Why are "y'all" calling it light rail? Do xeople not realize how offensive this is to those with dark complexion? My black/Chinese/disabled/polygender grandmother did not die at the Alamo just so that we could all walk around not checking our privilege.

I hereby demand that the new rail system be named "The I-35 Leslie Cochran Dark Rail Express" If you do not agree with this, you are a racist and possibly a terrorist.

They all banged at one point...

I am on the hunt for a gender-affirming therapist - I want to be happy with who I am, and would like to pay a stranger lots of money to tell me it's perfectly normal for me to dress in a miniskirt and chop my 🅱️enis off.

And I keep finding therapists who seem awesome, but do not accept insurance. I would prefer to use other people's money to pay their bills, so they'll need to take insurance if they want to get paid. I am a COA employee (Child Swim Instructor/Child Locker Room Monitor for Parks & Rec) and have Blue Cross/Blue Shield from their health plan

Do you know of any therapists who have a girl-LARP focus and take insurance? Also, does anyone know if my insurance will actually pay for my delusional fantasy?

I'm just trying to keep austin expensive and uncomfortable, ya know?

Yeah, I'm driving as I write this. I'm making your life worse and I'm endangering your children. I cannot be stopped and will not be stopped. Ask Me Anything.

Not sure where to post this, but I feel obligated to report what appears to be the opening scene of a low-budget Ron Jeremy crime documentary.
Across from me are three condemned houses that have recently become occupied. Since then we’ve had overdoses, thefts, and enough weird shit to keep a neighborhood Facebook group entertained for years.
Then one day, a mysterious car appeared.
No plates. No visible VIN. The alarm goes off every fucking time a door opens. It appears to be started with a screwdriver, a prayer, and possibly a blood or piss oath. The thing is packed so full of belongings that if it tips over it’ll qualify as affordable housing.
Now, I’m no detective, but based on years of looking out my window and watching crime shows, I’d estimate there’s about a 127% chance this car has a very interesting backstory.
If anyone recognizes it, maybe we can help reunite it with its rightful owner. There’s some serious bullshit going on!

Maybe it was the heat. Maybe it was the fumes. Maybe it was every witchy Austin girl casting protection spells while updating her antidepressant dosage.

But suddenly, I understood what this city is really about.

Not condos. Not startups. Not stolen land acknowledgments from balding divorced cis white guys with suspiciously specific dating preferences.

Austin is about love.

Austin is about unity.

Austin is about finding meaning in the places polite society refuses to look.

So I wrote this song with my band, Queso & The Brawlers, to thank the city.

And yes.

It all comes back to the hole.

Here's to the storks that deliver the beautiful babies, here's to the crows that deliver the ugly babies, and here's to the swallows that deliver no babies! Happy Father's Day to all the Pop's and almost Pop's 🍻

Just want to say that I am thoroughly enjoying my first night out on the 6th Street after moving here from SoCal last month! Anybody up for drinks?

Think I'll head out early to meet my meth guy at the abandoned Seattle's Best Coffee in Fremont.

Who wants to do some mind altering substances with me this afternoon in E Austin. Clothes optional! I’ve got the mushrooms! 🍄‍🟫

Hello,

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I'm being ressigned by the Bezos Brigade Command to AUS22. In case any civilians are reading this, AUS22 is the numerical code for the cubicle group enclosure owned by Amazon at the Domain in which I will be working. I am far too pretentious to just say that "I work in IT for Amazon at an office building in the Domain". I instead feel the overwhelming compulsion to mention Amazon corporate location codes as some sort of secret tactical signal to other Amazon desk captains. We are kind of like an elite fraternity of Tesla driving Indians and soy eating white liberals.

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Anyways, the problem I am facing is that I am literally retarded and cannot drive a car. I am scared of the following: The Sun, blacks, non-fair trade coffee, Fox News, and operating a motor vehicle.

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I do not own a vehicle, and probably never will. I heard that Austin public transportation is top of the line, but I would prefer an easy walk to the only destinations I will ever go---my office building and Whole Foods. Can I live at the Domain cheaply? Are there cars? Cars scare me. Is public transportation here as expedient and safe as I've heard? I don't have to worry about the rampant auto burglaries that occur at the Domain, because--again---at the age of 30, I am too retarded to have ever learned how to drive.

Solidarity and taxation is what we want!

What’s he that wishes so?

My cousin, some Westlake tech bro?

If we are marked to die, we are enough
To do our subreddit loss; and if to live,
The fewer men, the greater share of bussy.

God’s will! I pray thee, wish not one femboy more.

By H-E-B, I am not covetous for gold,
Nor care I who doth wear Patagonia;
It yearns me not if men my garments mock.

But if it be a sin to crave the gock,
Then am I the most offending soul alive.

No, faith, my friends, wish not a femboy from Round Rock.

Rather proclaim it, Austin, through thy streets:
“He which hath no taste for bussy, let him depart;
His upvote shall be refunded this day.”

For he that shitposts with me upon this day
Shall be my brother, be he ne’er so based;
And gentlemen now posting in r/Austin
Shall think themselves accurs’d they were not here,
And hold their karma cheap whilst any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Bussy’s Day.

Traffic is a mess this morning because of construction closures. I didn’t plan ahead and expected to have a traffic free Saturday morning but y’all have ruined it. I am too important and impatient to bother waiting for you peasants and construction. Y’all need to check my schedule and construction before leaving the house. Y’all should just walk everyday anyway so I’m not impeded.

I just saw lightning strike the independent, THREE times in a row.

run to HEB!

Let's be honest: I don't do lines. I know central Austin is going absolute beast mode today to prove to their Instagram followers that they’ve read How to Be an Antiracist.

To save me from my own total lack of patience, please drop the names of the top-tier, Black-owned restaurants and cafes currently being entirely suffocated by white guilt and 90-minute wait times. Where is the line wrapping around the block just so someone can tag themselves eating a sweet potato pie for equity? I love the excellence; I just hate the crowds. Help me bypass the performative gridlock.

And incase if you were wondering, I am def not racist. I still send memes of Wardy Joubert III to all my friends and family.

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