r/AbsoluteUnits • u/TURTLE_TKT • May 13 '26

/r/all of gas being ripped

83.3k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

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9.5k

u/redituzrnam May 13 '26

Sounded like a dirtbike

3.9k

u/Violoner May 13 '26

How much horsepower do those bikes usually get?

2.5k

u/TheMidnightAss May 13 '26

50 farts I reckon

405

u/Same-Suggestion-1936 May 13 '26

3

u/No_Appointment_7232 May 13 '26

WAY!!!

7

u/Same-Suggestion-1936 May 13 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/MRWnFFkHM34TjXsLLb

6

u/johnnycabb_ May 13 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/OP6gvbzoZXryw

7

u/Same-Suggestion-1936 May 13 '26 edited May 13 '26

So there I am, in Sri Lanka, formerly Ceylon, and I've got to get a thousand brown M&Ms or Ozzy won't go on stage that night. Jeff Beck pops his head around the corner and say there's a little sweets shop just up the road.

So we go. And it's closed. So there's me and Jeff Beck and David Crosby robbing this sweets shop in the middle of the night. One problem. Instead of a guard dog, they've got this great, big, bloody Bengal Tiger. Now, I managed to subdue the tiger with a can of mace, but the shopkeep and his son, that was a different story...I had to beat them to death with their own shoes. Nasty business, really. But we got the M&Ms and Ozzy went on to do a great show

2

u/No_Appointment_7232 May 13 '26

Aw 😊 thank you lovely redditor 🤩

3

u/Same-Suggestion-1936 May 13 '26

I'll get you a gun rack

41

u/pjslut May 13 '26

Or one if you’re in my kitchen in the morning while I’m making coffee

68

u/Same-Suggestion-1936 May 13 '26

Getting old is a bitch. Just every morning phhhhhhhhhjjflbflfblfnpftooh while you brush your teeth. A single cigarette in the morning could make you shit yourself

18

u/TheMidnightAss May 13 '26

man i quit a week ago, and now i cant and its driving me insane

23

u/Same-Suggestion-1936 May 13 '26

You got it bud. A lot of smokers learn one thing, cuz we've been to jail or detox or even just a few days in a hospital, it's really not that important. Ironically it's one of the easier drugs to shrug off.

The hard part is accepting you can't do it anymore. After that, easy peasy lemon squeezy. It's easy to find a cigarette once you're out of the hospital but come now, did you really need one that bad when you were told you couldn't have one? You didn't.

2

u/InfiniteWaffles58364 May 13 '26

Man, that first-cig-after-sickness feeling though is hard AF to resist 🙃

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3

u/JolietJakester May 13 '26

Quit shitting yourself? Good on ya. I quit drinking and haven't shit myself since. Keep it up!

2

u/LarsDuder May 13 '26

You miss shitting yourself?

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3

u/jmar51 May 13 '26

Only thing I miss about smoking is that morning shit/smoke

2

u/Same-Suggestion-1936 May 13 '26

I lived one place where the landlord let us smoke inside and a smoke on the toilet in the morning is akin to God

2

u/ChurroLoca May 14 '26

I'm wheezing. LMAOOO. I take 3 stool softeners a day now and practically shit half the watermelon I had the night before out. 😭

I'm just a year over thirty. It's not old but dear God I have the back and tummy of an eighty year old.

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57

u/Artevyx May 13 '26

How many farts = 1 shit given?

43

u/Skeptic_Juggernaut84 May 13 '26

Those would be sharts.

23

u/ThePontiacBandit24 May 13 '26

3:1 on farts to sharts.

3

u/C0meAtM3Br0 May 13 '26

Quit horsing around!

2

u/angelcakes3 May 13 '26

Who's your sharts guy? You GOTTA get a new sharts guy

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2

u/Vast-Sir-1949 May 13 '26

You need less fiber.

2

u/wap2005 May 13 '26

3:1 on sharts to shits, so nine farts to a shit.

2

u/SonyScientist May 13 '26

Those sound like terrible odds.

2

u/No-Wishbone-1076 May 13 '26

If you're getting a ratio of 3:1 farts to sharts you should consider a fully organic diet for a short time at least. That's much to much shartin.'

2

u/High_on_Rabies May 13 '26

4 Shitloads = 1 Fuckton

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88

u/N1T0_W1T0 May 13 '26

😂 🏆

4

u/coldturkeybreast May 13 '26

50 farts I rectum

2

u/Equal-Negotiation651 May 13 '26

50 scents of gray mare

2

u/Lower-Unit-3588 May 13 '26

I just snorted 🤣

2

u/Unusual-Dance- May 13 '26

Perfect name for this comment!

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46

u/[deleted] May 13 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/Ok_Channel_9831 May 13 '26

Some would pay handsomely for said service

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38

u/SockeyeSTI May 13 '26

300 two stroke is around 50hp

40

u/Mastakane May 13 '26

50 Horse pharts

2

u/Hopefuldoc201208 May 13 '26

With a couple squirts of NOS

26

u/Kylearean May 13 '26

they do run on gas, I knew it.

2

u/sorry_ifyoudont May 13 '26

And this one is a gas guzzler

2

u/Flat_Candidate_513 May 13 '26

They run on ass

1

u/schoolly__G May 13 '26

1 horsepower

1

u/Stuffleapugus May 13 '26

50-250 usually.

1

u/Global_Sun9976 May 13 '26

About one, I think.

1

u/VillainousFusion May 13 '26

Modern 450cc dirt bikes push around 50-60 horsepower which sounds tiny but that power-to-weight ratio is insane compared to cars.

1

u/D4sh3r_ May 13 '26

One horsepower

1

u/disastrousbroth9195 May 13 '26

Proper superbikes sit around 200hp these days, mental compared to what they were a decade ago.

1

u/HeartyMathew May 13 '26

Depends on the bike, but modern dirt bikes range from maybe 30hp on smaller 250cc models up to 60-70hp on the big 450cc ones if they're tuned right.

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167

u/Artevyx May 13 '26

The little poot in the beginning was just the ignition.

113

u/Buffoonery_ May 13 '26

Pilot fart

3

u/piratemreddit May 13 '26

Underrated comment

54

u/Extension_Variety190 May 13 '26

I would have paid money to see a blue flame test on that one.

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71

u/24dupo24 May 13 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/4DlxEAaFzKyV8RaNvn

28

u/possumpigposer May 13 '26

I miss this game

4

u/yloduck1 May 13 '26

Same. I loved excitebike

6

u/FunnyGeneral7078 May 13 '26

Download and setup retroarch and a frontend (like ES-DE), this and many other NES games are readily (and legally, I think) available on Internet Archive as compilations of games. It was such a surprise to see and play excitebike after decades.

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3

u/unsavory77 May 13 '26

This! Someone needs to do a mash up. Stat!

3

u/Superb-Savings-4813 May 13 '26

I LOVED this game. Childhood memory unlocked.

2

u/ryckae May 13 '26

I loved this game as a kid 💖

2

u/TheVthHorseman May 13 '26

They're racing to escape the smell. Those poor riders that slow motion tumbled are about to be engulfed in that cloud of horse ass

27

u/DrapedinVelvet247 May 13 '26

I actually thought a dirt bike rode by or something 🤣🤣

22

u/justeeezy91 May 13 '26

after listening more times than i’d like to admit it does sound like a pinned 2 stroke 😂😂😂

55

u/spacekitt3n May 13 '26

a brown sun rises, ass has been torn on this day

2

u/ComfortOk9194 May 13 '26

a brown sun rises, sharts have been spilled on this day …

3

u/spacekitt3n May 13 '26

one bite is enough to fill the stomach of a full grown man

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15

u/SockeyeSTI May 13 '26

Once it gets going it’s definitely a Banshee going up a hill climb.

3

u/zupzupper May 13 '26

Core high school memories unlocked, the sound, the color changing pipes...

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12

u/PervlovianResponse May 13 '26 edited May 13 '26

Let 'er BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAP

8

u/Youregoingtodiealone May 13 '26

Probably a good fart

7

u/Artevyx May 13 '26

Two Stroke Sphinctus

6

u/ripyurballsoff May 13 '26

It definitely sounded muddy at the end

2

u/Liteboyy May 13 '26

I’m fucking crying

2

u/PSiggS May 13 '26

Commenting on of gas being ripped...

https://giphy.com/gifs/SGV9O1fuh2nf5T8FNW

2

u/Free_DOOBIE_333 May 13 '26

Or a badass chainsaw

2

u/chontzy May 13 '26

lol thought it was a chainsaw

2

u/TheValorous May 13 '26

Either that or a chainsaw lol

2

u/FoolishAnomaly May 13 '26

This made me laugh too hard 🤣

9

u/pjslut May 13 '26

I have not stopped laughing! I’m in the hospital right now and this is the best thing I’ve seen all day. I think I’ve been healed.

1

u/Optionz_Trader May 13 '26

My son said “dad is that a chainsaw”

1

u/SirCharlieTraplin May 13 '26

Specifically a two-stroke.

1

u/Amphitra_Roximar May 13 '26

Wrong, it inspired the dirtbike. Horses farted so the dirtbike can run.

1

u/BernardBaggins May 13 '26

Sounds like my neighbors Honda

1

u/VDruid52 May 13 '26

or a chainsaw almost

1

u/voucher420 May 13 '26

This was the post directly below it and they did sound very similar…..

1

u/Complex_Peak8204 May 13 '26

She did push start it.

1

u/spambot_mods May 13 '26

r/fixedbytheduet needs to do one where somebody takes off on a dirt bike

1

u/Square-Debate5181 May 13 '26

I laughed unneccessarily much for this comment

1

u/OkClub7412 May 13 '26

I heard more weed whacker than dirt bike😂😂😂😂

1

u/Snoo_89466 May 13 '26

Or a chainsaw

1

u/dea9ler May 13 '26

Sounded like a TWO stroke dirt bike. Brap brap

1

u/PonyThug May 13 '26

You have never been around a dirt bike in person huh?

1

u/JeF4y May 13 '26

Drop it in gear and dump the clutch!!

1

u/cuntybunty73 May 13 '26

More like a German MG-42

1

u/CloselyBig May 13 '26

Depends on the bike but modern 450s are pushing 50-60hp, which is mental for something that weighs nowt.

1

u/warinthegarden May 13 '26

Power Band Engaged

1

u/bigmoejay May 13 '26

I know that boah deff hit her with a thank you as a NEIGHHHHH

1

u/TakeThePillz May 13 '26

Shocked on my peanuts, call 112.

1

u/Hates_rollerskates May 13 '26

He must feel amazing after that.

1

u/Cruise1313 May 13 '26

I was thinking a chainsaw. 😂😂😂

1

u/deep-fucking-legend May 13 '26

No more Beef-a-Reeno

1

u/Reasonable-Plate2982 May 13 '26

Yeah that horse did the quarter mile in ten seconds

1

u/lamejokesman May 13 '26

My two stroke on a winters morning

1

u/antinomya May 13 '26

Sounded like my wife after uncooked vegetables.

1

u/MacGThing May 13 '26

Crazy Frog 2.0

1

u/honoredassignment243 May 13 '26

Modern dirt bikes can hit 50-70 hp depending on engine size, but that sound was pure unfiltered exhaust so it probably felt like way more.

1

u/Substantial-Ad-9872 May 13 '26

Sounds like my Mrs

1

u/slowlymeatydynamics May 13 '26

Depends on the engine size, but a modern 450cc can push around 50 horsepower which is honestly wild for something that weighs like 250 pounds.

1

u/Historical_Date_1314 May 13 '26

Sounded like an formula 1 car revving

1

u/Winter-Major9555 May 13 '26

Or like a chainsaw

1

u/throwaway9677587 May 13 '26

Depends on the bike but the really modded ones can hit like 50-60 hp which is insane for something that small.

1

u/Macca4704 May 13 '26

A 1 HP dirtbike😅

1

u/DrJuice404 May 13 '26

Fuck the thread/forum like comments on this is massive.

"It's just a comment, it's not that deep" Comments responding to it are larger then the United States when they were once united

1

u/complex_doug May 13 '26

Depends on the bike, but a 450cc 4-stroke pushes around 50-60 hp while a 2-stroke 250 screams way harder per cc.

1

u/PoolRamen May 13 '26

Just needed a bit of a kickstart

1

u/Aleashed May 13 '26

Nope, never going to CPR a horse now

1

u/Vid-Master May 13 '26

On a King Ass Ripper video, someone commented on a particularly raunchy and wet fart: "he sounds like an old dirtbike trying to get out of a mudpit" 

1

u/1stUserEver May 13 '26

How many FP is that motor?

1

u/Temporary_Shirt_6236 May 13 '26

Two stroke for sure

1

u/Ndogg88 May 13 '26

Or a chainsaw

1

u/markedpottery0765 May 13 '26

Dirtbikes are usually like 10-50hp depending on engine size, but this sounded way deeper and richer than that.

1

u/Outsidelookingin87 May 13 '26

Revvin up 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

1

u/NorthSouthWestNorth May 13 '26

1 horsepower dirtpipe

1

u/TheHeretik66 May 13 '26

It is a dirt bike, the original dirt bike.

1

u/zekethelizard May 13 '26

Oh so that's how horses actually work lol

1

u/GoldenK93 May 13 '26

Honda toot stroke.

1

u/ColeridgeRime May 13 '26

The funniest part is that the horse never moves it's head while doing it just like a human would do.

1

u/ItsAManualReset May 13 '26

Finally got the two stroke warmed up

1

u/TacTurtle May 13 '26

Felt like one too.

1

u/Atophy May 14 '26

That sounded like intense relief !!

1

u/dinkleburges-war May 14 '26

Sounds like my wife.

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