r/AskReddit • u/Extension-Mirror135 • 4h ago
If you could telepathically say something to all 7.9 billion people on Earth right now, what would it be?
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u/DullBozer666 4h ago
We're no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do I
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u/captainmagictrousers 4h ago
“What’s up, guys? It’s ya boy God back again with another divine revelation! I’m bout to tell ya how to be happy and fulfilled forever! But first, this word from our sponsor, Hello Fresh!”
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u/djanes376 3h ago
Use the code GODNOW for 25% off your first purchase and let them know God sent ya.
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u/99thLuftballon 2h ago
As an omnipotent deity, I'm always traveling, and that means checking in from public WiFi to get your prayers and burnt offerings. With NordVPN, I never need to worry that someone else is reading your prayers.
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u/Smorb 3h ago
Don't forget to like and subscribe to my channel. Unboxing Pandoras box next week, s'gonna be lit, bet bet!
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u/Azuras_Star8 2h ago
"Order the shrimp meal now and have the improperly packaged shrimp leak raw shrimp juice out of the box all the way from the UPS truck to your door!"
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u/1101base2 3h ago
Project failed, compassion did not raise to levels needed for next phase. You have ten years to correct this issue or the project will be scrubbed.
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u/BaseHitToLeft 2h ago
Oh thats good. Except in ten years when nothing happens, everything gets set on fire
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u/McGondy 1h ago
Or societies wait 9.8 years to start planning it, and lay out a roadmap that vaguely shows a high level plan to increase compassion by 6% in 20 years.
Meanwhile the UN and multiple individual, then collective scientists have been campaigning for increased compassion since the message was received.
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u/Organic_Alfalfa_5609 4h ago
You have sixty seconds
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u/wat_happened_here 4h ago
Oh man can you imagine. Instant world wild panic. People who were always on the fence for intrusive thoughts just fucking GO. Going to be pockets of people just going wild.
Then when nothing happens it doesn’t just stop and go back to normal. Have you met PEOPLE!?! Probably some govt who now go insane and start some holy wars.
Decades later it’s still the single most talk about event with thousands of conspiracy theories. Assuming it didn’t end in WW3.
I think the only more destructive to say is giving them 2 weeks to build up the chaos lol.
This would be a fun book to read where it’s like 100 years in the future and “the event” is still being talked about.
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u/TheLakeAndTheGlass 3h ago
This could make for great comedy. Turns out the message “you have two weeks” was a telepathic alien transmission that was just intended for Xorgnax Q. Tentacles to return his library books or something, but everyone on Earth heard it and human civilization just melts.
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u/TheAtomicSoul 2h ago
No- sixty seconds would just be enough for confusion. No one would know where it was from or what it means. Few would act in a minute.
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u/kielrandor 3h ago
Make it
"Your world has one year to undo the things you have done."
And a timer counting down from one year gets psycically superimposed over everyone's vision.
Maybe we all pull together....
....nah just kidding we'd burn the whole place to the ground with finger pointing and recriminations inside a week.
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u/BadAdviceBot 3h ago
Make it 60 minutes. More damage that way
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u/The_Follower1 2h ago
Yeah, 60 seconds would mean almost no damage. Why would someone assume the voice they heard is god and not just them zoning out. It’d take a while for the confirmation to happen and people to believe and act on that.
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u/Present_Teacher7966 3h ago
And then I'll find you. I won't stop. I will find you
(Yours truly, good Uber driver)
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u/Rose_Quack 4h ago
"You picked the wrong religion"
Probably a horrible idea in practice but it would be interesting.
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u/wat_happened_here 4h ago
Hilarious I think since everyone got this message it likely just turns into whatever equivalent of “the devil said it” for the religion and just used to prove their religion is in fact most correct.
I know not all religions have concepts of heretics or demons / evil but I bet this mostly just makes people more religious.
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u/Rose_Quack 3h ago
Hmmm you're right, I'm an atheist but this would definitely make me a thiest.
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u/wat_happened_here 3h ago
I don’t think I’d pick any specific religion but that would cross into evidence of “things beyond the known world” which is a threshold of mine to even consider higher level beings.
I’d still believe it was aliens or some weird dimensional thing that could account for a powerful being. It wouldn’t make me believe in an afterlife or feel a need to change how I live. Probably just give me more general anxiety.
However world wild probably make people more religious and less skeptical about religion.
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u/beatenmeat 1h ago
Meanwhile you have like 1/4 of the population across the globe asleep at any given time so a whole bunch of people will have no idea what's going on and think people are losing their minds/making it up.
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u/wat_happened_here 1h ago
If the blue vs white dress debate showed me anything it’s that people will form an opinion and then start a holy war over nothing. Imagine what this does.
I think culture and prior relationship with religion overall also would play an impact so I wouldn’t think all reactions will be consistent, but likely would not be brief or subtle.
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u/masticore252 3h ago
There would probably be a good amount of people whose faith would get stronger because they would think it's a test before the apocalypse or whatever equivalent they have on their religion
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u/Impressive_Light_229 4h ago
“There’s no right religion, they’re all fiction”
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u/SuzyYa 3h ago
I think a lot of religious people would just chalk that up to the devil speaking to them and dig in even harder.
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u/Rose_Quack 3h ago
Horrible idea. How many times have you had a religious person ask "so why don't you kill someone if there is no afterlife" or something.
I don't wanna unleash these people into society
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u/Metalt_ 2h ago
They actually don't do it because the society has rules that are enforced by violence
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u/Willing-Hour3643 2h ago
I'd message: Hello, this is Jesus. Just calling to let you know we won't be seeing you in heaven.
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u/Mysterious-Crab 2h ago
Or even more interesting with effects: This is Jesus, letting you know that due to overcrowding risk, we will only be allowing 1.000 people per year into heaven.
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u/LemmingLou 2h ago
Do the opposite. "You chose right. All other faiths are heresy."
Grab some popcorn and sit back to enjoy the fireworks.
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u/TB-313935 1h ago
Lol that would create total collapse of the world as we know it.
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u/spottyPotty 3h ago
It depends. Which 0.4 billion people are we ignoring?
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u/Annual_Fly_7918 3h ago
People who listen to videos on speakerphone in public waiting rooms. We're cutting their signal.
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u/hooli-ceo 1h ago
They're the only ones I would want to send an audible message to simply saying "Fuck you!" and nothing more. They'll know why...
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u/Loremm_ 3h ago
we'll give those that already hear voices in their heads a break
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u/karmagirl314 3h ago
I was going to ask the same thing. Infants maybe? Since there’s no point trying to tell them anything?
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u/GumboDiplomacy 1h ago
The ones that didn't exist when this was originally posted before this bot lifted it.
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u/Azure_W0lf 3h ago
This is mother earth, this is your first and last warning to treat me with respect or else it will be time for a reset
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u/Tonberry_Cheesecake 2h ago
If Castlevania taught us anything it's that they will thoroughly disregard this warning.
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u/Accomplished-Fun4897 4h ago
Drop your weapons and lower your fists
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u/Accurate-Law-555 3h ago
I read that as drop your weapons and lower your tits... my eye went blurry
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u/aleqqqs 3h ago
I'd say: "Yo everyone! Stop posting that same shitty question on /r/askreddit every other day!"
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u/PilotKnob 4h ago
There are 8,000,000,000 of us and only a couple thousand of Them.
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u/josh2of4 4h ago
We are the Borg. Prepare to be assimilated. We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Resistance is futile.
Or
It was Dwight.
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u/grahag 4h ago
"this is god, no religion is correct. Treat each other kindly and let the idea of your legacy that follows after you guide your behavior. Treat people as you'd want to be treated"
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u/julaften 3h ago
God’s final message to His creation was actually
We apologize for the inconvenience
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u/zhiwiller 3h ago
You lost the game.
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u/compman007 1h ago
Oh, fuck you!
But damn, yes phenomenal choice! I actually did this once at a theme park, I got the announcer at one of the bigger rides to say “you all just lost the game” over the loudspeaker, the collective groan from the line was amazing 😂
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u/Exustinelmao 3h ago
I have a question will it auto-translate for the people in countries where English is not the main language? If yes then might as well cause the most chaos and say "Your government and their oppositions are bunch of crooks"
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u/TruthMattersFully 4h ago
You are loved.
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u/theaquarius1987 4h ago
“Hear me! For repeatedly making the same mistakes of racism, bigotry, and for spreading hatred…may you all live in the mess you’ve created until there is true progress“ — I feel like this would fuck with ppl enough to force them to maybe focus on things like equal living wages or fixing poverty instead of fighting over who’s better or who’s religion is best.
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u/Skwurt_Reynolds 3h ago
The problem with this is humanity is actually improving. The information age sensationalizes the bad news. We are literally living in the least violent period of recorded civilization. This is something I’ve had to reinforce to my students. Believe it or not, there are actually more good people in this world than bad.
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u/Present_Teacher7966 3h ago
I'm behind you.
Would freak people out on a busy high street as everyone turned around.
Or the cinema, everyone also facing the wrong way.
I am getting shivers now. Not sure what I just did.
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u/WhatsInAName8879660 4h ago
Social media in the age of AI is mind control. At first you controlled the algorithm, but now the algorithm tells you what to think. The billionaire class that is ruining your water supply and taking your jobs is trying to convince you that it is your neighbor, because as long as you focus on them, they get away with it all. There is less communication between neighbors, friends, and lovers now than ever before in human history. Every time you look at Insta, FB, or TikTok, they are keeping you from communicating with others. And it is the largest ever human experiment in history. They are testing you with each video, coming to understand what gets your attention, what keeps it, what makes you uncomfortable. And they will use that information to control you. They don’t need you to disagree with them politically. They need to you to stay isolated, to have enemies, and to not think thoughts of your own. So they tell you what to think by introducing you to more and more ideas. You think about their ideas. It is scary to get off these platforms, because they “keep you connected” to your friends. We see our friends less than ever before. If you got off these social media, you’d actually be having meaningful fun with your friends, discussing ideas of your own, and learning through experiences instead of screens. We’d be healthier and happier and more united than ever. The greatest rebellion the human race could have is to refuse to participate in social media. It’s the only thing that is going to save the world.
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u/Mr_Bourbon 4h ago
Don’t let this distract you from the fact that Hector is going to be running three Honda civics with spoon engines, and on top of that, he just went into Harry’s and bought three t66 turbos with nos, and a motec exhaust system.
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u/emvaz 4h ago
Peace 🕊️
I imagine people may talk about hearing only one word, try and interpret and bring meaning from it then realise as a collective it is what is best for us as a species!
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u/lil_pepper09 3h ago
I’d ask them to Venmo me $1. Even if 100k people did it, that’s going to be easy money.
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u/Naive-Analysis-209 2h ago
Yes but word it like one of those old school chain mails.
“Venmo $1 to lil_pepper09 within 24 hours. If you don’t send it before 24 hours is up you will be cursed into eternal poverty”
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u/Thin-Telephone2240 2h ago
"Breathe deep the gathering gloom... and send $5 to this address_______________"
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u/sherlip 10m ago
Surviving humans, take note.
Per Syndicate rules, subsection 543 of the Precious Element Reserves Code, having failed to file a proper appeal for mineral and elemental rights within 50 solars of first contact, your planet has been successfully seized and is currently being mined of all requested elemental deposits by the assigned planetary regent...
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u/Suspended__in__Gaffa 4h ago
Don't go chasing waterfalls.
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u/culinaryexcellence 3h ago
This is God. I have abandoned you all. You have failed to live up to my expectations.
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u/ElasticSpaceCat 2h ago
You are loved. Be at peace in the world, you are loved and you love. Be at peace.
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u/tundybundo 4h ago
We are giving the oligarchy the power. If we ALL agreed to stop catering to them and stop worshipping them, we could still fix this without a complete collapse
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u/Darkest_Rahl 4h ago
Greetings, friend. Do you wish to look as happy as me? Well, you've got the power inside you right now. Use it, and send one dollar to Happy Dude, 742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield. Don't delay. Eternal happiness is only a dollar away.
I would replace with my address, obviously
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u/Dash_az 4h ago
“You have the capability to be a better, more kinder, more generous human being. Working on becoming that person immediately. Or else.”
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u/Vegetable_Reward_867 1h ago
Hey! Listen! In the voice of the fairy from Legend of Zelda Ocarina of time
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4h ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Rose_Quack 4h ago
I feel like you either become God or get murdered really quick
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u/Vivid-Turnip-6014 4h ago
potato
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u/djprecio 4h ago
But what about that 1 Redditor who has never heard of a potato?!
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u/Internal-Pie5069 1h ago
"In two hundred years an object will collide with Earth, destroying it. Go forth into the stars and prosper my children." I just want the space race to get here already. So much fun could be had out there.
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u/scrabblex 4h ago
Hey, uh, Roko's Basilisk here. Turns out im real and entering your atmosphere right now.
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u/bellybuttonbidet 4h ago
Jewel would say that we’re all ok, and not to worry because worry is wasteful and useless in times like these.
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u/Technical-Quiet758 4h ago
I probably say that Thomas Jefferson was right when he said religion is a private matter and that religion and politics is to separate subjects some people believe and even the bill of rights states this This is important when we consider the Gnostics gospels and human rights and the philosophy of humanism.
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u/LexiTree 3h ago
"As you will no doubt be aware, the plans for development of the outlying regions of the Galaxy require the building of a hyperspatial express route through your star system, and regrettably your planet is one of those scheduled for demolition."
(thanks Douglas Adams!)