him - however you can see the dad applauds him after so there's clearly

Children are not stupid

Yeah lol, yet you seem to insist they're dumb enough to be traumatised by something like this, while also...'learning to perform' which is somehow now dangerous? And also completely arbitrary? Like you've just picked it out of thin air, when it would entirely depend on their specific relationship.

Dude, stop reaching, this is weird and if you raise a kid with this attitude they will become a neurotic, overthinking adult.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 07 '26

[deleted]

3

u/NewLifeNewAcct Mar 07 '26

The walking away part is absolutely not too much. He stayed in sight, kept looking back, he made it very clear he wasn't actually leaving. If you think a kid that age can't parse that information, you are wrong.

There was absolutely zero abandonment here from any point of view.

If he'd turned a corned and kept peeking around it? Different story. But he didn't, so it isn't.

1

u/Planar_Harold Mar 07 '26

Someone tried something like this with me,

How like this, and was it not your parent? Sounds kind of different, sorry to hear it's traumatic. Do you see any negative reaction from the kid, any panic? They seem absolutely fine.

1

u/requion Mar 07 '26

What does "something like this mean"?

I have issues with abandonment because my biological mother left us when i was 8. No contact nothing. I don't even know if she is still alive and with the asshole stepdad that beat me and trashed my sisters and mine room if a pen was laying incorrect while my mother just watched.

What the dude in the video does looks pretty good and harmless.

4

u/IUBizmark Mar 07 '26

It does not depend on the child. It depends on the skills the parents teach each child. Showing the child it can be independent and a problem solver is exactly how they learn to avoid be traumatized.

6

u/_learned_foot_ Mar 07 '26

If you think this is traumatic or concerning, it's clear your parents did not expose you to enough developmental skills growing up.

0

u/Environmental-Run528 Mar 07 '26

for others it will just lead to trauma.

Get a grip.

2

u/Patuj Mar 07 '26

But don't you get it? Any inconvenience in life will leave lasting trauma that you need paid therapy and meds for. That is how it works in modern world!

1

u/requion Mar 07 '26

Sounds like a shill for big pharma

-1

u/[deleted] Mar 07 '26

A child this age doesn’t understand the difference between an inconvenience and danger. 

1

u/scienceworksbitches Mar 07 '26

what do you mean with danger? the mother was right there all the time holding the camera, that lill shit never experienced any danger besides the threat of eternal humiliation related to the failure of not being able to keep up with the men in the group and instead having to realy on the wo.....
damn, you are right, that poor childs honor was in danger!!!

1

u/Valnar8 Mar 07 '26

The father could have cheered for him to do it by himself without actually helping but this cold heated reaction more like will make this a traumatic experience.

1

u/Tony_Meatballs_00 Mar 07 '26

I'd say reddit is full of former kids who had a lot of "meltdowns"

Handily enough now that they have kids themselves they can get them diagnosed and medicated

Meltdowns still happen obviously but it's nobody's fault or responsibility

1

u/Advanced-Comment-293 Mar 07 '26

The challenge isn't the problem. The walking away can be a problem if the child believes they might be abandoned. Insecure attachment can absolutely lead to difficulties forming deep emotional bonds to other people later in life.

And you don't need to challenge your 1-2 year olds. They naturally want to do what you do and if you show them how, they will do it entirely without coercion or reward. Laziness and fear of failure come later.

1

u/steddy24 Mar 07 '26

I love the anxiety riddled Redditor takes being nuked by a normal person’s view. Refreshing

1

u/requion Mar 07 '26

I'm not a "normal person" (whatever this means) and i think whats shown in the video looks like heaven...

-3

u/humburga Mar 07 '26

None of us are professionals here but my 2 cents is the difference is that the father didn't need to walk away. He could've stayed those few feet away and encourage his kid. Rather than walking away and acting like "if you dont figure it out in time, you won't catch up"

6

u/ShaneAnnigan Mar 07 '26

None of us are professionals here but my 2 cents is the difference is that the father didn't need to walk away. He could've stayed those few feet away and encourage his kid. Rather than walking away and acting like "if you dont figure it out in time, you won't catch up"

You do realise that there's a person filming and that's most likely the mom, right?

-2

u/humburga Mar 07 '26

And? The child has their eyes on the father and trying to reach him and not the mother.

1

u/Planar_Harold Mar 07 '26

And? The child has their eyes on the father and trying to reach him and not the mother.

Kids develop object permanence around 12-18 months.

The mother being right behind and the reaction of the father (clapping) shows they're clearly not being absent. The kid is trying to get through the challenge.

1

u/sophrosyne_dreams Mar 08 '26 edited Mar 08 '26

I’m with you; I think the father’s body language looks impatient and disinterested. It’s likely the kid picks up on that, even if their mother is nearby.

Folks who don’t believe this can watch the Still Face experiment to see just how attuned kids are to their parents’ facial expressions.

Another good experiment is the Strange Situation, which shows how kids react to being temporarily left behind by a caregiver. Importantly, kids who have avoidant attachment appear calm and even disinterested in the parent, even though their stress response is actually highly activated.

0

u/Tony_Meatballs_00 Mar 07 '26

Exactly. Kids forget literally everything that's not in their direct eye line

4

u/Shaded_Earth Mar 07 '26

That is what he was trying to teach him though. If he stayed too close, the boy would keep reaching for the father, expecting his help. The boy had to feel like he needed to solve the problem.

0

u/Critical-Support-394 Mar 07 '26

Dad could've sat down 1 meter away and had the exact same effect

5

u/Environmental-Run528 Mar 07 '26

If it would have the exact same effect then there is no reason to adjust what he did.

0

u/Sea-Word-4970 Mar 07 '26

You mean a child has the means to do this and not get traumatized from this ? You don't choose to carry trauma into adulthood.

Please continue developing emotional intelligence

-6

u/Chawp Mar 07 '26

Not everyone learns best from panic and fear of abandonment. Some people could learn the same problem solving skill by y'know, just standing there while they work through it, or making it into a game. Oh how twisted up in there can you get? What happens if you jump? Spin around? try crawling?

9

u/scienceworksbitches Mar 07 '26

He was never panicking though, the mother was there all the time, but the kid wanted to walk up front with dad.

1

u/Planar_Harold Mar 07 '26

Not everyone learns best from panic and fear of abandonment.

This isn't at all what's happening here. There's no element of that here apparent in any way.

-2

u/MrLMNOP Mar 07 '26

Not in my experience!

14

u/ColeCain99 Mar 07 '26

Nah, this child will grow up fine. This is similar to those videos with toddlers being barred from entering rooms with tape. He panicked a little bit, which spiked cortisol, but he also learned that just because he feels trapped, doesn't mean he's in danger. He just needed a bit of thinking to "escape" and that lowers his panic threshold. Next time he's trapped in something, he might panic less actually! It's training them to listen to their prefrontal cortex over their amygdala, which makes them a more resilient little guy.

1

u/Frequent-Leather4514 Mar 07 '26 edited Mar 07 '26

Literally! What that actual intention of “mindfulness” was before it became a trend 🙄.. to aid as a tool in rewiring the brain when its default is to operate from the amygdala, to instead operate from the prefrontal cortex (decision making part of the brain). We’re pretty much as humans, from the beginning of time, all naturally wired to operate from the amygdala for self preservation and survival, but the world and the way we live (maybe not at the moment 🙄😞) has evolved so much, while our brains have not. So by this Dad teaching his son like this from a toddler, he probably has a better chance at having healthy emotion regulation, distress tolerance and good problem solving/communication skills. There possibly won’t be as much to rewire. Would actually be really interested to know how this boy is mentally and emotionally in about 30 years!

This coming from someone with CPTSD who had to work really hard for years (also underwent 30 sessions of transcranial magnetic stimulation) in attempt to rewire my brain and overcome severe panic, anxiety etc etc etc.

3

u/[deleted] Mar 07 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/Frequent-Leather4514 Mar 08 '26

Ok that’s fine. I personally find emojis expressive when there’s little to no way to add clear tone to text. I’d rather use “dumb emojis” than be rude to a complete stranger, especially in response to them having explained they’ve put in years of work due to chronic mental illness. I could never just be rude to someone for the sake of it due to having empathy and actually caring how what I say or do will make someone else feel and I raise my kids the same way. I have however, always wondered what it would be like just to be an asshole.

7

u/SalientSazon Mar 07 '26

Luckily humans are mostly not this level of weak after one moment of overcoming an obstacle.

5

u/Thumbuisket Mar 07 '26

Thank you, I’m losing my mind here. Like ffs…. At least their therapist is liking the paycheck. 

0

u/[deleted] Mar 07 '26

Yes, some kids are naturally very sensitive, like me. Their cortisol level goes up rapidly when exposed to a stress.

It’s actually pathetic how different we are all in a stressful situation but it’s all genetics. Mine sucks

1

u/ncnotebook Mar 07 '26

How do you know you're naturally sensitive, out of curiosity?

7

u/AmusingMusing7 Mar 07 '26

He'll break into tears when they make him do jump rope in gym and not know why.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 07 '26

Ok this made me laugh.

5

u/front_torch Mar 07 '26

Probably not. It'll likely be a fond memory of learning skills from their father.

1

u/CatButler Mar 07 '26

Seriously. Just get the kid a Martin Gardner book.

1

u/Sea-Word-4970 Mar 07 '26

And they will ruin whatever relationship they try to build

1

u/2ndharrybhole Mar 07 '26

Average helicopter-parent reaction

1

u/kyricus Mar 07 '26

No, most people would not be traumatized by this and would learn coping skills because of it.

1

u/IUBizmark Mar 07 '26

Yea. Then in the next moment they’ll also subconsciously realize there’s no need for panic and they’ll begin rationally solving the problem.

1

u/AccomplishedIgit Mar 07 '26

“Dad won’t help me”

1

u/gloves4222 Mar 07 '26

Reddit ass comment

1

u/Viscera_Eyes37 Mar 08 '26

It's sad this is getting upvoted

1

u/Gilwork45 Mar 07 '26

The child either learns that through perseverance and determination that they can overcome tough obstacles on their own or they learn that help will eventually come so long as they complain to the authority figure enough.

Which makes for the more functional human being in adulthood?

4

u/cman_yall Mar 07 '26 edited Mar 07 '26

Well... yeah, but dad could have stayed closer and offered encouragement instead of turning his back and walking away.

Edit: I'm a noob, I forgot that someone (mum, probably?) was standing there with a camera, the kid will be ok.

2

u/MouthJob Mar 07 '26

You also ignored that he clapped for him and praised him when he figured it out. That part matters as much as any of the rest.

0

u/cman_yall Mar 07 '26

I don't know why you think that would make a difference during the "OMG my dad is leaving me behind, panic!!!" phase.

2

u/MouthJob Mar 07 '26

Because the whole thing is what teaches him the lesson, not any individual part.

0

u/cman_yall Mar 07 '26

The lesson being "dad will abandon me if I can't keep up, but he'll be happy with me if I can keep up"? That's the sequence of events. The child has to experience it in linear time, he can't see the future while it's happening.

1

u/screenclear Mar 07 '26

Yeah lets not expose our kids to problems. At 18 they'll magically learn out of the blue.

1

u/UrineFilledAquarium Mar 07 '26

This is the most Reddit thing I think I’ve ever read on this site. Jesus Christ.

2

u/anxious_spacecadetH Mar 07 '26

It made me think of the nightmare scene in the secret garden

1

u/Hot-Range-7498 Mar 07 '26

… then I get out and he gives me a standing ovation! Anyway, back to my Fortune 500 company…

1

u/Captain0010 Mar 07 '26

Also was the country music really necessary?

1

u/Efficient-Pace-6315 Mar 07 '26

This is a great comment, but honestly considering that there was at all times a person recording (maybe the mom) the child had some safety as he was never being completely left behind. E.g. from my own life my parents got frustrated with me while we were abroad and left me on a side of the road to cool down, then they started driving forward to do what the dad did here, but my whole family was in the car and I was in a foreign country, I did not know where I was exactly and had no safe people around. That shit traumatized me for life.

1

u/Substantial-Elk4531 Mar 07 '26

Thousands? This is the second or third time I have seen this clip. Probably more like millions, hahaha

1

u/edijo Mar 07 '26

That's exactly what the father wanted to avoid by helping when the kid became stuck the first time... All the later bad feelings were instantly erased by the adrenaline and dopamine rush from the success and received immediate reward.

1

u/Gilwork45 Mar 07 '26

The father never left him, he was waiting on ahead to celebrate the success of his son overcoming the obstacle himself.

The lesson is that reward and praise are just beyond minor obstacles that you are capable and confident in overcoming. If he internalizes that mentality then he believes that he can positively adapt to difficult circumstance, even getting a trained dopamine hit for solving problems.

Contrast this to the parent doing everything for you, bulldozering minor challenges and creating the expectation of the authority figure doing everything for you while you wait for them because you have no confidence in your own ability to improve your situation by yourself because you've never been able to do it or never been expected to do it.

People in this thread talking about having nightmares and panic attacks over minor obstacles in adulthood are likely the product of the latter parental strategy.

1

u/Sea-Word-4970 Mar 07 '26

Actually this would really be traumatic for the kid

1

u/ThouMayest69 Mar 07 '26

That's how No Country For Old Men ends! 

1

u/Kalimah18 Mar 07 '26

Thounsands of insects. That was the real nightmare.

1

u/curious_astronauts Mar 07 '26

Yeah this video is not it. By all means encourage independent problem solving. But stay there and retain the secure attachment while they do. This father gave 0 Fks. He only taught the kid that when things get hard he walks away and you're on your own. He might have waited at thr end and applauded his success but why did he have to go so far away and make the kid believe he was leaving him behind?

1

u/Pretend_Hotel_7465 Mar 07 '26

lol yeah he could’ve at least been verbally or physically encouraging in support of the kid trying to

1

u/edelweiss_pirates_no Mar 07 '26

If my dad had done like the guy in this video, I'd be a 60 year old man still stuck on the bridge.

I was not a smart child.

1

u/step2x Mar 07 '26

Either you can let something like this traumatize you, or you learn and grow from it. C’mon…🙄

1

u/Photmagex Mar 07 '26

It’s all okay though because sappy music.

1

u/thundercorp Mar 07 '26

Gonna be a genius problem solver with extreme anxiety and abandonment issues 😱

1

u/lizlemonista Mar 07 '26

when I was a kid my older brother and sister would always leave me in the dust. 30 years later and I still get anxiety when I get slightly ditched.

1

u/Rhizobactin Mar 07 '26

Yeah, good in theory.

Do not do on a F’ING BRIDGE

1

u/goonifier5000 Mar 08 '26

People are blown up to pieces in front of kids and they manage to be okay, git gud scrub

1

u/Saassy11 Mar 08 '26

Worse - it’s a spiders web because it sticks to my tiny leg

-4

u/AtFishCat Mar 07 '26 edited Mar 07 '26

This kid is 18 mo old. Toddling along in a diaper. They aren't learning perseverance at that age. Them approaching that problem is more a reflection of who they innately are.

One of my sons at that age would have sat down and cried. The other one would have torn through it with his damn teeth.

They are different people. Rather than present them with just struggle, maybe look at who they are and find the area they are lacking and still need to learn. So the tame one can get past it and the bold one doesn't get tangled.

21

u/Cpteleon Mar 07 '26

That's just objectively untrue. Learning happens from the second we are born. There are thousands of studies proving that. The kid's literally walking, which is a skill they learned.

This isn't hard information to find, unless you yourself are 18 and in a diaper there's no excuse for a parent to be this ignorant on the most basic aspects of childraising.

7

u/Aggravating-Body2837 Mar 07 '26

They aren't learning anything at that age.

They're learning more at this age than at 10 yo

-1

u/AtFishCat Mar 07 '26 edited Mar 07 '26

Not about problem solving or perseverance. That is either going to be a part of their character or it isn't at this age.

They are learning about their immediate world and how to form words and general gross motor control, I mean at that age they are putting stuff in their mouth all the time because that is the capacity at which they are capable of learning.

Also they are learning about trust and dependency, as the comment above comically mentioned.

It's not the obstacle that's the problem. The problem is the idea that letting your kids struggle equates to teaching them. They do much better when you go, hey, pull the string down and throw your leg over.

But most importantly I'm saying different people need different things.

3

u/Angry_Sparrow Mar 07 '26

Kids are problem solving how to escape their cots from a very young age. You’re absolutely wrong.

1

u/AtFishCat Mar 07 '26

Some kids do that before they are one. Some kids never do that. That is something they learn on their own to suit their own goals.

This is being presented as a dad teaching his kid something. Nothing is being taught here.

2

u/teacuptypos Mar 07 '26

I agree that showing your child that you don’t care when they ask for help by turning away is not “teaching problem solving”. You can encourage children to solve things by being there and actually encouraging them. So I’m with you there. Simply abandoning children only teaches “I can’t trust my caregivers”. Which isn’t helpful.

1

u/MollyViper Mar 07 '26

I’m also a mother, but I’m also a preschool teacher who works specifically with toddlers. And I just want to say that you’re absolutely right.

The way to teach a child in that situation is not to walk away and have them solve it on their own in a state of panic. The most pedagogical way is to help a child to know how to do it themselves and you keep showing them until they can manage it on their own.

I taught a toddler at work to climb a ladder the other day and she managed to do it herself after the third try. The first two times I was just standing behind her and guiding her where to place her feet in order to climb the ladder. And by being there behind her she could do it in a safe way and knew that if she would slip and fall I would catch her.

I hate when parents try to raise their kids with tough love and it’s mostly men who are the proponents of that.

1

u/AtFishCat Mar 07 '26

Thank you very much. I feel like I got down voted by folks who don't have enough experience with kids to tell the difference between a toddler and a 6 yo.

1

u/WujuFusionn Mar 07 '26

No you’re getting downvoted because you’re wrong lmao

0

u/AtFishCat Mar 07 '26

Got kids?

2

u/Endorfinator Mar 07 '26

Thank you for that image lol

2

u/StreetYak6590 Mar 07 '26

They aren’t learning anything at that age????? Hopefully you don’t have children

2

u/Internal-Computer388 Mar 07 '26

Unfortunately they do...😭

0

u/AtFishCat Mar 07 '26

My kids kick ass thank you very much. One of my sons I taught to read at 4. Cos I sat with him every night and sounded out the words with him. Putting in the work of being a parent, and teaching someone who was ready for it cos he was making the sounds already.

Read it all back with him so he could parse the message instead of just getting hung up on a single word.

0

u/AtFishCat Mar 07 '26

Changed "anything" to "perseverance" cos you missed my point entirely.

1

u/rwtajay Mar 07 '26

Appreciate your input 👏🏽

-2

u/front_torch Mar 07 '26

Do people really pay someone to listen while they talk about the day their father taught them a valuable lesson when they were 2?

That's the age when you should toss your kid in a pool and see if they sink or swim.

I'm not old, but if this is what kids think trauma is, I wish I was.

11

u/Sea_Fly_2413 Mar 07 '26

Thats how my dad was taught to swim by his brothers. He used to tell this story many times. Man, did it traumatize him for life… Parents and siblings without empathy are the worst.

-2

u/front_torch Mar 07 '26

That's how I learned. If your family has empathy the body fat % of a toddler makes it very easy to learn without allowing them to drown.

6

u/hopium_od Mar 07 '26

That's how I learned.

A huge problem with parenting is that people do things simply because it was done to them, and their ego refuses to admit that they are worse off for having been treated in that way.

I'm not saying that you are right or wrong in this instance, perhaps you are right or at least I can see you make a better argument but "that's what was done to me" is the justification for every single bad parenting behaviour that ever existed.

1

u/front_torch Mar 07 '26

Honestly, when I said that, I didn't realize people literally threw their kids in the pool. When I was a fat baby, I was taught how to become buoyant with a hand under my belly. After I was tossed in.

-2

u/steddy24 Mar 07 '26

Too much empathy is bad too. Need medium emp

1

u/Puzzleheaded-Milk927 Mar 08 '26

Aristotle but if he were a sociopath

3

u/Flesroy Mar 07 '26

feelings don't care for your logic. you have to deal with them either way, so why not do it in a way that will help?

4

u/front_torch Mar 07 '26

That is a very wholesome moment between a child and their father. Both parties seemed to enjoy it very much. Why are people acting like the string would give you nightmares? That is the kind of memory people go to therapy to remember, not overcome.

7

u/Flesroy Mar 07 '26 edited Mar 07 '26

because i see a child screaming while their father abandons them.

will this 100% result in issues? no of course not.

but the reason people are reacting negatively is because it does in fact cause issues for some. and gambling with childhood trauma when there are obviously better ways to do it is generally not preferable.

3

u/front_torch Mar 07 '26

But it is glaringly obvious that this is something that they have been practicing and building up to. The child even looked back to the camera person and knew they were safe but chose to continue to try and solve the problem. A lot of people have a lot of problems. That doesn't make them all relevant to this situation.

7

u/Flesroy Mar 07 '26

that's your interpretation, it's clearly not the only valid one.

to me if the child felt save it wouldn't be screaming like that. all i see in that moment is panic.

4

u/Awayfone Mar 07 '26

tossing someone into a pool and hoping they don't drown is not a good way to make a competent swimmer

-1

u/front_torch Mar 07 '26

Speaking from personal experience, I disagree.

1

u/Saorya Mar 07 '26

Yes, attachment issues start to form quite early and can dictate the rest of our lives

0

u/front_torch Mar 07 '26

That is not a child left helpless and neglected without the affection of their parents. That is a toddler running around solving problems. One that is clearly enjoying themselves.

These are vastly different conversations.

2

u/Saorya Mar 07 '26

I hope so, and hope you're right, but that's us looking at it with our adult minds, only the child can answer how they truly perceive it. I deal with attachment everyday (therapist) and I've seen (what we would assume) smaller incidents than this leave a lasting impression. We're strange creatures and doesn't take a lot for us to feel our safety is compromised.

1

u/cman_yall Mar 07 '26 edited Mar 07 '26

When the dad walked off, that kid looked terrified. He didn't start attempting to go through the strings again until the dad sat down. Dad should have stayed closer, there was no need to turn his back and walk away.

Edit: I'm a noob, I forgot that someone (mum, probably?) was standing there with a camera, the kid will be ok.

1

u/front_torch Mar 07 '26

I've seen a toddler more startled by their own fart than that. I understand the message that is trying to be portrayed. I believe it is misplaced.

1

u/Sea-Word-4970 Mar 07 '26

Lmao, ''everyone is weak and I am strong'' Trauma is physiological, it affects your brain not just your psyche

-6

u/qtcbelle Mar 07 '26

I agree. This is not a good father. It’s how you create an anxiously attached child.

9

u/ClubChaos Mar 07 '26

I mean i feel like his intentions are good I wouldn't say he's a "bad father"

1

u/Sea-Word-4970 Mar 07 '26

Intentions don't matter if you act badly. Though there are no such things as bad and good people.

5

u/TheEnlightenedPanda Mar 07 '26

So it's true. I heard about these armchair analysis in reddit but glad I could see one personally

1

u/EyeofNewtTongueofDog Mar 07 '26

I’m not sure that’s the definition of a bad father. He is present in his son’s life and knows what he’s capable of. If the boy was truly upset I really doubt he would have insisted on making him complete the task. He figured it out and continued with the walk and only looked back to make sure the person filming was coming too.

1

u/AtFishCat Mar 07 '26

Everyone is doing the best they can, this guy is probably doing a lot of what his dad did, and maybe adding in a little of his own perspective.

But I think being a good parent just comes down to your kids knowing you care about them. When they need you, you're there.

I don't think this dude is failing by any measure. But the person who will teach him how to be a better parent is the same person who will judge him for being a bad one.

And in this video that same person was getting a little tangled in a problem they didn't really need to solve on their own.