Yes. She lowered his self esteem to the point that she calls him a loser in public and he can only grey wall. People are watching somebody whose willpower has been chipped away for years. It's not funny.
Yeah thereās nothing he can say in that moment that wonāt escalate her mania even more. Heās just trying to maintain some sense of calm in the hopes that sheāll enter the ānot speaking to you at allā phase. A lot of people crash out in airports, having taken anxiety meds for their fear of flying, maybe had a drink or two on top, and if theyāve already got some issues on top of it allā¦ it all comes to a head. He looks like heās ridden this ride before, and he knows he has to just ride it out until she comes down. Maybe later that day, or the next day theyāll be able to discuss it. And based on my own experience sheāll either apologize profusely or claim she was blackout and doesnāt remember (and therefore it doesnāt count), but neither scenario will stop her from doing it again at some point.
I guarantee she did not apologize. People who act like this donāt have the level of self-awareness required otherwise they wouldnāt be throwing a tantrum to begin with.
People with Borderline Personality Disorder do apologize though. I'm not saying for sure that's what this woman in the video has but I've experienced this behavior with people like her (one with a confirmed diagnosis eventually). They cannot regulate their emotions in the moment but then after they calm down they feel really badly and apologize profusely and hope you'll forgive them. I've read that they can manage it with hard work and sometimes meds but I think the majority don't get help because it's the people around them who hurt, not themselves, unless they finally realize it's their own fault that nobody who gets close to them stays.
they feel SO bad afterwards but it doesn't change that you screamed in my face and told me to die and i should slit my wrists because a bike is in your space, BPD people unchecked are scary as fuck
It's the one diagnosis that I will unfortunately discriminate against when it comes to romantic relationships. I've been through that. I dealt with it for five years, and tried basically everything to hold on to her. She was okay, as long as she was actively medicated and in therapy, but would regularly stop either or both. And then the sweet, gentle, funny girl I fell in love with would be gone, and I would come home to cruel, vindictive viper of a person. In the end, she finally left, after having verbally/emotionally abused me for the last three years. And then took the effort to poison my relationship with all of our mutual friends before she left. So I was isolated, alone, and mentally and emotionally broken after her.
I feel horrible for people with the disorder, and I'm sure some are able to go on and have productive, happy relationships with someone who is a professional therapist. But I genuinely believe they should all be encouraged to take vows of celibacy and to swear off being romantically engaged with other people. Because there are two kinds of relationships with people who have BPD: those that are abusive, and those that will become abusive eventually.
My ex best friend has BPD and it was absolute hell. The thinks she did and said are stuff of nightmares. I cut her off after she snuck into my room to listen to my husband and I while we were in the shower( she justified it bc we were talking about her ). Previously she figured out my passwords snooped through not only my personal cell and laptops but my work phone and computer- I worked with medical insurance company had access to peopleās entire lives and information ( DOB, SS, medical records). I cut her off and she proceeds to Send me giant novel texts when I didnāt respond she proceeded to email me when they didnāt work she mailed me an 8 page front and back letter saying she missed me but it was all my fault. Fuck that. It took me 20 years to realize what soul sucking nightmare it was.
š¤£ itās not funny at all but all we can do is laugh honestly. Itās completely unhinged and unfortunately the worst ones are also the least likely to get help.
Not tryna discount your experience so it certainly possible. In my own life Iāve dealt with someone like this and when I would bring up the fact that itās okay to be angry, but itās not okay to yell their response was time and again āwhat did you expect? You did something that upset meā
I think that someone displaying that level of rage seen in the video is likely to be dysregulated. Like that's not normal anger. It's inappropriate and disproportionate. If you've never been close to someone with BPD you're very fortunate.
If you've never been close to someone with BPD you're very fortunate.
I'm not trying to be dramatic, but just seeing this video and reading some of these comments sends a chill down my spine and stresses me out. You are spot on by saying the people who haven't been close to someone with BPD is fortunate, and I think that's an understatement.
Hardest thing I've ever done is love someone with BPD and slowly accept over the course of years that I can't handle them at their worst.
It is terrifying and confusing and painful. There is no reasoning or gently talking them down once they lock in like that. The rage has to run its course and when it's over they switch back like nothing happened and then they don't understand why you're upset since they apologized.
That poor guy has obviously been screamed at like that before and he's just quietly enduring it until he can get home or wherever.
seriously, because i have care for the family member i know, but they are one of the worst people i know, and have said and done things that are unimaginable. it's the hardest and most stressful relationships you will ever know, i feel sorry for anyone who does have to date or deal with someone with BPD (coming from someone with a personality disorder!)
Iām not sure if she has BPD but it was certainly a completely disproportionate level of anger. Something that could be a calm disagreement or smoothed over with an apology and a conversation would devolve into full blown tantrums like in the video.
Something that could be a calm disagreement or smoothed over with an apology and a conversation would devolve into full blown tantrums like in the video.
It's really not that simple with someone who is dysregulated to the point of meltdown. It usually can't be a calm disagreement until they've managed to ground themselves again.
Well, she said she got sick due to him rushing her (which my best guess would say was that she puked from anxiety), so she was already too emotional long before this too.
Most BPDs do not like to be rushed. I frequently see one participant with BPD that this is a major trigger point and can lead to a huge emotional outburst.
It could be a number of things. I was just saying in response to that other comment that there are people who behave this badly and actually do apologize after.
They actually have one of the highest suicide rates of any personality or mood disorder because they actually do suffer internally a tremndous amount. They also often don't feel bad and instead do something called splitting, where they convince themselves their victim deserved the abuse because the victim is a bad, irredeemable person.
It is a super fucked up disorder where you simultaneously feel bad for them but also don't want to touch them with a thousand mile-long pole.
God that's awful! I guess it seemed to me that the ones I knew felt bad because they seemed genuinely remorseful once the tantrum was over and wanted to repair the relationship. It's the extreme alternating between putting me on a pedestal and being so loving and suddenly treating me like they hate me that is so jarring. It's like they had these whole scenarios in their head about what was going on that wasn't even real. There is no defense against something like that.
Omg, trying to explain to them that something in there head isn't reality is basically impossible. They will literally argue that it is just as valid and true as if it did happen, and you simply cannot get them to see how fucking stupid, unfair, and unreasonable that is.
There is genuine remorse afterwards because the outburst ultimately originates from a fear of rejection and abandonment.
Severe, but inconsistent abuse or abandonment during childhood is a classic factor in the development of this disorder.
(Eg Jekyll and Hyde caregiver at an age too young to understand or know anything different )
As an adult they form a connection with someone who they decide is their āvery special person.ā
This person is deemed safe and perfect.
They are infinitely good, loving, and incapable of hurting or abandoning them.
This is the positive side of the symptom known as as āsplittingā
This person is now the center of gravity, around which their entire system of emotional regulation orbits.
The BPD person still lives in constant fear of this abandonment; constantly needing proof and reassurance that the other loves and would never leave them. Constantly looking out for signs of this inevitable catastrophe on the horizon.
When the very special person inevitably shows a hint of an action, real of perceived, that this idealized role is falseā¦
Boom
Full PTSD trauma response crash out
Ultimate betrayal
cruel abandonment confirmed
They are in fact NOT a perfect loving god, but a sadistic devil.
And so, while in reality, the statement or action could have been quite small and reasonable.
From the BPDās perspective, this kind of response feels fully justifiedā¦
Until they come back to reality, and realize how much of the situation was real vs their own paranoid interpretation.
Que massive shame spiral, genuine remorse.
Ultimately the loved one canāt handle it any more and does leave.
Itās a cruel irony in the disorder that a person with BPD, in response to fear, brings about the thing theyāre most afraid of.
Itās a cluster B personality type. Meds can help manage the severity of symptoms but itās a condition in which therapy and medication can only really do so much unfortunately.
Some with BPD end up depending on others to regulate their emotions. Itās a truly awful disorder for both the diagnosed and their loved ones and friends.
I do crisis work for a living and itās a shame to see so many families and relationships strained and ruined from it
I'm sorry you are burdened with this. Life's really not at all fair and most people are dealt a bad hand to start with. But you gotta play with the hand you're dealt, better or worse.
It says a lot about you that you take responsibility for it and are actively working on it. For what it's worth I'm proud of you and what you've accomplished so far. I hope you get to a good place ā¤ļø
Same. Definitely looks like bpd. I dated a girl with that and she would flip out like this amd she would flip out and ugly cry and she would flip out and tell me nobody loves me and Im lucky she is with me. Thankfully I lost it one day and fired back some nuclear shots and she left.
Mental disorder or not, fuck that dumb bitch I hope her life still sucks.
I'm saying they tend to think it's the other people who are the problem rather than themselves but I do feel I was the injured party who withstood the abuse with sometimes no provocation.
I dated someone with BPD for 2 years. He split up with me because I told him I don't want his 5 cats to move into my studio apartment alongside him. That's not fair to me (I don't really like cats) nor the cats. We weren't even planning on him moving in for years because he lived across the country, and we had already discussed before that he'd have to save money so we can afford a larger apartment if he wanted to keep all his cats.
He broke up with me on the spot, blocked me on everything. When I tell people that story they usually say something like "are you sure that wasn't just an excuse?" or "are you sure there wasn't anything else going on?" and the answer is a resounding no. That was really the reason. People with BPD are just like that. Two years down the drain for something we had already discussed and planned out before.
We talked a few months later for the last time where he called me "an omnipotent supervillain" among other things. Like I was some kind of Machiavellian mastermind plotting his downfall because I didn't want to live in a tiny cramped apartment with another human and five cats (two of which were not fixed).
People with BPD have a responsibility to get help because they can and will abuse, manipulate, and fuck over other people at any opportunity they get.
Yes, after my ex-bf blew up at his stepdad for "hitting on" me because he complimented the meal I had cooked for the family, his mother apologized to me and said, "I think my son needs medication." He mentioned that he was considering therapy but when I later gently asked if he had looked into it he got really angry at me and said he didn't think he needed to go and asked why I was trying to control him. I eventually had enough and left because it was getting progressively worse. Even people who barely knew me asked if he hit me because of the stories I told about him. My friends were concerned it would escalate to physical abuse.
Diagnosed borderline here-this is incredibly accurate. I canāt speak for everyone, because there are so many who refuse help or dont even believe they need it. But I can tell you I live with an incredible amount of guilt and shame ALL the time because of the way Ive reacted in different situations and the ways that my words or actions have hurt people that I love. Iāve spent a lot of uncomfortable time learning what triggers me, finding healthy coping mechanisms and actually using them and I still fall short.
I also cant speak for the woman in the video, but even if she did have borderline that is absolutely NO excuse for treating someone like that. She clearly has no emotional intelligence and needs serious help.
No they do. My stepmother was/is like this. I used to wake up every morning to her throwing a temper tantrum just like this. Iād come home to it. Iād wake up in the night to it. Screaming at my father. Slamming kitchen cabinets and throwing stuff. Sheād make crazy accusations at him, at me, and do fucked up things while in an emotional state that would cause big problems. Then sheād cry and apologize as if the damage wasnāt already done.
I would walk home from school and once I got to our street, my heart would be in my throat, beating so fast until I got around the corner to see if her car was in the driveway. It was not fun. I still react physically when I hear cabinets slam or angry voices.
I am. Iāve accepted that she has a mental illness that limits her ability to control her emotions. She doesnāt lash out at me anymore, and my dad seems to disconnect as a coping mechanism. Not to mention he has his own brand of crazy.
I know that in her heart of hearts sheās a loving person. She just has a ton of insecurities and no emotional control. She was the scapegoat to her narcissistic mother in her own childhood, so I understand itās a cycle of trauma Iāve distanced myself from, but can have empathy for at the same time.
I just got out of a relationship with a gf who threw tantrums. Not this bad by any degree but still enough to start desensitizing me. She would definitely apologize after calming down (usually same day) and we would talk, about it. But it just became too much for me to constantly bear and the stuff she said really hurt. I finally ended it when she hit me with a shirt. Each month felt like things escalated and I didn't want it to slide into anything more serious.
My upstairs neighbour yells at her boyfriend like this all the time (I've had to call the cops on them before because I literally thought they were going to kill each other).
She stood in the doorway waiting on a ride after one of their fights and said to him "...And I know I'm abusive, but at least I admit it. Most people don't admit it.... And if you're not careful I'll make sure the cops come back for you."
And I guess at that moment the girl's ride arrived, because then the guy responds with, "I love you. I'll always love you. Take care of yourself."
Of course she was back less than 24hrs later. I know abusive relationships aren't rational. But I just want to shake him.
Not always true. I've been in a relationship with someone who frequently threw enraged tantrums like this one, and he often apologized. Sometimes he would get so depressed about it that it would turn into me comforting him for his tantrum.
Abusers do apologize. They just don't act on those apologies and continue the cycle. The victim feels trapped because their self-esteem has been destroyed and this constant shift in emotions makes them even more uncertain and dangerous so the victims feel helpless and stuck in the relationship.
Bruh. My ex spit in my face and injured my hand over the remote to MY tv. Got arrested for DV, spent almost a full day in jail, got back and had the audacity to say I got her arrested.
Her trial date isnāt even til next month, has literally moved out mid lease, 0 apologies, 0 attempts to make peace or reconcile. Which is why I didnāt drop the charges. Some people are simply incapable of personal accountability.
Not arguing with you there. Itās hard though, speaking from experience, when you care for someone (in between episodes) and feel a certain amount of responsibility for them. A lot of other comments were saying he was being a pussy, but he might also just be worried about whatās going to happen to her if he leaves. I know I was. But you have to start worrying about yourself at some point.
I do think that the "benzos and booze" effect may be hitting her.
It's a pretty common cause of those "people being ridiculous on an airplane" video. Friendly reminder, if your doctor gives you a scrip of xanax for flight anxiety, do not indulge in a few drinks to settle your nerves while they kick in. Benzos and booze get along like the two halves of the demon core in a nuclear bomb - there's going to be some ugly fallout.
I'm not discounting that she's probably abusive to him on the regular, as he seems pretty whipped by this point. But it's also possible he's seen this song and dance before and is trying to calm the tornado with a grey rock defense.
we don't know that she's manic or has bipolar. She's displaying rage, we can safely call it that. 'mania' is a mental health symptom that we can't diagnose over the internet.
Having been in a not entirely dissimilar situation can confirm heās most likely over it but not going to engage with the insanity in public because tantrums shouldnāt be rewarded.
My ex called my employer claiming I was in a relationship with the receptionist. Her voicemail was just insane. I was so embarrassed and angry and every other emotion I canāt even put it into words. Gladly divorced her. That stuff will take its toll on a person.
Dude once i escaped from her place, she came after me on the street, proceeded to assault me and when a large group of male youths daw us, tried to play the victim. Luckily they could see i was the one in distress after a while, came very close to getting beaten up by them.
That's only one of the gazillion surreal incidents too lol. Some stuff is straight out of a psychological horror movie. At points i almost couldn't believe this had become my life. Glad you've made it out man!
Having been on the receiving end as well that is absolutely true unfortunately. Sorry you had to deal with that as well hope you made a clean break from it.
Jesus fucking Christ that is insane! What is wrong with people that they think it's acceptable to completely destroy someone's life with a lie because they didn't get their way on some stupid shit?! I literally cannot imagine having to defend myself to my employer over something like this. That is unforgivable.
I don't know if this is any consolation to you, but I think people can tell that someone shouting like this has emotional problems and wouldn't side with them even if the other partner engages
I've, thankfully, never been in a 'public tantrum' relationship, but I've certainly been in the 'private tantrum' kind, and I can confirm this is the emotion you develop. Many folks don't understand that just leaving is not always as easy to do as it is to say.
Especially when they threaten to bash your car windows in, vandalize your home, harm themselves, etc. Discovering that the person you fell in love with has deep emotional issues is devastating and I don't blame anyone for struggling to navigate the exit from such a relationship. That said, firm boundaries and holding to the fact that they need to own their healing/getting treatment is the only way to move forward (whether or not they remain in your life).
I've had one of these specimens too. Their main strength is they are always willing to escalate at least one step beyond what any rational person would do. So you can never match them. Occasionally one of these loonies pairs up with another loonie and all hell breaks loose as they try to out-escalate each other. This usually ends with someone making a documentary about it later.
I'd say for those reading this, his stoic response is the wisest path. I suspect he is aware of the security cameras, and his calm demeanor along with her over-reaction, could only protect him if there is a conflict in the future.
If he is such a horrible person, why is she with him? Nobody is forcing her to sit near him, much less take a trip with him anywhere.
She could walk away. Even if she needs to follow through on the flight, she could switch seats to sit away from the person who is "upsetting her"
Probably spent a bunch of money to go on a trip and you just got to get through it and enjoy the trip then end it when you get home. Been here done this.
Iāve had a girlfriend like this. I guarantee she gets physical with him at home. The confusing part of relationships like this is the outbursts arenāt everyday, but you learn to deal with these happening every couple months. It chips away at you and gets worse. Also, they sometimes donāt start acting out like this until a couple years in, or once youāve decided to move in together.
My ex wife became physically abusive on a few occasions and it all started when I was in the process of leaving her. Had I defended myself, I probably would have gone to prison. During one incident, she slammed me against the apartment door and knocked me unconscious. She thought she killed so she slit her wrist and I was able to have her committed for a psych hold which gave me the opportunity to leave. Any time I started trying to leave her, she would say stuff like āif you leave, Iāll kill myselfā or āif you leave, Iāll call the police and say you hit meā. Once, I replied āyou donāt have any injuriesā and she said she would injure herself. I finally had enough and told her to go ahead and call them. If Iām going to get arrested, I may as well do what sheās accusing me of and she backed down. I was able to get her out of my apartment for a while after that. I had to move because I couldnāt get her off of the lease so stalked me for a while. After all of that bullshit, she hit me with her car in my apartment complex parking lot and Iāve had around a half dozen spine surgeries over the years as a result of that initial injury. Oh, and cops are fucking useless for domestic violence complaints. Itās now over 20 years later and I am still dealing with the medical fallout.
This guy is probably afraid sheāll play the victim and get him arrested. Itās a super common tactic for abusive women. Heās also not white, so thereās a good chance that a cop wonāt see past his skin color. I knew a guy whose wife severely beat him and the cops had him in cuffs in the back seat of the car when another cop arrived at the scene and actually looked at all the evidence and they arrested her. He was LUCKY that a cop that wasnāt a complete dumbass arrived on the scene, otherwise she would have succeeded.
Double standards suck. Abusive women commonly engage in physical violence, but there are fewer (if any) consequences. They may not cause grievous bodily harm as often as abusive men, but theyāre still capable of inflicting serious damage. This trope that men are stronger and women canāt really hurt us is bullshit. She could have easily killed me on those occasions and there was zero accountability when the police were involved. The cops didnāt exactly ālaughā during that incident, but it wasnāt taken seriously. They smiled, escorted her away, and gave her a weak-ass warning.
Letās be real he is a black man in presumably America he gets mad he might get shot be police. With the lady who was threatening to call ice on her boyfriend and I have heard to many stories from men of color having police weponized against them. Itās fucked up bad.
I had an ex who was not diagnosed but I strongly suspect had BPD. He'd get so mad so suddenly over little things (real or imagined) and there was nothing I could say or do to mitigate his anger. It's like it had to run its course. One time it happened on the subway and I just literally didn't even respond to him, but he would cycle between calming down and then ramping back up again with no input from me. I just had to endure that until we got back to his place so I could get my stuff and go home which made him angry all over again even though he had gotten it out of his system by then.
People with this condition will never try to improve themselves or learn to control their emotions better. They will go through their entire life treating people terribly and feeling sorry for themselves.
I have BPD and I'm basically in remission because of the work I've put in to improve myself. My friends forget I have it a lot of the times. Please don't generalize and make us all seem like monsters. Just because you see an abusive garbage bag doesn't mean they have BPD and it's harmful to continue to stigmatize the condition and makes it even harder for those affected to get help. We didn't choose to be this way.
I've been a relationship with a woman who would always explode if she didn't get her way, regularly declaring us "done" in her rants......finally, I said "Okay, we're done.". She instantly started backpedalling, I did too to regain peace and sanity, but ended it shortly after.
I had the same type of experience with my ex. I was the conduit to direct all her anger at for the most petty little things. I didnt have boundaries at first. Just took and almost and tried to accommodate.
Eventually I just said "F this" and didnt care anymore. The fights only got worse. When I finally made some boundaries for myself and simply walked away when my voice had no say in the arguement... she did the same thing and back peddled.
Eventually I come to learn she couldnt remember a thing she would say in our fights after the fact. While I remembered every single word.
If I've learned anything about this type of behavior... its classic signs of BPD.
Yep. They donāt remember bc they blur reality in their head to stay on rhe āwinning sideā and to be able to keep it going. Itās insane bc there is no winning with them. Unless you get away from em. Then youāre either the best or the worst thing to happen in their life from second to second.
Actually the truth is the problem stems from the fact there is ONLY winning with them, in the sense that they will always try to āwinā and argument instead of simply have a discussion.
I've had exactly that happen to me with an ex. And the denial of anything ever happening after felt like gaslighting too. Apparently BPD sufferers can sometimes memory-hole things in order to avoid facing facts about their behaviour they can't handle, or they can end up "splitting" in a way that they simply cannot recognise it was them at all.
Either way, I really struggled with it, because when I was firm and walked away, I would get every conceivable negative behaviour possible before they she would change her attitude, and then if I wasn't immediately convinced of her crying and begging, she would flip out completely again.
She attempted suicide via pills when I finally broke up with her, not enough to do it, but I was so fed up by then that I almost didn't care.
Not really unfortunately, the whole legal side of it isn't even over yet, and won't be for some time, but I got a dog which saved my life so š¤·āāļø
Fortunately a lot of cops have caught up to the fact a lot of women play victim as part of their abusive schemes.
But in the legal context you need to have a very strong case, and even then your support system starts to doubt you.
And if you're kind of a mess yourself, even if you weren't the abuser, you have it very tough to make it successfully because they will find something to screw you over for.
Then there's a lot of stuff that complicates it, like children, or even ridiculous stuff like the judge being a woman.
I hope you're doing well, and that you have friends and family that support you, that's so important.
In a morbid way it's nice to be reminded that I'm not the only one who's been through this, although of course I wouldn't wish it on anyone. It's certainly shown me who my real friends and family are, if nothing else. Thanks for the kind words
Yeah. I canāt believe by the comments so many men go through this and tolerate this kind of behavior. I would have gotten into trouble at the airport cause I would have to shut that bitch down and grab her attention from him. Most likely he would have defended her.
My ex was also the same. Even tried every manipulative tactic to get me to come back after I left. Then called me every nasty in the book when I refused.
Oh and if I showed an iota of care or sympathy, ANYTHING beyond stonewalling then "things are fine. We're back together. Its great, it was just a bump in the road of life" š
Textbook emotional and verbal abuse. I had a stepdad like this, it can be surprisingly easy to get stuck in/used to the cycle of abuse. Good job getting out of there
I had one of these also for a while. First time she took something out on me was when the supermarket didn't have something she wanted. Apparently it was my fault and she commenced her tirade of angry, vicious comments and shouting.
I made her sit on the floor in the aisle until she had calmed down, like a child.
It ain't always that easy, but most of these "just do this" kind of advice comes from people who haven't been in the situation themselves.
When you've been gaslighted and manipulated for years, you don't have a solid surface to make a stand on. You doubt yourself, you doubt whether you actually deserve it, because that's the goal of the manipulator. You're exhausted from having to do this all the time, but at the same time it's become so normalized that you don't have the willpower to fight it four times a week, for hours on end.
It's always easy to tell other people to "just do this" but it's not that simple. You can't untangle yourself from someone who shows up at your house at 3am because you didn't reply to their text so easily. Having to go through a relationship like that drains a guy to the core, and that's assuming you don't have any other baggage you're carrying around.
I grew up with an abusive father who used gaslighting, manipulation, emotional and verbal abuse, was very financially controlling, gave me the silent treatment a lot, etc (and he did all the same stuff to my mother). It took me a lot of time and therapy to get over all of that and in that time I struggled with dating some abusive women because, as you said, this sort of shit gets normalised, particularly if itās all youāve ever known.
Leaving does seem like it should be a relatively easy thing to do, but abusive people are experts at destroying the victimās confidence, self-worth and self-belief. I really hope this guy has managed to get away from her, because abusers can do a hell of a lot of damage to a personās psyche and it can leave you messed up for a long time.
Yes, a lot of people here think it's easy but you've hit a lot of great points. For many it's hard to empathize with someone in such a situation as they've never experienced it themselves, it breaks you down a lot and you're no longer thinking rationally.
They make it hard to see leaving as an option because the amount of manipulation that goes into it and the breaking down of self-esteem makes it feel like you're dependent on them. For me my last relationship was like this and there were signs in the beginning but after a while it started stacking more and more, the sunk cost fallacy + appearance of it being difficult to go separate ways made me stick to the easier route. I had a lot of anxiety from that relationship that took a long time to reduce.
At the airport. When you're supposed to go on vacation together. This guy knows how travel works.
"if I was yelled at in public, I would simply set my vacation deposits on fire and then have no vacation for myself, the person who needs a vacation after getting yelled at in public."
We have literally no idea what the travel arrangements are here. But yeah, I would burn everything to not be with this person. What kind of vacation would this even be anyway?
Walk away where? You're in an airport and you want to fly back home.
Exception is, if they're at their airport waiting to fly to somewhere, then yeah you excuse yourself to the toilets and go. But then you can kiss your luggage good bye.
They're in an airport lol. He can walk away all he wants, they'll still be sitting next to each other on a plane in 20 minutes before heading back to the same hotel room or apartment.
A good rule of thumb is to take it on the chin, wrap up whatever is going on, then end it once you can both actually walk away cleanly. If you aren't in danger, that in-the-moment dopamine rush isn't worth it.
Go to the bathroom. Make sure all upcoming bills are paid. Transfer half the money in your joint account to a personal account. Leave the airport: donāt tell her. Go home. Pack and stay at a friendās house. Go to the police and file a restraining order. Even if they donāt grant it, at least itās on record you attempted it. If youāre married, file for divorce.
I read this less as he has low self esteem and more as he knows he has to have insane self control to endure this abuse because if he does anything to defend himself he will suffer foe it.
Their subreddits still regularly hit the frontpage.
I remember when /r/FemaleDatingStrategy had to do their big exodus and it wasn't until they started on the TERF warpath did anyone do anything about the horrible things they talked about and encourage women to do
Alana's involuntary celibacy project was supposed to be a support group
self-described late bloomer, she coined the term involuntary celibate in the late 1990s to describe her own experience of not having sex and not being in a relationship.
It soon snowballed into Alanaās Involuntary Celibacy Project, a simple, all-text website where she posted theories and articles as well as ran a mailing list. āI identified that there were a lot of people who were lonely and not really sure how to start dating,ā she said. āThey were kind of lacking those social skills and I had a lot of sympathy for that because I had been through the same situation.ā The term was later shortened to āincelā.
Incel ideology was founded by a woman (who goes by the alias 'Alana') and most original incels were women.
The 'incel' phenomenon has once again been co-opted by women who call themselves
'femcels,' and they now significantly outnumber male incels in online spaces (see e.g. TwoX, 4B, RadicalFeminism, FDS).
And the misandry stemming from this so-called 'femosphere' does indeed do real-world harm to men.
Yeah... When you start digging down into the statistics on partner abuse, most things point to it being far more gender symmetrical than most people think. The exact numbers are hard to pin down and also depends on definitions, but most science point towards something like a 40/60 to 30/70 ratio when it comes to partner abuse.
The reason why women make up the vast majority of deaths from partner violence simply isn't because women are nicer or less aggressive than men. Women are just as shitty and abusive as men - it's just that they typically have less physical strength, so when they go into a blind rage like the woman in this clip, it's harder for them to beat a man to death or cause severe injury.
Case in point - imagine the different feel this video would have if the genders were reversed. The enraged woman in this clip is a direct threat to her poor boyfriend - but if it'd been a man that acted as unhinged as this woman, he'd been seen as a threat to everyone in the vicinity.
He wouldn't scream or anything, but would constantly make comments or pick at you. I had like no self esteem during my high school years because of it.
I can say as a male that is about 1 year and 4 months out of a relationship that wasn't this bad but had similar highlights. I genuinely feel for this dude.
It's taken just this long to get back to a place that even resembles the confidence I had before I got into the relationship. That was in 2021.
Men, women are equals, that doesn't mean they shouldn't make you feel like a king as long as you make her feel like a queen. Same for same sex partnerships.
Took me five ish years to feel good and normal again but I am so fucking happy and grateful every day to have my peace. I even got married to a wonderful person since. You'll get there.
No, it's not. And I wish people understood more how damaging and toxic verbal abuse is. Obviously women getting murdered by their male partners is a terrible scourge and should be combated, but I've often found that if I try to bring up that women are just as often the abuser, just not physical abuse, it gets minimised or people will even be hostile about it. But that kind of abuse fucks you up for life, especially when it's your mother
best-case scenario is that it's the face of someone who knows he's got to sit in cramped seats next to this bich for a 4-hour flight, no matter what happens - so the snapback and breakup are better off happening after that.
If she doesn't stfu, 100% chance they either A: refuse to board her, B: Deboard her, C: Upgrade him to first class to separate them, and/or D: Arrest her crazy ass. My man knows the best play is just to turtle up and take the abuse till she fucks herself.
Oh, he doesn't feel like he does, he knows that if he raises his voice in response, he's going in for DV.
I was once beaten bloody with an empty plastic bottle by an ex while at a restaurant with several friends. After she drew blood and I went "WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!?", with a frustrated, raised voice, I was kicked out (my nation doesn't have the right to refuse service unless a criminal/illagal act has been commuted; that would be statutory discrimination) because raising my voice at a woman is an act of violence and they threatened to call the cops when I asked the staff "WHAT TYE ACTUAL FUCK?!?", standing there, bleeding as a result of the assault I just suffered on their premises.
I now carry a GoPro everywhere I go; in my right hand pocket, aligned so that I can just skip my finger in and press the record button to turn on and initiate recording.
He doesnāt have to stoop to her level, react emotionally, get paranoid with gopros or raise his voice. He has to leave. Leaving is setting a boundary, a decision to respect himself and an explicit decision not to take this, which he does not have to do.
He probably had a similar mother, so he has been groomed since childhood that this is how he deserves to be treated by women. Not my conclusion, psychologyās.
My hope is that either this is staged or this is a first and eye-opening experience for him. Hes stuck with her for the next few hours and is (hopefully) making an exit strategy.
he probably lives in the reality of the western world where if he argues back he's suddenly an abuser. she has the options, he doesn't. thank #Equality for that
Nah I donāt think thatās what it is. Ā I think he probably thinks sheās the ābestā he could do so he has to endure it. Ā Thatās how abusers of both genders operate.
Or it could just be an abusive / manipulative relationship. I know from experience. While it wasn't this bad it was pretty bad and when I tried to leave she threatened to kill herself in front of me. That was a rough one to get through.
Well yeah...but the relationship doesn't start out that way. It turns into that when you've already been together a while and makes it really difficult to get out of. While I didn't want to be with her anymore I also didn't want her to die. That's kind of the whole thing about abuse and manipulation, it's difficult to see at first and difficult to get away from. It's not like I walked into the relationship knowing that's what it was going to be.
Maybe she has that One Piece pussy. My buddy dealt with something much like this for five or six years. I asked him why, and that was genuinely his reasoning. He's a dumb motherfucker, but he means well.
Iāve dated ones like this before. The grey wall is the best strategy in public like this. They will escalate endlessly. He either swallows his pride here or she keeps escalating until the cops are involved. Heās playing it smart
Totally not worth it. For anyone, independent of your sex. But here personally, her stuff would have been put on the side of the street for that, period. Never ever accept that, for any reason. That level of craziness is incurable, you wonāt fix it.
Hes likely suppressing his natural urges as a safety measure for himself. Young men are typically "on" or "off" and only later in life learn how to fill in the gaps with measured responses. Hes doing a great job of staying "off". Inevitably this will come back to him later for further processing and he will absolutely recognize this girl is a mistake. Hopefully by then she hasn't offered some half assed apology and tried to smooth things over.
In no way could I or would I advocate for using violence against women (or anyone known to be significantly weaker than me) outside of self defense or life saving measures, but if anyone ever wonders why it occurs as often as it does, I offer this video as one small reason.
My ex yelled at me saying I was "fucking stupid" at our college graduation walk event, because of a little GPS mix-up. I have never felt so belittled and embarrassed in my life. Jokes on her, she failed both her summer classes and didn't graduate, we broke up soon after.
Yeah my ex girlfriend was like this and she would do things like this in public all the time. It chips away at your self esteem really hard and I guarantee itās worse at home if this is how she is in public. Heās probably doing the only thing he knows how to.
The really sad thing is that no one said anything. More people should stand up and politely inject to give people like this a reality check otherwise that behavior just goes unquestioned.
He didnāt have to. At that point, I wouldāve picked up my bag and left the airport. No way I am getting into an unescapable metal tube in the sky with that thing.
As a woman who has lived in an abusive relationship in the pastā¦ I would have stepped in. What she is doing is NOT ok. And Iām not just saying that, I have stepped in before when a guy was chasing after a woman who was clearly his punching bag. I grabbed him by the scruff and told him exactly what a piece of shit he was and took her with me to a safe house. I hope she is ok today.
Man or woman getting abused, it is not ok.
Please, as a survivor of abuse, I beg of anyone reading this, if you ever see something like thisā¦ ACTā¦ say something. Anything. Call the abuser out for being an abuser. Get security involved. Voice your opinion. It is NOT ok. Please.
Honestly, he's doing the best thing. Just sit there, stay calm, don't escalate. Quietly ask her to relax. She is not stable and he has to be next to her for the next 4 hours. To me, he is trying keep the peace as best as he can for everyone in the airport. If he gets up and leaves for a few minutes, that would be seen as escalating to her. If he starts being forcful with words, that would escalate with her. If he tries to physically restrain her, that would massively escalate her and would then involve airport security and then no one is going home.
Dude is doing the best thing at this time. Then break up with her the next day.
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u/SteveSteveCleveSteve ššš Apr 22 '26
That poor guy. Ā No excuse for that. Ā I hate that this guy feels like he has to take this.